What is Self-Care versus Self-Soothing?

Self-care is important, especially if you struggle with your mental health. Even if you don’t, we all need ways of taking care of ourselves, of prioritizing rest and making time to focus on things that make us feel good.

But there is an aspect of self-care that often gets overlooked when it comes to mainstream articles: self-soothing. Self-soothing is part of self-care and often, self-soothing behaviors get used as examples of self-care. And while they certainly are, we have to start thinking of them separately in order to create a plan that works most effectively.

In this blog post, let’s talk about what self-soothing is versus what self-care is. Let’s jump in.

what is self-care?

What is self-care?

Think of self-care as larger, overarching behaviors that help us meet our goals, grow as people, or just develop better habits. This might be things like: taking medication consistently on time; spending time outdoors or getting exercise; cleaning your home or apartment. These things might not necessarily be soothing or relaxing, but they may help us further on down the road.

What is self-soothing?

Self-soothing is more of a micro look at mental health. While self-care can help you repair after feeling burnt out, self-soothing can help you in a moment of distress. Examples of self-soothing might be things like going for a quick walk to get air, hugging a stuffed animal or blanket that makes you feel better, or smelling a candle or essential oil that you really enjoy. These things can help calm you down in moments of distress. So, self-soothing is a part of self-care, but they aren’t necessarily the same activities.

Is there anything wrong with self-soothing?

The short answer is no, as long as self-soothing behaviors are healthy. Unhealthy self-soothing behaviors provide temporary relief, but have negative consequences overall for your mental health; these can be things like substance abuse (such as drinking a glass of wine when you’re stressed), self-harm, or other compulsive behaviors.

This post was originally part of a series about mental health during the holidays. In order to kickstart my return to blogging, I am publishing it now.

5 Things to Include In Your Feeding Plan at the Hospital

Infant feeding is a topic I have spent… countless hours writing about, thinking about, fretting about. I’ve talked to therapists about it. I’ve written blogs and poems and text messages and emails about it. I’ve read books. I’ve determined how much breastfeeding content triggers me (a lot) and how confusing I still find infant feeding messaging (also a lot).

As I prepared to have my daughter this past year, I knew one thing: I did want to try breastfeeding. But I was also prepared to formula feed from the beginning. In fact, I was excited to offer formula from the beginning. I also knew from my past experience that the hospital I would be delivering at did not like offering formula and did not encourage combo feeding.

So, with the help of an amazing doula, I created a feeding plan to include along with my birth plan.

Friends: this worked wonders. I had the exact experience I wanted in the hospital (with only one nurse who pushed back considerably against my feeding plan). It was the best decision I could have made and I would do it again in a heartbeat.

I’d heard lots about birth plans in both of my pregnancies—but not a lot about feeding plans. I wanted to put together this blog post to help you write a feeding plan for yourself, if you’re expecting in the future or plan to expect in the future. It’s always important to think about what you want to happen in the hospital. After all, it’s your baby.

As a mild disclaimer, none of this blog post will be prescriptive: these are just general pieces for you to think about and decide on as you create your birth plan, and by extension, your feeding plan. All of these things are based on being successful in whatever feeding method, or combination of feeding methods, you choose. I hope they give you something to think about and write about as you embark on this journey. And of course, let me know if you have any questions.

1: Your preferred feeding method

This is probably the most obvious one, but first things first, establish your preferred feeding method, whether you plan to nurse right away, exclusively pump, or offer formula (or a combination of all 3)! A few things to consider here:

  • Consider what you want to happen immediately after birth. Do you want to latch baby right away (as many baby first hospitals do)? Or do you want a little time to just relax and cuddle? Do you want to latch and then have your partner offer a bottle of formula.

  • Consider alternatives. We’ll return to this, but you never know what’s going to happen in labor. I included alternative situations for if I was not able to be with my baby right away—specifically, that I wanted her in the care of my husband or mom and to receive formula (not donor milk).

2: What to do (or who to ask) if you are not able or capable to advocate for yourself

An important part of my feeding plan was the fact that often when I am challenged on something, I have a hard time pushing back or standing up for myself. So, I set in stone that if I was not responding (or not able to respond), that my husband and mom be asked first before a decision was made so they could speak to me or relay my wishes.

A few things to consider:

  • Make sure your support team knows your wishes. This includes not just your partner and your doula, but your midwife and/or OBGYN.

  • Make sure they know how to communicate your wishes.

  • Discuss with your support team the process to follow if something does need to be changed.

3: The services you want in the hospital

Do you want to see a lactation consultant right away? Or do you only want to ask to see an LC? Do you not want to be approached by an LC at all, even just to check in? Include this in your feeding plan. Hospital LCs can be really hit or miss (full disclosure, I had a horrific experience with one in the hospital with my first baby and I refuse to speak to any in a medical setting now). This can also include if you want nurses to help you with infant feeding, if you want your infant to go to the nursery (if there is one), and more.

