5 Things to Include In Your Feeding Plan at the Hospital

Infant feeding is a topic I have spent… countless hours writing about, thinking about, fretting about. I’ve talked to therapists about it. I’ve written blogs and poems and text messages and emails about it. I’ve read books. I’ve determined how much breastfeeding content triggers me (a lot) and how confusing I still find infant feeding messaging (also a lot).

As I prepared to have my daughter this past year, I knew one thing: I did want to try breastfeeding. But I was also prepared to formula feed from the beginning. In fact, I was excited to offer formula from the beginning. I also knew from my past experience that the hospital I would be delivering at did not like offering formula and did not encourage combo feeding.

So, with the help of an amazing doula, I created a feeding plan to include along with my birth plan.

Friends: this worked wonders. I had the exact experience I wanted in the hospital (with only one nurse who pushed back considerably against my feeding plan). It was the best decision I could have made and I would do it again in a heartbeat.

I’d heard lots about birth plans in both of my pregnancies—but not a lot about feeding plans. I wanted to put together this blog post to help you write a feeding plan for yourself, if you’re expecting in the future or plan to expect in the future. It’s always important to think about what you want to happen in the hospital. After all, it’s your baby.

As a mild disclaimer, none of this blog post will be prescriptive: these are just general pieces for you to think about and decide on as you create your birth plan, and by extension, your feeding plan. All of these things are based on being successful in whatever feeding method, or combination of feeding methods, you choose. I hope they give you something to think about and write about as you embark on this journey. And of course, let me know if you have any questions.

1: Your preferred feeding method

This is probably the most obvious one, but first things first, establish your preferred feeding method, whether you plan to nurse right away, exclusively pump, or offer formula (or a combination of all 3)! A few things to consider here:

• Consider what you want to happen immediately after birth. Do you want to latch baby right away (as many baby first hospitals do)? Or do you want a little time to just relax and cuddle? Do you want to latch and then have your partner offer a bottle of formula.

• Consider alternatives. We’ll return to this, but you never know what’s going to happen in labor. I included alternative situations for if I was not able to be with my baby right away—specifically, that I wanted her in the care of my husband or mom and to receive formula (not donor milk).

2: What to do (or who to ask) if you are not able or capable to advocate for yourself

An important part of my feeding plan was the fact that often when I am challenged on something, I have a hard time pushing back or standing up for myself. So, I set in stone that if I was not responding (or not able to respond), that my husband and mom be asked first before a decision was made so they could speak to me or relay my wishes.

A few things to consider:

• Make sure your support team knows your wishes. This includes not just your partner and your doula, but your midwife and/or OBGYN.

• Make sure they know how to communicate your wishes.

• Discuss with your support team the process to follow if something does need to be changed.

3: The services you want in the hospital

Do you want to see a lactation consultant right away? Or do you only want to ask to see an LC? Do you not want to be approached by an LC at all, even just to check in? Include this in your feeding plan. Hospital LCs can be really hit or miss (full disclosure, I had a horrific experience with one in the hospital with my first baby and I refuse to speak to any in a medical setting now). This can also include if you want nurses to help you with infant feeding, if you want your infant to go to the nursery (if there is one), and more.

4: What to do if an alternate decision needs made

Let’s look at a scenario. Let’s say you deliver your baby, but something goes wrong: the baby needs additional support and to be taken to the NICU. What do you want to happen? Do you want to use donor milk or formula? Do you want to start pumping right then?

Now, let’s say that happens, but you also need additional medical treatment. Your partner is presented several options that you have never considered regarding infant feeding. You aren’t there to help him navigate these decisions. What should happen here? What do you and your partner want to happen?

Here’s what I included in my plan: if I was not capable of being part of the decision-making process, all decisions were to be made by my husband, no one else. As well, my husband knew to ask this question: do we have time to discuss this before a decision is made? Often medical decisions are presented as immediate, but if there is time for discussion and research, it’s important to know that. From then, he would discuss with my mom or me if I was available.

5: Language for your support team to use

Since I planned to offer formula within the first hour after birth, I knew there would be pushback at my hospital. Without getting too into it, the hospital i delivered at is part of the Baby Friendly Hospital Initiative (if you know what that is, you’re a soldier in the trenches of infant feeding, unfortunately) and they heavily discourage infant feeding. A huge reason as to why I decided to have a feeding plan was that I had an extremely horrible phone call with a nurse while pre-registering for my second baby—a great time to feel horrible about my experience the first time around!

