How to Know if Working From Home Is For You

If you’ve ever thought that working from home, or remotely, is the perfect option for you, I’m glad to have you here!

I know many mothers have considered the possibilities of working remotely, wondering if it would be easier (or more difficult) with kids. Working remotely is different from launching your own business or working for yourself; you have the stability of a paycheck, with the stipulation that you don’t have to be in an office everyday. But that doesn’t mean the job is any less rigorous or challenging day-to-day… and working from home, with or without kids, can add some speed bumps to that road as well.

There are many positions now that can be done entirely remotely. Things like copywriting, copyediting, project management, and more can be done remotely and many mothers possess those skills, even if they’ve never worked in those positions before. If you’re considering trying a remote position, I recommend looking for jobs in your area from the start. We’ll talk about why later on.

Here are a few benefits to working from home for moms:

• You spend less money on daycare. If you decide to go for a remote position, you’ll want to decide if you want to put your kids in daycare or keep them home with you. My recommendation is to test out both options. However, with a reduced commute and the possibility to have your kids with you a few days a week, you’ll drastically reduce the amount you spend on daycare.

• You’ll have more time for everything else. Working from home does not mean you’ll be able to do everything else in your house throughout the day; working 8 hours a day from home should mean you work 8 hours just like you would at home. However, that doesn’t mean you won’t be able to throw in a load of laundry or start dinner earlier. Plus, again, without a commute, you’ll have more time to focus on what you need to—instead of driving around.

• You’ll feel less stressed. If you find the daycare drop off plus commute plus getting everything ready for the day plus trying to take care of your home very overwhelming… then working remotely can be a great option as it eliminates several of those things, or at least reduces the time crunch that is put on them.

However, when it comes to working from home, there are also some cons. It would be disingenuous for me to not include those. Here are a few:

• Work-life balance becomes way more challenging. You work in your home. You take care of your kids while you work. The boundaries become much more blurred and it can be hard to manage both. Part of the challenge of working remotely is knowing how to set your boundaries, and that comes with time.

• You’ll feel isolated. When I went back to work after having Forrest, and before I started working from home more frequently, I was so excited to go back to work primarily because I wanted to see other adult humans. There is value in being around other people, even if you’re an introvert, like me.

• You have additional requirements. Working from home isn’t a free-for-all. Most businesses will require check ins and, if your workplace is more local to you, that means occasional check ins in person. If your workplace isn’t near you, you might be required to travel there to check in every once and a while. It just depends.

If you look over these lists and think, it sounds like a challenge, but one that’s exciting for me!, then working from home might be for you. Let’s go over a few more points.

What Skills Can You Offer?

There are some skills that are just plan more suited to working from home than others. If you have a long career of a job that can now be done pretty much 100% online (like payroll, copywriting, and more), you probably can work from home relatively successfully, with maybe a few in-person check ins per month. Some workplaces as well as more suited to remote workers as well. If your workplace has a system like Slack in place for in-office messages, then it’s much easier to work from home. If not, it can be more challenging to work remotely.

You’ll want to consider how your skills can be used remotely and how it would effect your performance. Do you think you could be as productive of an employee from home? Is your workplace equipped for a remote employee or would you be applying for a new position? These are all things to take into account when it comes to working from home or remotely.

How Are Your Time Management Skills?

Working from home means you’re managing your own schedule. No one will stop by your desk to remind you of something; no one will be watching you to make sure you’re working and not, say, drifting to sleep on the couch while watching Hallmark Movies. It’s easy to do when you work from home; it’s easy to get distracted, to start trying to handle everything on your to do list in your home (like all that laundry you need to fold or emptying the dishwasher). But when you are working from home, you have to resist the urge to start doing those things. It’s very easy to slip into the mindset that you can always make it up, that people don’t know. But the more you focus on your work away from your actual job, the harder it will be to catch up and actually get things done.

You have to be able to be strict with yourself, manage your time appropriately, and prioritize. If that’s not something you can do, then forget it.

Can You Handle the Mental Health Aspect?

As I said, working from home can blur the lines between your life and your work. The same is true for people who own their own businesses, of course. But when you work remotely for someone else, you can feel really isolated from your coworkers and your workplace. Part of the benefit of working in an office is being able to connect with other people in your work space and being able to connect and socialize. If you work remotely, there is less of that and you may start to feel isolated. As well, spending days not leaving your house in the winter can be hard. You have to be able to set a routine in place so you don’t end up wearing the same pajamas or sweatpants for an entire week without leaving your house.

For many, office politics can be one of the most challenging parts of their job; for that reason, working remotely can be a blessing. However, it’s important to remember that we’re all social beings, even if we’re introverts, so it’s something to consider when you decide to work from home.

How to Practice Self Care for Freelancers

Working freelance, and working primarily from home, can have a really positive impact on some aspects of your mental health, while also being not-so-great for other aspects.

For me personally, working from home and working for myself gives me the freedom to try new things, to keep flexible work hours so I can also be a parent, and stay on top of tasks, like laundry and keeping my home clean, that improve my mental health. However, working from home can also be isolating, making it difficult for me to keep a routine and making me very, very lonely.

I’ve been thinking a lot about how freelancers can be practice self-care in their day-to-day lives. As I’ve written before, there is a difference between self-care and self-soothing; self-soothing, like taking baths, working out, doing yoga, etc., is just one aspect of self-care, which is a larger routine that makes it possible for you to maintain your mental health.

Recently, I was at a networking meeting with a few other freelancing friends and I asked them what they thought made it easier to practice self-care in their lives. We talked a lot about ways we all worked to keep routines, make sure we were prioritizing our mental health alongside client demands, and more. I gathered up a few of the most common pieces of advice here.

