4 Signs You Need Boundaries

This month, we’re going to talk about establishing boundaries: in your business, in your personal relationships, and beyond. Establishing boundaries is so important to everyone and something we don’t talk about enough! I hope you find value and comfort in these blog posts. You can read all posts in this series by clicking here.

For years, I heard about setting boundaries. About drawing distinct lines. Putting the toxic people in your life that you wouldn’t be taking anymore or making it clear to your job that after 5pm, you were simply unavailable. I never considered that this was something that applied to me: I was stressed and constantly anxious, but I didn’t consider any of my relationships (with my family, with Danny, or with work) to be toxic enough to need boundaries.

But here’s the thing: toxicity doesn’t necessitate boundaries. A toxic relationship really is the last step in the process, where someone isn’t respecting your boundaries.

Everyone needs boundaries. And some of us are better than others are setting boundaries and keeping them. Some of us are better at recognizing when we need boundaries. So the question here is, of course: what are the signs that we need to set boundaries? Here are a few things I’ve noticed in my own life.

1. You’re Burnt Out.

To me, this is the biggest sign. You find yourself getting snappy and easily annoyed by everything: the people you love, your job, people at the grocery store. You never feel like you’re actually resting. You wake up every morning feeling just as exhausted as the night before and, worse, dreading your day of parenting, working, or interacting with others (or all 3!). That’s burn out, friend, and it’s unfortunately very common, especially among young professional women and mothers. We’re prime targets for not having enough boundaries, imposter syndrome, and feeling like we have to reach peak productivity to be important.

It goes without saying: if you’re feeling signs of burn out, you need to establish boundaries. Here are a few you might consider:

• Setting strict work hours and not adjusting these unless it is a bonafide emergency (as defined by you, not your boss, not your client).

• Scheduling in quiet time for yourself everyday. This might be a bath, watching a movie by yourself in your bedroom, organizing your closet, whatever.

• Taking a week off every 6 weeks to reset, recharge, and get some much needed chores done (or just relax).

2. You can’t get anything done.

It’s not procrastination: it’s stress, baby! Because you’re constantly taking on things for other people, allowing yourself to be interrupted or distracted, you find yourself pulled between 100 different tasks and stuck, unable to complete any of them. The laundry that needs folded. The living room that needs cleaned desperately. The dinner that needs cooked. The client project’s that need tackled. There is so much to do and it’s so overwhelming—but the emails don’t stop, your husband standing in the door asking about your child’s favorite stuffed animal doesn’t stop, said child running in to ask to go on a hike… it doesn’t stop.

Between the disruptions, the overwhelm, and everything else, you just can’t get anything done. It feels too hard, too overwhelming. It’s a sign you need boundaries. Here are a few suggestions:

• Set filters on your email or politely ask friends, associates, and clients to limit their emails to you throughout the day.

• Remind those in your household to keep interruptions to a minimum. Using a red-light/green-light system for your kids is really effective.

• Write a to do list of less than 5 items to help narrow your focus and trim away the fluff. If other tasks can be delegated back to clients or coworkers, do that and communicate that this is not a task you can take on.

3. You feel like you don’t have any space of your own.

Speaking of email… your email is full of people asking questions, getting your advice and emotional energy for totally free. Your Instagram DMs are full of people asking questions about your content, your posts, everything. You get texts from clients. You feel like you don’t have any space that you can control, that doesn’t feel overwhelming and demanding.

This is an interesting point because it might feel like it doesn’t differentiate from the others. But I think the point here is: sometimes we have to set boundaries on our communication and carve out space for ourselves that doesn’t feel like it drains us. You might want to just enjoy Instagram and not be bombarded by repetitive DMs! Or you might want to reply to fun emails from friends that don’t ask for favors, free advice, or whatever. You want to enjoy those digital (or physical) spaces without the pressure to be working, productive, providing a service, or answering questions that you’ve already answered.

Here are a few boundaries you might consider:

• Setting up filters in your email. (Seriously, this helps SO MUCH).

• Communicating with friends that you love talking about your work, but that you simply can’t provide free services to them. (This is a hard one for me too, so I get it!)

• Setting clear standards on Instagram and other social media about what kind of messages you will and won’t respond to.

4. You feel guilty constantly.

You’re behind on a client deadline, but can’t focus because you feel so bad that your child is out in the living room alone. You go play with your child only to feel guilty that you should be working on that massive to do list for a client project.

Everything you do makes you feel guilty. Every choice makes you feel guilty. You never feel like you can rest because you feel so guilty.

