Creating a Postpartum Capsule Wardrobe

Whenever I find myself talking about my postpartum body and style, I find myself getting (reasonably) dramatic. "I am a blimp," I have found myself saying to my husband. "I am a planet with a gravitational pull!" I cry to my mom group on Facebook. What is wrong with me? I think privately. Why can't I just diet? 

It's the question the world seems to pose to pregnant women. When you're pregnant, no matter how big or small you are, the world loves your body: you have another human you're taking care of! Eat the ice cream, the Oreos, the Taco Bell! However, it doesn't take long after birth to realize the cold, hard truth: you are now expected to just go back to normal, as if nothing spectacular happened to your body at all. 

I remember the empty feeling immediately after I had Forrest. And in the six days I spent in the hospital, I found myself feeling like a shell, merely a vehicle for this baby. I felt like the nurses treated me like I was nothing more than a delivery service, my needs and wants were secondary, and I was merely a food source, a fleshy cafeteria. 

This feeling is perpetuated at every turn: your baby is your number 1 priority, but it's also everyone else's. No one wanted to know about how foreign I felt in my own body, about how I ached, about how lonely and sad I felt. No one wants to hear about how I struggle to diet now (because, being an exclusive pumper, I know exactly what my supply is... and when I diet, I can see it shrink, the ounces diminishing); no one wants to hear about how tired I am, too tired to exercise. They just want me to do it and/or stop complaining about my body. 

I used to think that way. Really, I did! I thought new moms were lazy. How can you not have time to exercise? I thought, 22 and not a mom. How can you not focus on what you eat? I was a bitch, that's for sure. I'm eating my words now. 

Over the weekend, I decided enough was enough: I was tired of making myself feel bad and I was tired of standing in front of a bulging closet and knowing that nothing fit. I took out every single item that no longer fit and put it in a bag. Part of it made me sad: I find it difficult to say goodbye to things I love, but can no longer wear. That being said, I've decided if it makes me feel bad, I'm not going to deal with it. 

I now have the saddest collection of items in my closet imaginable: four dresses (two maternity maxis); 2 pairs of jeans; 3 pairs of leggings; a smattering of topics (mostly maternity tunics); and sweaters, some of which are a touch too small, but fine for now. 

I decided the thing to do would be to create a capsule wardrobe. 

If I'm going to be starting from scratch, I should probably start from scratch the right way. I still have lots of stuff to clean out (I have drawers full of t-shirts I will never wear), but it's never too early to get started. 

My plan is to invest in pieces to make my body look great now--and rotate them out as I lose weight. As I'm working on my capsule wardrobe, I'll be sharing what I decide to keep and what I decide to buy here. If you'd like to see what I'm pinning along the way, you can follow my Capsule Wardrobe board on Pinterest. 

All The Things I Wish I'd Known

I wish I'd known how tiring it would be to have a child. Not how hard--I knew raising a child, and taking care of a baby, would be hard work. I knew I would dedicate hours every day to doing things I didn't necessarily want to do. But I wish I'd known how absolutely overwhelmingly exhausted I would become: the kind of exhausted that a good nap or a good nights sleep won't cure. I wish I'd known that my days would start at roughly 4:30am and I would not stop, with a break for myself, until I fell asleep at 9pm that night. 

I wish I'd known that my hobbies would cease to be hobbies, but rather activities that I fondly remembered. I wish I'd known I would have to ask for help, for time for myself. I wish I knew how to ask for it without getting angry. 

I wish I'd known the right things to research. While I scrutinized mattresses and the amount of diapers I would need, I should have read about breast pumps, breastfeeding holds, and nursing pillows. I should have understood how to breastfeed better and maybe I would have been more successful. I wish I'd known that it's not as easy as it seems: there is more than just putting the baby to your chest. I wish I'd known it was ok to not succeed that this particular endeavor, that there are other (just as good) ways to feed a baby. I wish I'd known how to stand up for myself in the hospital better. 

I wish I'd known how all-encompassing a tiny person would be. In my long days of pregnancy, I imagined nap times and nights in the crib. I imagined a world that was completely different from how things ended up. I wish I'd known to stop planning, to stop having expectations for what would happen, what would come next. I wish I'd known that, regardless of where the baby sleeps, my work would never really stop. 

