Why You Don't Have to Give Up Treats After the New Year, Featuring Hungryroot Cookie Dough*

Deprivation is, as they say, bullshit. I know this. You know this. Ok, maybe you don’t know this—or maybe you just don’t quite believe it yet. Not everyone is aware of the dangers of diet culture and what it does to us psychologically. If you, like me, grew up in the 90s, you were bombarded with messages about dieting and thinness versus fatness. And if you, like me, absorbed all these messages, you’ve been mildly obsessed with what you eat, with working out, with controlling your body in small ways for at least a few years, if not longer.

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve definitely finding myself fighting these messages internally even more. Especially after becoming a mother, there is so much pressure to look and behave a certain way, to try and take “control” of your body again. Working in offices over the years, diet and weight is always a topic of conversation among women in the office. It’s hard to combat these messages internally when so many people still aren’t aware of how negative and harmful this kind of talk can be.

If you would like to learn more about diet culture, and what it is, here are a few resources that do a better job explaining than I ever will:

• What is Diet Culture?

• What is Diet Culture from Christy Harrison

• Recognizing Diet Culture from NEDA

You might wonder what on earth this has to do with cookies and the New Year.

One of the messages about thinness, food, and weight I experienced most growing up was the idea that after Christmas, you should give up any and all treats. I heard it from my mother, my friends, my other female family members, teachers, random cashiers. Then, I’ve heard it from other moms, coworkers, my son’s teachers… it goes on and on. If you’re concerned with your body, it seems like the New Year is a great time to give up everything you love and start fresh. For many, that means cutting out foods that they love and enjoy. It means austerity.

But, as I said, that’s bullshit. Depriving yourself of things that bring you joy in order to feed into a system that won’t make you healthy or happy is bullshit. Diet culture is bullshit. Giving up cookies for any length of time is bullshit.

As I’ve written about goals before, if you set up your goal to make yourself miserable, you’re not going to succeed.

Sometimes, people think that rejecting diet culture and accepting body positivity means you “give up” on health. Other people have written about this much more eloquently, but… diet culture, and dieting in general, has never been about health. Someone eating less calories than a 7-year-old is not healthy—but I would not begrudge them for it, because they’ve learned that behavior through negative messaging. Body positivity is not about rejoicing for health that is good or bad; it accepts that using health as a moral barometer, or a measure of goodness in a person, is not a good idea.

There are lots of people who are unhealthy for reasons that are completely out of their control. You do not deserve to be treated badly just because you are unhealthy or because you are perceived as unhealthy.

We associate good health (or being thin, because they two are often conflated for us socially) with being strict, with being regimented, with being disciplined. But that’s just not true. Those with a good relationship with food

I am of the belief that you can want to make better food choices for your health without having to worry about having the “perfect” diet. You can have room in your daily food for everything you love—with a mind on nutrition. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing. That kind of thinking only hurts us.

That’s why I am such a huge fan of Hungryroot. Not only can you get groceries delivered to your home (honestly, who doesn’t want that!?), you can get healthy, nutritious options that are also super delicious and satisfying. One of my favorite things about Hungryroot is, and probably always will be, the cookie dough options.

I’ve written a few posts about Hungryroot before. Here is a brief round up:

• I Tried Hungryroot So You Don’t Have To

• Revisting Hungryroot

• How I Use Hungryroot for Weekly Meal Prep

• My Favorite Hungryroot Foods & How I Get My Kids to Eat Them

• A Busy Mom’s Guide to Road Trips

It goes without saying that I really love Hungryroot. I get at least two deliveries every single month. When it comes to Hungryroot, I find it’s really easy to use their website; they have a new system where the box size you choose has a certain number of credits and you can use those credits to add meals and grocery items to your box. That means, if you know you have a busy week coming up, you can add a bunch of meal options to your box and have everything you need for a week where you simply won’t have the mental energy to cook. Or, if you just need a few pantry staples, you can get grocery items; I always stock up on the ancient grains pancake mix, superfood almond butter, and a variety of rice pouches to make day-to-day meals easy.

One thing I always make sure to have in my Hungryroot delivery is cookie dough. They have a few different options, but my favorites are the Black Bean Brownie Batter and the Almond Chickpea Cookie Dough. Both are exceptionally good right out of the fridge—and it’s perfectly safe to eat it raw! But they also make great baked cookies for kids snacks, an after dinner treat, or a cookie exchange. Plus, with extra protein and healthy ingredients, they make a great option if you’re trying to cut back on stuff that might make you feel sluggish, like white sugar, flour and gluten.

For Christmas, Forrest and I baked up some of the Almond Chickpea Cookie Dough to take to a Christmas cookie exchange. I wanted something that people would love and that would be a healthy alternative to cookies for anyone who needed it. I love cookies—you know I do—but sometimes, I want a cookie without all the extra, you know? Here are two super simple Hungryroot recipes using their cookie dough!

I used a tub of the Almond Chickpea Cookie Dough from Hungryroot and about 4 tablespoons of flour. You don’t need to add flour, but I wanted to make sure these cookies held their shape well. I then scooped 1 tablespoon scoops and rolled them into balls. I flattened them slightly with the lid of the cookie dough tub before baking for about 10 minutes. When they came out, I dunked them in melted chocolate with coconut oil and sprinkled on some sprinkles. They were delicious. A tub of cookie dough makes exactly 9 cookies using my measurements; you could make them smaller.