Carrying guilt is so common these days. There’s a lot to think about, a lot to worry about, and, of course, a lot to feel guilty about. However, if you’re feeling guilt over everything you’re doing and not doing, you need to create some boundaries to free yourself from those feelings and expectations.

Here are a few ideas:

• When you find yourself spiraling into guilt, set up a series of actions to take, such as taking a walk, listening to a song you love, or doing literally anything else besides stewing in your guilt.

• Make a schedule and stick to it: these are the hours you work, these are the hours you spend with your kids, these are the hours you have to yourself.

5 Tips for Crafting Your Daily Work Routine

Welcome to my new series all about routines. While developing my own routine over the last few weeks of stay-at-home orders and quarantine, I’ve found myself writing down notes about developing my routine, working from home, having kids, keeping self-care in my day, and staying sane! I wanted to share some of this information with you, to help you succeed and feel more rested, recharged, and productive. You’ll be able to check out all the posts from this series here.

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So you want to start a daily routine, but you don’t know where to start? I’m glad you’re here, because this has been a topic I’ve been so excited to write about.

Having a daily routine can feel, depending on your point-of-view, super easy or super complicated. It just depends. I’m sure there are plenty of people (and maybe they’re like me!) who say, it’s not that hard, just do the same things every single day. Boom. Routine. But for many, it’s just not that easy.

If you’re someone who struggles to stay productive, or you get easily overwhelmed or distracted, creating a daily work routine that helps you get more done (without feeling like you’re being micromanaged) can be really challenging.

So, here are my 5 tips—which include step-by-step instructions for creating your daily routine.

1. Take time for what matters to you.

As I’ve written in previous blog posts in this series (you can read them all here!), no single routine will work for every person.

Step 1: Write down a list of 10 things you want to do everyday that will be impactful and meaningful to you. What do these 10 things mean? Are they part of a larger goal for you to meet? Here are a few examples of what I would write down:

• Journal

• Write my to do list

• Exercise/hit 10,000 steps

• Send LinkedIn messages

• Drink water

• Make bed

Step 2: Look at your list and order these things in a way that makes sense. Right when you wake up, what are 2 things you can do right away that will make a difference in your work day? How can you arrange this list in a way that makes sense for your day and that helps you feel motivated?

Step 3: Once you’ve ordered your list, think of realistic ways to incorporate these things into your routine everyday.

For me, that’s make my bed (which isn’t related to work, but does make me feel better) and then write my to do list. Typically, those are the first things I do everyday. I might be interrupted, but I also try to do those 2 things first—then, I jump into journaling and work tasks.

2. Set realistic expectations.

Are you going to wake up, make your bed, run 5 miles, make a gourmet breakfast, and still get to that 9am Zoom meeting on time? Let’s be honest: unless you decide to wake up at 4am, probably not. (Although, if that’s your thing, please go for it!) My point is that if you’re someone who has never done those things, they probably won’t start day one.

Make sure your list and routine is realistic. Here are a few examples based on my routine:

• Unrealistic: wake up, shower, make bed, work out, make breakfast for Forrest & I, get Forrest to my mom’s, journal, work.

• Realistic: wake up, make bed, work for an hour before Forrest wakes up, make breakfast for Forrest & I, take Forrest to my mom’s, journal.

The reality is if I have an extra hour in the morning, I’m not going to shower or work out. That’s just the truth. Those 2 things make me feel good, but in terms of how my life works, I prefer the extra hour.

As you work on your lists in tip #1, remember to keep your expectations realistic, what you can and cannot do, and what makes sense for your day.

3. Keep track of what does and does not work.

This is something I often repeat and I know for many people, they ask, what does that really mean? Let’s take a look.

Step 1: You’ve created your list from tip #1, you’ve ordered them, and you’ve started incorporating them into your day. Great! Now what? The first step here is to keep track of what feels right and good in your routine. That means, using a journal or scratch pad to keep track of your day in some way. This might just be jotting down notes, it might be checking off that list you wrote earlier… whatever works for you.

Step 2: Does something feel out of place? Is there something you meant to do but keep forgetting? Maybe it’s not as important as you originally thought it was or maybe it simply doesn’t make sense in your routine.

Step 3: Cut out the things that aren’t working. For me, this was removing pressure to work out in the morning or at a certain point each day; it just made me feel overwhelmed. Some days, I do aim for a work out, but day-to-day, it’s simply not a part of my routine. This also means keeping the things in your routine that aren’t working and becoming more aware of why they work and how they impact your day.