4: What to do if an alternate decision needs made

Let’s look at a scenario. Let’s say you deliver your baby, but something goes wrong: the baby needs additional support and to be taken to the NICU. What do you want to happen? Do you want to use donor milk or formula? Do you want to start pumping right then?

Now, let’s say that happens, but you also need additional medical treatment. Your partner is presented several options that you have never considered regarding infant feeding. You aren’t there to help him navigate these decisions. What should happen here? What do you and your partner want to happen?

Here’s what I included in my plan: if I was not capable of being part of the decision-making process, all decisions were to be made by my husband, no one else. As well, my husband knew to ask this question: do we have time to discuss this before a decision is made? Often medical decisions are presented as immediate, but if there is time for discussion and research, it’s important to know that. From then, he would discuss with my mom or me if I was available.

5: Language for your support team to use

Since I planned to offer formula within the first hour after birth, I knew there would be pushback at my hospital. Without getting too into it, the hospital i delivered at is part of the Baby Friendly Hospital Initiative (if you know what that is, you’re a soldier in the trenches of infant feeding, unfortunately) and they heavily discourage infant feeding. A huge reason as to why I decided to have a feeding plan was that I had an extremely horrible phone call with a nurse while pre-registering for my second baby—a great time to feel horrible about my experience the first time around!

My feeding plan was created with language built into it for my husband and mom to use should they need to, as well as for me to use. Here are the phrases I learned for this:

  • “My wife has expressed her feeding preferences. We ask that they are honored.”

  • “I request that this is documented on my patient file.”

  • “Please inform me of the benefits, risks, and alternatives, including what happens if we do nothing, when I request it.”

  • “We have educated ourselves on our chosen feeding modalities.”

  • “If this isn’t an emergency, we’d like a few moments to discuss this in private.”


No matter what, remember that regardless of how you’re choosing to feed your new baby, you deserve to be supported in that decision, especially by medical personnel.

Save Money & Time With These Dinner Tips

I’ll be honest, y’all: the price of groceries currently has me shaken. For years, I’ve routinely spent about $75 a week at our usual grocery store, with 3 Hungryroot deliveries a month, a Costco trip every 6 weeks, and a few supplementary stops when needed. I don’t think we’ve ever spent more than $500 in a month on groceries. However, those $75 trips have become $100+ trips and our every-6-weeks Costco stock up that used to be $120 or so is now $200-300. We are routinely hitting $600+ on groceries every month and we’ve definitely scaled back.

It’s an incredibly stressful time for families. The rising cost of foods, especially specialty foods, means that lots of people are making difficult choices. Add in consistent supply chain issues and shortages (like the formula shortage) and families are continuing to shoulder an incredible burden, both financially and mentally each month.

This is a time where we can all help each other. Everyone probably has thought they’ve tried everything regarding food costs and cutting back—but there might be something they’re overlooking. There might be something I’m overlooking or something that you’re overlooking. Like I said: we all can help each other. If you have a great tip for cutting costs, drop me a line on Instagram @michellelocke6! I’d love to compile some of these tips into a post or IG story.

I have a few ways I’ve cut costs recently and I wanted to share. I like to think these tips can also be time-saving: i know for many families like mine, you’re working on a tighter budget, but without as much time to get the things you need. That means you don’t have time to run to a ton of different grocery stores or you might be trying to limit the amount of time you carry around, say, a newborn baby who is vulnerable to all the viral mess going around right now.

1. Use Ibotta.

Ibotta is basically a coupon app that gives you cash back when you shop at certain stores. In October alone, I earned almost $100 and since then have earned about $225 total. It’s not nothing. They pair especially with Walmart and Target, so I use the app mostly at those stores. There are often cash back offers on the same things every week (like my favorite brand of kombucha and tuna packets, two things I buy nearly weekly), but there are also often new offers, as well as bonus incentives. It’s a small way to get a little extra money back when you’re doing your weekly grocery shopping.

2. Find a grocery service you like.

The cost of grocery stores can be incredibly variable from city to city, town to town. For example, I think overall, stores like Albertson’s and Safeway tend to be more expensive, especially in smaller towns. The Safeway closest to me definitely charges a lot more for certain things than anywhere else. I used to exclusively shop at Safeway, because it was the most accessible store for me (specifically pre-pandemic). For a while, I switched to Fred Meyer, which has some fairly decent deals on certain things, but not on others—however, they offered grocery pick up during the pandemic, which wasn’t available at other stores.

However, I’ve recently switched to Walmart delivery for my groceries. My weekly shop at Fred Meyer had started to climb into the $150 a week territory—which I just couldn’t fit into our budget. Walmart is averaging about $100 a week for the same things (give or take on brands). Plus, I signed up for the Walmart+ service which offers free delivery, as well as additional cash back offers. I got a deal on it—it’s usually about $100 for a year of Walmart+, but I got it for $50 in October. Walmart is not my favorite grocery store and my local Walmart (in a small town) tends to have pretty limited stock—but it’s the most affordable store by far right now.