1. Separate Your Life from Your Work

I mean this one literally: separate your life from your work. I love my office at home, but I’ve started to realize that I use it for too much that isn’t my work. Which sometimes makes getting work done harder. I start paying bills when I meant to work on a proposal; I look at the pile of presents I need to wrap and feel a pang of guilt; I decide to tackle my filing (which has been on hold since AUGUST) instead of a task that has higher priority. Something needs to be done and that, obviously, is separation. I need to separate the spaces from my life.

If you don’t have space for a separate office, there are ways you can still make this work; designate a specific corner of your bedroom as your “office” and only work there. Keep your bills and everything else unrelated to work away from it.

2. Keep Boundaries with Clients Firm

It was 6pm and I was cleaning up from dinner, elbow deep in water washing dishes, when my phone rang. It was a client. I dried my hands and pressed to send it to voicemail.

3 minutes later, it rang again.

And then again.

And then again.

When I finally answered it, my client immediately said, “I’ve called you 5 times!” I asked if we had a call scheduled that I forgot and they said no. I reminded them it was 6pm on a Friday and I don’t typically work past 3pm. They scoffed and said they had a question. I decided to take it, reminding them that I did bill for these kind of calls, and they proceeded to ask me a question that wasn’t even urgent! There was nothing wrong with their social media, no pressing need. It was a run-of-the-mill question that could have been sent in email or, if they really wanted to hear my voice, scheduled in a call. I told them this and then wished them a happy weekend, asking them to send me an email Monday morning with the question.

When they didn’t send me that email, I fired them as a client.

For me, I have to have boundaries: I don’t do unscheduled work calls outside of my work hours (we’ll talk work hours in a moment!); I don’t take non-urgent calls outside of business hours; and if my clients don’t keep up their end of the contract or work agreement, then I don’t keep them as clients. I don’t let myself feel bad about these boundaries as I need them to be an effective worker and to stay healthy—and all my freelancing friends agree.

You’ll always have a client that will push the boundaries. When I answered that call on that Friday evening, I expected an urgent question—when I realized it wasn’t urgent, I told them to ask me via email so I could answer on my time and not have to bill them for it. (This was mostly for my benefit, but to them, it seemed like I was being nice!) However, I realized that if someone calls me 5 times in a row on a Friday evening with a question they could easily Google themselves, they are someone who is going to always push my boundaries; if I’d answered their question on the phone that day, they would have continued to push and push. I didn’t want that. So better to stop it before it starts.

3. Make Your Space Functional

I get chronic knee pain from sitting too long when I work, so I have a desk that I can easily turn into a standing desk. This is one aspect of a functional work space.

Sometimes, we tend too much towards wanting our work spaces to look nice (I’m totally guilty of this), without focusing on how it will function. Right now, I have a bunch of boxes stacked beside my desk for my printer because I have yet to find a filing cabinet that I like (I’m working on it, really). While this isn’t really aesthetically pleasing, it works for me right now.

There are many ways to make your space functional; pick a chair for comfort, not for cuteness, because you’ll be spending time in it. Get the blue blocker glasses that will save your eyes and invest in a good, ergonomic set up for your desk top to save yourself from carpal tunnel syndrome.

4. Set Work Hours

This really goes hand-in-hand with the second point, but: have set work hours and make your clients aware of them. I use Contently to schedule 30-minute meetings with my clients and make it clear that I start work at 7am and finish work by 3pm. If they need me outside those hours, they can schedule a meeting if they have no other options. And more than establishing these boundaries with your clients, you need to establish them with yourself.

That means, no leaving dinner early to work on a project. No taking just a few minutes to answer work emails.

I created a new email address that I use entirely for work and I do not have it on my phone; I only open it up, in my browser, during my work hours. I might think of an idea for something for a project or a blog post… but I write it down on a sticky note, stick it in my work notebook, and leave it for the next day.

This has been a huge change for me as I’m used to working basically whenever I get a few free moments or hours. However, I’ve realized that for my mental health, I have to leave work during work hours and give myself a few hours of being just a mom or a few hours where I can just watch TV, or embroider, or read.

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When it comes to self care and freelancing, it’s also important to remember to set aside time for a morning routine: taking your medication, showering, cleaning up your work space, and more. These little things set into your daily schedule can help keep you on track mentally and professionally.

5 Things I've Learned About Being Resilient

Originally, I had this post in my editorial calendar as “things I’ve learned since I was laid off". But as I started to write, I found myself thinking over and over and that again, this puts the focus of my life at this moment on being laid off.

Was it terrible? Yes. Sometimes, it’s hard not to just be filled with a blazing, all-encompassing anger that controls my life day-to-day.

My therapist keeps reminding me, though, that I’ve gone through terrible things before and I’ve always made it out ok. I survived being fired, struggling to find a job, graduating from college amidst my grandfather’s illness, and much more… and I survived all of it, even on the days when I thought I wouldn’t be able to. The only difference now is that I have Forrest.

Before, when things were bad, I had some responsibility, but not much. Now, I have an entire little person to stay functional for and that makes the pressure that much greater. Also, after becoming a mother, I felt overwhelmed by motherhood; I found it at times isolating. It took me a long time to learn that you can love being a mother (I do!) and also recognize that it is a thankless, difficult, and often unpleasant job. It’s not all bad, but sometimes, it’s pretty bad. It can leave you drained.

So when I went back to work, it helped me have a second part to my identity again. I have never wanted to be all mom, all the time. I think if I did, it would leave me exhausted and depressed. It might work for some people, but it doesn’t work for me; I needed more and my job, in so many ways, was the more that I needed.

I’m removing the emphasis from being laid off. I get to tell my story exactly how I want to and part of that means rewiring in my head what that looks like and sounds like to myself. I got laid off—that’s bad. But I think what that actually feels like to me is losing a part of my identity that was helping me to offload the stress of being a mother.