I wish I'd known, earlier rather than later, that no matter what happens, no matter what amount of planning goes in to having a baby, things will always change. The baby will or won't sleep; the baby will or won't eat the way you want them to; the baby will or won't follow the "guidelines" for development. I wish I'd known that babies change their schedules as rapidly and suddenly as everyone else on the planet: they are criminals of spontaneity, making you think one thing and then doing another. I wish I'd known to throw the plans, everything I ever thought about having a baby, out the window. 

Mostly, I wish I'd known to savor more: to stop crying about breastfeeding in those early weeks and, instead, cuddle with my little baby who is now not nearly as little; to let myself co-sleep from the beginning without worrying; and to stop worrying about every little possibility and just allow myself to enjoy the time I had. 

I wish I'd known that being Forrest's mom would be the most challenging, rewarding, demanding, and exhausting thing I've ever experienced--but I wouldn't change it for the world. 

A Few More Things My Baby & I Can't Live Without

I've written previously about some newborn essentials that made my life easier in the first few weeks of Forrest life. As babies grow, they basically change their minds every single day about what is going to work for them. It's probably because they are physically changing into new and different tiny humans each and every day, rapidly learning new skills, making connections, and absorbing the world around them. So that thing that helped your baby sleep for the first four weeks of their life (our trusty Rock'n'Play) suddenly becomes the enemy overnight (curses!). 

I thought I'd share a few items that are rocking our world lately. 

1. the Love to Dream Swaddle UP 50/50 

Full disclosure, we haven't had this swaddle too long--but on its first day in use, it totally changed our lives. Forrest slept through several naps on his own. I have held him for every single nap since he was about 4 weeks old. Yeah. It's a big deal. For $25, I will pay for the chance to pump, wash bottles, and eat a snack without juggling a sleeping baby. 

2. The O-Ball

I have a bunch of vaguely "rattle-like" objects for Forrest, but a lot of them are heavy and, for little hands that are just learning to grip and otherwise weak, just kinda too smooth. The O-Ball is great because: it rattles; it's brightly colored; and it's a soft, flexible, lightweight plastic that is super easy to grab. Forrest loves it. 

3. The Fisher-Price Sit-Me-Up 

A few weeks ago, a woman in my due date group on Facebook shared this toy--and immediately, everyone in the group ordered one. I mean, easily 80 women ordered this toy. And about 85% of us love it. Forrest digs sitting in it. It makes it easy for him to play with toys, work on his ab muscles, work on grabbing stuff, and observe me folding laundry. Plus, the toys from his playmat also fit on the toy loops, so I can switch out toys depending on what he's into! 

4. UpSpring Baby Milkflow

I've written pretty extensively about my hatred of exclusive pumping--one of the most difficult parts of it is, honestly, the fact that my supply dips at the slightest change in my diet or routine. Whether it's drinking too much soda, not enough water, too many carbs, whatever. A friend recommended this supplement alongside my other supplements (lactation cookies, 100oz of water a day, Mother's Milk tea) and, I have to say, it works amazingly well. It tastes absolutely terrible, so I mix it into orange juice or Naked juice and it's not so bad. 

5. Pumpin' Pals Pump Flanges 

The flanges that come with the typical Medela pump are, frankly, way too small for most people and uncomfortable. These flanges are lifesavers. Firstly, they come with a guarantee that if you don't pump more milk per session, they will refund your purchase. That' awesome. Secondly, they are designed with a rounded edge to prevent the cup from cutting into your skin. And third, they are designed with a downward slope, which means that when you pump, you don't have to lean forward or sit straight up. Which, again, if you pump a lot, makes a huge difference in your life. They are absolutely worth the money. 

The Many Steps to Dressing a Postpartum Body

1. Avoid looking in full-length mirrors. Or the bathroom mirror. And definitely not when you get your rare shower. 

2. Diligently fold all your maternity clothes up and put them in a box. Two weeks later, find that box, unearth the maternity leggings in it, and sigh. 

3. Go shopping for a new pair of jeans. Cry. 

4. Wonder how new jeans can somehow emphasize the mound of jello that has mysteriously replaced your belly. 

5. Pull on jeans while saying things like, "That's it, no more pizza!" and "I'm gonna snack on carrots from now on!" 

6. Yell about your bra size. Just get in someone's face and yell about it. Yell about how none of your dresses fit on top, none of your shirts button, your formerly light and flowy tops have been reduced to ill-fitting boob drapes, your sweaters look funny. 