My feeding plan was created with language built into it for my husband and mom to use should they need to, as well as for me to use. Here are the phrases I learned for this:

• “My wife has expressed her feeding preferences. We ask that they are honored.”

• “I request that this is documented on my patient file.”

• “Please inform me of the benefits, risks, and alternatives, including what happens if we do nothing, when I request it.”

• “We have educated ourselves on our chosen feeding modalities.”

• “If this isn’t an emergency, we’d like a few moments to discuss this in private.”

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No matter what, remember that regardless of how you’re choosing to feed your new baby, you deserve to be supported in that decision, especially by medical personnel.

5 Diaper Bag Essentials for New Moms*

When I had Forrest, I really did not put a lot of thought into the diaper bag I chose. I remember feeling just a little bit judgmental of the moms who spent hours pouring over what diaper bag to get. I just didn’t get it.

I get it now, I really do.

Diaper bags are a thing of mystery sometimes: they can be cavernous and full of all kinds of debris; or they can be super organized and ready to roll. And both of those can be the same person, depending on the day. I ended up hating the diaper bag I used with Forrest and I told myself if I had a second baby, I would find one I loved.

I was recently approached by Keababies to try out their Explorer Backpack Diaper Bag. It’s a diaper bag that is a backpack shape and, let me tell you, this really is a dream diaper bag. Take it from someone who had a complicated relationship with leaving the house with my baby! Keababies Explorer Backpack Diaper Bag is a perfect diaper bag in my opinion. I thought I’d share my 5 diaper bag essentials, and why, illustrated with this dynamo of a diaper bag!

1. The Perfect Diaper Bag

I recently got the opportunity to check out the Keababies Explorer Backpack Diaper Bag. It comes in a few different colors, but I picked the classic gray color—it is really cute! That’s really the first thing. I like cute things; I like functional things; it’s great if those two desires can be combined! And they are in this diaper bag.

I love the backpack style because it makes it easy to be on-the-go with babies. The diaper bag I used with Forrest was really bulky and yet, didn’t have enough room for my things as well. The Explorer backpack has plenty of room for all your diaper bag essentials, plus your wallet, cell phone, and keys. My absolute favorite feature is the two straps at the top (you can’t see them in my photo!) that you can use to attach it to your stroller, giving you easy access to everything.

2. The Feeding Basics

I really am a less-is-more kind of girl; I don’t usually carry around a whole lot of stuff. However, when you have a baby, what you need is sort of… a lot at all times. If you’re breastfeeding, it’s a little easier; you just kind of need your boobs.

However, with Forrest, I was pumping and using formula at the same time, so I often needed multiple bottles, even for a short trip. Sometimes it felt like leaving the house was more effort than it was worth! I needed a bottle of breastmilk, plus a bottle of water and packets of formula. However, that’s another great feature of the Explorer Backpack; it is insulated! That means, you can keep your bottles at the temperature you need them. The bottle holder in the front is absolutely perfect; you can carry a bottle for feeding, plus two for pumping if you need it; plus there is room in the same pocket for any accessories you might need, like burp clothes, nipple guards, and more.

3. A Change of Clothes (or 2)

This one is pretty standard: in case of emergency, you need clothes for your little one and maybe yourself. I always kept two changes of clothes in the car for Forrest; not necessarily in our diaper bag, but just available. I also started keeping a change of top for myself in the car—either a plain t-shirt or a sweatshirt depending on the season. This is because when you’re wearing your child, sometimes they will just spit up down your front—so if you have more places to go, you will want to change that top!

To this advice, I suggest buying clothes specifically to keep in your diaper bag or car. Sometimes, I would lose track of Forrest’s clothes for weeks, only to remember I had packed them up as spares. Buying a few plain onesies and a plain pair of sweatpants that you won’t miss is better than packing something you love, only to realize your baby has outgrown it while it’s been in your diaper bag.