As I started writing, I realized I was talking more about resiliency and inner confidence—not necessarily that I was laid off. Part of the last few months has been rebuilding my identity, figuring out who I am as a professional without an “official” job title (or job, period!), and wrestling with everything that comes with it. This isn’t really fun work (trust me), but it’s been important. And while I would never pretend everything is fixed and perfect right now, I do feel better in many ways than I have in a long time.

All this is to say: when I was laid off in July, I realized I needed to work on being more resilient in my current life. I’ve been resilient in the past in a hundred different ways, but I have really struggled with it the last few months. I wanted to write about resiliency, about what I’ve learned not just this year, but in the years past, and how we can all work on being more resilient.

1. Resiliency is only a little about choice.

“Would you judge me if I canceled X today?” I text my husband at least once a day. It’s usually something small, like an oil change or a work out class. He always sends back: “you can use your energy however you feel fit today.” This is his nice way of saying: if you don’t have the energy to do whatever it is you’re asking about, don’t do it.

We all use our energy for different things, prioritized in different ways. One thing I do every single day, even if I don’t feel capable of doing anything else, is make my bed. It makes me feel good; it makes my bedroom feel cleaner; it’s how I will use a tiny smidgen of energy because it’s important to me. Things I won’t use my energy on if I’m feeling low are: working out; emptying the dishwasher; or vacuuming.

When I went to a therapy appointment recently, I was dressed nice because I had a meeting right afterward. The week before, I’d been barely functional; just really wallowing and feeling bad. My therapist’s first words were: “you’re choosing to be resilient. I see that and I admire that about you.” That day, I had the energy to get dressed (even though I did not feel like it at all) and make myself presentable, because I had an obligation. That’s a form of resiliency.

But sometimes being resilient isn’t really about choosing to do those things. It’s about choosing not to do those things. Sometimes, resiliency might be this: making the choice between showering & getting dressed, and actually finishing a client project you’re on a deadline for. If you have enough energy for either one, you’ll probably do the one that makes you money—but doesn’t necessarily look externally like resiliency.

2. Being resilient isn’t always a badge of honor.

Let’s return back to that time my therapist told me I was resilient and that she admired that about me; right afterwards, she said, “you know, you don’t always have to be so resilient.”

Sometimes, our ability to pick ourselves up and get on with this is something to be lauded. We should feel proud that we got dressed enough to take our kids to school, to make a client meeting. We should feel proud that we used our energy to meet a deadline. But sometimes, it’s not something to wear proudly; forcing ourselves to continue going along with our day (going to work, pretending to be happy or fine) is just hurting us in the long run. It’s ok to take time, to focus your energy on healing and getting better. Sometimes, resiliency is something we use to avoid focusing on what’s hurting us.

3. Like a muscle, resiliency is something you strengthen over time.

We all know someone who has never really had anything very bad happen to them. No traumatic family deaths, no big career shifts. At once, it’s very easy to be jealous of that life; what would it be like to never have something go absolutely topsy turvy one day? To wake up and just be… fine?

But everyone, eventually, has an event in their life that will throw them for a loop and require them to become a little more resilient. Mine, right now, is being laid off; I’d gotten complacent in many ways and now, I have to learn to build an identity that isn’t just about being a working mom. Even the people you look at and think, “they’ve never had anything bad happen” will eventually have something bad happen, unfortunately; and they’ll need to learn to be resilient too. The brilliant thing is: the more you practice resiliency, and healing yourself when bad things happen, the better you get at it because you have the mechanisms and knowledge in place to know what to do.

4. Resiliency is an experience, not an identity.

In the words of my therapist: “you’re entire personality cannot be that you work hard even when you are extremely unwell.” Basically, there is more to life than showing everyone you are extremely resilient and hardworking. No one is going to think you’re any less of a hard worker just because you take personal days, or make time for your self-soothing and self-care activities. Resiliency is something we do, an experience we have throughout our day… but it’s not who we are.

5. Some people are just more resilient than others.

This is slightly related to point 3: some people just go through more in their life and develop stronger skills at resiliency.

Some people are just naturally better at “springing back”, if you will.

And some people just aren’t.

I don’t like change, so I think my biggest struggle with resiliency is moving on and adapting myself to something new, and finding tools to help me make it happen. I don’t think I’m naturally resilient, but resiliency is something I’ve adapted to help me over time. The first time around when I was unemployed, I think I was mentally in a better place, but I was also significantly less resilient in many ways.

Being more capable of resiliency, again, isn’t necessarily a personalty trait. It’s just a fact of life.Some people are better at being organized; some people are just naturally better cooks; and some people are just very resilient.

The Best Advice I Have for Working During the Holidays

The holiday season is getting dangerously close. After Halloween is always when we see a big explosion of Christmas everything in the U.S., but this past weekend, Danny & I admired Christmas trees in Lowe’s. (And Forrest desperately begged us to get a bunch of lawn decorations that, in total, cost more than his school.)

I also work in marketing, so the holidays are never far from my mind when it comes to client work.

Back when I first graduated from college (2011??? Is that right? Am I ancient?), I remember the hardest part of starting my career was working through the holidays. I had never had to work Thanksgiving before! I’d always been bundled up the Wednesday before, driving home to my parents house, working on NaNoWriMo, and then driving back to college Sunday. I’d never had to work the week leading up to Christmas, except when I was in high school, and that was usually only one or two evenings the weekend before the big holiday. Working the day before Christmas or, worse, working on Christmas, or even worse, having to spend Christmas with everyone then go back to the work the next day felt like a big culture shock.