Here’s another healthy option: use a tub of the Black Bean Brownie Batter and portion into 1 tablespoon scoops. Place into a mini muffin tin and press down, leaving an indent in the middle. Bake according to package instructions. When they come out, press a Hershey’s kiss, either plain chocolate or one of the Candy Cane kisses, into the center. Let cool. Black Bean Brownie Blossom Cookies! Quick, easy, healthy, and delicious!

If you want to reject the idea that you have to give up treats after New Years and want to eat some delicious, nutritious cookies, you should give Hungryroot a try.

You can use my code PAUSES2021 to get 40% off your first order!

I hope the New Year brings you as much success and happiness as you can wish for! Set your goals high and attainable, dream big, and eat cookies!

Disclaimer: as noted by the asterisk in the title of this post, this post is sponsored by Hungryroot. For each time my code is used, I do receive a small compensation from Hungryroot. However, all opinions remain my own. If you’d like to learn more about my disclosure policy, click here.

Beauty Review: First Aid Beauty Cleanser with FAB Antioxidant Booster

When it comes to cleanser, what is something you always look for?

My entire life, I feel like I’ve bounced between a lot of different cleansers, but my favorites always have one thing in common: they’re more of a cream cleanser than a soap cleanser. When it comes to a single shared characteristic of my favorites, that’s about as specific as I can be.

My deciding factor is, of course, how clean I feel like it gets my face. Some cleansers clean, but don’t feel like they do much beyond that; I would say the Body Shop’s Tea Tree Cleanser (which I like!) does that. I’ve recently phased out using it because at the end of the day, it just felt like general soap. Nothing special. I’ve instead been exclusively using the It Cosmetics Confidence in a Cleanser, which is more of a cream consistency and highly moisturizing.

In my most recently Ipsy bag, I added on 3 add-ons. These are products you can add to your Ipsy shipment; they offer $3 deluxe samples, $6 super deluxe samples, ad $12 full size samples. I usually stick to the $3 tier and on Black Friday, they had a buy-2-get-1-free deal. Thus, I got the It Cosmetics Confidence in an Eye Cream sample, a new chapstick, and the Ipsy Skincare Party Pouch. The Skincare Party Pouch was a single velvet sack, intended to be a stocking stuffer. I wasn’t sure at first if it would have multiple small samples—but learned via reviews that it would have one single sample. I was a little nervous because many reviews said the sample was tiny and not worth it.

However, when I unboxed it on Instagram, I expressed how excited I was by what I received! I received a deluxe sample of the First Aid Beauty Cleanser with FAB Antioxidant Boost; this is their basic, cream cleanser.

A full-size tube has 5 ounces and costs $21. The sample size has 1 fluid ounce. That puts the value of this sample size at about $4.20—considering I bought it for $3 and that included a fairly nice velvet bag, that’s a pretty good deal to me. As well, a 5 fluid ounce tube is quite large and will last a while. I would estimate a 1 ounce tube will last me anywhere from 2-4 weeks.

Here’s what this cleanser promises:

“A fragrance-free, gentle cleanser that effectively removes makeup, dirt and grime, leaving skin soft and supple. The whipped texture transforms into a sumptuous cream when blended with water.

Infused with a powerful Botanical Antioxidant blend, it helps safeguard skin against environmental aggressors while also calming irritated skin. This non-stripping, pH-balanced formula works to maintain skin’s natural acidity and helps reduce flare ups, never leaving skin feeling tight or dry.”

My skin lately has been very dry, very sensitive, and very red. I suspect that I’ve damaged the pH barrier of my skin. (If you’re curious about what the hell I’m talking about, here’s a good write up about your skin’s pH barrier!) The tell-tale sign of a damaged pH barrier is inflammation of any kind: that means redness (got it), flakiness (got it), dryness (got it), and acne flares (got it). That’s right, kids; as of this moment, I’m batting 4-out-of-4. Just call me the Babe Ruth of Bad Skin!

But in all seriousness, I’d been looking at ways to repair my pH barrier and this cleanser came up a few times. So when I saw it in the Party Pouch, it was like a divine intervention. “Here,” the skin gods said, “take it. You need it, hunnie.”

Thanks, Skincare Gods!

So, what do I think of this cleanser?

First of all, I like that it’s technically fragrance free, in that it doesn’t have any added fragrance. As much as I love the it Cosmetics Confidence in a Cleanser (love the cleanser, but typing this name more than once hurts), I suspect that the fragrance hasn’t been doing much for my skin. However, just because it doesn’t have added fragrance, doesn’t mean it doesn’t smell; like most FAB products that are fragrance free, I feel like the faintly chemical hospital smell of it is almost a turn off. I would prefer even a naturally scent (can we get an essential oil?) could be added without a detrimental effect, but what do I know?

Secondly, I do really love it. I’ve noticed a slight improvement in my skin (in combination with upping my hyaluronic acid use) in the week I’ve been using it. Most of all, I’m looking for an improvement in my skins flakiness and that has definitely improved in the last week.

Who do I recommend this cleanser for?

I think if you’re dealing with problematic skin related to the weather, this would be a great cleanser to test out to see if it helps. If you have sensitive or acne-prone skin, it’s also a great option. At only $21 for a tube (compare to $30+ for It Cosmetics Confidence in a Cleanser), it’s a fairly affordable option. One of my other favorite cleansers is the Loreal Pure Clay Foaming Cleanser, which is creamy and clay-based; it might be another good option for acne-prone skin and is only $9. It reminds me a lot of this cleanser in some ways!

