Things I Love: October 27

Another week, another TiLT! I wrote about turning 30 last week, because I was feeling sad and a bit panicky. But I’m going to return to my original format this week because I have a few things to talk about. (As always, you can read all my past Things I Love posts here.)

Here’s everything I loved this week.

1. New Skincare Products

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A post shared by Michelle 💐 (@michellelocke6) on Oct 26, 2018 at 9:51am PDT

I swear, I’ve been inundated with skincare products this week. Skincare is one of the hardest things for me to try and review because it takes a long time to get an idea of what the product does. And as someone whose skin is almost entirely controlled by my hormonal cycle, it is just really hard to know if results are because of a product or because of a change in my hormones!

However, I received these products from Influenster, which is very, very exciting. I don’t react very well to vitamin C serums, but hyaluronic acid is my absolute best friend these days. I’ll have a full review of these soon, as well as some other exciting skincare products!

2. Tan France Being Tan France

Watch as @hasanminhaj get's "Queer Eye'd" by @TanFrance pic.twitter.com/40ISIArvNB

— Netflix US (@netflix) October 25, 2018

If you haven’t watched this new clip, a promo for Hasan Minhaj’s new show, then stop everything and watch it. Tan France is such a delight and so is Hasan (who I loved on the Daily Show). Them together is absolutely magical. (And I really need to know who hurt the girl around the 2:30 minute mark! Tell us everything, sweetie!)

3. The Trees Outside My House Are Finally Changing

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A post shared by Michelle 💐 (@michellelocke6) on Oct 25, 2018 at 9:04pm PDT

I remarked on Instagram last week that the leaves still aren’t changing around my house yet. Some trees had already gone and were losing leaves. But the huge maple outside my house was ALL GREEN. Well, finally in the last two days, they started to change. It is finally getting a bit colder here and we had our first rain yesterday. The winter is on its way, but I am soaking up these last days of Oregon’s Autumn. The leaves are all beautiful right now because we haven’t gotten much rain. Everything is lush. I’m in heaven.

What are you loving this week?

Things I Love: October 20

Well, it’s here. It’s arrived.

Today, I’m 30 years old.

When I was a teenager, 30 felt ancient. You always watch movies and it seems like by 30, most people have their shit together—and the people who don’t really, really, really do not have it together, but are actively working to get it together. Prime example? All the FRIENDS characters were in their mid-20s in the pilot episode (25-27, roughly).

Your 20s are supposed to be for finding yourself, getting it together, and setting yourself up for success in your 30s.

But what if you are staring down at being 30 and feel like you don’t have any of the pieces of your life just right?

I realize it sounds a little crazy for a parent to write that. Shouldn’t I, as the keeper of a small child, who depends on me, have it all figured out? Shouldn’t I have a plan?

The other day, I had a moment where I really, truly had a panic attack about turning 30. I can’t really put my finger on why I suddenly felt desperately, horribly afraid of turning 30. Most days, I spend my time on autopilot: I get my work done, I take care of Forrest, I make dinner, I clean the house top to bottom nearly every week. It feels like I’m stuck on a clock.

Writing this blog has been a huge way for me to keep “a bit of myself” as I descended into motherhood. Writing about beauty products and how I use them is freeing. And I want other mothers to feel free as well, to remember that it’s ok to take care of yourself alongside everyone else.

But on Sunday, I looked in the mirror and I thought, “I don’t know this person.”

I started reading blog posts and articles about turning 30, about being a mother, about self-care after 30 and realizing that my crisis isn’t specifically unique. But it is my own.

When I had Forrest, it felt like I was swallowed. Like “motherhood”—the big behemoth of motherhood—swallowed me up whole. For a long time, I didn’t really know who I was outside of being a mother. My days are dominated by Forrest and Forrest’s needs. I’m not resentful about it anymore; I’ve managed to regain a little bit of my foothold and feel like me.