4. You’ll never be able to schedule your whole day.

This is more of a note, but: a routine isn’t a schedule. It isn’t strict. It’s just a series of things you do every day that make you feel good or improve your productivity (or ideally both). It’s easy for them to get conflated!

The truth is, it would be great if we could all schedule our day out to the 15-minute block. Trust me, I’ve tried that in time blocking—and even for someone like me, who thrives with routine, it simply doesn’t work for most people’s lives. Things come up. Feelings change. Needs change.

A routine is something that changes with you, that simply provides a blueprint for your day. How it actually adds up is entirely up to you. Some days, I don’t make my bed right when I wake up—but I get to it eventually because it’s a part of my routine that I find something. Some days, I don’t write in my journal because I don’t feel like, or I have more pressing work tasks to work on, or any number of things.

You can’t schedule out your whole day, especially if you’ve never been the type of person to stick to a strict schedule.

5. Protect yourself from burnout.

Step 1: Notice the signs of burnout. Here a few things to look for:

• Fatigue or exhaustion that you never experienced before.

• Feeling like you want to get things done, but you simply can’t find the energy to do so.

• Physical symptoms you never had before that aren’t tied to any specific illness.

• Feeling pessimistic and detached.

The symptoms of burnout can be very vague—but if you’re experiencing them, you probably recognize them. With shelter in place orders and quarantine, many of us are working longer hours from home; the lines between our home lives and our work lives have become incredibly blurred; and we all have more on our plate than before (work anxiety, anxiety about the economy and social tensions and more, plus childcare and homeschooling). Burnout is real.

Step 2: If you’re starting to feel totally overwhelmed, here are a few different things to do:

• Scale back your routine. Strip it to the minimum. I’m very goal-oriented, but I’ll be the first to tell you: when I start to feel signs of burnout, I know I need to let go of the goals for a little bit.

• Add more self-care and self-soothing to your daily routine. A long morning shower might cut into your work time, but will it help soothe you? Getting all your work done early so you can play Animal Crossing might feel flaky, but will you feel better?

• Speak to someone. There are lots of at-home resources right now for counselors and therapists. TalkSpace, or just contacting a local therapist, will make it easy. My therapist has been offering teleconference options that are secure since March. If you don’t want to talk to a therapist, reach out to a friend or family member, make sure they have space to help you, and let it out.

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There you have it! My 5 tips with step-by-step instructions. Are you working on your daily routine? Let me know how it’s going in the comments!

3 Ways to Reduce Stress While Working From Home

Working from home is a different kind of stressful, isn’t it? I've never been a huge fan of working in an office--I like being alone and I'm very easily distracted.

But working from home isn’t exactly a cakewalk, either. It can be lonely and you can easily get distracted by other parts of your home (like that pile of laundry that has refused to fold itself for 2 days or the kitchen that needs a good cleaning). Plus, if you are also taking care of children and trying to work, it’s a whole other ball game.

Today, I want to talk about reducing stress while you’re trying to work from home effectively. This isn’t necessarily self-care, but it is related. Reducing your stress now will help reduce burnout later (or… right now); it will also help you feel less like you’re about to go off the rails at any moment. (Trust me, I’ve been there. Recently.)

If you’d like to read more self-care posts, click here to read more!

Reducing stress is different from person-to-person—so we aren’t going to focus on simple stuff. Some people might be soothed by essential oils; others might find them aggravating. This is going to be a bit more high level than “buy a diffuser” or “do your self-care routine!” Right now, I just don’t personally find stuff like that especially helpful if I’m trying to find methods to make myself feel less like a boiling kettle.

I hope these tips help you moving forward. And if you need a friendly ear, I’m always here to listen!

1. Get it all out: journal every day (even for 5 minutes).

A few days ago, I was having a rough day. I had multiple deadlines and a very cranky 4-year-old who was feeling ignored, isolated, and sad. To get paid as a freelancer, I have to meet my deadlines—but as a parent, I also felt like I couldn’t let Forrest down. I sat at the kitchen table while he colored and wrote in my journal for 10 minutes. I wrote down everything I was feeling: totally overwhelmed, guilty for wishing schools would just freaking open already (I know, I know), exhausted, guilty for being a mom who couldn’t interact with Forrest as much as I wanted, anxious that my home was a mess and I had every single laundry basket we own full of laundry to fold… the list goes on.

After the 10 minutes was up, I gave Forrest a big hug and a kiss and told him I needed to work. He felt better and I felt better. I hit all my deadlines.

Those 10 minutes of just getting the feelings out was worth it.

