5 Tropes Romance Novels Need to Drop

I love romance novels. I never thought I would write that phrase, because I used to hate them--but I don't anymore. Romance novels can be fun, little escapes that are nothing more than pure fun. Nothing serious happens. The heroine always gets the guy. It's all great. 

But the more romance novels I read, the more I realize: some of these tropes are just plain bad... but also so sickeningly common. It feels so easy for romance novels to keep writing the same formulaic story over and over and over... and over... and over... again, for years! It's easy to forget that times outside of the story have changed. 

So here are 5 tropes that romance novels seriously need to drop. If you're a romance writer, avoid these things like the plague. 

1. The controlling, alpha male lead with a tragic past. 

This tragic past conveniently always allows the heroine to forgive him for his downright shitty, abusive behavior. I recently read a romance novel (that I reviewed, rather unkindly, on Goodreads) that featured a romantic lead that was just plain abusive. He was mean; he refused to let the heroine eat if she showed up to dinner late (!!); and he treated her like trash. But when she found out his tragic story, she instantly forgave him. Oh no, no. That's not how life works. Let's drop these male lead characters, shall we? I'm only here for romances that feature diverse, compassionate, kind romantic leads from now on. 

2. The delicate, tiny, virginal heroine, also with a tragic past. 

The heroine in romance novels is always described a very specific way: she is slim, she is tiny, she is long-legged, she is either blonde or has "honey-colored" brown hair (she's never dark-haired, or dark-skinned, or short, or on the plump side). She is also a doormat, universally, with a tragic past that she hasn't received therapy for, but has moved on from pretty quickly. She's also always, always virginal. I'm over it. I'm done. Give me diverse, dynamic, powerful lead, please. 

3. The appropriation of other cultures. 

If I had a nickel for every time a female lead in a romance novel donned the traditional dress of another culture and "pulled it off," I'd have more nickels that I knew what to do with. Can we just drop this trope immediately? If you're lead is a white woman, please don't let her put on a headdress for Coachella, a Cheongsam for a fancy party, or anything else. She can wear a gown or some denim shorts like everyone else. 

4. The insta-love storylines. 

"He touched my hand and it burned through my body." I'm sorry, I know this is fantasy, but no. That's not how it happens. I want storylines where they are "meh" about each other for a while, or where they become friends first and then fall in love. I want storylines that are more about building something, rather than finding something already built and just stepping into it. Less insta-love, more actual romance. 

5. Everyone is rich (everyone).

50 Shades of Grey did the world many disservices, but the number one disservice is introducing the world to the idea that, oh yeah, everyone in a novel can be billionaires! A novel I read recently featured a rich ranch owner who took in a... secretly rich girl who was also a ranch owner. It removes any requirements of plot from the author; when your characters don't have to worry about money, they can spend all their time focusing on the romantic lead. That's boring. I need drama! Less billionaires, please. 

My Readings List [+ Where to Get Free Books!]

I love to read. Between October and December 31, I read 53 books. You read that right: 53 books in 3 months--that's about 17 books a month, that's 4 books a week. If a book sits still long enough, I'll probably read it, even if I have no interest in it. I'm just that kind of person. I'm just that kind of reader. 

On my iPhone, I keep a Note with a list of the books I'm due to read: books I've downloaded from Amazon, books I've bought, or books I plan to review. I thought I'd share my reading list because it will keep me accountable (I really need to stop downloading more books...) and because I'm always a little nosy about what other people are reading. 

Here's my list: 

• A Magical Highland Solstice, by Mary Morgan
• Highland Spy, by Madeline Martin
• All the Dead Girls,  by Rita Herron
• Highland Vixen, by Mary Wine
• The Weatherhouse, by Nan Shepherd
• Meet Me at Willoughby Close, by Kate Hewitt
• The Sheriff's Mail Order Bride, by Ann B. Harrison
• The Montana Bride, by Jeannie Watt
• The Trail of Ted Bundy, by Kevin Sullivan
• The Other One, by Jiffy Kate
• The Intuitive Eating Workbook, by Evelyn Tribole and Elyse Resch
• The Goblin Child, by Michael Forester

In case you were wondering: yes, that is quite a lot of books and yes, I am a bit overwhelmed as I've fallen desperately behind on my reading list! 

