Beauty Review: Brite Briteplex Unicorn Masque

My hair, and scalp, has been one of my biggest struggles for the last year. I've always bounced back and forth between long hair and very short hair--but this is the longest I've had significantly longer hair. And my hair is actually the longest it has been since I was... 15 or 16, I think! 

A few months ago, I was in Ulta looking for some things to buy with a 20% off coupon and I found a bunch of hair masks from BRITE Organix. I had never heard of this brand before, but they are cruelty free and vegan, two things that are pretty important to me. I decided to go for it and try the Briteplex Unicorn Masque. Here's why: 

“You totally deserve a treat.

I’m your weekly or twice weekly repair treatment. If you want to I can even sleep over (yup you can use me as an overnight masque).

We all know things get pretty rough when you bleach and colour frequently.

Urgh even hot irons and blow outs take their toll, so we’ve created a professional hair treatment for you to use at home and added a bit of sparkle to make things super fun and sparkly while you repair your hair.

I’m packed full of bond building ingredients to repair your damaged hair, fight frizz and create healthy hair between chemical services (like bleaching and colouring).”

Those are some promises! As I've mentioned, I've struggled with dry, itchy scalp for almost a year now--probably because my hair is quite long, I wasn't using inappropriate shampoos and not conditioning my scalp, and the ends of my hair were damaged from not getting hair cuts (oops). Switching shampoos, using oil, and trimming my ends has helped my scalp problems... but the ends of my hair are still fried and I'm still putting off getting a hair cut. (I would have to stop working on one of my million projects to do it, wouldn't I? *insert panicked mom gif here*) 

This mask promises to heal hair damage, basically, and help bond hair. I use split end sealer and jojoba oil on my ends daily, and while it certainly helps, I knew I could be doing more. This mask seemed like the perfect option. 

I bought this mask for $12 at Ulta. That's quite expensive for a hair mask; however, I've used it probably 5 times already and have enough for another 1 or 2 uses. That's pretty good and evens out to a fair price. Brite is an Australian company, so their website is in AUD--however, all their products are available at Ulta, but they do also ship worldwide. 

My Experience

I used this mask after washing my hair with OGX Coconut Milk shampoo; I then put on the mask, pretty heavily, and tied my hair up in a bun. I let it sit for about 20-25 minutes while I read. It smells really good--a faintly sweet smell, not too medicinal and not too heavy. When I rinsed it, my hair instantly had that really soft feeling that often happens when I use conditioner. Once I let it dry, my hair looked a lot shinier and my ends didn't look quite as frazzled. 

You know what's odd? While reading the reviews and product description, it seems to suggest there is glitter in this mask. I didn't notice or see any glitter. Granted, I haven't used the entire package yet, but I'm squeezed up from the bottom and... no glitter or sparkle. Isn't that odd? Perhaps it's just the one I got, but that was something very strange I noticed while reading reviews. I'm kind of glad, as I'm not sure my scalp could tolerate glitter of any kind. 

Aside from that, I did really enjoy this mask. My hair felt quite soft for several days after using it. I try not to use it more than once a week, however, as it could easily weigh down finer hair. I'm quite happy with the results and will definitely be repurchasing! 

What Is Skin Congestion & How to Stop it

A few months ago, I started noticing the weirdest thing: on my temples and underneath my jawline, I started to feel very rough, bumpy skin. At first, it seemed kind of normal; I would exfoliate and moisturize, and it would go away... for a few days. Then, I would notice it again.

At the same time, my skin was improving in terms of surface acne, thanks to using jojoba oil and the Body Shop tea tree line, and my cystic acne was improving, thanks to jojoba and dropping dairy. But as the rough patches continued, I also noticed that the same areas would often breakout into clogged pores, usually related to my cycle. 

What was going on?! 

I started to research, and ask my beauty groups, and quickly realized the answer: congested skin. 

Gesundheit, am I right? 

I set out to learn everything I could about skin congestion, how to prevent it and get rid of it, and how it happens in the first place. 

