Remember how I mentioned that April was kind of a doozy? I feel like I've been saying this every month since January and it just keeps... going. How do I stop the dooziness? How can I make each month just, like, 25% more boring?
May was a good month, though. Not as stressful as March, which truly took the care in terms of "how can all these bad things happen in one month", and at least we had better weather than April. Just like last month, I'm going to do something a bit different and just talk about how my life has been--something I don't do a lot here on my blog in between all the "business", you know!
1. Enjoying (All My) Work Again
I think like most people, I tend to wax and wane in terms of enthusiasm for basically everything. Or maybe that's just a me thing, but it seems a little universal sometimes. For example, some days, I love this blog. I think about how much I enjoy it, how I've enjoyed improving my photography these last few months, and how good it feels to really be seeing growth in my blog. I've been feeling that way about everything in my life lately. Recently, I've been feeling a major slump with just about everything: at my day job, I felt uninspired and like I wasn't doing a good job (a byproduct of imposter syndrome, probably); at home, I couldn't find the motivation to clean or cook. It was just a bit of a slump. But in May, I felt like everything clicked back into place. Was it the nice weather? All I know is I've been loving working out lately, loving going to work, loving researching blog post topics.
2. Confronting Our Fears
I am by nature a scaredy-cat. I'm scared of pretty much everything. Heights, flying, bugs of all kinds (yes, even ladybugs), the dark, heavily wooded areas. I went through the car wash recently and nearly had a panic attack.
After Forrest's almost-broke-his-arm incident last month, I found myself afraid to take him to the park again. I was afraid he would fall. Or that he'd get pushed again and really break his arm this time (and, in the spiral of fear there, I'd take him to the pediatrician and they'd side eye my story of him being pushed again). He loves going to the park. He loves playing outside and exploring. But I found myself very nervous about taking him. What if something happened?
But one thing I want for Forrest is for him to not have my anxiety. I've been trying hard not to express my anxiety around him, so that he doesn't see it and internalize having those kind of fears. I realized that if I don't want him to be afraid of the park for the rest of his life, we need to replace that memory of being pushed and getting hurt with memories of playing.
So, we went to the park. He has developed a minor fear of going down slides, but he had fun running around and playing with two other kids his age we met there. He was brave. I was brave.
3. Embracing Summer
I say this a lot, but I've always really disliked summer. Growing up with body image issues, summer always made me feel like I couldn't enjoy myself; I don't like wearing shorts and I definitely didn't like wearing bikinis. I also grew up 40 miles away from all my friends, so summers were often quite lonely for me. As I got older, I spent most of my summers working and saving money. And then, obviously, once I graduated college, summer meant just about the same thing as the rest of the year--just with hotter weather!
This year, however, I'm trying to keep myself from being a grump about summer. I have a lot of negative energy surrounding summer (obviously)... but the best part about having a 2-year-old is that everything becomes super fun. I've bought Forrest some new outdoor toys. I have plans to build him a sandbox. And I find myself excitedly waiting for the weather to really stay nice so we can get out our outdoor furniture.
What was your favorite part of May?