Getting Back on Track

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In my newsletter a few weeks ago, I wrote about how I'd been having really bad anxiety lately caused by a mix of macro and micro issues. For me, macro issues are global: things are happening every single day that just feel, well, bad, and it can be very scary. Micro issues are personal, individual, smaller issues that give me anxiety. The macro puts me in an anxious mood; the micro issues push me over the edge. So that when I freak out about a bunch of bugs in my living room that I need to vacuum up despite being terrified of bugs, I'm actually freaking out about the threat of nuclear war. 

For that reason, my blog, my Instagram, and my newsletter have been kind of all over the place. I tell myself that, for the sake of my mental health, I need to take a break. So I do. Then I feel bad about not blogging, about not writing my newsletter on Friday evening so it can send on Saturday, about not scheduling a blog post all week despite having a very clear editorial calendar set up. 

Then I get more anxious about it. And thus, the cycle continues. 

I've been thinking about this a lot lately. I love blogging; I love that it gives me something to do that isn't horribly high-pressured outside of my day job. I can experiment with methods here that I can use in my day job. I like having a sense of purpose in everything I do and blogging gives me something to do in my downtime. But I know I can take it a little too seriously. Almost too seriously. 

I get very overwhelmed very easily, despite the fact that I seem to always be looking for something new to take on! I've let myself get too overwhelmed because I try to stay up to date on everything: politics, blogging, what's happening in content marketing. It does not help that I often spend evenings working for my day job, doing tasks for social media and more in the time between when my son goes to bed and I do. 

So what's a girl to do? 

As I've written before, I know I need to work on forgiving myself. I know I live a relatively easy life and, for that reason, I often feel like I can never slack off because I need to earn what I have. As well, I know I need to be easier on myself when it comes to finishing things; it doesn't have to be perfect and my version of success doesn't have to be others versions of success. I don't want to be a blogging phenom; it's hard when the measure of success in the blogging community is a certain level. But realistically, I don't want hundreds of thousands of people reading my blog or emailing me! 

A few months ago, I was doing a great job reducing my anxiety through working out, giving myself real time where I didn't do anything, and saying "no" to new tasks. I know I need to take that on again, so this is a way to hold myself accountable. If you're struggling right now too, I hope you join me.