What is Skin Congestion? 

Congested skin isn't just one thing; it's a lot of things. If you're skin is congested, you might notice: 

• Bumpiness underneath the skin
• Blackheads
• Small whiteheads
• Angry inflamed breakouts
• Enlarged pores
• Dull appearance
• Thick looking skin

Congested skin basically means that your pores are clogged--they're congested!

This can happen for a lot of reasons, but the number one reason is dehydrated, oily skin that is trying to produce more moisture, but dry skin, or dead skin cells, traps that oil inside the pores. Thus, you get a dry, bumpy feeling texture (almost like dry chicken skin), a thickened appearance, dullness, and breakouts related to all those problems. It's definitely not fun and a lot of people experience it. 

How to Fix It

I've been very frustrated with my congested skin, as I find that things like salicylic acid makes my acne worse. However, I knew I was going to have to break down and try something outside of my usual routine. Here's what I've been doing to help my congested skin--and I've been seeing a ton of improvement. 

1. A strict cleansing routine: The moment I'm done wearing makeup for the day, I wash my face. If I get home from work at 2pm, I wash my face immediately if I'm not going anywhere else. The less I wear make up, the less likely I am to dry out my skin and trap more oil. 

2. Exfoliating regularly. I usually keep exfoliating to every other week--but recently stepped it up to every 4 days. I started using a homemade sugar scrub, which I would normally not recommend as pieces of sugar are too sharp for the average skin. However, if you're struggling with conge sted skin, this is something you can use maybe every other exfoliation.

I also started using the Holika Pig Nose Blackhead Clearing Massage Gel; this is a Korean product that essentially acts as a peel. I apply it underneath my jawline, on my temples, nose, and chin--the places where I  have the worst clogged pores, congested skin, and general dullness. I'll have  a full review of this product soon, but let me say: it is an absolute DOOZY and has helped so much! 

3. Use glycolic acid. I was never a huge fan of the Pixi Glow Tonic... until I started getting congested skin. As much as I didn't like it before, the moment I started using it after I received a sample in my Ipsy bag, it helped my congested skin so much. It actually got rid of it within a few days of use--then I ran out and I started over at square run! Pixi Glow Tonic is a bit expensive, but it is absolutely worth it if you're noticing congested skin. 

4. Hydrate. Remember how I said congested skin is dehydrated skin? Hydration is both external and internal. If you have congested skin, drink plenty of water, slow down on the coffee (ugh, I know), and eat lots of fruit that help hydrate your skin (think pineapple and watermelon). As well, using an intense moisturizer will help plump your skin from the outside. I really like bliss's Drench & Quench cream to water moisturizer; it's very light, but also super effective. (I'll be posting a full review of this moisturizer soon as well!) 

Tackling skin congestion can feel like a never ending process; you might try things that I swear by that end up not working. But if you follow the basics--good cleansing, good exfoliating, and hydrating--you'll be well on your way to glowy skin again! 

Beauty Review: The Body Shop Tea Tree Mask

If you've been reading my blog for any period of time, you know that I struggle with oily, acne-prone skin. I've found a routine that is relatively beneficial for my skin (it involves a lot of jojoba oil and a recent addition of rosehips oil). One of my favorite products is the Body Shop Tea Tree Face Wash. 

A few weeks ago, I had a 20% off coupon at Ulta. I was in one of those moods where I didn't really feel like buying makeup. I have my routine; I have the things I use; I didn't want new eyeshadows or anything. (This may be shocking, but I believe in not buying everything out there, you know!) I was wandering through the skincare aisle, spotted the Body Shop section, and thought, "Should I buy some more face wash?" Then my eyes fell on this mask. 

It was meant to be. 

At $17, the Body Shop Tea Tree Clay Mask is one of the most expensive masks I've ever bought. But at a total of 3.85 oz, it's not a use-once-and-toss mask; this little tub will last a pretty long while!