I'm always on the hunt for affordable (or even free) books to read while I'm between books. If you're like me and you can read a book in a day easily, then you can end up spending a lot of money on books--or just going without, which isn't the ideal situation! I can't afford to buy 53 books in 3 months, that's for sure. Here are my favorite ways to get affordable, or even free, books. 

1. The Library, of course (or library loan programs!)

If you use an ereader (like me) and have a library card (which I don't because I live outside city limits), you can often borrow library ebooks for free through your library's website. If you need help, you can ask a librarian and they can explain it all. (Also, ask for their recommendations because librarians have the best taste in books!)  

2. NetGalley

NetGalley is a website where you can sign up and receive ebooks (via your Kindle or just as a PDF download) to read in exchange for a review. You can review them on NetGalley, on your blog, or on Goodreads (preferably all three). Since signing up a few weeks ago, I've read tons of books and written lots of reviews; some of them are great, some of them are not-so-great, but it's a good opportunities for those looking to start reviewing. Or who just love to read and review books! 

3. Amazon Prime Reading

If you have Amazon Prime, they now have a program called Prime Reading, where you can download books for free to read. I love this program because I've found some new authors that I love (like Emma Prince) and fully plan to buy all their books! 

4. Kindle Unlimited

If you don't have Amazon Prime, but do have a Kindle reader, I highly recommend Kindle Unlimited. I've read some amazing series through Kindle Unlimited. It's $10.99 per month and you can borrow up to 10 books at a time. Kindle Unlimited has helped me discover some books that I absolutely love, as well as some authors that I cannot get enough of. When I find a book I like, I always buy the next book in the series, even if it's on Kindle Unlimited. 

My New Year's Resolutions

I told myself, about a month ago, that I wouldn't be setting any New Year's Resolutions. 

However, as January 1 gets closer and closer, I find myself getting that familiar feeling. I want to set goals. I want to try to do things that are tangible and measurable. 

Sometimes, I think people get caught up in the word "resolution." All resolution means is "the firm decision to do or not do something." It doesn't mean to make a vast, sweeping change to your life. It doesn't mean anything different than a goal or a desire. 

So, my advice to others is: set the same goals for yourself for 2017 that you would for a month, or a week, or whatever. Then build on them. 

These are my goals for 2017. 

1. Write 600,000 words.

This is my biggest goal. I want to write 600,000 words in 2017--and my blog posts, my daily writing at work, and my journals don't count. I want to write 600,000 creative words. Words that are for me, as a writer. This divvies up to 50,000 words a month. A NaNoWriMo every month. 

Also included in this will be editing & rewriting my NaNoWriMo novel--and potentially previous years NaNoWriMo novels. 

2. Support more bloggers & writers. 

My newsletter is a big part of that. I want to give a platform to other creatives who are just doing what they do: running Esty shops, writing, creating content, whatever. 

3. Be brave & stand up for myself more. 

I had an experience two weeks ago where I felt more empowered than ever to stand up for myself and take charge. It was terrifying, but exhilarating. I loved every second of it. Usually, I'm the type of person who rolls over, who apologizes, who lets other people make the decisions. But not anymore. I'm done. I'm over it! 

4. Practice intuitive eating. 

The best thing I did for myself in 2016 was starting to listen to Food Psych, a podcast about eating disorders and intuitive eating. It really, truly changed my life. If you're a podcast listening, it's a must-hear, especially if you've ever had issues surrounding food, anxiety, and body image. Since then, I've been tiptoeing around intuitive eating, trying to implement it but still preoccupied with using it purely to lose weight; in 2017, I want to take bigger steps towards freeing myself from restrictive eating and embracing food. 