4. More Wipes Than You Think You’ll Need

You will see the cute packs of wipes with decorative covers. My sister-in-law gave me the cutest reusable wipes cover. However: it was far too small for any packs of wipes. Besides, you will always need more wipes than you think you need. If you think you’re running low on wipes, you’re already too far gone, you need to buy wipes immediately. The time between “oh, we’re kind of low on wipes” and “I guess I’m rinsing my baby’s butt in the sink” is razor thin. My advice: pack more wipes than you think you will ever humanly need. Two big Costco packs, if you can: one in the diaper bag and a spare in the car. Maybe 2 spares in the car.

Another great feature of the Explorer Backpack: a really roomy main storage compartment. Perfect for those big blocks of wipes and diapers. (For diapers, I recommend having 5-6 with you at all times, depending on the age of your baby! Make sure to double check sizes frequently.) Wipes are good for everything, not just booties: runny noses, sticky hands, spilled milk, spit up, everything. You need lots of wipes.

5. A Changing Pad

Let me tell you: having a changing pad (aka a really small, compact pad that you can fold out to put under your baby while you change their diaper) is one of the best things I can suggest to new parents. In all likelihood, you aren’t ever going to be able to use changing tables in public spaces—most of the time, they are nasty. They’re also super rickety—I never felt comfortable putting Forrest on one, afraid he would roll off.

The best part about the Explorer Diaper Backpack is that in the back pocket, there is a large, fold out changing pad—perfect for those on-the-go changes in bathrooms, the back of your car, airports, wherever. You can easily wipe it clean and put it back. I would estimate the size as about a foot by a foot and a half, which doesn’t sound big, but is; it’s also really padded, which means it’s much more comfortable for your baby.

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I hope this helps you get that diaper bag organized for your baby, or soon-to-be baby! I have missed writing about baby stuff and even though I’m not expecting myself (I am the 1%, it feels like!), a ton of my friends are. If you’d like to try the Keababies Explorer Backpack yourself, I highly recommend it; you can use my code pauses2021 at check out.

Disclaimer: as indicated by the asterisk (*) in the title, this blog post is written using a sponsored product. I received the Explorer backpack free in exchange for review. Posts like this help me keep the lights on! As well, links throughout this post are affiliate links and by using them or my code, I will receive a small kickback from Keababies. Posts like this help me keep Writing Between Pauses running! If you’d like to learn more about my disclosure and advertising policy, click here.

Is it Too Early to Introduce Journaling to my Kids?

I’ll be the first to tell you: staying home all day with kids, with no break, and trying to keep them a) entertained, b) educationally stimulated, and c) emotionally taken care of is a challenge. When I had Forrest, I didn’t think that in 4 1/2 years I would be handed the absolute weirdest historical event to raise him in.

The other day, I was talking to my mother (on the phone, of course) about how hard it has been lately to get everything done and take care of Forrest. I usually don’t struggle with this day-to-day… but without preschool, without childcare, and without Danny now that he’s gone back to school, everything falls on me.

I don’t want Forrest’s first memories to be of this time, to be quite honest, but unfortunately it’s not up to me at this point; and I definitely don’t want his first memories to be of me losing my patience with him because I need to finish writing copy for a client. (As important as that copy is!)

As I’ve written, I’ve been working on developing some preschool activities for Forrest. I won’t say I’m homeschooling—it’s definitely not that strenuous, but I’m doing my best! He has always been a child that needs constant mental stimulation; he’s very good at playing independently, but it’s extremely curious and wants to ask questions and learn all the time. It’s one of my favorite things about him! But as a non-educator, it’s definitely a challenge for me as it’s definitely not my personality type. (You can read about how I’ve organized our daily schedule here! I have made some changes to this, so I’ll be writing an updated version soon.)

One thing I’ve started trying to incorporate daily is journaling. It got me thinking: when is it the right time to introduce journaling? I love journaling (you can read all my posts about it here) and it’s something I want Forrest to love too. It’s an incredibly valuable way to destress, record your memories, and focus on good memories—letting the others fall to the wayside.

Here’s what I learned through researching:

• It’s never too early to introduce writing skills. At 4, Forrest can write his name and write some simple words. He very badly wants to be able to write notes! This felt like the perfect time to help him work on his early writing skills. We’ve been doing lots of letter tracing, practicing with pencils, and more. A lot of learning to write is learning to hold a pencil and creating those muscle memories and groups.