Here's what this mask promises: 

“Cool and deeply cleanse your skin with our Tea Tree infused clay mask. Perfect for blemished complexions, the instantly cooling sensation refreshes skin, without over drying. This mask will help to clear impurities while absorbing excess sebum, leaving skin feeling smoother and clearer looking.”

Like most clay masks, it promises to clean out your pores and tighten up your skin, which is always a plus. This mask contains menthol to cool down your skin (great if your skin is feeling particularly red and inflamed) and tea tree to heal blemishes.

(As a note, tea tree oil is best used in something, not plain, as it can burn your skin; a clay mask is perfect. But just a warning to never, ever put undiluted tea tree oil on your face!) 

How I Use It

I try to keep clay masks to a minimum as they can be quite drying. Naturally, my skin is dehydrated, which is why it gets so oily. I don't want to dry it out even more! I've been struggling lately with hormonal outbreaks, as I've fallen a bit off the bandwagon when it comes to dairy (did I not learn my lesson the first time!?). 

I usually apply this mask to my t-zone (forehead, nose, and chin), then on my cheeks. Sometimes, I pull it onto my neck and underneath my jaw, as I can get quite congested skin there. I use it twice a week, maximum, but usually just on Sunday evenings when I have the spare time and need it. 

My Results

This mask feels so cooling when it goes on--that's the menthol--and smells amazing from the tea tree oil. It can definitely feel a bit tightening when you first put it on, but as it dries, it feels quite good. More soothing than anything else. Afterwards, my skin always feels very smooth and clear and my pores look quite good. 

This mask is definitely best for helping heal active acne and preventing breakouts. It doesn't do much for older breakouts (like those awful cysts that in the process of healing), but it does help sooth that wrecked feeling skin. If you have inflammation, it can be helpful with that too; I always see a reduced amount of redness in the days after I use this mask and as I use it more frequently, those days last a bit longer each time. I can get quite red when my skin is dry or struggling, so that's a huge help! 

If you're in the market for a more high-quality mask, this is a great middle price option. As well, if you struggle with breaking out, inflamed or aggravated skin, or hormonal breakouts, this is a great mask to have in your arsenal to use! 

Beauty Review: Makeup Revolution Fast Base Stick Foundation

I had just started doing wear tests for my mega foundation post (you can read which foundation quiz works best, as well as my mini reviews of 6 foundations, here) when I spotted the Makeup Revolution Fast Base Stick Foundation at Ulta. At only $9, it's a super affordable stick foundation. Compare to the Anastasia Beverly Hills stick foundation ($25), the Maybelline SuperStay stick foundation ($11.99), or the OG Hourglass stick foundation ($46). 

$9, comparatively, is an absolute steal. But is it a good foundation? I wore this throughout my trip to Idaho, as it is wonderful to travel with, and then did several wear tests at home (since my skin is not its best when I'm on vacation). Here's my review!

(Purchase this foundation here at Ulta.) 

The Shade Range

First things first, the current range has 18 shades (F1 to F18). There are 9 fair shades and 9 medium to dark shades. I'm not super happy with that split; it seems to be heavy on fair shades, with multiple nuanced undertones. It does go quite dark, but ultimately, there are maybe only 4-5 shades for POC compared to 9+ shades for everyone else. That's not balanced!

When testing in store, I went with shade F2 as I wasn't sure if F1 would be too light; they looked really similar, so I just went with it. However, looking at the description now, F2 is fair with yellow undertones, which is why it's not a great match for me. I think I would have been better off with F1 or F3. 

The Formula

The intention of stick foundations is, of course, speed. That's the promise of this foundation as well. Here's the (meager) description from Ulta: 

“Foundation just got faster! Available in multiple shades and a range of undertones, Makeup Revolution’s Fast Base Stick Foundation quickly perfects, contours and highlights your complexion.”

It doesn't make any claims about finish or anything, which sometimes is a good thing. 

