10 Tips for Soon-to-Be New Moms

No less than 7 of my friends and acquaintances announced their pregnancies over the week of Christmas. As I look back wistfully at my pregnancy (and the fast-approaching end of my maternity leave), there are some things I wish I'd known about what was about to happen to me and my life. I survived the first 3 months of Forrest's life. That's a pretty big achievement. Here's what I've learned: 

1. The baby is either going to sleep or it won't. Don't sweat it. 

"My baby wakes up every 2 hours. Help!" 

"My baby has been sleeping for 5 hours, at what point should I call 911?" 

Every baby is different. Some will sleep, some won't. Some will want to eat and play every two hours. Some will be out for 6-8 at night from the beginning. And, at any moment, this could change. A typical every-two-hours baby will suddenly sleep through the night. And those magic babies that people brag about will suddenly start waking up every two hours. Because, here's the thing, babies like to keep you on your toes. Nothing is permanent. Nothing. 

2. You don't need the fanciest stroller or car seat or whatever. 

There is a major dick-measuring group of mommies out there who love their strollers and want to tell you all about how spending $1,000 on a piece of plastic is soooo much better than the cheaper options. Ignore these people (and please don't become one). Get the Graco or Chicco or whatever set that is in your price range. It's just as safe as the others. Really. As long as you install it properly. The stroller will be just as confusing to unfold in the rain in the Target parking lot. The baby won't know, nor will the baby judge you for it. Because undoubtedly, no matter what stroller and car seat you use, the baby will inevitably scream through the entire store in it. 

3. "I will never..." are words that you will eat. 

"I will never co-sleep!" I crowed, repeatedly, while pregnant. I swore up and down. Forrest sleeps, happily, next to me every single night. I set lots of rules for myself: walks in the park, grocery shopping, keeping the house clean, scheduling naps. I have yet to keep a single promise I made to myself while pregnant. Things change. The baby you end up giving birth to will never be the one you planned to have. That's ok! Do whatever it takes and don't feel bad about it. 

4. Feed the baby. 

Just feed the baby. Stop stressing about breastfeeding if it's hard. It's ok to supplement. It's ok to go to formula. It doesn't make you a failure or a bad mom. And if breastfeeding is going great, that's awesome--but it doesn't make you better than anyone else. We're all just feeding babies here. Just feed the baby. Resist the urge to smack the Target cashier who sneers when you buy formula, or more nipple pads, or rice cereal. It's your baby. Feed it.  

5. Stop Google-ing everything.

I have Googled baby poop, eye pictures, ear pictures, and rib cages. I have frantically, usually while rocking Forrest, read the same 4 pages of links regarding sleep training over and over again. I have repeatedly Googled how to sleep train without resorting to CIO and Ferbering. I have typed, in all caps no less, "MY BABY WON'T GO TO SLEEP AHHHH" into Google at least three times. Resist the urge. Stop using Google. Expel it from your mind. You'll only drive yourself crazy. 

Instead, call the pediatrician. It's ok to drive them a little crazy with your crazy. 

6. You will miss being pregnant.

I hated being pregnant. Capital H, HATED, pregnancy. And yet, about two weeks after Forrest was born, I started missing it. I found myself thinking wistfully of the nights I could feel him kicking as I fell asleep. It is a strange phenomena to immediately miss the state you couldn't wait to escape, but there it is. You will miss being pregnant, you will miss your little human being a part of you, you will miss being able to keep them 100% safe inside of you. It's ok. Just don't get pregnant again right away, for the love of God. 

7. Find a good group of moms. 

Find a mom group to join on Facebook. I have an October due date group on Facebook and I spend 90% of my time there. Danny is probably tired of hearing about them. In most conversations, I say, "In my October due date group on Facebook..." at least four times. I can't help it. I get all my advice from them. They answer all my questions. We complain about our babies and husbands and dogs and houses in the privacy of the group. Find a small group to join. Don't start fights. Avoid talking about vaccinations. Be nice to them. 

8. Whatever you feel, it's ok. 

You will have a moment where you wonder why you thought you do this. You will have a moment where you wonder what you're doing, if you should just wait until your husband and baby are asleep and quietly pack up and leave. You will have moments where you wish with everything in you that someone would just show up and take the baby for an hour, two hours, a week maybe. It's ok. We've been there. 