Holiday movies had led me to believe that most businesses effectively shut down during the holidays. Doesn’t it seem like everyone always has the week or two around Christmas inexplicably off in every Christmas movie? They’re all spending loads of time at home without a care in the world. No one is rushing to their laptop to QA some social media posts or make sure a report got delivered to a client.

But, unfortunately, life isn’t like the movies. Yeah, I was shocked too. The first time I had to work December 23, have Christmas Eve and Christmas Day off, then pack myself up to go back to work the day after Christmas was a really, really whiny week for me. I know for those just starting their careers, this can be a huge issue with their morale; it’s hard to be cheerful during the dark Winter months when you don’t even get to feel like you really enjoy the only holiday!

Especially for those who are self-employed or running their own businesses, holidays can feel even more rushed. You have tons of client work; everyone is stressed; plus you’re planning this big holiday, potentially with travel. If you have kids, it’s even more stressful.

Here’s the truth: it sucks working during the holidays. It does! It just does! Whether you work customer service (and trust me, the Thanksgiving I spent working at a grocery store was potentially one of the worst days of my life; if you want to see humanity at its absolute worst, go to a grocery store on Thanksgiving and wait until they announce the store is closing. The number of people who drag their feet and plain refuse to leave the store so everyone can get home to their families is shocking) or you work at an office job or if you work for yourself—working during the holidays can be exhausting.

There are ways to make it easier! So whether this is your first holiday season working full time or your 10th, I want to share a few ways to make things like a little easier.

1. Keep your expectations low.

The holiday season is full of expectations. You’re going to churn out amazing client work*, take your family to the pumpkin patch and the tree farm and every other holiday event you can find, keep your house clean, not lose your mind, cook amazing holiday dinners, entertain friends, post jealousy-inducing Instagram photos, and buy amazing gifts that make everyone happy.

Oh, yeah, no.

You aren’t Martha Stewart and no one is expecting you to be! Having a few easy get-togethers with friends throughout the holidays is more important than throwing a bash that leaves you exhausted. And who cares if your house gets a little messy if everyone is having fun for these 3 short months? (Let’s be honest: I care. But I have to let it go.)

The secret is this: keep your expectations low. You will be working through the holidays. Maybe it won’t be like a Hallmark Christmas movie, but hey! That might be a good thing. Lower expectations (for yourself, for your home, for your parties, for work) will serve you well to keep you from feeling disappointed and sad when the season is over.

*Just me?

2. Make work fun.

For several years, every Christmas Eve Eve (you know what I’m talking about), I wore jingle bell earrings to work. If I had to be at work on a day that I would have preferred to spend sipping hot cocoa & watching movies with Danny, then I wanted to have fun.

I’ve worn ugly Christmas sweaters to work. I’ve donned Christmas leggings. I’ve baked cookies to take to my coworkers. I’ve scream-sang Christmas jingles in the car on the way to work to get myself in a better mood. Basically: I’ve made the days I’ve had to work during the holidays as fun as I absolutely could. It wasn’t always fun! Sometimes, there were emergencies, clients freaking out, big events coming up. Emails to get sent out. Next quarter calendars to plan. Christmas falls at kind of a terrible time of year to have a big holiday. But it’s still possible to have fun at work.

Take the cookies. Wear jingle bell earrings. Watch a Christmas movie if you work from home. Eat as many cookies as you want. Light a Christmas candle. Do whatever it takes!

3. Keep the traditions you’re used to.

I have to work for most of the holidays anyway, I thought, my first Thanksgiving working, so what’s the point?

Back when I worked at a grocery store, we all got off work at 2pm (seriously). I rushed to my car and drove home, went up to my room and promptly fell asleep. My entire family was downstairs waiting for me to come down. The entire day had sucked; I was in such a bad mood, having to get to work at nearly 6am to work a full 8 hour shift until 2pm. By the time I got home, I was really done. I stomped my way upstairs and slept through Thanksgiving. I remember waking up and crying. I’d missed one of my favorite holidays, I felt terrible, and I wanted nothing more than to just have a fun day with my family.

It can be tempting to bury yourself in work or just ignore the holidays. It’s easy to say who cares and just ignore it. But if you’ve always celebrated the holidays and there are parts of it you love (whether it’s Thanksgiving or Christmas or your own special family tradition), there is no reason to stop now. You’ll only feel sad that you let yourself miss it.

4. It makes the holidays different.

… but not necessarily worse. Working during the holidays won’t be like being a student during the holidays, or a child during the holidays. Also, working for yourself during the holidays, having your own child during the holidays… it’s all different. Not worse, just different.

You’re never going to be able to reverse time and relive your childhood experiences with Christmas morning. That’s in the past. So why not accept the way the holidays have changed shape now? Sure, you have to work during the holidays—but you can grab coffee with your friends more, go to holiday parties after work, learn how to make hot toddies, and more. It’s different, sure, but it doesn’t have to be bad.

Life Lately: 5 Things I Learned Last Week

I have found myself waffling back and forth between two plans lately.

Sometimes, I’m fully committed to being freelance: I post on LinkedIn, I network, I make meetings, everything.

And other times, I just wish I had a job again: a job that I turned off, that I could clean out my office for, that I could drive to everyday and have coffee provided.

If you don’t follow me on Instagram, then you don’t know the big, bad, and also very weird thing that happened to me last week. I’ll get to it!

But it’s definitely thrown me for a loop. I’ve recommitted to going freelance, even though it is hard, and makes me tired, and fills me with anxiety in ways that are both good and bad. The last few weeks have been a series of lessons, over and over. I wanted to share a few things as I know that many are on this journey with me. If you’re thinking of going freelance or becoming self-employed (or starting your own business), you’ve probably felt a few of these things. And if you, like me, have had moments of self-doubt and tried to reconnect to a different path, well, you might feel some of these too.