7. Wrap yourself in sweats and flannel shirts and whisper, "I will never wear real clothes again. I am the mom, one with the yoga pant, so forgiving." 

8. Vow to eat healthier. Immediately think about the jar of lactation cookies that you need, seriously. 

9. Make yourself cry by trying on your old jeans. 

10. Be comforted by the fact that your workout clothes still fit. 

11. Declare your lazy days of postpartum bliss over and start working on. Attempt a 21-day no junk food rule. 

12. Eat junk food after a mere 3 days. 

13. Google at least 3x: "how many calories does breastfeeding burn really?" 

14. Wonder how many moms actually lose tons of weight exclusively breastfeeding. Upon asking mom group, find out it's basically the unicorn of postpartum life. 

15. Thanks, doctors, for making us all believe in unicorns. 

16. Vow to do a big closet clean out and repurchase stuff to make you feel better. Vaguely wonder just where you'll find the money to do such a thing. Push those feelings aside. 

17. Put your trusty leggings back on. They look pretty ok, anyway, and the baby never judges you. 

5 New Years Resolutions I Wish My Baby Would Make

It's January, which means it's time for everyone to make (and probably break) a few resolutions. I've made my list of resolutions, but when my sister-in-law asked what Forrest's goals for the new year were, well, I had a few ideas. 

1. Sleep in the crib, Rock'n'Play, Swing, Bassinet, ANYWHERE

Forrest is a certified catnapper and he hates being put down for said naps. If he could work on taking a nap anywhere than craddled in my arms, it'd be pretty cool. 

2. Find Hands

If you hang out with Forrest and I enough, you will inevitably witness me grabbing his hand or foot, waving it in front of his face, and saying, "Find your hand/foot!" Get on it, kid, I'm ready for you to enjoy toys. 

3. Become a Car Seat Lover

Danny and I have big plans for Spring Break (an Idaho trip) so I'm really hoping Forrest turns into a road warrior this year. He is so far indifferent regarding his car seat--sometimes he falls asleep, sometimes he screams. 

4. Give Mama Some Free Time

Mom spends a lot of time holding, rocking, playing, and feeding, not to mention pumping, washing bottles, and sanitizing everything in the house. A nice, long nap during the day (in a swing, bassinet, anywhere? See resolution 1) would be awesome. Even once a week. 

5. Continue to Rock at Everything & Be Awesome

Ok, let's be real--aside from the co-sleeping, the catnaps, the cuddling obsession, and minor car seat aversion depending on his mood, Forrest is a pretty fabulous baby. He sleeps 4-5 hour stretches at night, doesn't spit up too often, eats really well, smiles a lot, and is adorable. Keep on keepin' on, kid. Hey, and how about we skip the 4-month sleep regression? That would be cool!

How a New Coffee Maker Changed my Mornings

It was approximately halfway through November when I noticed that something was, well, off about my coffee maker. Every morning, while Danny gave Forrest his last bottle, I would get the coffee maker ready and get it started as I pumped, washed bottles, and made bottles for the day. I'd make Danny a lunch, pour myself a cup of coffee, take Forrest off Danny's hands, and then watch Good Morning, America! as Danny got ready for work. It would be approximately 3 or 4 hours later when I realized the coffee maker was still brewing. No matter how much water we added, the coffee maker went from only making 8 cups or, somedays, even just 6. 

We cleaned the water receptacle, scraped calcium build up wherever we could find it, ran vinegar through it... and nothing. It still continued to make coffee, but each day, it struggled just a little bit more to do that. And the endless steaming and boiling and noise making got a little annoying, especially after noon. 

However, it was the days where it made barely enough coffee for Danny to fill his (admittedly way too big) travel mug, leaving with me maybe a teensy cup that really started to get to me. 

I never realized the importance of coffee in my life until I couldn't have it. I'd never been much of a coffee drinker. Even in college, I would go weeks between Starbucks or Dutch Bros purchases. When I was working at a car dealership, I got Dutch Bros everyday, but it was more for the taste than the caffeine. It was only about a year and a half ago that I started drinking, and enjoying, coffee--but I always insisted I didn't need it the way some people did. 

When I first got pregnant, I told myself I would avoid caffeine for nine months. I solemnly resolved to do this for the good of the baby, utterly convinced that without caffeine, I would be totally fine! The exact same person I've always been! This was a lie and I absolutely knew it, but I was in denial. 