Here's my impression: the formula is very creamy and easy to blend. However, I found that as I blended it out, it appeared quite... powdery on my skin. It doesn't settle right on my skin and leaves the finish looking rough and spotty. It's not the ideal formula for my skin, I think, as it is almost too thick and difficult to blend out. It was also very hard to layer over setting powder, which is my preferred method of wearing foundation. The finish ultimately was very matte. 

How Did It Wear?

So, how did this foundation wear throughout the day?

As a disclaimer, I have very oily skin; almost every foundation breaks down on me, even ultra mattes that those with dry skin can't wear. I'm oily. It's who I am. This is important context.

I noticed breakdown really quickly with this foundation and it started to feel quite tacky, even with setting powder, within 1-2 hours. It also became quite cake-y and mask-like throughout the day--not my ideal look! 

This is one of those foundations that I realized, after wanting to love it, just doesn't work for me. However, a friend bought this foundation right around the same time as me and it looks AMAZING on her; it wears great, the finish is gorgeous. It really just depends on your skin.

For $9, it's absolutely worth a shot as it is now several people I know's holy grail foundation. It just isn't mine!

Everything I Used in July 2018

Another month, another empties post! Just like last month, this month felt a bit "light" in terms of things I used up. Some months, I fly through products; and other months, especially when I'm traveling, I just don't use as much. 

Here's everything I finished up in July. 

1. Precision Beauty Under-Eye Pads Cucumber

These under-eye masks are a TJ Maxx purchase--and this was actually my last one in a box of 10! I think it was $5.99 for a pack. I don't know if they actually do anything, but I do really like how they feel. They're relaxing and I like doing them before I do my makeup for the day, as I find them help hydrate my under eyes (which are unfortunately getting crepe-y as I age, sigh). 

2. Callysee Caffeine Rush Nourishing Face Mask

This mask was from my July Ipsy bag. I did really like this mask, it smelled really good, and it did make my skin quite soft--but gosh, it made me flushed! For about 20 minutes after I used this mask, my face just felt like it was warm--not burning like it was irritated, but warm, like I had worked out. It's not unpleasant, but it is a little disconcerting. 

3. It Cosmetics Bye Bye Pores Loose Powder

This is my favorite setting powder of all time. I recently replaced it with a more affordable powder that I wanted to review and without spoiling things, let me just say, I'm already a bit sad about it. If you have oily skin, this powder is a must have! 

July 2018 Wrap Up: Road Trips & Reading

Wasn't I just writing a month wrap up? I swear, it was just yesterday. It's that time of year where time seems to start moving a lot faster than in moved in, say, January or February. I was just on the phone with a preschool about getting Forrest registered; pretty soon, it will be his birthday, then mine, then Thanksgiving. I'm excited for the Fall and Winter, but time seems to move so fast... then slams to a halt in January. Just me? 

July was a very busy month for us, and yet, I find myself not really knowing what to write for this wrap up post! 

1. Road trips

We made our annual pilgrimage to Idaho at the beginning of July. And thankfully, we got to spend one day in the pool (courtesy of my brother-in-law's wife's family, so my in-laws-in-law?). Forrest spent nearly 3 hours swimming until I had to forcibly remove him; he was so tired, but loved the pool so much! It's so funny that I hate swimming and I have a pretty severe fear of the water, and yet, Forrest has been a water baby from the moment he was born. He loves baths and swimming and pools. He's also extremely extroverted and, uh, I'm not. 

But we had a lot of fun in Idaho, even though it was hot, hot, hot the entire time! 

2. Making Time

In previous summers, I've always had these grandiose plans of things we would do... and we ended up not doing any of them because either I was working too much, trying not to spend money, or a combination of both. This summer, I decided to say: honestly, screw it! Let's just go! Yes, Wildlife Safari is expensive. Yes, gas is expensive. Yes, eating dinner out is expensive. But life is short. We only get one go around with Forrest as a toddler. We've made it to the coast so far this summer, and now Wildlife Safari, and the Boise Zoo. We have a few more things on our list, but I feel really good about making time as a family to do fun things together, make memories, and get out of the house!