1. Sometimes, anxiety is self-protection.

As I wrote in my newsletter two weeks ago, my therapist often talks to me about how my anxiety and self-doubt is often me trying to protect myself. I hold myself back in ways I don’t truly understand because I’m afraid of being rejected—and then when I step outside my comfort zone and experience rejection, it just reinforces the “you should have anxiety about this,” or “you are an imposter and you aren’t good at your job” feelings. (If you aren’t subscribed to my newsletter, then, baby, please do.)

The past two weeks have been anxiety central for me. Which is crazy because I had one week where everything went fantastic: I had meetings scheduled every single day, I was networking, I was sending emails, I felt amazing. But then, the next week, it’s like it all came crashing down and I didn’t know how to cope.

Anxiety is often what I describe as a combination of my gut feeling (which is instinctual) and this buzzing in my brain that seems to resonate with “wrong, wrong, wrong, something is wrong.” It’s hard to have the two happening at the same time and wonder if one is correct and the other isn’t. It’s hard to trust myself when what I inherently think (go the easy route, don’t make waves) is often a way of protecting myself from experiencing rejection or anxiety.

Anyway, this is all to say: I’ve been working on how I react to things and how I make decisions. I sometimes jokingly say that I am a classic Libra because I can’t make decisions. But the truth is, I struggle with making big decisions because I tend to make life decisions focused on what other people would want, rather than what I would want myself.

2. My gut feeling is usually correct.

It’s time for me to write the big, bad, weird story here & talk a little bit more about what it made me learn.

This might feel a little contradictory to my last point, but I sometimes just get a gut feeling about things. This won’t go well or This doesn’t seem right. It’s not anxiety, exactly, but sometimes a part of it. Sometimes, it’s just a feeling I have that I can’t totally explain.

Anyway, let’s talk about the big bad: I was offered a job.

Let’s rewind: two weeks ago, I went to an interview where they loved me. I met with an executive, who thought I would be great in the role, but wouldn’t be happy. She then offered to accelerate starting their marketing department so that I would be added to it. She would get back to me in a few days. A few days later, we scheduled a phone call. I clarified my schedule (I want to be able to pick up my son in the afternoon, but I could work from home as much they wanted). They had never done a remote position before, but were willing to try. She said they would be sending a job offer by the next day.

The next day, Tuesday of last week, I woke up from a nap to see an email from her, telling me they would not be sending me a job offer specifically because I wanted to be able to pick up my son in the afternoon.

I know this is not the worst example of anti-mom bias in the workplace. I know that. I also know I’m in a really privileged position to be able to ask for that, but I don’t think it should be a privilege. I think it should be assumed that parents need to be able to leave to get their kids when school is over, but if they work a job that is 100% online the way marketing is, then why can’t they just finish up the last two hours of work from home?! I just don’t get it.

I cried a lot.

But, I had been nervous about getting the job offer. I’d debated back and forth with Danny about accepting it. And a small part of me on Tuesday thought: this isn’t right. This isn’t going to happen the way I think it will.

Even as I got excited to accept the job. Even when I thought about the salary and how it would have changed our lives. (We could afford a vacation, for once.)

I was still devastated when I got the email, but I found myself thinking: that gut feeling was right. That feeling I got that they wouldn’t be understanding of my role as a caretaker and mother was right. I was right. It still royally sucked, but I was right. It just sucks.

3. Sometimes, a bad thing leads to a good thing.

The day after I got that awful, no good email, I got a text message about a potential freelance gig. I was groggy, with that “hungover from crying” feeling. I was in a bad mood all day, mostly lying on the couch and sometimes texting Danny, “I had already planned a celebratory Disneyland trip in my mind.” (Yes, I know that is full-blown emo, but what can I say?)

But I scheduled another meeting for a freelance gig. Because why not? Because why stop myself just because I’ve had a rough week?

4. It’s ok to get in your feelings about it—but sometimes your primary feeling isn’t the right one.

As I said, I cried a lot last Tuesday. (And unfortunately, a lot of this blog post is about that email on Tuesday. God, it sucked!) I cried a lot and even though I’d had this gut feeling that it wasn’t the right job for me even though it paid so well and I wouldn’t have to worry about money and it seemed perfect… I still had the feeling that it wasn’t quite right.

But I also had that feeling of: I’m a failure, I fucked up, I’m stupid, I shouldn’t even apply to jobs because no one wants to hire a mother, everyone thinks I’m an idiot.

But then I talked to my former boss and she told me that there was no reason blaming myself. What kind of company offers someone a job, then yanks it away because they decide they don’t like the already agreed upon schedule? Especially in marketing, where a flexible schedule is sort of… the point of working in marketing? “Be angry,” she said.

The right thing is not: “I fucked up.” The right thing is: “they fucked up and I’m so angry.”

The worst part is that companies here in Eugene so often complain about being unable to hire good talent. They can’t find people to hire or the people who apply don’t have enough experience. I have 5 years experience; I am a high level marketer; I’m very good at what I do! I am the good talent! But because businesses see “work” as being 40-60+ hours a week in an office, no exceptions, they aren’t willing to accept people who might need other schedules: mothers, or people with disabilities, or anyone else who just doesn’t want to be chained to a desk. Millennials have a much different view about what it means to work “full time” and it’s time for everyone else to catch up.

I sat up on Tuesday night until nearly 3 am writing a blisteringly angry article for LinkedIn. I probably won’t post it, but God, it felt good.

5. It’s ok to be content.

“I should be making more money,” I thought. But is that right? Do I need to be making more money?

If you can’t tell, a big part of why the loss of that job offer sucked is because the salary was good. Full disclosure, I’ve never been motivated by money when it comes to my jobs; I just want to work and to be quite honest, I have a really hard time understanding salary comparisons. I have known, at least somewhat, that as a marketer I should have been making more money ages ago, but it didn’t really matter to me. We got by.