• Keep it age appropriate. Your 5-year-old isn’t going to sit down and write a thoughtful journal entry. Keep it to writing about one event during the day and how they felt.

• Don’t take it too seriously. If it becomes frustrating, put it away for both of you.

• The benefits are numerous. Journaling, and learning to write early, has a lot of benefits: better communication skills, better writing and reading skills, and an opportunity to work through big emotions.

There doesn’t seem to be an age limit to introducing journaling!

Introducing Journaling to a 4-Year-Old

Did it go well at first? Not really. Forrest was a little perplexed by the exercise, but he’s come around. As I said, he really wants to write. Badly. He wants to be able to write notes, to read, to satisfy his curiosity. Journaling will be a very positive thing for him once he gets a bit better at writing.

We started with supplies.

I ordered Forrest a primary school notebook to start journaling in. It’s a a basic primary school notebook: the top half of the page is blank (for drawing a picture) and then has primary lining on the second half to write a description or journal entry. (There is also a space at the top to write the date!) Every day, I’ve been having him draw a picture about something he did during the day. The first day, he drew a picture of himself dancing. The second day, a picture of the apple crisp we baked. Then, I helped him write a sentence about it, as well as the day’s date. Usually, this is us sounding out words and writing letters.

To help him write, I also got him some basic pencils and some pencil grippers. The pencil grippers are triangular (I’m sure everyone reading this remembers them! I used them for years) and help new writers learn to hold a pencil. Plus, it widens the part they are gripping and makes it easier for little hands. I was going to order some of the thicker kindergarten pencils, but Danny encouraged me not to; it’s better for Forrest to learn to hold a thinner pencil correctly.

If you’ve got a 4-5 year old, these are all cheap supplies you can get just about anywhere and make writing easier.

We try to journal right after dinner or during quiet time. I want to teach him that it’s a good way to wind down in the evening, take a break, and think through the day. He sees me journal a lot and I’m hoping this becomes a habit that is easy for him to keep! Plus, it will be fun to look back on these journal entries later. During a quarantine, his memories are a mix of things we did and random things (like dancing, playing with his Superman toys, or taking a nap on the couch).

Now, it’s your turn: are you considering introducing journaling to your kids? What’s holding you back?

Disclaimer: This post does contain Amazon Affiliate links.

How to Prepare Your Toddler for Preschool

Forrest turns 4 this year. That’s right: 4 years old. I know a lot of people have read my blog for a very long time might be a little shocked by that—I mean, I’m shocked by it. And I was the one who was pregnant and has raised him for the past 4 years!

The first time your child goes to preschool, it feels like that first step towards “they’re not my little baby anymore.” It can be a big deal. Even for moms who work, going to school for the first time is a big first step. And for moms like me, who have radically altered their work schedules and how they work so that they can spend maximum time with their child, that first day of preschool can be big.

Forrest attended preschool last year, a year earlier (sort of) that he would if I followed a traditional schedule. Since the moment he was born, I’ve debated when to send Forrest to school; with a late September birthday, he falls just outside the typical cut off for birthdays. That means, he will either just a bit under a year older than his classmates, or I could send him to school early (aka get approval for him to start early) and he would be just a little under a year younger. We haven’t officially made a decision about kindergarten (we have some time), but we did try to find a preschool last year that would take him at 2-turning-3, instead of waiting an extra year.

(It goes without saying: he’s doing a second year of 3-year-old preschool this year until we decide what schedule we’ll be following for kindergarten!)

Even though I knew he was ready for school, and he was so excited for school, it was still a big adjustment for all of us. Some kids are definitely readier than others when it comes to starting school.

I know in some parts of the U.S., preschool has already started. But here in Oregon, school doesn’t start until after Labor Day. I thought I’d share a few of my tips I learned last year, and that I’m repeating this year, to help you prepare your child for school.

1. Act as Preschool’s Hype Man

Before your child starts preschool, talk about it constantly. (The same goes for daycare too! If you’re starting children at daycare after the age of 1, talking about how fun daycare is, and talking about it positively frequently, can make a huge difference in how kids react to it.) Talk about how fun preschool will be, all the fun things they will get to do, how many fun kids they’ll get to meet…

Basically, be a hype man… for preschool. Make it sounds like Disneyland. Make it sounds as fun as your kids favorite thing. This will get them in a positive mindset for school from the start.