In short: I’m really glad I bought the Party Pouch; I will probably throw down $21 for this cleanser in full-size; and I think I’ve broken my pH barrier of my skin but this might be the magic key I need to fix it.

Beauty Review: My December 2019 Ipsy Bag

Sometimes, I’m afraid that people think my love of beauty products makes me seem air headed or flighty.

I think that’s a message we all absorb, right? In one way or another, we’re taught that “dumb girls” are the ones who are interested in their appearance, who like beauty products. When I was young, I remember feeling like I needed to keep the fact that I wore foundation a secret (even though it was pretty obvious). Girls might talk privately about make up, but to do so too loud was to admit that you cared what other people thought of you. As I’ve gotten older and society has shifted, that’s changed a lot—but you still see tweets about taking girls swimming on the first date, as if the only reason women use make up to make themselves beautiful in the eyes of others (and that somehow make up changes our entire face to the point of a very good disguise).

In recent months, I moved away from writing about beauty and skincare, not because I don’t like it anymore—but just because in terms of my headspace, I just wasn’t there. I couldn’t. All my energy, both mentally and physically, has gone into starting my freelance business, networking, and taking care of my home and family.

I feel like I finally have the mental energy to focus on myself, and my beauty products, again—but there is still that niggling little fear. What if people think I’m vapid because this is what I like writing about? How can I fully combine the idea that you can be a mom who gets shit done but also is very invested in double cleansing? The truth is we all contain multitudes and the attitudes and ideas we’ve absorbed from society about beauty standards are basically 100% bullshit. You can be an entrepreneur, a high level employee, a badass mom, a very dedicated college student… and still care about the new eyeshadow palette you just bought, or the skincare routine you perform every single day. We all deserve to feel good about the things we like and none of them are vapid, empty, or meaningless.

So this is my way to say: if you want to get Ipsy, but are worried about collecting too many products, or being “too invested” in beauty products, or if you’ve worried about those things and have never really let yourself indulge in a really good, expensive moisturizer… here’s your permission. I’m handing it to you. Go to Ulta, buy the moisturizer, subscribe to Ipsy, luxuriate in your oils to your hearts content. It doesn’t make you less of anything to care about those things if they make you feel good.

Whew! Now that that is out of the way, let’s talk Ipsy, shall we? You can read my past Ipsy reviews here. If you want to try Ipsy, you can sign up using my referral link here.

This month’s bag is sparkly, silver realness. Ipsy has slightly changed since my last review (in October). It now costs $12 a month and you get to choose one product in your bag every month—if you remember to log in and choose it in time. There is only a 24-hour window to do so, so if you, like me, are kind of busy and see the email and think, “I’ll do that later!” it will probably be too late by the time you log in the next day. As a warning.

That’s something I think Ipsy needs to readjust or change; not many of us have time right upon receiving an email to act on it. I try to spend less than 10 minutes in my email inbox at a time, just so I actually work on my to do list instead of, say, constantly reply to emails and click links.

That being said, even though I didn’t get to choose an item this month, I still like everything in my bag. Plus, I got 3 bonus items (which I haven’t included in this review) because they were having a buy-2-get-1-free deal on Black Friday. i love the monthly option to add on items for $3 a sample. I almost always choose one or two just so I have something new to try. I’ll actually be reviewing one of my add-ons at the beginning of January, so stay tuned for that!

Let’s walk through everything I got this month, shall we?

1. Hanhoo Watermelon Illuminator Daytime Facial Oil, $8 value

I love a facial oil! You probably know that by now. This facial oil contains watermelon extract and niacinamide; here’s what niacinamide promises: “niacinamide has been getting lots of love lately—and it’s a star ingredient in this face oil. It helps to refine pores, even skin tone and texture, treat acne-prone skin, and get you glowing.” That sounds… pretty good, right?

This facial oil reminds me a lot of the bliss drench moisturizer; it’s more of a cream-to-oil texture instead of a straight oil and has quite a bit of water in it, according to the ingredients list. I really like how it feels on my skin, but it doesn’t feel like a facial oil at all. That’s not necessarily a problem. It’s a good moisturizer! It just doesn’t contain any actual oil; it contains cyclopentasiloxane, which is a common ingredient to act as a lubricant in things like anti-aging creams and conditioner.

Facial oil is a popular term these days and this strikes me as an example of marketing versus what the products actually is. That being said, I don’t hate the product; I actually really like it! It’s just… not a facial oil.

A full size bottle of this products is 1 fluid oz and costs $16; this sample is 0.5 fluid oz and therefore has a value of $8. Pretty good!

2. Jolii Cosmetics Luxe Creme Matte in Lavanda, $18

I love a liquid lip and this one has a great, creamy texture. I received the color Lavanda, which is described as “a vibrant violet shade that’s surprisingly versatile and flatters every skin tone.” Violet is close to how I would describe it; it’s pretty bright in person, and almost grey-beige (greige). It’s really pretty, but there is something about a grey-toned purple lipstick that makes my teeth look yellow as all hell. So I will not be wearing this shade until I get my teeth whitened to roughly the shade of snow.

This is a full size product, though, and I love when I get a full size product in my bag!

3. Cela Black Gold Supreme Coffee Scrub, $3.70 value

I’m not a huge fan of coffee scrubs; I find them messy and slightly useless, as you never receive enough in a sample to really get the job done. That being said, I like this one. It smells good (like coffee, of course). And the packaging is gorgeous. If body scrubs are your thing, this one is a great option.