3. If you need a specialty diet, find an online service you like.

This is again very dependent on your budget and what you’re willing to pay. If you have a specialty diet, online delivery services like Hungryroot can be a great addition to your budget. One small box a month is $65 and gives you 33 credits to use: that can get you stocked up on lunch supplies, some produce, and a few extras. I find Hungryroot works best as a supplement to my additional groceries. If you’re curious about what I pick up, I do weekly Hungryroot hauls on my Instagram story!

If you’d like to try Hungryroot, you can still use my code PAUSES2021 for an additional amount off your first box. Definitely a great deal right now, even if you just want to try it once or twice!

4. Don’t hesitate to visit a food pantry.

You get what you give. Food pantries are designed to help everyone in need—and if you need just a little extra to stretch you to the next week for grocery shopping or the next paycheck, then food pantries are 100% something you shouldn’t be ashamed to use. They often have shelf stable products—like pastas, jarred sauces, and canned goods—that you can use to make some simple meals to get you through the week. They also often have breads and peanut butter, perfect for kid lunches or snacks.

There is no shame in using resources like these, especially when times are hard. And when things improve or when you have a little extra money, you can always give back to food pantries and help others in need—it’s a win-win situation.


So, You Want to Go to Post-Pandemic Disneyland

I originally posted this on my Substack, but realized it may be better suited to my blog… now that I’m blogging again. If you’d like to subscribe to my Substack, you can do so here.


I kind of hate traveling. I’m a creature of habit: I not only do not like change, I actively resist it. I like my planner set up, my calendar meticulous, my bed made, and the same routine every single day. Traveling disrupts all of my little creature comforts. But sometimes, I’m willing to disrupt those little things for something that is just as predictable and comfortable as my day-to-day.

That thing is Disneyland.

I do think people often wonder about those who travel exclusively to Disney properties. And I can’t speak for everyone, but I can say this: I know what to expect. When I get to Disneyland, I know exactly what is going to happen and what I’m going to do. No surprises. No confusion. I know how to get there and how to get home. It’s far away without being too far. It is comfortable and familiar. And I like that. Maybe I’m boring (spoiler alert: I am kinda boring), but that’s how I like my vacations.

Disneyland closed for a large portion of 2020 and 2021 due to the pandemic. When it re-opened in June 2021, they had a little bit of a slow start. I had promised my son (and myself) that when the park re-opened, I would plan a trip for us—which I did for October 2021.

What I didn’t know is after that original very slow 2021 summer, Disneyland attendance exploded. But here’s the kicker: despite using a reservation system to limit guest attendance, Disneyland has chosen not to release official attendance numbers for those days. And it definitely did not seem like they were limiting park attendance in October 2021.

Update: We also ended up taking a second Disneyland trip in June 2022—yes, I was 20 weeks pregnant and took myself to Disneyland. I am who I am. It ended up being a lot more fun than the October trip, mainly because I followed my own advice in this blog post. Even my 20-week-pregnant self was able to make the most of that trip.

I have a few points I want to make about the new reality of Disneyland. I guess this might be the point to get started.

1: Realistically, there are no more slow seasons.

I went to Disneyland in October 2010 and it was a ghost town. When I went in December 2006 the week before Christmas? A ghost town. For both of those trips, we walked on to every single ride.

I have not experienced a slow season in several years—but I had chalked that up to visiting as busier times, such as June, the week of Christmas, etc.

It was in October 2021 that I realized October was no longer a slow season—it never will be again. The dates I went this trip overlapped with the same dates in 2010: mid-week, mid-month. But in 2021, the park was packed: more crowded than I had ever experienced it before in my life and that includes summer trips and trips the week of Christmas (notoriously the busiest season).

Fans have for years created crowd calendars based on previous years data (anecdotally collected), holidays, and events to create a rough calendar of what days will be so-crowded-you’ll-lose-your-mind and what days will be ghost towns. This year, there are maybe 3 “not-that-crowded” days in the entirety of October.

A huge part of why crowds are so high is potentially “revenge travel”—a phenomenon that has been popping up post-pandemic to explain why everyone is, well, traveling so much. We couldn’t do anything for 18 months and regardless of the continued risks, people are traveling. They’re going, whether anyone tries to stop them or not.

Another part of this is the Disneyland reservation system. I’m not tapped in to the current Disneyland fandom (omg) enough to fully understand all the issues with the reservation system—but it definitely is inflating crowd numbers. The system was designed in part of limit crowds, but it is hilariously seeming to do the opposite.

2: Genie+ and Lightning Lane Help, but the System Needs Some Work

The Disneyland park (and by extension, I assume, other Disney properties) are becoming increasingly reliant on their branded apps for use around the park.