9. If you have anything you particularly enjoy doing, you probably won't do it for a while. 

Case in point, I've been writing this blog post since October 25. I'm not kidding. I have only finished books because my 11+ lb baby pins me down for every nap. Forget cooking elaborate meals, washing your bedding, doing your hair the way you like it, or wearing anything dry clean only. 

10. You'll be really, really happy (even when you aren't). 

Taking on motherhood is one of the biggest challenges of our lives. It's amazing what we can do! It's also downright catastrophic in terms of how it completely alters your life and nothing can really prepare you for it. But even when you're awake at 2am and super cranky about it... you'll be happier than you've ever been. I promise. 

NaNoWriMo, Week 1

Why did I ever decide to do this? 

Forrest was sleep on my chest; I had bottles to wash, milk to pump, and a dog that desperately wanted to be fed, but instead, I was frantically typing on my computer. Forrest had been asleep for approximately 40 minutes, which meant he would either sleep for another twenty or another hour. That meant I had  either twenty minutes or an hour to write about 1,000 words, but it was impossible to tell which it was. So I typed as fast as I could to account for this variable.

I'm proud to say, however, despite these obstacles that I've written my required number of words everyday. I haven't written ahead at all, but I haven't fallen behind--and that's definitely an achievement. 

As I started November, I thought I was truly insane for attempting NaNoWriMo with a newborn (#nanowrimowithanewborn on Instagram). However, I've managed to stay on task every single day, which is genuinely surprising. It helped, really, that Forrest was born a little bit early and we'd established some semblance of a routine together. It also really helped that I'd ordered a Boba wrap to help me throughout the day: I can walk, wash dishes, take out the trash, and, most importantly, write--all with Forrest strapped to my chest. 

This didn't, however, change me from often wondering why, exactly, I wanted to take on this challenge this year, of all years. Then I remember: I wanted to do this to prove that I can, that I can be a mom and creative at the same time. 

This is just a short post that I feel like, so far, I've been able to prove that to myself. I can be a mom, I can nurture my baby, I can keep the house somewhat decent, and I can still be creative. And I'm pretty proud of that. 

Should You Use an Editorial Calendar?

"Use an editorial calendar!" How many times have I read that phrase in an article about better blogging? 

Too many times, to be perfectly honest. 

An editorial calendar is, essentially, a schedule for your blog. It can be complicated (a detailed spreadsheet or calendar of posts, needed pictures, and other steps) or it can be simple (a list of blog topics, potentially arranged on a calendar). 

If you're running a big business or a marketing company, editorial calendars make sense: with two-tiered editing processes, you need to have materials written far in advance to ensure they are posted on time. The practice of editorial calendars has traveled down to blogs: it has long been suggested that all bloggers use an editorial calendar of some kind to help plan their posts and keep content posted regularly. 

However, for a vast majority of personal bloggers, editorial calendars just aren't realistic. 

The reason for this is really two-fold. Firstly, editorial calendars remove the spontaneity from blogging, so if you're blogging purely for hobby or enjoyment, you're going to remove a part of the fun from the process. Second, editorial calendars can often start to feel oppressive, even for the most seasoned of entrepreneurs and those who use their blogs as a source of income. I don't know for certain that those who use editorial calendars are more likely to experience burn out, but whenever I've tried to strictly plan a month of blogging, I've found myself resenting it.

That being said, having a plan for your blog--either week-to-week or month-to-month--can be helpful in staying organized and always have something to post. If you're like me (and super busy with a job, a newborn, or an active social life), if I don't have content planned, my blog can be silent for days. 

There are lots of ways to keep content on your blog. An editorial calendar is just one method. Here's what I'm doing to keep content posted--but avoiding an editorial calendar: 

1. I write posts a week in advance at most.

I try to schedule all my posts for the week on Sunday, which means I spend the week before writing and editing them. I don't like to write posts more than a week in advance because 1) I end up really confused about what time period I need to write about and 2) I think it removes my voice from my blog too much. 

2. I keep a constant list of topics. 

I keep this list in my Happy Planner, where I write my daily journal and plan blogs for the week. This is just the easiest way for me to store ideas for future posts. Instead of trying to plan for a month or two months at a time, I plan for the week ahead (and potentially for major holidays). 