One thing to definitely avoid is talking about “missing” them at school, or feeling sad that they’ll be at school. It’s totally ok to feel those feelings (no judgement, it can be VERY sad), but try to keep your child from knowing you feel sad or will miss them. If they say, “But I’ll miss you!” respond in a positive way.

2. Remind Them You’ll Come Back

“Grown ups come back!” Thats the song featured in the Daniel Tiger episode about the first day of school—and it’s one I highly recommend for all kids starting school, even if they’ve gone before. Kids can struggle with being unsure, so reminding them, as often as possible, that you’ll leave them at school, but you will come back is a big deal.

As you’re hyping up preschool, it’s important to also keep up with the reminders that school isn’t forever (all day), that it’s just a few hours and you will be back to pick them up. Or, if they’re being picked up by someone else (like a daycare employee, your mom, whoever), that person will be there to get them and they are safe.

3. Pack a Reminder of You

If you’re really worried about your child feeling separation anxiety, pack something to keep close to them of yours. Most preschool teachers would prefer this not be a toy (nothing like a good fight over a toy from home right at the start of the year). However, pictures, a special locket they can wear, or a small trinket from home can help them feel more secure. They can look at it or hold it for a while; otherwise, it can stay in their backpack for most of the day, just a small reminder that you’ll come back to get them or see them later.

4. Make Your Goodbye Quick

This one is easy: when dropping them off that first day, you’ll be tempted to watch them, stay with them, or play with them for a little while. But I encourage you not to. Say hi to their teacher, give them a quick kiss and hug, remind them you’ll be back to get them, and leave. Don’t linger and definitely don’t cry as you leave. (I definitely cried the moment I got in the car after dropping Forrest off the first time!)

A quick goodbye keeps them from being able to drag it out, get upset, or get used to you being there. Make sure they are introduced to the teacher and feel comfortable with them. Then make your getaway, treat yourself to a nice Starbucks (or coffee of your choice), and enjoy a few hours while your kiddo is at school.

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That’s it! 4 tips that might make your transition to preschool just a little bit easier this year (or whenever you send your baby to preschool for the first time). Do you have any other tips? Share with me in the comments!

The Moving Diaries: Is It Normal to Feel Sad?

5 years ago, Danny & I bought our first home together. It wasn’t perfect. There were a lot of things, right from the get go, that we didn’t love. We had our home built on land I already owned, so we considered it our forever home.

Fast forward a few years: several job changes, a pregnancy, a newborn turned toddler turned preschooler… and suddenly that house just wasn’t right anymore. It felt tiny. We were cramped, on top of each other, and the prospect of adding another child felt absolutely impossible.

A year ago, we decided to build a second home. We would make better decisions this time! We will pick a better plan, build in a better spot, do all the things we didn’t last time. (I will write more about the process of building your own home later. I know this is a totally privileged thing that many people can’t imagine, so just know, if you’re gaping at your computer, I totally acknowledge that.)

Our home was completed last week. It was about 2 or 3 weeks behind schedule by that point. And when I say completed, I don’t mean… “completed.” It wasn’t really completed. (Again: I can write about this later.)

But either way, we started moving our things out of our home into our new forever home. I was ecstatic.

We moved things for 3 days in the evenings: piece by piece, it felt like the slowest process ever. But there was only so much we could do as two people! On Friday, we went to IKEA to buy some new furniture (including a new kitchen table) and then thankfully Danny’s parents arrived and helped us move boxes and furniture.

Friday night, we all slept in our new home for the first time. Forrest’s room was mostly put together, but in our room, we only had our mattress on our box spring on the floor (our bed frame is still on a delivery truck somewhere!). I had a suitcase and my toiletries and that was about it.

I told Danny, “it feels like we are on a really weird, shitty camping trip.” That feeling isn’t helped by the fact that our contractor hasn’t really finished our upstairs toilet in the master bathroom (again, more on this later!) and 50% of our possessions are still in a different house.

My anxiety was high Friday night. Like really high.

Remus is also an anxious being (in that specifically hyper chocolate lab sort of way), so he woke me up 3 times during the night. He would run outside and pee, then look at me as if asking, “Can we go home?”