But the woman I see in the mirror isn’t… me anymore. We all change as we age, but there is something about this change that feels particularly unwelcome. I don’t look older necessarily (I can thank my round face for that one), but i just don’t look like myself. I think this said it best, from an article called “What I Learned About Self-Care After 30”:

“I was so consumed with being selfless that I never stopped to take care of myself, and it pretty much came to a head all at once.
I was nearing the end of my 20s when I looked in the mirror and barely recognized myself one day as I got out of the shower. I used to love doing face masks, getting my nails done, making sure my hair was cut, but most importantly, feeling good about myself and the way I presented myself to the world. That all had kinda stopped. Instead, I was staring back at a tired, overworked mom who hadn’t gotten a haircut in a whole year and couldn’t remember the last time she had a pedicure or even plucked her eyebrows. I felt horrible, and it pretty much got worse from there.”

Remember how I mentioned that I hadn’t gotten a haircut in three whole years?

3 years! I went 3 years without a haircut! Without doing basic maintenance on myself.

I’m not quite as freaked out about turning 30 today as I was a few days ago. I’m still the same person I was then.

It is hard to compartmentalize my life: to be a blogger, a writer, a professional, and a mother. I am all of those things at once, but sometimes… well, most of the time, being a mother trumps them all. I will abandon blog posts, I will leave work early, all for my child. Because that’s my job. But is leaving myself last on the list—running myself ragged, not taking time to see my friends or do things I enjoy—part of that too?

It’s not. My goal for turning 30 is this: to start taking time to really focus on myself, to let myself become a person I recognize again, and to dedicate time to being the best mother, professional, and blogger I can be. Not just one.

This is a bit of a different Things I Love isn’t it? I started out writing it fully intending to transition to my usual TiLT posts… but I’d rather leave it at this. I hope you all have a wonderful Saturday!

Things I Love: October 13

You know what I love most about these posts? Being able to look back and see what was going on in my life this time last year. (You can read all my past Things I Love posts here.) It’s funny to imagine a year from now remembering this week through this very post.

It’s been a big week here! Danny’s parents are visiting, Forrest has had a third cold, and Danny had a day off yesterday. I’ve been working nonstop it feels like, plus I’ve been deep cleaning just about everything in my house. (Is this, perhaps, the Mrs. Hinch effect?) I have a lot of things on my list this week, but as usual, I’ve narrowed my TiLT to just three.

1. Fall Leaves

It’s so funny that some trees are already completely gone over to yellow, orange, or red; some trees are still half-and-half; and some trees, like the gigantic cedar just outside Danny & I’s house, are still completely green! I’m so thankful this year that the changing leaves is less all-at-once and more one-at-a-time. It gives me a little bit more time to enjoy those leaves (and take photos like these ones).

2. Spooky Season Is Here

1) THEY DID THE MONSTER MASH
2) IT WAS A GRAVEYARD SMASH
3) IT CAUGHT IN A FLASH pic.twitter.com/OHzfpqeqH3

— Yung Pazuzu (@RussellFalcon) October 3, 2018

Danny and I have a rule that we don’t watch certain movies outside of October. They are specifically for the run up to Halloween. This includes the Saw series, Halloween, Friday the 13th, Coraline, and a few more. Every night for the past week, we’ve been picking one of our scary movies from our collection and watching it. I don’t mention this much, but Danny is a movie collector, so we have a ton of movies—and I’m really grateful for it this time of year! I love finishing my workout, then going home to cross stitch and watch a classic scary movie!

3. Early Birthday Treats

My birthday is the 20th and I may or may not be turning 30 years old. I’m trying not to actively freak out about it because 30 feels very big. I don’t remember being freaked out by turning 20, but I do sometimes wish I’d been a more teenager-y teenager instead of the anxiety monster I was! Anyway, it’s a big birthday, obviously, and I’m easing myself into it by getting myself a few treats.

And surprise, Danny gave me some early birthday presents this week too. He got me a new deck of Tarot cards, as well as a book on witchcraft that I’ve been wanting. I treated myself to the Too Faced Dew You foundation, as well as a new pot of It Cosmetics Bye Bye Pores, my favorite setting powder of all time. I’ll have a full review of the foundation next month, but gosh, I love it already; it smells like watermelon!