4 More Lessons I Learned From NaNoWriMo in 2016

When I completed NaNoWriMo in 2014, I wrote a great post about lessons I learned. Reading through that list, I still identify with everything I wrote previously. It's funny, at the end, to see how excited I am for the next year--without knowing that in 3 months, I would be pregnant. It's weird looking back on statements like that and laughing at how much your life can change in a few months (isn't that what blogs are great for, though?). 

I thought I would revisit this post and share a few more lessons I've learned from NaNoWriMo--especially my first successful November as a parent! 

1. I have to prioritize where I put my energy.

I say this frequently, but when I get overwhelmed, I tend to shut down. In November, I often find myself pulled in a hundred different directions: I do NaNoWriMo; I'm working; I have Forrest; and I have an entire house to take care of. Personally, I find it very easy to just shut down and not really achieve anything in that time frame! 

However, I find that if I prioritize, I can get everything done without getting overwhelmed. But that also means, I have to let some things fall to the side. Notice how I barely blogged in November? Yeah, it was because I was trying to do NaNoWriMo, work my day job, and keep myself and a toddler alive. These things happen. C'est la vie! 

2. Get ahead while you can.

In previous NaNoWriMos, I've kept myself to a strict daily word count. I usually didn't write ahead more than 500 words or so. And each year, I've gotten behind and had to spend weekends catching up, which meant I got very quickly exhausted.  

I feel like this lesson is true of everything in life--not just NaNoWriMo. When you can, work ahead. For example, I have a cleaning schedule I try to keep: on Fridays, I tidy the entryway; on Saturdays, I clean the bathrooms, etc. However, if I'm feeling motivated, I'll clean the entryway and clean the bathrooms on the very same day. I know, living on the edge there! 

This year, I ended up writing my first 10,000 words for NaNoWriMo in the first few days. By November 15, I was 15,000 words from winning. I wrote ahead--I let myself write as often as I could without falling behind on my other responsibilities and it paid off. It helped that I was writing a story that I'd been thinking of for months, but having a buffer really made me more comfortable and I was able to write with joy, rather than stressing to stay on deadline. 

3. It's ok to think NaNoWriMo is stifling. 

As much as I love NaNoWriMo (and this being my 5th year completing, I do love it), I also inevitably start to wonder how, as a practice, it inhibits or improves my creativity. 

Ultimately, what we take away from NaNoWriMo is up to us--and it's ok to love it as an idea, but also ultimately believe it to be stifling. You don't have to follow the rules of NaNoWriMo to the letter; it's your novel and your life. Do what you want! 

However, you often see NaNoWriMo critics emerging in early November, talking about how NaNoWriMo is a time for "writer-wannabes" (ok) to emerge and dedicate one month of the year to writing. Not only is this a totally unfair statement which I've seen way too many supposedly professional writers state, it also ignores the point of NaNoWriMo. 

The point of NaNoWriMo isn't to be a professional writer and write your perfect dream novel in a month. NaNoWriMo is about empowering more people to write, to make time for writing and creativity, and to enjoy their lives. 

That's it! That's all that NaNoWriMo is about. 

It's ok to think it's stifling. It's ok to get to November 30 and think, "Well, that sucked." It's ok to feel like you wrote a crapper of a novel. (I have had that feeling many times myself.) But the most important thing is, if you completed a novel, you proved that you can write every day. Enough to pile up the words. And that's pretty monumental. 

4. When I read more, I write more. 

At the end of October, I signed up for Kindle Unlimited. Since then, I have read 46 books.

46 books. 

I know. It's actually kind of embarrassing. In that time, I have written more, and felt more creative, than ever before. I have started to realize that if I want to write--and I mean, really write in a way that is productive and meaningful--I have to keep my reading habit. Which, thanks to Kindle Unlimited, is totally possible. Even if I'm reading the most embarrassing, sappy romance novels of all time. 

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Did you participate in NaNoWriMo this year? What did you learn about yourself, about creativity, or about life in general?

Writing with a Toddler: How to Win NaNoWriMo & More

As another NaNoWriMo check in: I officially won NaNoWriMo on Thanksgiving Day!