3. I don't do weekly features. 

Weekly features are great--I used to love Things I Love Thursday and the like. However, after a few weeks, I find it's easy to use them as a crutch: I don't plan content because I know I'll have a pre-set post for Thursday or Friday. Also, weekly features tend to get a little boring after a while. A few times a year is fine, but who wants to read a list of things you love every single week? 

4. If I decide I don't like a topic, I don't write about it. 

Last week, I intended to have this post written and posted on Friday. But I couldn't figure out an angle: what did I want to write about when it came to editorial calendars? I don't use one and I generally don't think they work for individual blogs. Because I couldn't decide what I wanted to post about, I waited--I didn't just churn out a post to have one. If you can't think of anything to write, writing fluff isn't the way to go. It doesn't benefit anyone. 

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Some bloggers thrive on using editorial calendars. It entirely depends on how you write and how you run your blog. Do you use an editorial calendar? How do you keep content organized? 

On Overcoming Writer's Block

It happens all the time: you're ready to write, you have an idea in mind, and you have the time to dedicate to getting it on the page. But the longer you stare at your computer screen, the stronger the desire to check Twitter, to rewrite your notes, to get a snack. Each sentence feels like you're pulling out your own teeth. It becomes physically painful to write. You have writer's block. 

During NaNoWriMo, writer's block can be a buzzkill. The more you try to write, the worse it gets. The more you ignore it, the further behind you get in the challenge. It's a catch-22. 

I have found writer's block to be heavily tied to procrastination: it's less that I can't think of what to write and more that I want to avoid the actual process of doing it. I might have hit a plateau in the story or I might suddenly hate the plot I picked up, but I know I have things to write about... I'm just bored with it. Writer's block is a convenient way for me to avoid doing the real, difficult work of writing through a crappy situation. 

But in the midst of NaNoWriMo, how can you work through the pain and get your word count in? Here are a few ideas. 

1. Rewrite your outline. 

Did you write an outline for your NaNoWriMo novel? If you didn't, consider creating a rough one now. As I've written before, an outline is one of the best ways to ensure success during NaNoWriMo. 

If you do have an outline, congrats! You have a few options. You can jump ahead to a future chapter that gets you excited again and at least get a word count in for the day. Or you can focus on reworking your outline to change the story enough to get excited again. Only spend about a half an hour doing this or else you'll spend a day tweaking your outline and avoiding writing, which is no bueno. Once you've got your outline set, get back on the horse. 

2. Do some writing exercises. 

I'm a big fan of doing short writing exercises to get myself excited again. There are tons to choose from and a quick Google search can give you a ton of ideas. Here are my favorites: 

• Write a list of 10 things you'd find in your main character's trash can. 
• Free write for 5 minutes. 
• Write a list of your main character's favorite things. 

Any writing exercise should only take you about 5-10 minutes tops. Once you're done, think of how that information will help you write your story--and maybe you've written something you can incorporate into your word count for the day. 

3. Let yourself move on. 

Really hating your plot? Really not wanting to continue? Guess what? You don't have to! 

The great thing about NaNoWriMo is that you don't have to write the perfect novel. You have every right to start a new novel in the middle of this one or to change everything after two chapters. It's your novel and you can always fix it later. For now, you're just getting words onto the page. Don't want to continue with your main character or your setting? Don't. Start fresh. I promise, it will be ok (and it's what revision is for)! 

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Share your #NaNoWriMo tips with me on Twitter!

How Can I Keep Creativity Alive?

I was on my approximately 3rd day wearing the same sweatpants and tank top when I realized I hadn't written in my planner or journal in a week and a half. Now, to most people, this thought would enter their mind and then pass without much other thought. So I fell behind on my journal. That's ok, right? 

No, it's actually not ok. At least for me. 

I have a memory that is simultaneously awesome and awful. I can remember the most minute trivia, but ask me what I did yesterday and I'll probably blank. If I don't write down every detail of Forrest's day (how much he ate, when, if he had poopy diapers), I won't really remember it... but I can remember which onesies he wore and in what order. If I don't write down Forrest's big milestones at the end of the day, I won't remember. I'll remember that it happened--but when and why and the context will slowly fade into oblivion. And yet I can remember the names of every contestant on Flavor of Love from 8 years ago. Thanks, brain! 