A full size tube of this product contains 200 grams and costs $37. This sample tube is 0.7 oz or 20 ml. It’s hard to convert between mls and grams as they are two different types of measurement, but in this case, it’s most likely a 1-to-1 ratio. Therefore, this sample tube, at 20ml or 20g, has a value of $3.70.

4. Space Case Cosmetics Blush in It’s Not Me, It’s My Sign, $9

I love blush! It’s my favorite thing to receive in my Ipsy bag because it’s my favorite step of my make up. The funny thing about make up, for me, is that I spend a lot of time taking all the color out of my skin via foundation, then I have to put a little bit of color back so I don’t look like a corpse. Hence why I love blush so much.

This blush is in the color It’s Not Me, It’s My Sign, which is a cute name. The shade is described as “an orchid pink with a semi-matte finish.” However, I would call it closer to a true pink—not necessarily floral or natural. I have a lot of rosey blushes like it, but I do quite like this one. It’s a bit more sheer than the average blush.

This is another full size product. It is sold out on the Space Case website, but the other blushes are also valued at $9 each and look just as lovely.

5. Tarte Amazonian Clay Waterproof Bronzer in Park Avenue Princess, $3.33 value

This is the funniest little product. I don’t wear bronzer and no matter how many times i tell Ipsy not to send me bronzer, they tend to lump it in with blushes. To them, they’re the same sort of product, so why wouldn’t I want both? This one is from the Amazonian Clay line, but comes in a package totally different from other sample blushes I’ve received from the same line. It’s tiny! It clocks in at 1 gram; a full size is 9 grams! The packaging is a cheap plastic and the unit of bronzer itself is pretty small, more of an eyeshadow size really! In terms of color, it’s quite yellow for a bronzer and very light.

I can’t imagine being someone with a darker skin tone receiving this product. It doesn’t look like this bronzer is offered in any other shade, at least on Sephora; it’s just one shade of bronzer and maybe 20% of the population can wear it. It’s so light! This is probably the biggest disappointment of the bag because I just won’t use it.

A full size clocks in at 9 grams for $30. (WHEW!)

Final Thoughts

The total value of this bag is $42.03. In terms of value, that’s one of the lowest valued bags I’ve ever received, but I do like 4 out of the 5 products! I can’t complain too much, but for $13, I feel like I do expect a slightly higher value.

Did you receive an Ipsy bag this month? What did you think?

My Favorite Products of 2019

It’s been a minute since I’ve written about beauty products, or products in general. In terms of my blog, I’ve been focusing more on personal and professional development—that’s just where my head is right now!

But that being said: we all deserve to take care of ourselves. We can’t be 100% business, goal-focused, super productive all the time. That’s unsustainable. And besides, it’s fun to take a break and talk about products that make it easier for us to live our lives with minimal hassle and maximum results. (I’m all about that life.)

And ultimately, my goal with my blog is to always push the point that you can be successful at whatever it is you choose (your job, or parenthood, or hitting that personal goal) while also taking time to pamper yourself and indulge in the things you love.

2019 was a big year for me. As Kylie Jenner so famously said, “I feel like this year is really about, just the year of realizing stuff.”

I’ve realized so much stuff.

But in all seriousness: 2019 was a big year for a lot of very good and bad reasons. I feel like I’m taking more steps towards being a better person than I was at the end of 2018, that’s for sure. I’m a lot less angry and scared this year than I was last year. More than that, I feel comfortable where I am professionally for the first time in a long time and I’ve learned how to take better care of myself.

When it comes to the products that really improved my life in 2019, I think of a few things: things that made me happy, that gave me more time, or just worked really, really well. In a year where so much was happening, especially in the 2nd half, some days I just needed things that made me feel really, really good. So, here are my top 5 products (mostly beauty-related) for 2019.

1. Apothehair by Scapes

I received a sample of Apothehair by Scapes in my Birchbox. As of right now, you can only buy it from Birchbox—which is what I did. It was fairly expensive, but you don’t use much of it at a time. It is an herbal leave-in conditioner that I highly recommend if you have dry, damaged hair. I always let my hair air dry, which can give me some flyaways… but I like that Apothehair helps calm those down, while also making my hair so dang shiny.

I got really into hair care products this year. I started keeping regular hair appointments for the first time in years (shout out to my stylist, Lindy); even though I don’t necessarily need a trim every 4-6 weeks, I like to go anyway. Sometimes, I get a scalp treatment. But mostly, I’ve realized that taking good care of my hair is one way I can take better care myself. That’s why I like Apothehair; it’s one product that helps me really feel like I’m taking care of my hair every single day without fail. It smells good. It feels good. It makes my hair look good. Honestly, it doesn’t get much better.

2. First Aid Beauty Oat & Cannabis Seed Oil

I got a (fairly large) sample of this in my most recent Ipsy bag and let me tell you: if you’re looking for a good oil to finish your skincare routine with, let me recommend this one. It’s a combination of oat-based oil and cannabis seed oil. You don’t need many drops and you can add it to your moisturizer or apply it afterwards to seal the skin.

Throughout November and December, I’ve been struggling hard with my nose being dry. I mean the skin on my nose. And around my nose. It looks awful. The skin was scaly and peeling and just kind of nasty looking. My nose is usually incredibly oily, but I actually stopped using powder because my nose was so dry. I started religiously applying the FAC oil in the morning and evening (sometimes twice in an evening, just for good measure) and it cleared up in a few days. All that hemming and hawing only for it to go away, and improve, over a few days. Sometimes, I surprise myself.