Well, that’s it for this week. What have you been loving?

Things I Love: October 6

Welcome back to another edition of Things I Love (or TiLT)! If you’d like to read past TiLTs, click here.

How is your October going so far? If you’re doing Blogtober, are you drowning yet? I swear, the past week has been the fastest of my life. I really thought I’d have more time with Forrest in preschool, but I feel like I somehow have even less time.

Thankfully, it’s the best time of the year! I love, love, love October. Danny and I are on a little vacation this weekend (oh la la) so he can attend a teacher’s union event; Forrest and I are therefore having a little mommy-son bonding time. You can follow me on Instagram for photos from our little trip. MAKE SURE TO LINK.

Without further ado, here’s everything I’ve loved from the first week of October.

1. Happy Birthday, Forrest

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A post shared by Michelle 💐 (@michellelocke6) on Sep 30, 2018 at 8:58pm PDT

Sunday was Forrest’s birthday. It’s hard to believe that I’m the parent of a 3-year-old and not a baby anymore. And each day, I am consistently impressed with the wonderful, kind, caring, gentle boy he is. He loves nothing more than reading books, coloring, and playing with blocks. He loves school in the way that I loved school (which makes me so so proud). There are a million and one perfect, wonderful things I could write about Forrest, but I’ll keep this short: celebrating my boy is always going to be one of the best parts of my week.

2. Apple Picking & Assorted Apple Desserts

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A post shared by Michelle 💐 (@michellelocke6) on Sep 27, 2018 at 8:13pm PDT

Technically, I went apple picking last week. However, I’ve been making apple everything because I have about 10 pounds of apples in my house right now! I’ve made apple strudel, apple pie, apple hand pies, applesauce, and, of course, caramel apples. It’s a nonstop apple party at our house and it’s so, so worth it. (And if you don’t go apple picking, I highly recommend it! Support your local orchards!)

3. October Traditions

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A post shared by Michelle 💐 (@michellelocke6) on Sep 28, 2018 at 6:58pm PDT

Do you have a very specific October tradition? Mine is these cookies. In the first week of October, I have to buy and bake a box. It’s just the way I start the month! I got these ones mid-September to bake with Forrest before his birthday, but during the week, I definitely picked up a new box to make! They’re the perfect little cookie. Yes, I know they are processed as hell. Yes, I know they aren’t really that good as far as cookies go. But I love them. They are nostalgia in a box!

Things I Love: December 23

It's another Things I Love... but this time it's an "it's almost Christmas!" edition. 

Danny and I are currently in Idaho to celebrate Christmas with his family. We had an exciting trip getting here (3 inches of packed snow on the pass we have to drive to get here? Sure!), but we are glad to be here and we have plenty to celebrate and love this week. Considering we almost called it off, we are really excited and lucky to be here. (Getting home will be a different story!) 

I'm glad I planned to do another Things I Love today; I think it's the perfect time of year for it. So without further ado, here's everything I'm loving from this past week. 

1. Finishing my Advent Calendar

Have I put this on both of my TiL's this month? Yes. Do I regret it? No. As I mentioned in the review post I wrote about it, I'd never done an advent calendar that wasn't just waxy pieces of chocolate and the Night Before Christmas poem behind each door! So it's quite exciting and different for me. I posted each day's item on my Instagram as well, which was a fun series (even if a lot of people were totally bored by it)! 

2. Making new Christmas Traditions with Forrest

I'm very used to celebrating Christmas at my house with my family. Visiting Danny's family for Christmas is an entirely new experience and I realized it's made me actually have more fun than I thought I would. As well, Forrest is having a blast here in Idaho. It snowed yesterday evening; we decorated cookies our first night in town; and we spent Friday visiting friends, going shopping, and watching Christmas movies. (You can read my post about all my favorite Christmas traditions here.) 

3. My daily gratitude thread

I recently started challenging myself to post a short list of things I'm grateful for every single day on Twitter. I really enjoy doing it every day and while most people seem to ignore it (it's mainly for myself), it's something I want to try to keep up through the new year.