Genie+ is a service that helps you arrange your day in the parks. It is fairly user friendly, but kind of confusing. The recommendations are based on wait times in particular, but they don’t always make sense; regardless of wait times, most people try to stay in one area of the park at a time, so you don’t have to walk back and forth multiple times. But Genie+ will suggests It’s a Small World, followed by Star Tours, followed by Haunted Mansion, followed by the Mad Hatter Tea Party. It doesn’t always make sense.

It also suggests places to grab food or place a mobile order, but again, it doesn’t seem to take your location in the park into account. For example, on our last day, we were in Downtown Disney and it suggested the Coke Corner on Main Street USA for us to get lunch—when we had already left the park and were surrounded by other food options.

So, Genie+ needs a little work. It’s one shining spot is really Lightning Lane, which gives you access to, basically, Fast Passes that you book on your phone. It shows you the return window and when your window is up, you just scan your phone for everyone in your party. Super, super easy.

The only downside is sometimes you don’t need Fast Passes, like first thing in the morning. The only other downside is that some rides, like Radiator Springs Racers, the new Star Wars ride, and Web Slingers cost additional fees—around $7-$15 depending. It’s not a huge fee, but it does add up depending on the size of your party. The one day we spent in California Adventure, the wait time for Radiator Springs Racers are 120 minutes at opening—so we knew we wanted to get Lightning Lanes. It’s not a ride I can ride right now, unfortunately, so we spent $30 for my husband and son to get Lightning Lanes. Is $30 equivalent to 120 minutes wait time? Is it worth it? I’m not sure. It definitely helped, but I’m not sure how often I could do that.

You can also only book Lightning Lanes once your ticket has been scanned into the park and the park itself opens—that means 8am and whenever you enter the park. That does keep people from crowding into Lightning Lanes and dominating the space before others have time to get their morning coffee.

3: Sorry, but the Newest Parts of the Park Suck

This might be controversial and I’m so sorry to the Star Wars and Marvel fans, but quite frankly, those new areas suck. They’re so bad. Star Wars Land is just a series of walls with no natural shade, no places to sit, and nothing to do. It is huge and far away from the other areas of the park, so it is quite a walk to get there (and a lot of it is uphill). One thing you’ll notice about the original areas of Disneyland is, yes, they are smaller and more crowded—but they have tons of seating, shade, hidden places to sit and relax. Star Wars Land and the Avengers Campus have none of these things. Just huge walls, no trees, nothing.

That has always been one of my big gripes when it comes to California Adventure as well: the design is very cute, but there are no shady areas in the park outside of restaurants. Many of the walkways are just bare, which means there is nowhere to sit and wait or sit and eat the item you just got from a food cart. It’s bad design, frankly, and I don’t care who hears it!

Even worse is that there is nothing to do in these 2 new lands. Star Wars Land has 2 rides and that is it—and neither ride are great, if I’m being honest. When we went on Rise of the Resistance, it was such a long wait (this was back in October, before Lightning Lanes) and then we were loaded onto basically a bus? I remember looking at Danny and saying, “This is it? We’re on a bus watching a screen?” Then it got worse. I hated every second of it.

Smuggler’s Run is better, but again, it’s just not… that good. I don’t want to sit and click a button on a ride. Neither of these rides are very kid friendly either (which is a point I’ll get to later). 2 rides in a MASSIVE addition to a park? Please.

And Avengers Campus only has one new ride—the other is the Tower of Terror in a new, Guardians of the Galaxy dress which, I’m sorry, still makes no sense. Webslingers is a very fun ride, so I’ll forgive it, but again—a huge addition to the park and there are 2 rides? That’s it? Cars Land, in comparison, has at least 3 rides. Are they 3 great rides? Not really, but at least there is more to do there.

This is going to be the most “I think this sucks and I’m sorry, but it does suck” part of this newsletter. The OG Disneyland is so meticulously designed and so many Imagineers still work so hard on these concepts—but the execution? Baby, what is happening here?

4: Disneyland is No Longer a Kid-Friendly Park.

See, I told you I was getting there.

Disneyland was started pretty much because Walt Disney wanted to create a place where families could play together. That meant rides that parents and kids could go on. You can see that so clearly in Fantasyland and Tomorrowland and even in the “newer” areas like Adventureland, including New Orleans Square, and Frontierland. Not every ride is very small kid friendly, but most of them are kid-friendly to an extent. There may be height limits, but most kids surpass them by 6-8 years old—still pretty young.

And none of the rides are overly scary. Probably the scariest is Space Mountain, but even that can be overcome.

In comparison, Smuggler’s Run scared my son so bad, he refuses to even think about going on it again. Some kids might do ok with these rides, but they are aimed at lifelong fans of these huge franchises—not kids, but adults.

The rumors of newer lands in Disneyland and California Adventure are based, again, on franchises that primarily adults are into (although there are rumors of a Tangled land? Who is asking for this, I just want to talk). They aren’t designed for families and their kids—they’re designed for adults.