I fully plan to buy a full size of this oil once the new year starts (even though I’ll be on a mild spending ban to start hardcore saving for taxes next year) because I’m not sure I can live without it at this point.

3. It Cosmetics Confidence in a Cleanser

I reviewed this cleanser in November and I’m not sure I have much else to say about it except that: it continues to be my favorite cleanser of the year; I still love the smell of it; and I love how moisturizing it is, especially with the dry winter air.

4. My Diffuser

I have never been much into essential oils; I don’t think they do even 10% of what some people claim and I think the consumption of them is incredibly dangerous and misguided. That being said: essential oils smell very good and I like when my house smells good. I resisted essential oils in diffusers for so long for everything I just listed, but let me tell you: my life improved dramatically when I just started using them for smell alone! This is the diffuser I bought at the beginning of the summer; I ended up buying a second one for my bedroom. I like that it came with a set of basic essential oils; however, it was about $10 cheaper when I bought both of mine, so I don’t know what to think about that!

My favorite oils to diffuser are bergamot anything; jasmine + eucalyptus; and tea tree and eucalyptus. I do find some scents help me feel better or more energized, but I think that’s just because I particularly like them—not because they hold any real medicinal properties.

5. Aveda Shampure Thermal Dry Conditioner

My hair stylist recommended this on my very first visit and I bought it right then and there. And I love it. The link above is to a similar product; I can’t find the one I actually use on the Aveda website, but you can read a blog post about it here. It is a dry conditioner that you can use on your hair when its dry to add a bit more moisture and shine, as well as to provide a small amount of heat protection (if you are curling your hair or anything). It also smells amazing. (The entire Shampure line from Aveda smells fantastic!) I like using it to refresh my hair throughout the day, or if my scalp is being particularly problematic; I spray, brush, and let dry. My hair is shinier and softer afterwards, which is always a plus.

---

There you have it! My favorite products of 2019. Do you have anything you’re particularly loving from the last year? That you recently discovered? That changed your life? Tell me about it!

5 Exercises for Setting Goals That Stick

A few weeks ago, I asked my Instagram followers what their biggest struggle was when it came to setting goals. I’ve been doing a 90-day goal challenge (as well as a 100 day, inspired by Elsie Larson at a Beautiful Mess) and it’s gotten me thinking a lot about setting, and keeping, goals.

I’ve always been an incredibly goal-oriented person. I am always working on something when it comes to a big goal—but some goals have always been easier for me to meet than others. In the past, I’ve never quite known why I could win NaNoWriMo every single year… but not be able to stick to meal prepping or other goals that seem like it should be a no brainer to hit.

As I’ve written before, I’ve been spending a lot of time in therapy learning how to validate myself, rather than seek out external validation. I really believe that external validation combined with internal validation is the root of why some goals are easier to hit than others. When it comes to completing NaNoWriMo, I often get a rush of validation from other people: friends reaching out to say congratulations, strangers on the internet, my writing group. Validation comes from everywhere and it’s a good feeling to be validated. I can trust that validation. I know it will be there.

But when it comes to other goals, like finishing a workout series or doing my daily writing… those goals aren’t as public. No one is going to cheer me on when I announce I’ve gone a month without cancelling a therapy appointment. No one is going to send me a nice text to boost my spirits because I managed to fold and put away all the laundry. There are some things we will receive external validation for and some things we won’t.

Relying on external validation for all our goals will only make us give up on goals easily. This obviously isn’t the only reason we struggle to complete goals, however. There are lots of ways we can get distracted or be unsure. Here are a few examples that I was sent on Instagram:

Here’s a summary:

• Setting too many goals

• Settings goals that are not achievable

• Finding goals that make sense 90 days later

• Staying committed

That makes it pretty easy to address the issues we all seem to have with goals, right? Most importantly, it seems everyone struggles to set realistic goals that stick—or that make sense after a month. I hope these 5 exercises will help you set better goals in 2020. Think of these as separate exercises that you can do one at a time, but also steps to creating goals that make sense in your life. Let’s get started!

1. Use a Calendar to Set Your Goals.

This task (or exercise) solves the issue of: how can I make my goals achievable?

Firstly, make sure that any goal you set has an end in sight. On-going, long term goals can be more challenging, especially if you’re used to feel defeated about your goals. Set an end date on the calendar. Think in 90-day or 100-day chunks.

Secondly, set a measurable results for your goal. Here are a few examples:

• I’m going to post 3 days a week and share to Pinterest daily until May 1 instead of I’m going to have a successful blog.

• I’m going to go to 3 networking events a week until June 1 instead of I’m going to grow my business and/or I want X number of clients this year.

• I’m going to work out 2 days a week until April 1 instead of I’m going to be more active.

Basically: when setting your goals, think in specifics: what will you measure, how will you measure it, and when will you be done measuring it (and ready to set a new goal). Set these days on your calendar.

2. Use Goals to Improve Instead of Punish.

Sometimes, we think of New Years Resolution, or yearly goals, as punishment. “I’m getting this goal because I’ve been doing bad and now I need to suffer to be good.” First of all, I assure you: you are already good. With my son, I make sure to reiterate that everyone is good, they just make bad choices sometimes. But even bad choices don’t deserve punishment 100% of the time.