Even at my busiest, I have always kept some kind of written record of my life: notes jotted down in my journal, a list of things I'm grateful for, a writing notebook with every book I'd read for three years, a checklist of my homework I'd completed. Some people leave behind art; I intend to leave behind a meticulous detailing of my life. 

In the past few weeks, I've been using a Happy Planner to jot down notes of my day. I also decorate each week, so I get two creative exercises in one. But ever since I went into the hospital for preeclampsia, I've fallen behind. I've filled in maybe four days in the past three weeks and that's just barely. I haven't written in my journal or gotten any work done on NaNoWriMo. 

Being creative is incredibly important to me. My journals and planners are one way I stay creative even when I don't have the time, or emotional capacity, to create anything else. 

So when I neglect my journaling for a week... and then a week and a half... and suddenly I have about four weeks to write about... it becomes daunting. I know I'll never be able to cover everything I wanted to in those weeks. I already don't remember the details. 

I've devised a little plan to help myself stay creative. Here it is: 

1. Make time for it. My number one problem, really, is that when I get Forrest to nap, I either 1) sleep or 2) mindlessly browse the Internet or my phone. While sleeping is a great idea, mindlessly scrolling through my phone is not so much. When Forrest naps, if I can go without a nap, I need to spend time working on things that keep my creative brain active. 
2. Do NaNoWriMo. I have gone back and forth in the last few weeks about competing in NaNoWriMo this year. I was 100% set on it until I had Forrest--and realized just how sleep deprived I would become. However, I think I've gotten back to be 100% for it. Why? Because I know, more than anything, that NaNoWriMo will keep me motivated to write at least a little bit everyday. It can't hurt, right? (And I'm awake at 3am everyday anyway.) 
3. Ask for help. Have I mentioned how terrible I am at asking other people to help me? I tend to get really intense about things and forget that other people are available to help me. If that means asking my mom to come over so I nap or catch up, or asking Danny to watch Forrest while I write, I need to remember to do it. 

How do you keep creativity alive when you're super busy?  

The New Normal

I've sat down to write a blog post at least seven times in the last week. I've gotten out my list of topics; I've sat with my planner open; I've started writing... and every single time, I get distracted (usually by Forrest). I've tried to write about postpartum bodies, about Forrest's first weeks, about fashion. About anything. When I'm sleep deprived and struggling to stay awake between feedings, diaper changes, and more, it's hard to focus on articulating thoughts correctly... even though I have a lot to say about my first few weeks as a mom. 

I have spent nearly everyday at home since Forrest and I were released from the hospital. Except for doctor's appointments, I don't really leave the house. Danny and I have gone out to dinner together, sans Forrest, once; we've taken him out to eat with Danny's family once. I went to the grocery store for the first time on my birthday. I have gone to my own doctor's appointment solo once. Every minute of my day is dedicated to Forrest and making sure he eats and stays clean. A typical span of two hours in my house looks like this: feed Forrest; put Forrest to sleep (can take 10 minutes or three hours); transfer Forrest to swing or rocker; pump for a minimum of 30 minutes; clean bottles and pumping supplies; do one part of one chore (put laundry in the washing machine; wipe down the counters; throw away the dead flowers in the vase on the kitchen counter); and repeat. It is, to be honest, exhausting... and then I get to spend all night doing it. Yay! 

In the wee morning hours of my birthday, I sat in my glider, rocking Forrest for about 45 minutes in the vain attempt to get him to sleep. It was 2:30am and, of course, the longer he refused to close his very sleepy eyes, the more I cried. I sang every lullaby I could think of until I sang "Happy Birthday to me" through tears. I wanted so badly for him to go to sleep, to have a good day with him, to go to sleep myself. Then, I looked down at his little face: he'd finally drifted to sleep, closing his dark blue eyes and opening his little mouth to snore. I loved him so intensely at that moment, more powerfully than I have ever loved anything in my life, that it made up for how tired I was, how sad I felt about my birthday.  

It is very easy to make life with a newborn sound all bad. To outsiders (those without kids or who don't want kids ever), it probably sounds like some version of hell. You squeeze a very small human out of the most narrow part of your body and then, immediately begin a year-long sprint of sleep deprivation. They can't lift their own head; they poop and pee all the time, sometimes on you; none of their clothes fit; they communicate through screaming and grunting at you. 