That’s fine. Disneyland doesn’t have to be exclusive to families with kids (and I’ll never make that argument), but can’t we have a few new rides for little kids? For kids who are afraid of the dark or don’t like super fast rollercoasters? Please? Just one or two? Update: When I originally posted this, a friend sent me a message saying that an Ewok-themed space in the Star Wars land area would be amazing and I have to agree. A nice, shady, Ewok-themed area? Call me, Disney. My fee is substantial.

You’re telling me no one could think up a single a kid-friendly Star Wars ride for the new land? Or a kid-friendly Marvel ride? No one? No one in the entirety of Disney? Hm.

It’s not the end of the world, but it does mean that Fantasyland (the most kid-friendly area of the park) becomes wall-to-wall on the busiest days. We couldn’t even go there in October or June, because it’s just insanity. If there are only a few places with rides for kids in the park, then that means they aren’t going to even bother going anywhere else.

5: Expectations Have to be Readjusted

Gone are the days of fitting in everything you enjoy about Disneyland into a 2 or even 3-day trip. Remember what I said about slow times? Yeah, the parks are so damn busy by around 11 or 12 every day that usually, we left the parks. We returned in the evening (usually after 4 or 5) to ride a few more rides. It meant we had to divide and conquer: these lands on these days and these lands on these days.

It used to be that 3 days was more than enough time in the parks to do everything you could possibly want to do. I’m just not sure that is the case anymore—and maybe that is what Disney is trying to do. Longer park stays of course mean more money—more snacks in the park, more souvenirs you have to have, more meals at Downtown Disney… the list goes on.

Despite all these things, we still had fun.

There are always going to be things that need improvement, especially about something as big as Disneyland. I still love it! I still had fun! This past trip in June was one of the best trips we had had in a while—and straight up, it’s because we gave ourselves the freedom to leave when we got overwhelmed, return later, and take lots of breaks. You just have to adjust your expectations about what Disneyland is like now—because it’s not the same as it used to be and that’s ok. Things change—it’s ok!

If there is anything you’d like me to touch on or questions you have about my visit(s), let me know.

One thing I haven’t touched on here is COVID protocols; when we went in October, masks were still required on rides and we wore masks the majority of the time in the park. This time in June, masks are no longer required and social distancing is not enforced (or even encouraged) in lines. I had forgotten to pack masks, so this made me especially nervous in lines when CMs were asking everyone to squish close together. If this is a concern to you, definitely pack some masks—I would have felt much better with them! We did not get sick on either trip, which I’m very thankful for, but we were very careful both trips. I do know a few people who have returned from Disneyland, however, and they had gotten COVID—so use that information how you will and travel accordingly (and safely, of course).

My Top 5 Products I Bought in 2022

One year ago, I started writing this post for 2021. It was the last thing I wrote for this blog—I wasn’t sure I wanted to continue blogging, let alone writing. 2021 was a strange year for me and, if I’m being honest, 2022 was even stranger. One year ago, I desperately wanted to be pregnant. I was beginning to get worried it wasn’t going to happen—that my husband and I would be a one-and-done family not out of choice, but out of circumstances.

I’m writing this now wearing my daughter in an Ergo at my standing desk. I’m also unemployed (again) due to layoffs (again)—which is a whole other story.

The point is… a whole lot can change in a year. One year ago, my top products of 2021 was full of makeup and skincare. This year, it’s… not so much. But I think it’s more helpful, in my opinion, to see what I’m actually using these days. I haven’t put on moisturizer in 3 days, but I will rave about everything on this list. Let’s dive in, bbs.

1. Baby Delight Alpine Bouncer - I wanted a BabyBjorn bouncer like all the influencers have—but I cannot justify nearly $200 on a single baby product that is the equivalent of a scarf on a frame. This one is much cheaper ($60 ish and you can find it on sale sometimes) and we love it. Violet hates the Mamaroo that I was obsessed with buying, but the bouncer? She’ll chill in there, discerning look on her face, while I cook for a solid 20 minutes. (If you know newborns, you know that 5-10 minutes max is their tolerance for just about anything but eating and sleeping.)

2. Stair Basket - This is so goofy, but I bought a stair basket this year. It’s exactly what it sounds like: a basket that is designed to be shaped like a step and just sits on your stairs. I’m guilty of throwing stuff on our stairs to take up “eventually”. I finally decided to bite the bullet and buy this—and y’all, just get the stair basket. Dirty baby clothes? Shove em in. Packages that arrived? Pile em! Miscellaneous stuff that needs to be walked upstairs? Go ahead. Then at the end of the day, I just grab the straps and carry it upstairs. It makes everything so much easier.