I hit a small snag when I copied & pasted my 50,100 word novel into the NaNoWriMo validator and was told I'd only written 49,600 words. I copied and pasted again and, again, was told I'd written 49,800 words. Ok, so at least it went up. 

The word count validator was broken, NaNoWriMo.org didn't believe me on Twitter, and it was a huge pain. I wrote an additional 600 word scene, while screeching at my husband and homph-gomphing some extra coffee, and got validated, but I'm still mad. 

Why am I still mad? 

Because writing with a toddler is really, really hard. 

Writing 1600 extra words per day with a toddler is a challenge that I'm not entirely sure why I took on, but I did it. 

And I did it exactly 5 days before the deadline. 

I'm sorry, but I'm very impressed with myself right now. 

I'm somewhat less than impressed that I've blogged what? Five times in November alongside NaNoWriMo? That's a big oops, but in my defense, November has been quite the month, personally and socially, so it's to be expected. 

When it comes to writing with a toddler, I find myself constantly challenged. I'm creative all day at my day job and when I get home, I'm pretty much moving nonstop. I'm playing with Forrest; I'm making dinner; I'm cleaning as I go. It's hard to be creative when you're mentally and emotionally wiped out, that's for sure.

But when it comes to writing, I set a few rules for myself. 

1. I try to set aside 30-60 minutes every evening to write.

This might be when Forrest is spending time with Danny, post-dinner but pre-bedtime. Or this might be when Forrest is already asleep. If I have important chores to do (like vacuuming, laundry, or deep cleaning the kitchen), I put them off until later in the evening. I make myself write--whether it's for NaNoWriMo or work, my blog or in my journal--for at least 30 minutes. It just has to be done. 

During NaNoWriMo, by keeping this schedule, I really improved my word count. I also found that if I got Forrest to nap while I wore him in our Ergo, I could get a solid 45 minute (or more!) writing time in. It all adds up. 

2. Don't worry about writing when your toddler awake. 

Maybe it's just me, but I know myself and I know my child. I cannot get anything done with him during the day. I can lightly clean the kitchen, keep him fed and clean, and work on organizing downstairs. But the minute I try to sit down, he's all over me. If I'm on the couch with my laptop, he wants the laptop. If I'm at the kitchen counter with my laptop, he's standing at the gate crying because I'm not with him. If I try to write while I'm feeding him lunch, he's yelling because he needs all of my attention. That's how it is with toddlers. And really, I'd rather get him to repeat "all done" or play pattycake than write anyway. 

3. Give yourself a break.

You know what? There are some days where I just can't write. Where I'm just so tired (Forrest is teething or he refused to eat all day, or we had doctor's appointments, or whatever) that I can't do anything else. On those days, I curl up on the couch and watch the Simpsons, or I run a nice bath, grab my Kindle, and turn on my favorite podcast. And you know what? I don't beat myself up. It's ok! You can't get everything done! That's fine. Forgive yourself. 

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NaNoWriMo Halfway Check In: Why Did I Do This Again?

There is always this point in the month of November where, if anyone asks me how things are or how NaNoWriMo is going, I say something like, "I don't know why I get so excited about doing this every year! I hate it! I'm stressed out!" 

For the first 10 days of November, I was a writing machine. I wrote almost 20,000 words in those 10 days. I felt motivated. I felt powerful. I felt completely capable of kicking NaNoWriMo's butt. 

Then the election happened. 

The day of, I was too anxious to write. As time went on throughout the day, I knew I wasn't going to be able to hit my word count for the day, so it was good I had written up a pretty strong buffer to keep myself from falling behind. 

The next day, however, my motivation was zapped. It felt so pointless. It was the same with my blog. I didn't write hardly anything for two days. I mostly sat and read and thought about stuff. I retweeted things on Twitter. I did the bare minimum in terms of writing. 

I hit a slump pretty badly last week and a lot of it had to do with the social and political upheaval that was going on. 