But the raw facts of life with a newborn ignore the really great parts. Yes, Forrest spent three hours scream-crying at me yesterday, but he then spent ten minutes on the floor with me, just looking at my face. Yes, I worry constantly about how much he's eating; I pump and measure and stress and chug water to make sure my body makes enough food, but when he falls asleep on my chest and I finally have time to take a nap, I sometimes choose holding him close to me for just another hour... just because. 

I try not to miss the things I used to do. I'd love to have time for scrapbooking, for journaling, for writing blog posts and hanging out on Twitter; I'd love to sleep for 8 hours straight, make a lazy breakfast, and drink coffee while I watch Food Network. I try not to beat myself up about my messy bedroom, about the breastmilk stains on all my shirts. Because while I am missing all those things (and it would be a lie to say that sometimes I just wish I could have one more day to myself to do all of them), I also love everything new in my life... I just have to get used to it and I'm not quite there yet. 

My Favorite Blogs

I've been reading blogs longer than I've been maintaining a blog--and considering I started writing, seriously, on the internet in 2007, that's a long time! I've found lots of wonderful blogs over the years, but I always have my favorites. 

1. Girl Next Door (Charlotte) 

I feel like I’ve been reading Charlotte’s blog approximately forever... but I think I actually started in December 2009. Which is a really long time! I have this really embarrassing ability to track Charlotte's life from what outfits I remember her wearing. 

We’ve both changed our blogs so much since then, but we’ve remained blog friends through it. I still love her outfit posts, but I think I especially love her posts about running and lifestyle. I’m always jealous of how good her food looks on Instagram! (When I try to take pictures of food, it ends up looking like mush. Why is that?!) 

2. Rebel Angel and Big Cup Little Cup

Sian is another blog friend that I’ve been reading for what feels like ages. I actually think I found her through Charlotte’s blog! She has great outfit posts and I love reading about her life. She travels so much and I love her vacation posts... because I live vicariously through them! Sian also runs a lingerie blog that I love: I’ve learned more about bras from reading Sian than from anywhere else. 

3. A Beautiful Mess 

This is one blog that I read (and love) without actually knowing the people behind it. Emma and Elsie are insanely good at what they do... and what they do is create gorgeous content that people just want to share. I bought and am currently reading their Blog Life e-course and I’ve learned so much about marketing, blogging, and photography already. 

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hat are your favorite blogs? Share with me on Twitter! 

All About My New Blogging & Social Media Plan

You may have noticed how regularly I've been posting lately.

This isn't just out of boredom (although bed rest is certainly giving me a lot of time to plan and write). I recently decided to dedicate myself more fully to my blog, to writing, and to gaining freelance writing opportunities, as well as alternate forms of income. The main readers of my blog have, until this point, been my friends & family, as well as long-time blog friends and acquaintances.

Ultimately, I want to grow my readership... without jeopardizing the parts of my blog that I love (basically, being able to write about my life). I also want to start focusing on one of my little known passions: digital marketing strategy and planning, as well as content creation. You might have noticed a few posts of that variety recently. 

This is a somewhat sudden shift in content and it can be kind of jarring. I'm trying to bridge the gap between my two, often very different blog topics. Ultimately, I want my digital marketing content to relate to all people--small business owners, other bloggers, and my friends & family (to help them understand just what, exactly, it is that I do)--and I'm hoping I can accomplish that. 

Alongside these new style of posts, I'm trying to "clean up my act" on social media. For a long time, I've dithered on social media: sometimes I'm more serious, sometimes I'm a jokester, sometimes I forget Twitter even exists for a few days. The time has come for me to buckle down and be serious. You'll see noticeable changes in my Instagram and Twitter feed. (I was hoping to make changes to Instagram this week, but after being in the hospital, it felt strange to bounce right back to posting my pre-planned content!) 

This all goes hand-in-hand with taking blogging seriously again. For a long time, I couldn't take blogging seriously because I wasn't ready again. For a long time, my blog was my life and I received too much validation through it. This time, I want to use this blog to expand my career--which means I have to be just a little bit more serious. 

Just because the direction of my blog, and social media, is changing doesn't mean I'll cut out any of the things that make people like my blog to begin with. I still want to write about lifestyle, fashion, beauty, and blogging--but alongside those posts, I want to share my expertise when it comes to writing, content creation, staying creative, and building great strategy.