3. Ceramic Pots & Pans - I’ve had it in my head to replace my nonstick pans for at least a year. They always scratch and get gross after a year and it feels so wasteful. I have been eyeing these ceramic coated pans for a solid year as well and, on Prime Day, I finally decided to bite the bullet and treat myself to them. Friends, I’m so glad I did. These pans are great and completely worth the investment. I got the pale blue color, but the pink is so cute too.

4. Honest Sprayable Diaper Cream - I hate touching diaper cream. It gets under my fingernails and sticks to everything. I bought this sprayable diaper cream in a whim while I was still pregnant and let me tell you: this stuff is the best. No mess fingers and it works as well as any other diaper cream I’ve used. I love it. If you’re having a baby, you need this. I promise.

5. Mini Uggs (knock offs) - I am a slave to TikTok trends and I wanted a pair of mini Uggs so bad. In my defense, I love Ugg style boots anyway and go through a pair every 3-4 years—I’ve been in need of a new pair anyway. However, I’m never willing to pay Ugg prices (I know, I know) so I’ve always gotten dupes. I bought these ones back in August when my feet were getting swollen at the end of my pregnancy (because Uggs are the only thing that fits comfortably) and they were only $35. Clearly, the rest of the world caught on the price has gone up. But they’re great—super comfy, super soft, and heavy like an Ugg boot.


What a year, y’all. I spent so much of it pregnant and now the rest postpartum. Things have changed so much in 12 months, but I’m feeling pretty good about the upcoming year. I hope you’re feeling the same.

3 Fall/Winter Outfit Templates for Postpartum

3 Outfit Templates for Postartum

Having a baby is hard. There are so many challenging parts to it: not just the birth itself, but the recovery, the learning about a new little human being with their own likes and dislikes, the disruption to your life, navigating medical bills and maternity leave. And smack dab in all of that is this: you still have to be a functioning member of society sometimes.

You have to take yourself to doctor’s appointments, carrying along a massively heavy baby inside a massively heavy carseat. You have to remember to bring changes of clothes and diapers and wipes (I always forget the goddamn wipes). If you’re formula feeding, you need bottles and formula powder. If you’re breastfeeding, you only need your body, but it needs to be easy access and it might not quite have it figured out yet, so you need clothes that work. And through all of this, you’ll be bleeding, sweaty, pimply, exhausted, leaking milk, and trying to ask all the questions you need to at the pediatrician’s—as well as answer all their questions as well.

8 days after I gave birth to my second child in October, my dad was admitted to the hospital. (i promise this story is relevant.) It was important to me to go to see him, to support both him and my mom. Taking my newborn back to the hospital where I had just given birth to her wasn’t high on my priority list, but it had to be done. Which meant I had to get dressed, get the baby dressed, breastfeed in the underground parking lot, and go see my dad. I ended up putting together a few basic day outfits that I knew I could put on and feel fine in.

I’ve put them together here. I hope you’ll find these helpful as you navigate life postpartum—whether you’re breastfeeding or not, whether you’re newly postpartum or not, etc! I’ve pulled some suggestions for where to buy certain items. And let me know, either here or on Instagram: what’s your go-to postpartum outfit?

Outfit 1: Running Errands

Listen, here me out about the flared leggings (yoga pants—those are yoga pants). I was hesitant too, but when I tell you they are so fun to wear, they look great, and they’re somehow more comfortable than regular leggings. Maybe it’s just me. Maybe I put on the pair I bought, looked in the mirror, and was like “new year, new me.”

That being said: if you don’t want to wear flared leggings, obviously don’t. You can wear regular leggings, or joggers, or anything else. Whatever makes you feel comfortable. Because the true star of this outfit template is the flannel.

If you’re a new mom, or a not new mom, and are breastfeeding, flannels are kind of the sweet spot when it comes to the early days. Let’s be honest, a lot of nursing specific items suck. Nursing bras? They suck—the sizing is bad and limited. Nursing tops? They’re ugly and again, the sizing is super limited. Why not just wear something you can unbutton?

Plus, flannels are warm and super comfortable—and this time of year, there are tons of options. Let’s walk through some shopping recommendations.

Flared or skinny leggings:

  • AE Highest Rise Flared Leggings - currently on sale for $31. I love these leggings. The fabric is super soft, but also nice and thick. The rise is excellent and keeps everything tight and contained without cutting in or feeling like shapewear. I influenced my mother to buy a pair of these leggings. That’s how good they look. Trust me on this one.

  • If you’re not ready for a flared legging, you can’t go wrong with Aerie’s OG High Rise Legging. These are the GOAT of leggings to me.

Flannel shirts:

  • AE Oversized Hoodie Flannel - currently on sale for $38. I personally own this in black & white and love it. I wear it so much that Danny has started calling it my uniform.

  • Old Navy Boyfriend Tunic Flannel Shirt - currently on sale for $12. So many different patterns and $12 is a bargain. I’m actually ordering some as I’m writing this.