Another part of it had to do with the fact that I just get so tired. Every single year it happens: around 13 or 14 days in, I just get tired: of writing the same thing, of keeping the same schedule, of pushing myself. Mentally, I end up exhausted by writing so much. It sounds great to write 1500+ words per day--actually, it sounds totally easy. But I also work at a creative job where I write every day too. Writing blog posts, social media, and emails for work, then going home and writing blogs and social media for myself, and then sitting down to write a chapter of a novel? 

Not ideal, creatively. 

However, I think I'm finally on the other side of it. 

Yesterday, I posted a tweet about how I had no motivation to blog. I got responses from three of my favorite people on Twitter saying, essentially, the same thing: you don't have to write every day, you don't have to blog every day, but it's worth it to do so. 

It felt really good to be validated (and to know that people missed my blog!). It also felt really motivating to know that, yes, other people feel in a slump because of the election too; they feel like maybe it's a little pointless to do these things now. 

But another part of me thinks it's more important ever to write--and to write the stories that I, as a woman, want to read. Our world is changing and I'm not 100% sure it's for the better, but the more I use my voice, the better I will feel. Maybe it's pointless--who knows?--but it feels better to keep doing it. 

Then I find myself thinking things like this: The story I'm writing for NaNoWriMo is definitely not life-changing. It's a true crime story centered around 3 best friends in 1970s New Jersey. It's kind of dumb, very self-indulgent, and ultimately just something I had been thinking about for months. 

I write sentences like that and then I think, "But Michelle, you're using your voice to talk about women, to talk about victims, to tell a story that hasn't really been told before." 

OK, self-indulgent. That's fine. But I wouldn't be writing something if it didn't matter, right? 

These are the things I work through every NaNoWriMo, but this is the first time I've ever written about it. Even though I write near constantly and blog all the time as well, I'm very insecure about my writing; I don't like other people reading my writing and I don't really enjoy talking about it. Sometimes people are actually surprised to learn I write both fiction and poetry because I tend to just not mention it. 

As of last night, I had written 35,000 words. I'm 15,000 words away from winning NaNoWriMo which means I can effectively calm down. Last year, I only got to 20,000 words through the entire month of November. That's a huge improvement in terms of "writing after having a baby," at least in my mind. 

And if nothing else, I can at least say, "2016 didn't totally suck. I wrote a novel."

If you'd like to follow my progress on NaNoWriMo (or just want to chat about your NaNo progress), I post occasional updates on Instagram. You can follow me here. 

My Top 5 Writing Tips

Yesterday, I shared my NaNoWriMo prep process. Today, I thought I'd share some tips I have for writing in general--that is, everything from beating writer's block to staying focused. 

I have a typical writing output of about 2,000+ words per day, including tweets, emails, blog posts, and all my day job writing. When I look at it purely as numbers, it feels so incredibly huge: I remember struggling through 2,000 word papers in college and now I consistently write that much in a day... and then I repeat it the next day. 

I have a very specific way I like to write and very rarely does that actually align with what I would consider the "romantic view" of writing. I'm not cuddled up on a rainy evening with a perfect cup of coffee and a lit candle; I'm usually wearing Forrest, who is asleep, listening to his white noise play for the 901st time OR I'm hurriedly trying to get everything done in the one hour my husband has to watch Forrest after work. 

What I'm saying is: I've gotten a lot of writing done in the last two years. Here are my tips for writing more, writing better, and writing in a way that's enjoyable. 

1. Write in the same place(s). 

A long time ago, I used to write wherever: in the library, on my couch, at my desk, in bed, in the kitchen. Wherever! No more. That's just not possible now. I have too many distractions if I'm anywhere other than where I write. Unless I'm on vacation, I write in one of two places: at my desk at home or at my desk at work. That's it. For my best work, I have to write in one of those two places. 