Here’s the thing: journaling might not be your thing. (Although, if you’re feeling frequently anxious or stressed, a journal is a great idea.) But there are lots of ways to just get the emotions out. You can sing along to a favorite old emo song. Call a friend to vent to. Let it out in the group text. Whatever works for you, talking about what’s going on can help so much.

2. Make it easy: find a routine that works for you.

Working from home is hard. And sometimes, reading all the tips in the world to work from home won’t help.

You need a routine and, specifically, you need one just for you. That’s why I’ve been writing a series of posts about routines; you can read them all here.

Here are a few of my suggestions to reduce stress in your routine:

• Schedule in breaks.

• Stagger your tasks. Mix harder, more mentally straining tasks with easier, simpler tasks.

• Make your environment happy for you. This is a big one: you can have the best routine in the world, but if the space you’re in makes you crazy, then it won’t help at all. You might not have the space for your own office, but setting aside a corner in your bedroom or dining room to make just yours will make a huge difference.

• Make sure you meet all your needs. That includes movement, time alone, time with others, time to relax, meals, coffee breaks… you can’t work 24/7 and never meet your basic needs. You simply can’t.

3. Make it simple: shed the tasks that aren’t serving you.

When you’re working in an office, there are sometimes tasks that you do that are so easy, you barely blink an eye. However, once things change, there may be tasks you need to talk to your work about to let them know: this doesn’t work, this won’t work, and I can’t keep doing it.

Here’s an example: I have a client who has a really roundabout process for completing tasks. In normal times, it would be no big deal, but right now, the chain of command has broken down so much, people are harder to reach, that it’s just impossible. Trying to chase down people to complete tasks was becoming a huge pain—so I let the client know, hey, this is driving me crazy, can we simplify this? And we did! Now, I don’t have to spend 2-3 hours every day trying to get in touch with people to pass on a document.

If something isn’t serving you or the people you work for… then change it. Make it easier. If you can’t reduce the stress, then try to remove it. Find a way to make it simpler for you to reduce the clutter of your day.

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Do you have any tips for reducing stress while working from home?

I do want to share a few things I do during the day that help me a lot that are more specific. Here are a few ways I take a break (both before and during quarantine!) while working from home:

• Do 10 minutes of step aerobics while watching TV.

• Listen to a podcast while I make a cup of tea.

• Sit outside with Remus.

• Water my flowers outside.

• Work on organizing my planner.

• Read a few articles on Buzzfeed or scroll my favorite Twitter accounts.

Thanks for reading!

5 Affordable Self-Care Items

When it comes to self-care, I always say the same thing: self-care has 2 branches, self-care and self-soothing. They get used interchangeably and that’s fine! In this situation, we’re going to talk about self-soothing and things you can do to make yourself feel good at the end of a long day.

If you’re like me, you’re following stay-at-home orders and keeping close to home. But that doesn’t mean we don’t deserve a little self-care.

Each week, we place a grocery pick up order and a Target pick up order. At Target, we’re usually getting household supplies, like laundry detergent, dish soap, and that kind of thing. But each week, I do try to add in a special item, something that will make us happy. This might be a new toy for Forrest, a craft kit, a new book for Danny, a DVD… whatever. Just something that’s a treat.

I wanted to share a few of the affordable, self-care focused items I’ve gotten from Target recently to make my life feel a little more decadent and to show myself kindness everyday. All of these items are $15 or under. That’s right: affordable, available at Target, and most of them should be available for drive up or pick up.

Want more self-care? Here are two previous posts of mine on the topic:

• What My Self-Care Routine Looks Like Right Now

• How to Practice Self-Care for Freelancers

You can also browse all my posts about self-care routines here.

1. Pacifica Stress Rehab Coconut & Caffeine Face Mask

Pacifica is one of my favorite drug store brands: it’s high quality, cruelty free, and contains great ingredients without costing an arm and a leg. My second favorite is YesTo, but I’ve found that a lot of people have allergic reactions to their products and I’m always hesitant to recommend them. 

This is one of my favorite face masks to grab when I’m in need of a little pick me up. At $9.99, it’s not too expensive, but it feels decadent and I love how it makes my skin feel. My skin has been very tired and dehydrated lately—all the stress and coffee have definitely been wearing on me! If that sounds like you too, this is a great way to treat yourself on a Friday night (or any night, honestly). 

2. Macaron Bath Bomb Set

I’m sorry, but these are so stinking cuuuute. And they’re super affordable for a set of 4! They smell amazing and will look super cute displayed in your bathroom. You need them. You’ll love them. They’re so affordable. Get 2. Thank me later. 