I went without caffeine for two weeks while I was pregnant. Two weeks. I was miserable. Because, not only was I having caffeine withdrawals and, thus, caffeine headaches, I started to get morning sickness. Combine with the horrible fatigue that plagued me my entire pregnancy and it was an absolute disaster. I had to admit it to myself: I needed caffeine. I needed it to survive.

Sorry, scratch that: other people needed me to consume caffeine for their own good. It's the way of the world. 

So I continued to drink coffee throughout my pregnancy, mostly openly because I refuse to be held down by society's expectations of a healthy pregnancy. 

After Forrest was born, I went a week without caffeine--hospital coffee is, after all, terrible.

Then, once we were home and there was no nurse to help me with every-two-hour feedings, I started to truly understand how much I needed caffeine. I needed my morning coffee, as much for the caffeine as for the ritual, the tie to a normalcy I'd given up in favor of warming bottles, rocking a baby, and changing diapers. 

Coffee tied me to the rest of the world, helped me to stay functioning even when I was running on 2-3 hours of sleep. 

So when the coffee maker decided to give up the ghost and start making less than 6 cups of coffee (after receiving 12+ cups of water), I knew it was time: we had to do something, or I was going to go crazy. 

It took nearly a month but we finally got a new coffee maker. Danny and I are decidedly cheap. If I have to spend more than $40 on something, it better be totally worth it. So I was excited when we found a programmable coffee maker for $24 at Target. We brought it home, as excited as if we were bringing home a new baby or something, and got it ready. 

I screamed with delight the first morning I went downstairs and found coffee, piping hot and ready, at 6am. I was also delighted to not have the coffee maker hissing and fizzing at me for the entire morning. Mostly, I was just excited to have enough coffee for both Danny and I so we could be humans, and not zombies, while taking care of Forrest. And most of all, I found myself astounded at just how happy and fulfilled it made me to have a working, functioning coffee machine. 

10 Tips for Soon-to-Be New Moms

No less than 7 of my friends and acquaintances announced their pregnancies over the week of Christmas. As I look back wistfully at my pregnancy (and the fast-approaching end of my maternity leave), there are some things I wish I'd known about what was about to happen to me and my life. I survived the first 3 months of Forrest's life. That's a pretty big achievement. Here's what I've learned: 

1. The baby is either going to sleep or it won't. Don't sweat it. 

"My baby wakes up every 2 hours. Help!" 

"My baby has been sleeping for 5 hours, at what point should I call 911?" 

Every baby is different. Some will sleep, some won't. Some will want to eat and play every two hours. Some will be out for 6-8 at night from the beginning. And, at any moment, this could change. A typical every-two-hours baby will suddenly sleep through the night. And those magic babies that people brag about will suddenly start waking up every two hours. Because, here's the thing, babies like to keep you on your toes. Nothing is permanent. Nothing. 

2. You don't need the fanciest stroller or car seat or whatever. 

There is a major dick-measuring group of mommies out there who love their strollers and want to tell you all about how spending $1,000 on a piece of plastic is soooo much better than the cheaper options. Ignore these people (and please don't become one). Get the Graco or Chicco or whatever set that is in your price range. It's just as safe as the others. Really. As long as you install it properly. The stroller will be just as confusing to unfold in the rain in the Target parking lot. The baby won't know, nor will the baby judge you for it. Because undoubtedly, no matter what stroller and car seat you use, the baby will inevitably scream through the entire store in it. 

3. "I will never..." are words that you will eat. 

"I will never co-sleep!" I crowed, repeatedly, while pregnant. I swore up and down. Forrest sleeps, happily, next to me every single night. I set lots of rules for myself: walks in the park, grocery shopping, keeping the house clean, scheduling naps. I have yet to keep a single promise I made to myself while pregnant. Things change. The baby you end up giving birth to will never be the one you planned to have. That's ok! Do whatever it takes and don't feel bad about it. 

4. Feed the baby. 

Just feed the baby. Stop stressing about breastfeeding if it's hard. It's ok to supplement. It's ok to go to formula. It doesn't make you a failure or a bad mom. And if breastfeeding is going great, that's awesome--but it doesn't make you better than anyone else. We're all just feeding babies here. Just feed the baby. Resist the urge to smack the Target cashier who sneers when you buy formula, or more nipple pads, or rice cereal. It's your baby. Feed it.  