Basically, don’t set up your goals as punishments for your own perceived bad behavior. So what if you gained weight in 2019? How do you feel? If you feel sluggish and unwell, adding a few goals to work out and eat healthier might make you feel happier—but they aren’t punishments to your body, they are ways for you to treat yourself and your brain better.

Your goals should be created with the intention to improve your life—not to make you feel miserable. Aim for things that you know will make you feel good and won’t make you feel miserable and unhappy day-to-day.

Here are a few examples:

• I’m going to eat 1 vegetable with every meal instead of I’m only going to eat X number of calories every single day.

• I’m going to work out 2 days a week instead of I’m going to work out for 2 hours every single day.

• I’m going to write every day for at least 20 minutes instead of I’m going to finish my novel by February 1.

3. Break Your Goal into Week-by-Week Tasks.

Let’s take one of our example goals, because they’re very easy. “I’m going to post 3 days a week and share to Pinterest daily” is an easy one. What would be my weekly tasks?

• Task 1: Write 3 blog posts for the next week (working in advance!)

• Task 2: Share to Pinterest and repin every single day.

Easy, right?

Let’s look at a more challenging example.

Here’s another sample goal: “I’m going to grow my business by 10 clients by June 1.” Here are a few sample tasks:

• Task 1: Go to 3 networking events a week.

• Task 2: Send 2 emails per week.

• Task 3: Finish website.

• Task 4: Post on LinkedIn 2 times per week.

Those tasks are a little heavier than the other goal and there are more of them. But do you see the process? Looking at your goal, what are the tasks that you’ll need to do every single week to achieve them? If your goal is to work out 2 days per week, then your task will be to add work out blocks to your weekly calendar. If your goal is grow your blog, you might add in social media management, developing products to promote your blog, and more. It just depends on your goal and what is achievable for you!

4. Copy Week-by-Week Tasks into Your Planner.

This is an easy one. Take those week-by-week tasks and put them in your planner. Add them to specific dates with deadlines. Make them appointments. Here’s an example; if one of your tasks is to post to Instagram 3 days a week to grow your blog, you might add “Post to Instagram” as a task 3 days a week to reoccur until your chosen date. Whatever your task is, add it to your planner, your calendar, whatever you use.

This exercise solves the issue of losing focus on your goal, and staying committed, throughout the weeks after New Years Day.

5. Incorporate Weekly Tasks into To Do List.

If you make a daily or weekly to do list, add those weekly tasks to your to do list when you get to that week. This makes them tangible tasks to complete on a deadline, along everything else you do. As you work on each task, know you’re getting closer to your goal. As you work through the weeks, you can reassess. Let’s look an example.

If your goal is to grow your blog, and you want to pin to Pinterest 3 days a week, but you notice that your pins aren’t having much traction, you might need to reassess your strategy, your boards, and more. That might become a secondary task that you need to address next week to make your weekly task more effective. You might also address whether your blog posts are in line with what your ideal reader wants, or provide enough information to appeal to readers.

The Truth About Time Management

It’s 9am on a Tuesday. Maybe you’ve already started your day; you’ve had your coffee and your breakfast, you’ve taken your kids (if you have them) to daycare or school. If you work at an office, you’ve arrived, dressed and ready for the day, and settled at your computer. If you work from home, you’re in your home office, ready to start your day.

But then, you don’t. You chat with a coworker, send a few texts, scroll through Instagram. You check your email, maybe answer a few. Your to do lists sits beside you at your desk, or stuck on your computer screen, but you aren’t paying attention to that.

Time management looks different to everyone. You might be naturally very good at it; when you need to get something done, you just do it. Procrastination isn’t part of your world! Or maybe you struggle to stay on track; you get easily distracted by coworkers, chat screens, Instagram, or other tasks that are important, but not high priority. You might think that people in that second group need to take a note from the first group. But what if I told you that both types of people can struggle with time management?

I am a to do list follower. I write a list every day and I do my best to get it done. But I’m always very easily distracted. While I’m cleaning the bathroom, I might just start reorganizing my closet (my walk-in closet opens up from the bathroom!) or I might start reorganizing and cleaning out my make up collection. When I’m mopping the floors, I might sit down to order some of that stuff you put under rugs to keep them from the sliding all over. I’m easily distracted by secondary or tertiary tasks. When I’m writing social media for a client, I often find myself auditing their lifetime social media, which is outside the scope of my work but sometimes a necessary evil. These tasks aren’t unimportant, but they’re not the task I am trying to accomplish.

It’s hard to stay on task so to speak—and that’s where time management often comes in.

So how can you improve your time management skills? How can you actually accomplish what you mean to?

I think the first step is working on prioritizing your tasks, narrowing down your goals, and putting your time where it matters most. You don’t need to manage your time if you focus in and have tasks that don’t leave you bored, overwhelmed, or frantic.

Using the 5/25 Method for Prioritizing

For the past few months, I’ve been using what’s called the 5/25 method for narrowing down my to do list when I feel particularly overwhelmed, frazzled, or easily distracted. Here’s how it works:

Step 1: Write down 25 things you want to do, feel like you need to do, or have to do. This can be your existing to do list, but anything else that’s been nagging at you.

Step 2: Cross out 20 of those items. Be ruthless and don’t spend too much time thinking about it.

Step 3: Rewrite your list with the 5 items you have left. These are your TOP priorities!

That’s it. That’s the entire method! It’s simple, quick, and very effective. In the process, you might notice there are items on your to do list that simply aren’t serving you or your goals. A prime example, for me, is that I’ve had “make a spreadsheet for expenses” on my list for months. Yet, I haven’t done it… because I track all my expenses in Quickbooks anyway. Why do I need a separate spreadsheet? It’s already done for me! I crossed it off my list for good at that point.