3. 52 Lists for Happiness by Moorea Seal

I’m on record as loving Moorea Seal’s books! I haven’t gotten 52 Lists for Happiness yet, but it is on my list. Next month, I’m restarting the original 52 Lists Project (one per day!) and then I think I’ll get this book. However, if you’re new to journaling, or just looking for a way to de-stress, these are a great stepping stone! They’re beautiful, thoughtful, and give you plenty of space to play. They are also very affordable for guided journals—under $15 and available at Target. 

4. OGX Extra Creamy Coconut Miracle Ultra Moisture Lotion

I know most of us probably own body lotion, but let me introduce you to this $6.99 secret: the best coconut smell lotion in existence. 

Last year, I started a project where, whenever I put on lotion, I would repeat, “Thank you, thank you, [body part]” over and over. It will surprise you how much this has genuinely helped my attitude towards my body. It’s also a great way to remind yourself to thank your body, even on hard days, for doing its best. So, at the end of a long day, rub some lotion on those dogs (that’s your feet, natch) and say thank you. You made it. 

5. Fuzzy Socks

These are sooooooo cute. I’m obsessed. I love socks in general, as I don’t like having bare feet in my house. Nothing makes me feel better, however, than putting a fresh, clean, fluffy pair of socks on when I’m feeling stressed or just need to feel better. I’ll often strip off my “house socks” (old athletic socks, usually) and put on some of my favorites when I’m especially in need of feeling better. They keep my feet warm, they look cute, and they make me happy. I love these ones from Target, but they have tons to chose from, obviously.

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Have something that’s keeping you going right now? Let me a comment below and let me know!

What My Self-Care Routine Looks Like Right Now

“I think I’ve been waiting for this my entire life,” I told my therapist almost two weeks ago.

I’m always waiting for the disaster a little bit. For the bad thing to happen. At every single job I’ve ever had, I’ve waited to be fired. “One day,” I would tell everyone, “they’ll just notice that I don’t know what I’m doing and they’ll fire me.” I’m always waiting for the big snowstorm, the power outage, the car accident. I’m always waiting for something to go wrong somehow. I await chaos at every moment—so when chaos erupts, I actually feel really calm and collected. I stop panicking.

I experienced this after I got laid off in July. I remember telling my therapist how energized I felt, how it felt like I’d been waiting for the shoe to drop for years. We talked then about what this meant, how to prepare for the inevitable comedown.

When I went to my therapist appointment two weeks ago on Wednesday, freshly sanitizing and ready to stay 6 feet away from my therapist, I again felt more calm than I had in ages. We talked about the same thing then: right now, I feel calm because this feels like something I was prepared for… but eventually, it going to wear off.

I’m not saying this to say, “look at me! I was prepared!” I wasn’t totally prepared. While I’m always on the edge of my seat, waiting for the big bad… I didn’t think it would be this. I’m not happy about it. That’s for sure.

I left my last therapy appointment having no idea when I’ll be able to go back to therapy. However, my therapist offered to do virtual or phone sessions, so that’s good to know. At the time, we just didn’t know what would stay open and essential and what wouldn’t. I instead left with a plan to establish a really strict self-care routine that would hopefully carry me through this weeks and prepare me for the ultimate moment when staying home 24/7 with two other people would become too much.

It seems like it might be helpful to share what I’m doing and how I’m keeping my routine in place. I even made a handy printable for you, if you want to start putting a self-care routine in place.

Self-Care versus Self-Soothing

I’m obviously not a mental health professional. However, my therapist has always divided my self-care routine into two separate spheres: self-care (that is, regimented things that help me to improve my mental health and create boundaries) and self-soothing (that is, activities that make me feel better on bad days.

Here are some examples. For me, a self-care item is: is keeping a routine for my day (wake up, make coffee, write in my journal for 20 minutes). A self-soothing item is: doing an Aztec clay face mask at the end of the day.

Does that make sense? Good. Let’s jump into how I structure my routine.

My Self-Care Routine

My routine is ultimately ruled by Forrest’s routine. I knew I was going to have to give him some structure immediately. When Oregon schools announced they were closed until March 31, and then, April 28, I knew that in order to survive, he needed a schedule.