It’s only been the last probably year where things felt really tight, but that was for reasons sort of beyond our control. We had a year of bad financial set backs and then, in 2019, my workplace was becoming more and more financially unstable as well. (Again, no one’s fault! Just the way the cookie crumbles.)

So the idea of a lot more money was huge. We haven’t been on a real vacation since we went to Disneyland in June 2017 and friends, I am exhausted. I think about getting in my car and just driving away at least once every single day. I have worked, for at least 5 hours, every single day since June 2017 on either this blog, or work, or some other professional capacity.

As much as I wish we could be saving more money, I have also realized it’s ok to just get by for a little while, especially if it means improving my mental health. Money is nice and I wish we could afford a trip to take a break (we both need, Forrest needs it), but I’m ok with waiting if it means I’m not continually being punched in the gut by companies!

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Whew, I know that was a lot but it felt good to write out. I’m trying to look at the next few weeks with positivity. I have time to make Forrest a birthday cake, to take him to school most days, to pick him up from school and love him. It has been a rough few weeks for me, but I’m lucky to be doing as well as I am, considering everything.

With that said: how have you been doing? Share with me!

How to Handle Rejection in Your Career

In case you’re wondering how my freelance prospects have gone the last few weeks, here’s a good example conversation I feel like I’ve had about 400 times:

Prospect: So how much would that be?

Me: Well, I charge $250 for an initial strategy, then actual content creation would be $800 per month.

Prospect: (sharp inhale of breath, mild gasp) well that’s just too much! I guess we’ll think about it and get back to you.

Readers, they do not get back to me. They’re never going to back to me. I know that. You know that. They know that.

Even worse than this example is the people who arrange meetings with me, sit across from me in coffee shops acting interested, or spend an hour on the phone with me pretending to be interested, only to ask the inevitable: “So what happened with [name of agency]?” (In case you didn’t read this blog post, I got laid off from the agency I worked at for 5 years, alongside all my coworkers. It sucked, but I’m doing ok!)

I know what I look like when that happens: the smile on my face becomes just a little more strained, my eyes crinkled up. I want to cry because I always know the question will come in every interview and meeting and phone call for the next few years. I have to say the same thing over and over: “It’s not really my story to tell and if you met with me for gossip, you met with the wrong person.” After that, we usually finish up our coffees and they pretend to want a rate sheet, or they pretend that they’ll let me know when they want to move forward and sign a contract. But they won’t. They won’t answer my phone calls or respond to my emails.

I know that. You know that. And they know that.

It’s fine, really. I have some prospects that look great. But the type of rejection I’ve been getting lately has been different from any other type of rejection I’ve ever experienced. It’s not just not getting a job where there were tons of applicants and, ok, maybe I’m not the most qualified. It’s rejection based entirely on me and my skill level and what I’m asking to be paid. Or worse, it’s a type of rejection that happened before I even got a chance: they only wanted to talk to me for gossip that I was never going to use to leverage getting paid.

I feel a lot of things about being laid off, about losing a job I’ve loved for 5 years, but one thing I’ll never feel is like I have to use any gossip about that job in order to get paid. I’d rather be dirt poor than do that, thank you very much.

It sucks to be told you’re charging too much. It sucks to feel like people only want to talk to you so they can get dirt on someone else. (And they’re never going to get dirt about other people from me, that’s just the rules.) And it sucks to have all of this happening when I otherwise feel really vulnerable and unsure about my future and what I want and what I’m doing generally.

Rejection sucks even at the best of times. But when you’re already struggling, it can feel like an even bigger burden.

Luckily, I’ve found a few ways to deal with my feelings of rejection in the last few weeks. I wanted to share them, as I know for many women and young professionals, rejection can be a huge barrier many of us face as we start our careers. Whether we are just out of college, going back to work after maternity leave, or starting fresh after being laid off (or simply leaving a toxic workplace), the truth is we are going to get rejected. It doesn’t have to be such a big knock to your confidence, so let’s talk tips for coping.

1. Fill Your Time

I recently signed up for Vix Meldrew’s Grow & Glow, which I highly recommend for bloggers. The reason is because I needed something to do. I just… needed something! I don’t know how to explain it, but I couldn’t spend one more of my scheduled “work hours” applying to jobs, rewriting my resume for the 400th time, or drafting a LinkedIn post. Or worse, writing another networking email.

I needed something positive to channel all the energy I usually dedicate to my job into it. Something! Anything! So I decided, for the equivalent of $13 a month, Grow & Glow was the perfect level of dedication: modules I can work on at my leisure, always giving me something to read, watch, and journal about when I’m sitting in a coffee shop.

I’m not tell you to sign up for Grow & Glow. (Although, again, I really love it! It’s helped my blog immensely in the last few weeks.) I am telling you to find something to use your energy on. If you’re currently looking for a job, or you are starting your career, or you just have hours to fill that you wish you were spending working on something… find something to fill your time. It might be a cheap online course. It might be a new certification. It might be learning a new language! Anything that will help you and your career and give purpose to your days is important, especially if you struggle with anxiety when you don’t have anything to do.

I know for me, I hate not having at least 2-3 things on my to do list every day. So having something that I can automatically look to for tasks is important.

2. Spend Time with Friends

If you’re struggling to start your career, or really getting down about your career prospects, here’s one thing to consider: spend some time with your friends. I know it can feel daunting, especially if you’re not working while everyone else is. (I definitely felt this just after I had Forrest; I wasn’t working, at a job at least, but everyone I knew was and it was an incredibly isolating experience.) However, send that text message or email. Reach out on Facebook or LinkedIn. Meet with old coworkers, or old friends, or new friends. Meet for coffee. Talk about what you’re going through. Ask for advice. Ask for potential connections.