I find this method particularly helpful because it requires you to address a few specific needs:

• what you need to get done

• what you want to get done

• what you have the capacity to do

• and what tasks are serving your longterm goals

Let’s look at another specific example. One task I always include on my weekly to do list is posting on LinkedIn and sending follow up messages to my connections. This is a part of communication as a freelancer that I struggle with, because it’s a soft skill I’m working on actively developing. This is something I need to do and prioritize in order to grow my business and develop stronger connections with my peers—but doing it often falls to the bottom of my list. However, if I follow the 5/25 method, I recognize it as a high priority task and it becomes one of the 5—whereas things like “buy storage bins for under bed” and “clean laundry room” get crossed off in comparison.

Using this method day-to-day can help you determine how to best manage your time and meet your goals.

How to Know if Working From Home Is For You

If you’ve ever thought that working from home, or remotely, is the perfect option for you, I’m glad to have you here!

I know many mothers have considered the possibilities of working remotely, wondering if it would be easier (or more difficult) with kids. Working remotely is different from launching your own business or working for yourself; you have the stability of a paycheck, with the stipulation that you don’t have to be in an office everyday. But that doesn’t mean the job is any less rigorous or challenging day-to-day… and working from home, with or without kids, can add some speed bumps to that road as well.

There are many positions now that can be done entirely remotely. Things like copywriting, copyediting, project management, and more can be done remotely and many mothers possess those skills, even if they’ve never worked in those positions before. If you’re considering trying a remote position, I recommend looking for jobs in your area from the start. We’ll talk about why later on.

Here are a few benefits to working from home for moms:

• You spend less money on daycare. If you decide to go for a remote position, you’ll want to decide if you want to put your kids in daycare or keep them home with you. My recommendation is to test out both options. However, with a reduced commute and the possibility to have your kids with you a few days a week, you’ll drastically reduce the amount you spend on daycare.

• You’ll have more time for everything else. Working from home does not mean you’ll be able to do everything else in your house throughout the day; working 8 hours a day from home should mean you work 8 hours just like you would at home. However, that doesn’t mean you won’t be able to throw in a load of laundry or start dinner earlier. Plus, again, without a commute, you’ll have more time to focus on what you need to—instead of driving around.

• You’ll feel less stressed. If you find the daycare drop off plus commute plus getting everything ready for the day plus trying to take care of your home very overwhelming… then working remotely can be a great option as it eliminates several of those things, or at least reduces the time crunch that is put on them.

However, when it comes to working from home, there are also some cons. It would be disingenuous for me to not include those. Here are a few:

• Work-life balance becomes way more challenging. You work in your home. You take care of your kids while you work. The boundaries become much more blurred and it can be hard to manage both. Part of the challenge of working remotely is knowing how to set your boundaries, and that comes with time.

• You’ll feel isolated. When I went back to work after having Forrest, and before I started working from home more frequently, I was so excited to go back to work primarily because I wanted to see other adult humans. There is value in being around other people, even if you’re an introvert, like me.

• You have additional requirements. Working from home isn’t a free-for-all. Most businesses will require check ins and, if your workplace is more local to you, that means occasional check ins in person. If your workplace isn’t near you, you might be required to travel there to check in every once and a while. It just depends.

If you look over these lists and think, it sounds like a challenge, but one that’s exciting for me!, then working from home might be for you. Let’s go over a few more points.

What Skills Can You Offer?

There are some skills that are just plan more suited to working from home than others. If you have a long career of a job that can now be done pretty much 100% online (like payroll, copywriting, and more), you probably can work from home relatively successfully, with maybe a few in-person check ins per month. Some workplaces as well as more suited to remote workers as well. If your workplace has a system like Slack in place for in-office messages, then it’s much easier to work from home. If not, it can be more challenging to work remotely.

You’ll want to consider how your skills can be used remotely and how it would effect your performance. Do you think you could be as productive of an employee from home? Is your workplace equipped for a remote employee or would you be applying for a new position? These are all things to take into account when it comes to working from home or remotely.

How Are Your Time Management Skills?

Working from home means you’re managing your own schedule. No one will stop by your desk to remind you of something; no one will be watching you to make sure you’re working and not, say, drifting to sleep on the couch while watching Hallmark Movies. It’s easy to do when you work from home; it’s easy to get distracted, to start trying to handle everything on your to do list in your home (like all that laundry you need to fold or emptying the dishwasher). But when you are working from home, you have to resist the urge to start doing those things. It’s very easy to slip into the mindset that you can always make it up, that people don’t know. But the more you focus on your work away from your actual job, the harder it will be to catch up and actually get things done.

You have to be able to be strict with yourself, manage your time appropriately, and prioritize. If that’s not something you can do, then forget it.

Can You Handle the Mental Health Aspect?

As I said, working from home can blur the lines between your life and your work. The same is true for people who own their own businesses, of course. But when you work remotely for someone else, you can feel really isolated from your coworkers and your workplace. Part of the benefit of working in an office is being able to connect with other people in your work space and being able to connect and socialize. If you work remotely, there is less of that and you may start to feel isolated. As well, spending days not leaving your house in the winter can be hard. You have to be able to set a routine in place so you don’t end up wearing the same pajamas or sweatpants for an entire week without leaving your house.