I drew something up that day. It looks something like this:

• 7:30am - wake up, get dressed, go through what day it is

• 8:00am - breakfast

• 8:30am - TV time (Let’s Go Luna and Daniel Tiger on TV)

• 10:00am - Lesson 1

• 10:15am - Lesson 2

• 10:30am - Quiet Play Time

• 11:30am - Lunch

• 12:00pm - Outside time

• 1:30pm - Lesson 3

• 1:45pm - Lesson 4

• 2:00pm - Quiet Play Time

• 3:30pm - Help mom with dinner

• 4:30pm - Dinner time

• 5:30pm - Family time

• 6:30pm - Quiet Play Time

• 8:00pm - Bedtime

That’s just the morning. Here’s how my schedule fits in:

• 6:00am - I wake up, get dressed, wash my face, make coffee, journal, and then work until Forrest wakes up

• 7:30am - wake up, get dressed, go through what day it is

• 8:00am - breakfast

• 8:30am - TV time (Let’s Go Luna and Daniel Tiger on TV)

• During TV time, I catch up on work and do any chores, such as washing dishes or putting dinner in the crock pot.

• 10:00am - Lesson 1

• 10:15am - Lesson 2

• 10:30am - Quiet Play Time

• During quiet time, I usually try to either take a shower, work, or catch up on laundry/chores.

• 11:30am - Lunch

• 12:00pm - Outside time. We usually go on an hour+ walk or hike; this is good for me too!

• 1:30pm - Lesson 3

• 1:45pm - Lesson 4

• 2:00pm - Quiet Play Time

• During Quiet Play Time, I work.

• 3:30pm - Help mom with dinner

• 4:30pm - Dinner time

• 5:30pm - Family time

• 6:30pm - Quiet Play Time

• This is self-soothing time. I usually lie in bed and play Animal Crossing, read a book, do a face mask, whatever.

• 8:00pm - Bedtime

• After bedtime, I usually go through my to do list and see what I missed, transfer it to the next day, and make a game plan for what to hit during the day. I try to be in bed by 10pm, but sometimes that stretches to 11 or so.

Whew! I know that’s a lot of information. But I want to show you how my day fits into the schedule I’ve created for Forrest. His lessons aren’t full lessons; we usually read a book and do a worksheet or activity, paint a picture, or learn a song. (You can learn more about the resources I used for these lesson plans here.)

I try to hit a few big self-care routine pieces everyday:

• Having a routine immediately upon waking up that helps me feel energized.

• Giving myself time to work and get chores done as I need to (those quiet play times have helped a lot! Forrest’s room is a mess, but who cares).

• Taking at least an hour for myself in the evening to just relax and do something I really enjoy.

I know for many people, the idea of doing this with kids seems super challenging. Here’s the truth: Forrest interrupts me a lot. But we’ve been talking to him lately about a few things:

• When a door is closed, you knock and ask if it’s ok to come in. if the answer is no, then the answer is no.

• When I’m working, I need to work. The less interruptions, the sooner I can make an egg carton tree with him.

During this time, it’s all about survival. It’s ok if a schedule like this won’t work for you. I want you to have the tools you need to create a routine that works for you and if my routine helps you, then that’s great. If not, that’s ok too! However, if you are working from home for the first time, it is important to establish boundaries, if you have kids or a partner, that will help you get your work done and not feel totally overwhelmed. If you need work from home tips, here are mine.

I have also been trying to work in time to meditate each day—or at least sit, without a screen in front of me or a book or my journal or something, and just think and breathe. I really like this guide to beginning meditation.

I also created a handy-dandy printable for you to outline your own self-routine schedule. This is formatted by a checklist and includes a gratitude section; you can use it for daily journaling or just as a one-off. However you use it, I’d love to see it! You can use the hashtag #thisweeksgoldstar on Instagram.

I hope it helps you! I’m always here to chat. This is a tough time, but if we lean on each other, we’ll all be held up. Stay safe, stay home, and stay healthy!

What Are the Benefits of Journaling in Your Daily Routine?

Do you keep a journal? A diary? A planner?

More specifically: do you have somewhere to dump all your thoughts, feelings, anxieties, tasks, plans, dreams? It doesn’t have to be a traditional diary. It can be in the daily part of your planner, or the extra notes pages in the back. Or it can be an app you use every day. A notebook you use for your grocery lists. Your Notes app. A Word document on your computer or your Google Drive.

Do you see what I’m getting at?

I’m a lifelong journal keeper. And recently in therapy, my therapist asked if I journaled and I basically started listing all the years I’ve kept journals and diaries meticulously. (My earliest saved, complete journal is from my sophomore year of high school. It’s a Harry Potter notebook.) We talked about the benefits of journaling and things I can start journaling about everyday to start thinking more about.

Journaling has so many benefits. Professionally, mentally, emotionally, personally… and making journaling part of your daily routine is super easy. There are so many ways to incorporate journaling—but that’s not what we’re here to talk about.