  • Abercrombie & Fitch Relaxed Flannel Shirt - currently on sale for $30. Can you believe A&F is having such a moment? I can’t. Anyway, tons of patterns here as well and a great, tailored shape—perfect if you’re looking for something a little less casual.

Consider those 2 items your base layer for this template, then you can add anything else. I always wear a maternity tank top under my flannels: I can pull the tank top up and unbutton the flannel so I can whip out a boob without feeling like I’m undressing completely. Then, I always have a cross body bag, my diaper backpack, and a few accessories—for cold weather, a hat, some warm socks, and my current favorite slip on shoes (my Birkenstocks).

Outfit 2: Rainy Day

There is nothing—and I mean, nothing—worse than being out and about with a baby in the rain. Ok, there might be worse things—but allow me to be slightly melodramatic and tell you that adventuring out in the rain with a baby is pretty miserable. It’s wet, it’s cold, the stroller is soaked and you can’t figure out how to fold it up in the pediatrician parking lot. Oof. Just rough all around.

Sometimes, you have to venture out in weather that isn’t so great. For me, it’s rain. For you (and where you live), it might be snow. I’m hoping this outfit template will serve as a good cover-all-your-soggy-bases outfit. Here are the basics:

We’re going to start with a good pair of shoes. Easy to slip on. Resistant to any moisture. I like duck boots personally—they’re comfy, stylish, and warm, and won’t end with you have completely wet socks. What you add to them depends on you: I think jeans or leggings are the easiest, topped with a breastfeeding friendly sweater (you can either get those specialty ones with the flaps or if a sweater is baggy and thin enough, you can pull it up over your bra and tank top). And of course, a good rain or snow coat to keep your warm. I like the idea of one that is big enough to wrap around your baby to run into the pediatrician’s or your house—but that’s just me.

Here are your recommendations.

Breastfeeding friendly sweaters:

  • MAMA Mock Turtleneck - $49.99. I personally think H&M has some of the best maternity-clothes-that-double-as-nursing-clothes-which-also-just-look-cute. I really like this sweater.

  • MAMA Wrap Cardigan - $34.99. If you want something a little more affordable, or that comes in black, I love this wrap cardigan. So comfy and soft and perfect for layering at home or when you have to venture out.

Boots:

  • Buffalo Plaid Duck Boots - $50. The classic Sperry version. These are like the ones I have and they are super comfortable. I like the blue check, but you can get them in any pattern and color these days.

  • The Rain Boot - $64. Looking for something classic that isn’t quite as PNW as a duck boot? I love these from Everlane. A classic, ankle length rain boot, available in some super cute colors. (I’m a little obsessed with the sage and need someone to buy a pair for me to see.)

Outfit 3: Going Out

You deserve to go out, mama! Even if it’s just a single dinner out with your partner or going to visit friends, you deserve to leave the house and look nice. Honestly, I also hope this outfit template can serve as work attire too. It may have been a hot minute since I’ve been in the office, but the office girlies are still wearing black dresses, right?

The thought behind this one is 2-fold: a wrap dress means you can nurse super easily. You seriously just pull it to the side. Or, if you’re out with your partner or friends or at a play, it’s easy to pull aside and pop on wearable pumps. For the fall and winter, just add a pair of opaque tights (once a tights girl, always a tights girl) and your favorite going out shoes and accessories. Boom—you’re out of the house with easily accessible boobs.

Wrap dresses:

  • Thankfully, we have a ton of options to choose from!

  • Balloon Sleeved Wrapover Dress - $34.99. So cute! Slightly shimmery! This is an unlined dress, so it will be best for a not-super-cold environment.

  • Wrap Dress - $49.99. Available in red or green (how festive!), this is a great basic dress for a holiday party.

  • Creped Front Dress - $34.99. So cute! I love the floral pattern, as well as the 2 neutral color options. This is a great office-to-going-out dress (ala the early 2000s Cosmo articles).


There we go! 3 outfit templates to replicate over and over (with basics!) while you’re fighting your way through postpartum.

Alltrue Summer Box 2021 Review*

Alltrue Box Review

I’ll admit that I’m a total sucker for a subscription box.

I love surprise packages showing up at my door. I love tiny samples of things (my continued Ipsy subscription is proof of this). I love trying new stuff. I love that thrill without having to put mental energy into picking things. I’m never going to randomly buy 3 different face washes—but if Ipsy sends me 3 face washes? It’s on, baby!

Alltrue, formerly known as CAUSEBOX, is a seasonal subscription box that sends you a curated selection of sustainable and fair trade products. It’s an excellent mission and one I really admire! Quarterly Alltrue members pay $54.95 per season; however, if you sign up for Annual membership, you pay $199.80. That’s a savings of about $20.