3. Joining the library club

Everyone knows I'm a voracious reader. I subscribe to Kindle Unlimited, but I may be canceling that soon now that I've got a library card! I've put it off for ages because, living outside city limits, our library card costs money. However, when you divide it out, it's only $4.50 a month! I've already read 10+ books, via the library app and borrowing from the library. Totally worth it. It's made July even better1 

I hope you had as good of a July as we did! What was your favorite highlight? 

Beauty Review: My July 2018 Ipsy Bag

After last month's dramatic opening to my ipsy review, it's nice to be able to say there was no drama with them this month. This month's theme was all about summer and the poolside: the bag is the perfect mesh bag to take to the pool (stuff this baby full of SPF and you're set, honestly). While I don't have access to a pool throughout the summer, it's a nice thought. I live in an area where in ground pools are relatively rare, but a girl can dream, right? 

As always, you can read all my past Ipsy reviews here. If you're interested in trying Ipsy yourself, you can sign up using my referral code here. 

1. Callyssee Caffeine Rush Nourishing Sheet Mask, $19 for 2 masks

You guys know I like masks and ipsy really knows the way to my heart: sending me lots of sheet masks. And these ones are absolutely lovely. Here's what they promise: 

“This mask is infused with caffeine and nutrients to wake up your inner beauty and turn on your outer glow. A cocktail of skin loving ingredients includes nature’s nearly perfect skin softener, Argan Kernal Oil and Soybean Seed Extract, which feel like a rich skin treat. Our hero ingredient, Organic Coffea Arabica Seed Extract, is known to help with encouraging cell renewal and soothing the skin, while Panax Ginseng Root Extract, feels great on your skin and can add a delicate flush to your face.”

Yeah, so that bit about adding a flush to your face... it's true! My face felt so warm after I used this mask, not unpleasant, but until I read that description, it kind of scared me! My face has been very dehydrated since I went to Idaho and despite my best efforts, all my efforts to rehydrate were failing. This mask totally helped though, so if you're in a dry climate, or just need a bit of a pick-me-up, these masks are great. They also smell like coffee, which is really lovely. 

2. Smashbox Cosmetics Always On Liquid Lipstick in Stepping Out, $24

Liquid lipstick is another easy thing for me to love. I wear liquid lipstick everyday. (As a note, you can see a swatch of this lipstick below, as well as a photo of it at the end of this post!) I was very impressed by the Smashbox lipstick I received in December, so I was really excited to try this liquid lip. And I have to say, even though $24 is pretty steep for a liquid lipstick for me, it was so comfortable to wear. This liquid lip comes with a hefty promise: "An 8-hour, liquid matte lipstick that’s specifically formulated to be comfortable and not dry out your lips." And honestly, that's not a lie. I wore this lipstick for an entire day at home and forgot I was wearing it a few times. It's that good! 

3. Elizabeth Mott Tapered Blending Brush, $16

I love collecting brushes, but I hate spending money on them. Ipsy has been great because it has rapidly expanded my collection of brushes, especially by sending me really high quality ones I wouldn't have ever bought myself. I've been needing a new fluffy blending brush for eyeshadow; my tried-and-true Urban Decay brush has started shedding, so it's time to send it to the great beyond, and this brush stepped perfectly into its spot. Absolutely love it. 

4. Ella Eden Eyeshadow in Harmony, $14

This was the one product that, when I saw it on my sneak peek, I was very disappointed in. A pink eyeshadow? Really? Haven't I said I'm tired of receiving eyeshadows!? However, this is such a pretty color (it's the first swatch above) and it really does look great. I like that it is a more cool-toned peach-pink, instead of being very warm and orangey, so it's a little more suited to my color. Here's what the eyeshadow promises: 

“Ella EDEN’s mineral pressed/compact eye shadow gives you a versatile base of color you can easily add to, or wear alone. The creamy consistency is easy to blend, and the deep hues create the perfect look for conservative daytime wear, or bolder statements to highlight your nightlife. ”

While that's true, I did personally feel that this eyeshadow struggled to be applied with a brush. I ended up using my finger and it was quite flaky, but I made it work. It's pretty enough that it works! I also used it as a highlighter over my blush and it looks great that way too! 