5. Stop Google-ing everything.

I have Googled baby poop, eye pictures, ear pictures, and rib cages. I have frantically, usually while rocking Forrest, read the same 4 pages of links regarding sleep training over and over again. I have repeatedly Googled how to sleep train without resorting to CIO and Ferbering. I have typed, in all caps no less, "MY BABY WON'T GO TO SLEEP AHHHH" into Google at least three times. Resist the urge. Stop using Google. Expel it from your mind. You'll only drive yourself crazy. 

Instead, call the pediatrician. It's ok to drive them a little crazy with your crazy. 

6. You will miss being pregnant.

I hated being pregnant. Capital H, HATED, pregnancy. And yet, about two weeks after Forrest was born, I started missing it. I found myself thinking wistfully of the nights I could feel him kicking as I fell asleep. It is a strange phenomena to immediately miss the state you couldn't wait to escape, but there it is. You will miss being pregnant, you will miss your little human being a part of you, you will miss being able to keep them 100% safe inside of you. It's ok. Just don't get pregnant again right away, for the love of God. 

7. Find a good group of moms. 

Find a mom group to join on Facebook. I have an October due date group on Facebook and I spend 90% of my time there. Danny is probably tired of hearing about them. In most conversations, I say, "In my October due date group on Facebook..." at least four times. I can't help it. I get all my advice from them. They answer all my questions. We complain about our babies and husbands and dogs and houses in the privacy of the group. Find a small group to join. Don't start fights. Avoid talking about vaccinations. Be nice to them. 

8. Whatever you feel, it's ok. 

You will have a moment where you wonder why you thought you do this. You will have a moment where you wonder what you're doing, if you should just wait until your husband and baby are asleep and quietly pack up and leave. You will have moments where you wish with everything in you that someone would just show up and take the baby for an hour, two hours, a week maybe. It's ok. We've been there. 

9. If you have anything you particularly enjoy doing, you probably won't do it for a while. 

Case in point, I've been writing this blog post since October 25. I'm not kidding. I have only finished books because my 11+ lb baby pins me down for every nap. Forget cooking elaborate meals, washing your bedding, doing your hair the way you like it, or wearing anything dry clean only. 

10. You'll be really, really happy (even when you aren't). 

Taking on motherhood is one of the biggest challenges of our lives. It's amazing what we can do! It's also downright catastrophic in terms of how it completely alters your life and nothing can really prepare you for it. But even when you're awake at 2am and super cranky about it... you'll be happier than you've ever been. I promise. 

Let's Get Organized this Holiday Season (Without Shopping)

I love being organized. I don't often consider myself the most organized person around, but when other people see my work areas, they always seem impressed by the order of it all. Mainly, I just like to have a place for everything so even if I let things go, I can quickly clean everything up. However, since Forrest was born, my work areas have fallen into a little bit of a disarray. I've shown up early to appointments and then late to others. Generally, I only know about half of what is going on at any time. I need to get my stuff back in gear and get organized again. I've been looking through Pinterest for some ideas and these are my favorites. 

1. Use this Moleskine hack. 

Almost everyone has a spare notebook lying around. If you've ever expressed any interest in writing, surely someone (well meaning!) has bought you a notebook. Maybe it's a Moleskine, but it doesn't have to be. I love turning Moleskines into planners, either with month calendars or weeks. They really are the perfect size for it. You can create any kind of planner you want: a bullet journal, a weekly planner, or just a book of lists. Whatever. Use it to plan your goals, set up a timeline for the New Year, or create a budget for yourself. The options are endless. 

2. Pick a Planner.

Getting a new planner doesn't always mean buying something. Lots of bloggers dedicated to planners and organization make planner packs for readers that you can download and print for free. How awesome is that!? I like this one linked above, but there are tons on Pinterest. You just need a binder of your choice, a printer, and some paper. 

3. Create a "Family Planner." 

This is something I've been meaning to do for ages. A Family Planner organizes cleaning lists, warranty information, timelines, and more for your family and more. If you have kids, you can include a calendar and school information. Again, there are tons of free templates for Family Planners out there. This is first on my list for holiday organization!

4. Make it cute. 

As with anything, I think the more personalized you make it, the more you're likely to keep using it. I use a Happy Planner to organize dates, blog posts, and my journal entries these days and I love taking 10-15 minutes every week to decorate the next week. It's just relaxing! Check out my Paper & Planners board on Pinterest for some of my favorite free, printable sticker pages for planners, scrapbooks, and more.