Big Decisions (and Other Regrets)


I've been writing for a long time.

For as long as I can remember, really, I've been writing. I always felt like I was born to be a writer. But just because I knew exactly what I wanted to do didn't mean it was easy.

I took a lot of missteps. I wandered down a lot of paths.

It's only been recently that I've found where I really want to be. Finding this new place -- where I'm happy and content -- means that I have to look at the things I was doing before and decide if that's how I want to spend my time.

This is a long drawn out goodbye to my blogs of the past. 

It's difficult to look forward and think, no more narcissistic outfit posts. No self-involved beauty posts. (OK, maybe sometimes -- and I'll never stop writing about my favorite beauty products.) That's been the content I've produced non-stop since 2008 and it's hard to imagine a world where I don't write at least two or three reviews a week! 

I'm excited to move on though. I'm excited to have a more solid grounding in my career. 

The Uses of Sorrow
(In my sleep I dreamed this poem)
Someone I loved once gave me
a box full of darkness.

It took me years to understand
that this, too, was a gift.
-Mary Oliver

That doesn't mean I'm not sad -- in a lot of ways, I am. I thought I'd blog forever. I thought I'd write about the same things and always be happy about it. But that just isn't the way it happened. Life is more complicated than that and we're always finding new things about ourselves we want to explore, new things to write about. I want to have the freedom to do just that -- with a look that's a little more professional.

More than anything, I knew it was time for me to grow up. 

Saying goodbye to a blog that I've essentially kept since 2008 (longer than I've kept anything in my life) means saying goodbye to a part of my identity that I truly outgrew a long time ago -- but held onto because I loved it so much. My blog is representative of who I was at one of the happiest and saddest times of my life. Moving on is moving on -- letting go of the sadness, of the wanting to go back in time, of dwelling on the past. 

I'm excited for this new chapter. Stay tuned for more.