For many, office politics can be one of the most challenging parts of their job; for that reason, working remotely can be a blessing. However, it’s important to remember that we’re all social beings, even if we’re introverts, so it’s something to consider when you decide to work from home.

How to Practice Self Care for Freelancers

Working freelance, and working primarily from home, can have a really positive impact on some aspects of your mental health, while also being not-so-great for other aspects.

For me personally, working from home and working for myself gives me the freedom to try new things, to keep flexible work hours so I can also be a parent, and stay on top of tasks, like laundry and keeping my home clean, that improve my mental health. However, working from home can also be isolating, making it difficult for me to keep a routine and making me very, very lonely.

I’ve been thinking a lot about how freelancers can be practice self-care in their day-to-day lives. As I’ve written before, there is a difference between self-care and self-soothing; self-soothing, like taking baths, working out, doing yoga, etc., is just one aspect of self-care, which is a larger routine that makes it possible for you to maintain your mental health.

Recently, I was at a networking meeting with a few other freelancing friends and I asked them what they thought made it easier to practice self-care in their lives. We talked a lot about ways we all worked to keep routines, make sure we were prioritizing our mental health alongside client demands, and more. I gathered up a few of the most common pieces of advice here.

1. Separate Your Life from Your Work

I mean this one literally: separate your life from your work. I love my office at home, but I’ve started to realize that I use it for too much that isn’t my work. Which sometimes makes getting work done harder. I start paying bills when I meant to work on a proposal; I look at the pile of presents I need to wrap and feel a pang of guilt; I decide to tackle my filing (which has been on hold since AUGUST) instead of a task that has higher priority. Something needs to be done and that, obviously, is separation. I need to separate the spaces from my life.

If you don’t have space for a separate office, there are ways you can still make this work; designate a specific corner of your bedroom as your “office” and only work there. Keep your bills and everything else unrelated to work away from it.

2. Keep Boundaries with Clients Firm

It was 6pm and I was cleaning up from dinner, elbow deep in water washing dishes, when my phone rang. It was a client. I dried my hands and pressed to send it to voicemail.

3 minutes later, it rang again.

And then again.

And then again.

When I finally answered it, my client immediately said, “I’ve called you 5 times!” I asked if we had a call scheduled that I forgot and they said no. I reminded them it was 6pm on a Friday and I don’t typically work past 3pm. They scoffed and said they had a question. I decided to take it, reminding them that I did bill for these kind of calls, and they proceeded to ask me a question that wasn’t even urgent! There was nothing wrong with their social media, no pressing need. It was a run-of-the-mill question that could have been sent in email or, if they really wanted to hear my voice, scheduled in a call. I told them this and then wished them a happy weekend, asking them to send me an email Monday morning with the question.

When they didn’t send me that email, I fired them as a client.

For me, I have to have boundaries: I don’t do unscheduled work calls outside of my work hours (we’ll talk work hours in a moment!); I don’t take non-urgent calls outside of business hours; and if my clients don’t keep up their end of the contract or work agreement, then I don’t keep them as clients. I don’t let myself feel bad about these boundaries as I need them to be an effective worker and to stay healthy—and all my freelancing friends agree.

You’ll always have a client that will push the boundaries. When I answered that call on that Friday evening, I expected an urgent question—when I realized it wasn’t urgent, I told them to ask me via email so I could answer on my time and not have to bill them for it. (This was mostly for my benefit, but to them, it seemed like I was being nice!) However, I realized that if someone calls me 5 times in a row on a Friday evening with a question they could easily Google themselves, they are someone who is going to always push my boundaries; if I’d answered their question on the phone that day, they would have continued to push and push. I didn’t want that. So better to stop it before it starts.

3. Make Your Space Functional

I get chronic knee pain from sitting too long when I work, so I have a desk that I can easily turn into a standing desk. This is one aspect of a functional work space.

Sometimes, we tend too much towards wanting our work spaces to look nice (I’m totally guilty of this), without focusing on how it will function. Right now, I have a bunch of boxes stacked beside my desk for my printer because I have yet to find a filing cabinet that I like (I’m working on it, really). While this isn’t really aesthetically pleasing, it works for me right now.

There are many ways to make your space functional; pick a chair for comfort, not for cuteness, because you’ll be spending time in it. Get the blue blocker glasses that will save your eyes and invest in a good, ergonomic set up for your desk top to save yourself from carpal tunnel syndrome.

4. Set Work Hours

This really goes hand-in-hand with the second point, but: have set work hours and make your clients aware of them. I use Contently to schedule 30-minute meetings with my clients and make it clear that I start work at 7am and finish work by 3pm. If they need me outside those hours, they can schedule a meeting if they have no other options. And more than establishing these boundaries with your clients, you need to establish them with yourself.

That means, no leaving dinner early to work on a project. No taking just a few minutes to answer work emails.

I created a new email address that I use entirely for work and I do not have it on my phone; I only open it up, in my browser, during my work hours. I might think of an idea for something for a project or a blog post… but I write it down on a sticky note, stick it in my work notebook, and leave it for the next day.

This has been a huge change for me as I’m used to working basically whenever I get a few free moments or hours. However, I’ve realized that for my mental health, I have to leave work during work hours and give myself a few hours of being just a mom or a few hours where I can just watch TV, or embroider, or read.

---

When it comes to self care and freelancing, it’s also important to remember to set aside time for a morning routine: taking your medication, showering, cleaning up your work space, and more. These little things set into your daily schedule can help keep you on track mentally and professionally.