What kind of products does Alltrue send you? Well, they were kind enough to send me their Summer 2021 box, so let’s look at what I got:

  • Brand with a Heart OMG Smooth Leave-In Conditioners ($24 value)

  • Hanalei Hawaiian SPF Lip Trio ($18 value)

  • REDUCE To-Go Bowl ($20 value)

  • SANCTUARY PROJECT Thick Gold Hoops ($28 value)

  • Pepper + Vetiver Set of 3 Nesting Bowls ($30 value)

  • Bala 1/2 LB Weighted Bangles ($45 value)

In total, the box I received is valued at about $165. (Some of the values, specifically for the set of nesting bowls and the weighted bangles, I had to estimate; I couldn’t find the 1/2 lb weights specifically on Bala’s website and the Pepper + Vetiver Bowls are based on resellers on eBay because that’s all I could find for them!)

Either way, for $54.95 (or slightly under $50 if you pay annually), that’s pretty good value!

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The question, of course, is always: will you use everything you get? I obviously can’t speak for anyone else and I can’t tell you if you will personally find value in what you receive. Each season, you get the chance to pick a few options and customize your box. For example, in the summer, you could choose between the Hanalei Lip Trio and a nail care product; or the nesting bowls and a retinol serum. You pick one item from each category and create your box. It’s fun, it’s simple, and you end up with products that ultimately you do get to choose.

I personally like just about everything I got. I’m planning to gift the SANCTUARY PROJECT earrings to my sister (shhhh, don’t tell)—but everything else I have already used!

You might be thinking: this sounds really similar to Fab Fit Fun. And you’re right! But I think the big difference is Alltrue’s commitment to sustainable products. Yes, it’s still a subscription service; you are receiving products that ultimately aren’t needs. But I think having a sustainable mindset while finding joy in trying new things is totally possible. (Alltrue’s curation commitments and 2020 impact report can be found here.)

Alltrue is currently running an Intro Box promo where new members get their first box with $150 worth of products for only $25! You can sign up for your first box here. And if you sign up, let me know what you think!

Disclaimer: I received the Alltrue Summer Box in exchange for review. You can learn more about my disclosure policy here.

Why I Started Posting Whatever I Wanted on Instagram Again

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I joined Instagram in July of 2011. I’m proud to say I’ve had the same Instagram account (with a few name changes) along the way. That means I have thousands of photos on my account. There are grainy photos of my shoes, a selfie at the last Harry Potter movie premiere, early outfit photos in the mirror, terrible food photos, and more. As time went on, I stopped using the 1970s-ish Kelvin filter and the frames and my feed morphed from grainy to slightly less grainy photos of my work day, coffee, my keyboard. When I was pregnant with Forrest, it was belly pictures—taken in my work office bathroom, documenting my outfit and belly every day. After I had Forrest, it was baby pictures.

Since around 2018, I’ve tried to do all the things the Instagram gurus suggest: planning out my content, aiming for more curated images and styling. There were periods of time I felt like I totally nailed it and then periods of time where I hated what I was doing and felt no motivation to post anything. Since my job is to plan social media for businesses, I felt an intense pressure to make my own internet presence do what I was suggesting they do. But overall, I found it exhausting and especially in the last 2 years, a lot of the joy I feel about social media has been sucked out of it for me. I still love planning other people’s content, but I realized I don’t really want to be a content creator on my own.

About a month ago, I asked myself, why don’t I just post like it’s 2011 again? What’s wrong if I only get 20 likes on a picture? Who cares? Does it really matter?

It doesn’t. It doesn’t matter at all. It’s just Instagram. It’s just my Instagram. I can do whatever I want on it.

So I did.

I have had more fun on social media, specifically Instagram, since I started doing this. I’ve felt more creative and happy and carefree about the whole thing rather than stressing about if I was doing the right things. I have particularly enjoyed posting mirror photos of my outfits at work—are they the best photos in the world? Absolutely not. But hopefully people like seeing my outfits because I enjoy sharing them.

Another huge reason I started doing this is really about letting go of my feelings of perfectionism. I have always felt like nothing I did was good enough: the project I received praise for could have been, or should have been better; my house could be cuter or cleaner or different.

Feeling low level dissatisfaction with everything in my life and everything I do is probably a by-product of my low self-esteem and also probably a reason for my low self-esteem. They feed into each other, creating a horrible feedback loop. When I let go of feeling perfect, when I just let myself do things that are fun, I can feel the difference. Letting go of looking a certain way, having a certain kind of house, posting a certain kind of content… it’s really freeing.

Showing myself kindness and finding joy in little things has been important for me, especially in the last years. I still have times where I become snappy and joyless, mainly because I’m overstimulated or too anxious—but those times have become fewer and farther between. It takes a lot of work, but I’m becoming the person I always wanted to be deep down. It’s not what I thought it would look like, but it’s real joy, instead of an allusion of perfection.

There you have it, folks: what I started posting whatever I wanted on Instagram again. Coffee cups and mirror selfies and whatever filter I have been making for my autumn pack this year. Park photos and candids and early morning breakfasts. It’s better than trying to curate it, that’s for sure.