Even if nothing comes from it, spending time with your friends can boost your mood and help alleviate the isolation you can feel when you’re getting rejected (by jobs, by potential clients, by what feels like everyone). Reach out to your friends, let them know what’s going on in your life, and they’ll be more likely to check on you as well.

3. Take Care of Yourself

This goes without saying but: rejection often isn’t personal.

Even though it feels personal (and lately, everything I’ve experienced feels SO intensely personal), it’s really… not. It’s not! If you don’t get a job you really wanted, it most likely isn’t because you are lacking in some way; it’s because there were tons of qualified applicants and they just happened to pick someone over you. If a prospect says “no” to your freelance services, it’s most likely not because they don’t like you; they probably just aren’t ready to commit anyway (and would therefore probably have made a terrible client).

You deserve a career that leaves you feeling fulfilled and happy. You will find it.

But in the meantime, when everything you’re told feels like a slamming door in your face, take care of yourself. Take a long bubble bath. Read your favorite book. Go out to dinner even though you’re stressed about money. Take your kids to the park or go to a music show with your partner or friends. Don’t treat yourself badly just because you feel badly about how the world is treating you. You come first in your life, so take care of you, show yourself love, and don’t allow rejection to turn into self-hatred.

4. Look at Rejection Realistically

Like I said: rejection is hardly ever personal. Sometimes it is, that’s true. Sometimes, you just might not click with a client.

I recently had to fire a client who I had actually been working with for a long time. I had had some reservations starting work with this client from the get go; they seemed disorganized, very slow to reply, and unsure of what they needed and what they were doing. But I personally really liked them. I should have said, “You know what? No.” I should have been the one to reject them, but I didn’t because I didn’t want them to think I didn’t like them or support their business. (I do like them and I do want to support their business.)

Things went bad fast. They were not an ideal client. They didn’t reply to emails and then, weeks later, would question why something hadn’t moved forward. (Because they hadn’t replied to my emails!) Long story short: I should have said no. Because rejection is about doing the best work possible sometimes, not about how much we like someone.

A potential employer can like you a lot and think you’re incredibly talented… and still say no. Here’s another example: since I graduated college in 2011, I have applied and interviewed at a business at least 4 times! Every single time, the owner tells me how incredible I seem as an employee, how impressed she is with my skills… then she hires someone else. For a long time, I thought she was just doing this to neg me or make me feel inferior—or worse, she was just lying about my skills. But recently, I was talking about this with someone and they said, “she probably thinks you’re great, but just not right for that specific job.” Isn’t that the truth? The rejection wasn’t personal; I just wasn’t the best fit for the job, even though I desperately wanted to be.

All I’m saying is: when it comes to getting that “no” (that can be so painful, so ill-timed), sometimes it’s not really about you. Sometimes it’s about someone else. Not every “no” is a “not good enough”; most of the time, “no” is just “sorry, no.”

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Do you have any tips for handling rejection? Share with me in the comments!

What I Learned from My December Slump

I didn’t mean to just stop blogging for most of December. I just sort of… found myself forgetting. Part of this was intentional—I wanted to spend less of December rushing around, trying to get a million things done and more time with Forrest, with Danny, with the important people in my life. And part of this was unintentional—I helped plan a wedding, attended that wedding, made more Christmas cookies than I probably should have, and in the evenings, I was so tired that it never even occurred to me that I needed to be writing those Blogmas blog posts I had planned in approximately June.

Part of why I fell behind was that I didn’t do enough forward planning.

And another part of why I fell behind, and stopped blogging, and struggled to restart was that I was just plain burnt out.

The first week I missed, I told myself that I’d work on it and I’d get my blog posts written over the weekend. I was just busy, I thought. That’s it! Nothing big!

But by the 2nd week of one measly blog post, I knew it: I was burnt out. I needed to take a break or I was at risk of just breaking myself.

I decided to keep doing just the bare minimum. I know that sounds awful. We are trained to believe that the “bare minimum” is the worst thing you can do aside from just quit, but I knew I was at risk of not just not being able to blog for myself, but for my day-to-day work. You know, the stuff that pays my bills.

A big part of me felt incredibly guilty and bad for the fact that I wasn’t blogging, wasn’t really doing much on social media, and definitely was just trying to get by. I had brands I was talking to, content I needed to create… but I was tired. It was the holidays. And sometimes, I know I do things when I don’t want to at a detriment to myself. So a very small part of me said: this is ok, you need this.

And I did. On January 1, I felt better than I had in months. I didn’t feel the pressure to be constantly writing, constantly working on something. But another part of me still held that guilt. I haven’t been posting on Instagram like I know I should. I haven’t been returning emails as promptly as I usually do and that’s what made me start to feel really guilty.

I had been burnt out and I was teetering on the edge of too much, absolutely too much. Giving myself a break was what I knew I needed to do—but there was still that niggling little voice that told me I was just being lazy. I think this is something that everyone my age struggles with; we’ve been told to work hard, constantly, our entire lives. And we also rely on our 24/7 gigs to get by (or at least I know I do). It makes us unable to do certain small things (like the fact that I’ve been meaning to mail a package for exactly 3 weeks) and it’s honestly just really bad for our mental health.

So, I had a slump. It happens. I took a break. I feel better. But what did I learn?

1. It’s Not That Urgent

I have about 5 emails in my inbox right now that the sender has marked urgent. That’s what it says in all caps in the subject line: URGENT, Brand Collab. Or URGENT, Want to do a giveaway?

And, bless you brands, and your brilliant PR teams, but those things aren’t urgent.