Journaling in the traditional sense isn’t for everyone; some people just plain don’t like writing by hand. And that’s ok! You can use whatever medium you like best. But, I do think journaling, no matter how you choose to do it, can benefit you in the long run. Think of it as self-care… and these are all the benefits.

1. Organize your thoughts in your journal.

I spend a lot of time journaling purely to organize everything I’ve got running through my head. I always have a million concerns, tasks, things to think about, ideas… and writing them down helps a lot. Sometimes I do four-point brain dumps, where I organize my journaling into MUST-SHOULD-COULD-WANT TO to help me roll through my tasks and overwhelming, pressing thoughts of what I want to do that day.

Other times, I just sit and write out something I’ve been thinking over. An idea that I’m not sure if I should go for or not.

Journaling gives you a chance to pour out everything you’ve been thinking about. Something you want to refer back to or just want to work through. Use journaling to organize your thoughts, answer your own questions, and work through any problems you might be having.

2. Improve writing skills by journaling.

Plain and simple: if you want to be a better writer, journaling will help you get there.

Learning to write things accurately, you write out longer sentences and better solutions, writing in a way that is compassionate or friendly or solution focused… it’s all in journaling! As well, writing, just like any art form, is better with practice. You only become a better writer by writing… so even if you’re not ready to post blogs or publish a novel quite yet, keeping a journal is a great way to write every single day.

3. Use your journal to track goals & problems.

Me: I want to do this every single day.

Two days later: wait, what was it I wanted to do?

Yeah, if you’re like me and you forget things if you don’t write them down, a journal is a great way to focus on your goals, remembering them day-to-day, and tracking what you struggle with, what helps, and more. It can also help you identify and talk through issues you have with goals, as well as noticing patterns in your behavior.

4. Journaling may help relieve stress.

For a long time, journaling has been added to superficial lists of how to “reduce your anxiety or fix your depression.” And I’ll be the first to tell you: I don’t think it will do that. Like at all.

However, if you’re someone who carries a lot of stress chronically, I can really relate. And I’ll be the first to tell you that writing everything down, getting all of those random little stressors out of your head and onto a page… will make a huge difference in your life! Sometimes, if I’m feeling particularly stuck on something and it’s stressing me out, taking a few minutes to just list everything that makes me feel stressed about that task is all I need to get on with it.

Journaling at the end of the day is also a good way to turn off your brain and keep those little stress points from keeping you awake.

5. Journaling gives you time to self-reflect.

As we go through our lives, there will be time where we have to make choices. And if you’re like me, sometimes you wonder if you made the right choice. Self-reflection is an incredibly valuable skill; it can help you assess your goals, figure out patterns of behavior that hurt or help you, and be you a better person. Using journaling to ask yourself questions like “did I make the right choice?” or “did my behavior hurt someone?” can be hugely helpful.

As well, it can help you assess things you’re afraid of. One big thing I’ve been tackling in my journaling lately is my fear of asking questions—and when that started, what it’s protecting me from, and more. Throughout my journaling, I try to note times during the day when I could have or should have asked a question and what I felt in that moment. That type of self-reflection is helping me overcome something that has impacted my life ever since I was a child.

6. Journaling can improve your memory.

I have a fairly good memory naturally, but a lot of it is because I write everything down, in the moment and in my journal. At my therapist’s recently, I was listing all my family member’s star charts and she paused me to say, “you have such a good memory!” It’s a blessing and a curse.

But if you struggle to remember things, especially tasks or things people ask you to do, journaling can be a huge help. The act of taking notes has been long confirmed to help improve memory. So writing things down as a way to remember helps you remember, even without seeing the notes (or journal) itself. If your 2020 goal is to remember more of your day-to-day and improve your memory, then journaling is a great option.

How to Practice Self Care for Freelancers

Working freelance, and working primarily from home, can have a really positive impact on some aspects of your mental health, while also being not-so-great for other aspects.

For me personally, working from home and working for myself gives me the freedom to try new things, to keep flexible work hours so I can also be a parent, and stay on top of tasks, like laundry and keeping my home clean, that improve my mental health. However, working from home can also be isolating, making it difficult for me to keep a routine and making me very, very lonely.

I’ve been thinking a lot about how freelancers can be practice self-care in their day-to-day lives. As I’ve written before, there is a difference between self-care and self-soothing; self-soothing, like taking baths, working out, doing yoga, etc., is just one aspect of self-care, which is a larger routine that makes it possible for you to maintain your mental health.