2. Change something, sometime. 

As much as my first tip stands, I also should say: sometimes, if you're in a rut, you need to change something. For example, this past weekend, I was getting my desk cleaned up and ready for NaNoWriMo and I decided, "it's time for a change." I moved my computer to face a different direction, rearranged my notebooks and pens, and basically changed how I look at my computer, desk, and window. Sometimes, to get inspired, you just need to have a slightly different view, so don't be afraid to change things up--whether that means rearranging your desk, drinking a different kind of "writing drink" (tea instead of coffee? water instead of soda?), or just finding a new desk chair. 

3. Comfort yourself. 

I'm a big baby and sometimes writing, especially during NaNoWriMo when I may be writing emotionally difficult scenes, can make me really anxious and upset. That means I need to take a lot of care to make sure I'm physically comfortable, should I start getting anxious during my writing process. I keep a heating pad and a heater next to my desk, as well as candles and aromatherapy oils. I also make sure to take lots of breaks, especially when I'm feeling stressed out about writing. 

4. Know everything (within reason).

When I was in college, I took a writing workshop where my professor suggested a writing exercise where you list the contents of your main character's trash can. I loved doing it because I love list making and it's something I still do for every NaNoWriMo novel character I write: I make a list of what's in their kitchen trash can. It sounds weird, right? It kind of is. But it goes with the idea that you should know everything about your character, even if you aren't going to include it in your writing. You should know 100 little facts about your main character, but you don't have to include all of those little facts. I keep a list of character writing exercises handy during NaNoWriMo to help me get through any bumps in the road when it comes to characterization.   

5. Take notes.

In this increasingly digital age, I still find a lot of value in taking notes. As in, really taking notes: picking a notebook and writing things down with a pen on paper. I know, it's crazy talk. I handwrite most of my notes and outlines for all my writing--from NaNoWriMo to social media and blog posts. I keep bullet journals for all these notes. I find that writing things down, as they happen, as I think of them, helps me to better remember them and stay on track. Give it a try! 

How I'm Prepping for NaNoWriMo

I love NaNoWriMo. I've attempted to participate the last several years--and I've won at least 3 times, if I remember correctly. Not last year, though. Last year, I had a newborn, a pumping schedule, and all kinds of new responsibilities and stresses. I just couldn't do it! But this year, I really feel like I'm ready. 

Every year, I do the same things to get ready. Want to know what they are? Here's my process: 

Step 1: Pick a topic

Every year, I pick something I want to write about. One year, I wanted to write about a female marathon runner; the next year, I wanted to write about farming communities. I picked an idea, something I was interested in at the time, and ran with it. This year, I'm really into 1950s carnivals and circus culture. So guess what my topic is? 

Step 2: Write an outline

Ok, so I've read some arguments that outlines miiiight be cheating at NaNoWriMo? But I disagree. I feel like if you don't know where you're going as you write, you're going to write yourself into a corner eventually--and that can let writers block take over. My logic is that I don't always know 100% of how my story is going to go--but I have at least 5 scenes per chapter outlined that I need to include to drive the plot forward, reach the climax, and ultimately resolve. That's it! I don't outline much; I outline just enough that if I start feeling bored or directionless, I can steer my novel back to the original plotline. 

Step 3: Make a schedule

I like schedules, obviously, and I love outlines, also obviously. The years I've won at NaNoWriMo, I keep a very strict schedule about my writing: on work days, I write for a set period of time; on non-work days, I write for a set period of time; and on weekends, I write for a set period of time. i don't let myself deviate from it... or else, I fall behind. The hardest time is Thanksgiving, obviously, so I usually try to write well in advance for that. Basically: pick when and where you're going to write and stick with it. 

Step 4: Succeed!

Ultimately, success is where you find it: even if you don't "win" NaNoWriMo, but you write 30,000 words of a novel you've been meaning to write for ages... that's still a major achievement! Success is all about what happens after November. Do you just drop the novel and stop writing for another year? Do you start edits? Do you write consistently, according for your schedule, for another six months? Last year, I succeeded because I was able to write something while taking care of a tiny new human. This year, I want to succeed while taking care of a grumpy toddler. Even if I don't hit 50,000 words, if I write even a little bit, that's a win for me! 

Are you participating in NaNoWriMo? Tell me about your novel!