5. Pacifica Coconut Blush in Beaming & Tenderheart, $20

I love a blush! You can see these blushes swatched above (the two middle shades). The shade Beaming is the bronzer and the shade Tenderheart is the blush. The bronzer looked great on me, but the blush itself is quite dark; I had to be really careful not to apply too heavily and make myself look like a clown! With a little effort, it looks great though. There is quite a lot of fall out with both shades. One odd note: I couldn't find these blushes on Pacifica's website, which suggests they were discontinued. However, based on the price of single blushes from Pacifica ($14 a pop) and other blush sets ($24 for 3), I settled on $20 as a price for these two.

Final Thoughts

The value of this bag is $93. I will have to look, but I think this is the highest value of any ipsy bag I've received so far! I also like everything in it. Initially, when I saw my sneak peek of products, I was disappointed: another liquid lip, another eyeshadow, siiiiigh. But once it arrived and I played with everything, I really ate my words. I love everything in this bag and they are all high quality products. My favorite is probably the brush (I've been needing a tapered brush like this to replace my Urban Decay blending brush, which has started loosing hairs) and the Pacifica blush--you know I love a blush! 

To the left here, you can see a look I did with everything from this ipsy bag: the liquid lip, the blush & bronzer, and the eyeshadow. I also used the tapered brush to blend and the eyeshadow as a highlight and blush on top of the Pacifica blush, just for an extra rosie glow. (I'm also wearing the Aerie Hometown sweatshirt in this photo, which is my absolute favorite.) 

Do you want to try ipsy? Sign up for ipsy using my referral code here! 

Motherhood & Friendship: It's Harder Than it Looks

When I was a freshman in college, my best friend from high school got pregnant. We were very, very close the summer between senior year in high school and freshman year in college--and throughout our first year at college, we wrote each other letters, sent each other silly emails, text messages, and Facebook wall posts. (Remember Facebook wall posts!?) We were each others rock when we didn't really have a lot of other people who understood our background: we were perfectionist girls from small towns outside of a major metro, who went to a Catholic school where everyone was just a little wealthier than we were. We worked hard, took AP classes, played sports, and got good scholarships. 

I wish I could tell you that our friendship survived her pregnancy, that her becoming a mother and having to quit school, because you can't keep a soccer scholarship that covers most of your tuition when you're pregnant. I wish I could tell you that I had been there for her. And truly, I did try: I was 19 years old, however, and while that's no excuse, I didn't really have all the tools necessary to deal with her circumstances.

We fell apart for several years. My best friend disappeared into the background of my life; I remembered her fondly, but I wasn't sure exactly how to reconnect with her. But a year before my wedding, as I was trying on wedding dresses, I spotted her: she was trying on wedding dresses too. We hugged each other, we swore to get together... and we never did. I've chatted with her a few times since: we've met up for dinner once, she gave me the last of her breastmilk when Forrest was in the hospital just after his birth (a favor that is truly one of the greatest kindnesses anyone has ever done for me), and we talk occasionally on Facebook. But the spark of our friendship--that exciting feeling to have someone who just knew me, who understood all my quirks, who laughed at the same jokes as me, who sent me goofy cards she found in the grocery store just because--it's gone and it doesn't really come back. 

Recently, I was reading Jimsy Jampots, a newsletter by Amy that I really love, and she talked about friendship, about how some people seem to have a friend group that survives just about everything and others, well, just don't. I'll be the first to tell you I've never been great at making friends; I'm introverted and shy, with a heaping dose of social anxiety. I'm eternally self-conscious, always convinced I'll say exactly the wrong thing. It's like I never learned how to have a conversation, sometimes. But when people get to know me, I really do think I'm quite funny. But friends? Lasting friendships? That's something I really struggle with. 