Recently, I was at a networking meeting with a few other freelancing friends and I asked them what they thought made it easier to practice self-care in their lives. We talked a lot about ways we all worked to keep routines, make sure we were prioritizing our mental health alongside client demands, and more. I gathered up a few of the most common pieces of advice here.

1. Separate Your Life from Your Work

I mean this one literally: separate your life from your work. I love my office at home, but I’ve started to realize that I use it for too much that isn’t my work. Which sometimes makes getting work done harder. I start paying bills when I meant to work on a proposal; I look at the pile of presents I need to wrap and feel a pang of guilt; I decide to tackle my filing (which has been on hold since AUGUST) instead of a task that has higher priority. Something needs to be done and that, obviously, is separation. I need to separate the spaces from my life.

If you don’t have space for a separate office, there are ways you can still make this work; designate a specific corner of your bedroom as your “office” and only work there. Keep your bills and everything else unrelated to work away from it.

2. Keep Boundaries with Clients Firm

It was 6pm and I was cleaning up from dinner, elbow deep in water washing dishes, when my phone rang. It was a client. I dried my hands and pressed to send it to voicemail.

3 minutes later, it rang again.

And then again.

And then again.

When I finally answered it, my client immediately said, “I’ve called you 5 times!” I asked if we had a call scheduled that I forgot and they said no. I reminded them it was 6pm on a Friday and I don’t typically work past 3pm. They scoffed and said they had a question. I decided to take it, reminding them that I did bill for these kind of calls, and they proceeded to ask me a question that wasn’t even urgent! There was nothing wrong with their social media, no pressing need. It was a run-of-the-mill question that could have been sent in email or, if they really wanted to hear my voice, scheduled in a call. I told them this and then wished them a happy weekend, asking them to send me an email Monday morning with the question.

When they didn’t send me that email, I fired them as a client.

For me, I have to have boundaries: I don’t do unscheduled work calls outside of my work hours (we’ll talk work hours in a moment!); I don’t take non-urgent calls outside of business hours; and if my clients don’t keep up their end of the contract or work agreement, then I don’t keep them as clients. I don’t let myself feel bad about these boundaries as I need them to be an effective worker and to stay healthy—and all my freelancing friends agree.

You’ll always have a client that will push the boundaries. When I answered that call on that Friday evening, I expected an urgent question—when I realized it wasn’t urgent, I told them to ask me via email so I could answer on my time and not have to bill them for it. (This was mostly for my benefit, but to them, it seemed like I was being nice!) However, I realized that if someone calls me 5 times in a row on a Friday evening with a question they could easily Google themselves, they are someone who is going to always push my boundaries; if I’d answered their question on the phone that day, they would have continued to push and push. I didn’t want that. So better to stop it before it starts.

3. Make Your Space Functional

I get chronic knee pain from sitting too long when I work, so I have a desk that I can easily turn into a standing desk. This is one aspect of a functional work space.

Sometimes, we tend too much towards wanting our work spaces to look nice (I’m totally guilty of this), without focusing on how it will function. Right now, I have a bunch of boxes stacked beside my desk for my printer because I have yet to find a filing cabinet that I like (I’m working on it, really). While this isn’t really aesthetically pleasing, it works for me right now.

There are many ways to make your space functional; pick a chair for comfort, not for cuteness, because you’ll be spending time in it. Get the blue blocker glasses that will save your eyes and invest in a good, ergonomic set up for your desk top to save yourself from carpal tunnel syndrome.

4. Set Work Hours

This really goes hand-in-hand with the second point, but: have set work hours and make your clients aware of them. I use Contently to schedule 30-minute meetings with my clients and make it clear that I start work at 7am and finish work by 3pm. If they need me outside those hours, they can schedule a meeting if they have no other options. And more than establishing these boundaries with your clients, you need to establish them with yourself.

That means, no leaving dinner early to work on a project. No taking just a few minutes to answer work emails.

I created a new email address that I use entirely for work and I do not have it on my phone; I only open it up, in my browser, during my work hours. I might think of an idea for something for a project or a blog post… but I write it down on a sticky note, stick it in my work notebook, and leave it for the next day.

This has been a huge change for me as I’m used to working basically whenever I get a few free moments or hours. However, I’ve realized that for my mental health, I have to leave work during work hours and give myself a few hours of being just a mom or a few hours where I can just watch TV, or embroider, or read.

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When it comes to self care and freelancing, it’s also important to remember to set aside time for a morning routine: taking your medication, showering, cleaning up your work space, and more. These little things set into your daily schedule can help keep you on track mentally and professionally.