And at 3am, my last wake up, I briefly thought: let’s just go home. I started to panic. Do I really want to live in this strange house that doesn’t smell like me? Do I really want to leave all my memories behind?

I thought of all the memories I have of our old house. I let Remus back inside, locked the patio door, went upstairs, and cried while Danny slept. I panicked and cried and felt horribly sad.

I thought of bringing Forrest home—anxious, swollen, bleeding, looking wretched—and seeing the sign my sister-in-law Amy made and put on our front door. I remember sitting upstairs with him, pumping and feeding him, while my family sat downstairs. I thought of the hours I spent holding him during naps on the couch: the light shining through our windows in such a specific way.

I thought of painting our living room wall grey last summer, our breakfasts in our kitchen, standing at the counter making Christmas cookies with Fo.

For once, I thought not of all the things that I didn’t like about that house (the cramped layout, the lack of a closet in the master bedroom, the teeny tiny bathrooms) and I thought about all the things I loved. Sitting with Forrest in his room, reading him Harry Potter. Being in his room when he was 2 weeks old and wouldn’t stop crying and not knowing what to do. The long nights I spent awake and pumping. The sink where I washed all his bottles. Seeing him walk for the first time. Getting home from Disneyland with him and being so relieved and sad.

When Danny finally woke up, I told him I felt panicked. I think a lot of it was the feeling of being totally overwhelmed: we still have so much to pack and move and I feel rushed and anxious to get it done. I want to do it, but I also wish I could hand off the wheel and let someone else (anyone else!) do it! Mostly, I just felt sad.

Danny assured me that this seemed normal: we’re in a new house that doesn’t feel like “us” yet even though it is very “us”. We will get used to it and we will love it.

The same feeling hit me later on Saturday. (I’m actually typing this up Saturday, so it’s a particularly fresh memory.) I ran to the old house one last time—at 8pm, of course—to get my computer. I needed, in order to feel sane, to set up my computer. To get all my desk things and arrange them on my new desk and sit and work and feel normal. I went to the house and packed up my office… then I went into Forrest’s room.

Forrest has gotten a big bed in the new house. He’s incredibly proud of it. But in his old bedroom, his toddler bed is still sitting there, along with some of his toys and some boxed up clothes. About half his books are still there too. (Like I said, so much to move still!) I collected up all his clothes to pack into the car and as I walked out of his room, I started to cry. Again.

It hit me like a wave. To me, that was Forrest’s room. It always will be. I took all his weekly and monthly progression photos in that room on his chevron carpet. I rocked him to sleep every single night for two years—and have read him a story and sang him 3 songs every single night for about 1 and a half more. That room is his room: it feels like him, it smells like him. But we’re emptying it out, shaking out all the things that are Forrest to make into a new space. And while he loves his new room, I can’t help but think of him crawling across the floor, the nights I ran in when I heard him sick and crying, reading him Harry Potter while he drank his last bottle for the night. That toddler bed will be moved to the new house and have the front put back on in anticipation of a new baby: one I don’t know yet, who will fill our lives the way Forrest does.

Moving is hard. As someone said to me on Twitter, moving is nothing but trauma. Change is hard and locational change is particularly difficult for me, someone who is incredibly anchored by my physical space. Not being able to clean and organize the way I want makes it hard for me to feel anything but adrift.

I don’t know if it’s totally normal to be sad over moving. I cried when I moved out of all of my college dorms, however; I cried when I left my college apartment. I cried when I drove away from Caldwell, Idaho, a town I had viscerally hated for 4 years (and now return to on vacations at least twice a year). I cried when I moved out my parents’ house. I cried when I moved in our old house. I suppose for me it is normal, but it feels like this time it has hit me a lot harder than it did before.

It’s a total cliche, but it’s true: moving is hard. It stresses everyone out. And now being the one in charge of the moving (no one is holding my hand and helping me make these decisions!), it’s even more stressful.

I don’t have a real clear message to end this post on. It’s a much more personal one than I usually post. I guess what I’m saying is: I don’t know if it’s “normal” to feel sad when you’re moving, but with emotions running so high, I can’t imagine it’s a new phenomenon either. If you’re moving and feeling sad, tell me about it!