In Amy's newsletter, she included a link to an article on the Pool about friendship and motherhood, and about how friendships shift and alter throughout our lives, but especially when we have kids... or don't have kids. You can read that article here. It got me thinking about my friend and how our friendship really dissolved once she was pregnant and especially after she had a baby. I was still in college, living a completely different life from her. 

Similarly, almost 3 years ago, I was having a baby when almost none of my friends were. I've written before that I found pregnancy a really fun experience (despite learning later on that I actually had a quite difficult pregnancy), but that I found the first three months of motherhood absolutely brutal. Postpartum life is isolating, exhausting, and, truly, just not very fun. Some people adjust really well and some people just don't. 

One line stuck out from that article by Robyn Wilder in particular: 

“Recently, the Daily Mail zeroed in on a “controversial” blog post by Australian writer Nadia Bokody, in which she claimed that “I can’t be your friend anymore now you’re a mother”. And in reply I’d like to say this: “Well, of course you fucking can’t.”

I’m not the same as I was before kids. I’m a mother now. I have a pram the size of an SUV that I don’t know how to collapse. I have to watch a YouTube tutorial every time I want to get it on a bus. So, no, I cannot meet you for cocktails in a trendy Brixton bar that you can only access via a broken fridge door in a back alley.”

It's very difficult to explain to people that it's not that I don't want to go to a trendy bar, or, god, even sit on a park bench and eat a sandwich and chat for hours. It's that I literally, physically cannot. I might be able to beg my child off on a babysitter for an hour, but that's just an hour. Or I can bring him along, spend all the time not really listening to someone talk, try to entertain him, annoy everyone else in the coffee shop, bar, or park, and then have to leave early because he didn't get a good nap, or he needs to eat lunch, or some other reason. (And truly, the stroller situation is out of control. Why don't they fold up easily!?) 

Motherhood changes everything in your life. In one monumental way (you have a human life that is dependent on you for basically everything) and in many small, insignificant ways that sometimes feel glaringly painful. They are little paper cuts, reminders that your life is somehow much better, but also much harder, than it was a year ago, or two years ago, or whatever. It's like someone has come into the apartment of your life and just changed the furniture a little bit. Your body doesn't work quite the same anymore and neither does your brain, really; you don't have as much time as you once did to lounge on the couch, or binge watch TV shows, or chat with your friends. Your car has gotten bigger, bulkier, and harder to maneuver and the backseat is basically a non-space, taken up entirely by a plastic potty that you have to carry everywhere, a bag full of extra clothes just in case, snacks, and the carseat that cost about the same as a house payment. You find yourself doing things your parents used to do: folding money into parchment paper and saving in the freezer with peppercorns inside, carefully wiping tennis shoes with wet paper towels to clean the mud off, creating travel books out of old binders and hole punched activity sheets you photocopied from your sister's old books, counting coins out for allowance, creating a chore chart. 

And there are people in my life who don't understand any of these things. They might even have kids themselves, who are older, or who are younger, or maybe they just adjusted to motherhood better than me and don't have to check the stove 3 times before they can get in the car. It makes friendship difficult. It makes it easy to go a week without talking, then two weeks, then somehow it's been two years and you're not even sure how to start the conversation anymore. 

Parenting is hard. It's not the hardest thing in the world and ultimately, it's a choice--but it's still really challenging. And it's hard to juggle parenting and socializing, especially if you, like me, aren't great at socializing to begin with. I've been on both sides of the coin: I've been the one moving on while a friend becomes a parent and I've been the one left in the dust, looking around and wondering when the last time I spoke to so-and-so was. And it's ok. At the end of the day, it's ok for friendships to fade. 

Because, in the meantime, you can find new friendships. Mom groups have bred some of the best friendships I've ever had--people who totally get me, who understand me and my difficulty with parenting, who laugh when I joke about starting a revolution, who understand when I say I don't really know if I want a second baby because I really, really like my first baby. People drift apart and it's hard to make time in the quagmire of our lives, but if you meet someone who is also fighting a two-year-old 13 hours a day, you'll be surprised as how well you can talk over screaming,.