I often struggle with others perceptions of me. I don’t want to be appear lazy or like “one of those” influencers or bloggers. I want to appear capable, down-to-earth, responsible, and dedicated. I reply to emails within 2 days, always (that’s my rule). But sometimes even my two-days-and-I-swear-I’ll-get-back-to-you, I’ll get emails after 24 hours with, “is everything ok? I’m concerned.”

I understand that for many people their jobs are putting them under pressure to get a response. It happens at my day job, it happens in my gigs, and it definitely happens for this blog. But as a society, we really need to put our foot down. Sometimes, when I email a brand back, they won’t reply for a week. For 2 weeks. Then they expect a 3-day turnaround for content. I just don’t have the time! Everything I do revolves around a calendar and right now, that calendar is full. My 30 minutes of email time is all I’ve got.

I’ve realized a lot of this means I need to put up boundaries. In initial emails to brands, I need to tell them about my 2-day rule: If I haven’t replied in at least 3 days, send me a follow up. But don’t badger me. And please, it’s not urgent, we’re not performing surgery here or changing the world. All the reliance on the word urgent, when it’s not, just makes me anxious.

2. It’s Ok, You’ll Survive

About 18 months ago, my husband asked me why my blog was so important to me.

And my answer was: who am I without a blog?

I’ve always been the girl with the blog. I’ve always been that girl.

I don’t believe in being an artist without creating. And a lot of influencers, bless them, are artists without creating. Without naming names, there has been an influencer in the news, after being profiled on a Twitter thread, who is one just like that: she talks about giving creativity workshops, about creating art, but she doesn’t seem to actually create an art. She doesn’t publish, she doesn’t blog, she doesn’t even post on Instagram anymore. I feel bad for the callout, because who isn’t a bit of a poser at 22, but good gravy.

I’m a writer. It’s what I do. And a big part of me believes that if I were to stop blogging, I would lose my last tenuous connection to writing. I know this isn’t true. I know that I write more in my dayjob than most people do in their lifetimes, but it’s an unshakeable notion. I need to be writing, I tell myself, so I can at least convince myself that I’m creating.

But that ignores all the ways I do write. During my slump, during my break, I wrote a lot. I journaled, and wrote a few poems, and wrote a few short stories. I had ideas. And I’ve realized that sometimes blogging, as much as I love it, eats up the time I could spend reading, writing things that light my brain up, and being creative. It’s a hard balance to maintain: writing for work, writing for my blog that I love, and writing the stories I want to read. I don’t really know how to combine them quite yet, but I realize this now: It’s ok, I can survive without this if I have to.

3. I Don’t Know What To Do With Empty Time

This is perhaps my starkest lesson. After the holidays, when I cleaned up our house, took down the tree, and spent several frantic hours cleaning, I realized that, once I’m done, I don’t know what to do. What do people do with free time? Even in my downtime, when dinner is over and Forrest is playing and I don’t have any cleaning or work to do, I find myself getting antsy. I have to be doing something. I struggle to watch TV shows. Sometimes, I even struggle to sit still to read. I like being productive. I like moving. I like producing things. While many assure me there are worse ways to be, I realize I need to work on the fact that I always feel like time needs to be filled. That I have to go somewhere or do something. It’s ok to just sit and look out the window. It’s ok to play on my phone. It’s ok. It’s all ok.

5 Tips to Make Working from Home Easier

It's easy to think that working from home will be, well, easy. You're in the comfort of your own home. You can stay in your pajamas. You can eat a real breakfast, drink as much coffee as you want, lounge in bed as you look at spreadsheets. 

Reality sets in promptly the first time you try to work from home. At least for me. The moment I started working from home a lot (when I was pregnant with Forrest, primarily), it's like everything in my house became way more... distracting. I worked from home an average of 2 or 3 days a week when I was pregnant, thanks in part to exhaustion, preeclampsia, and morning sickness. There were days where it felt like I could not focus and, of course, days where I got everything I needed done completed so I could wallow in bed and try not to throw up again. 

I don't work from home anymore. Why? Well, working from home with a toddler is near impossible. (If you somehow achieve this, I need your secrets.) I do work from home if Forrest is at my mom's or daycare, like when I was sick in March. 

If you're thinking of starting to take some work from home days, these tips are for you. 

1. Have a "I'm working" spot. 

And I don't mean the desk where you normally charge your computer. I've always been a person who has a desk where I spend most of my evenings, but I know this is becoming less and less common. However, when I'm working from home, I clear another space in my house--usually the kitchen table--to be my "office." Having a clearly designated space, as if I was actually in my work office, helps me to stay focused. 

2. Use the same background noise that you use at work. 

If you listen to music, or podcasts, at work, do that at home too. When I first started working from home, I tried to use my "at home" background noise--the TV--and found it way too distracting. If I listen to music or a podcast, it's like my brain assumes I really am at work and I stay more focused. 

3. Use that familiar study tip: take 10 minute breaks every 30 minutes. 

Honestly, I do this at work (in the office) too. Every 30 minutes, stand up, stretch, walk around for 10 minutes. Then get back to work. Your brain will feel remarkably refreshed and you'll be better able to focus. 

4. If you can, turn off the Wifi. 

If you have the kind of job where you don't need a 24/7 connection to the internet, turn off your Wifi when you're really getting into a task. I often do this when I'm trying to write and getting distracted by Twitter notifications and everything the internet has to offer. 

5. If it doesn't work, it doesn't work. 

Hey, if you try to work from home (to reduce commute costs or because you're sick), and it's just not working--hey, that's ok. It's not for everybody! Don't try to keep forcing it if you are aware that you aren't getting everything done or achieving the goals you want. It's possible that getting out of the house might help--working from a coffee shop or bookstore might work better for you. Or, maybe you're just an office kind of person.