How to Keep a Bullet Journal

I love my bullet journal. I've been bullet journaling for work purposes for over 2 years now. It helps me stay organized at work, monitor my priorities and work, and keep track of the various notes I take every day. 

I recently started keeping a personal bullet journal. I want to talk about keeping a bullet journal and how I started mine. To start though, I should clarify what I use my personal bullet journal for. Primarily, I use it as a way to relieve stress in the evenings (who doesn't love doodling and writing?) and to keep track of all the lists I want to make. 

I use a cheap, $1 journal from the Target $1 Spot. I primarily try to use only black pen, so that I don't have to do anything fancy. Sometimes, bullet journals can seem like these tomes where everything has to be perfect and I'd really like to let people know that it doesn't have to be perfect. You can make it as pretty or not pretty as you want. It can be a gratitude journal, a daily journal, a planner, whatever. Bullet journals are what you make of them; it stresses me out trying to make them as "cute" as some bullet journal uses on Instagram, but realistically, it's just for me. It's doesn't need to be perfect!  

Here's how I keep my bullet journal. 

1. I keep a list of "page ideas" in the front (just after the index, it's page 2) and am slowly working through it. You can view all my bullet journal pins--complete with page ideas--on Pinterest. 
2. Every night, I have the goal to complete one page and fill it in with writing. 
3. I don't do "habit tracking" or things like that because, undoubtedly, it ends up boring me. I prefer journaling lists, making running lists, or just daily journaling. 
4. I practice my hand lettering on specific pages. On my Pinterest board, you can see some of my inspiration for banners and dates. 

A Letter to My Past Self

Hey past Michelle. In your world, it's maybe 2012, 2013. You're not doing so hot right now, but that's ok. I don't want to make you panic or anything, but you're about to embark on a 18-month journey that is, shockingly, worse than the last 18 months. I know, I know, you probably don't believe that, but it's true. 

Here's the light at the end of the rainbow though: things will get better. Like, way better. Like, really good. You get married (which is great) really soon, but it takes a while for things to be... ok. Then you get a new job, then another new job, then another new job. Then you have a baby! It's all pretty great. The baby is pretty great. 

I just want to tell you a few things I've learned. What's the point of writing a letter to my past self if I can't share what I've learned? I wish I could have told myself these things then, but I couldn't. 

Stand up for yourself. 

Stop being a doormat! It's in your nature (and my nature, really) to just let people steamroll over what you think, because it's easier. The path of least resistance has been your M.O. for a long time. Stop it. Just stop. Stand up for yourself. Stop crying every day before (and after) work; stop getting anxious every time you see an authority figure. 

Keep writing. 

You're going to stop writing. I can't pin a date on it exactly, but at some point, you'll look up and realize, oh crap, I haven't written in forever. No blogging, no emails, no poems, nothing. Your journals will be dusty. We aren't going to ever let that happen again. Writing matters. Writing keeps you (and me) happy. 

Stop feeling sorry for yourself. 

There will be mornings you wake up at 5am and mope around the house and lie on the couch. You stop cleaning; you stop writing; you stop getting dressed. At a certain point, it's just a performance art. Stop it, past Michelle. No one is amused, including me. I'm not amused. Put on your big girl pants and move on. (You'll get there eventually.) 

10 Things I've Learned Since Graduating College

I originally wrote this post (and a follow up of "10 More Things I've Learned") for my old blogs, Locked Out and Ellipsis. I have continued to learn things since I graduated from college--can you believe it was 5 years ago? I feel like that's not possible, but it is. Danny and I have been dating for 5 years; we've been married for 2. Where did the time go? Here's my revised list of things I've learned since graduating college in 2011. 

It should be easy to be young, but it really never felt like that. I'm an anxious person and it's always been my greatest downfall. I spent so much time worrying through college and even after I graduated. I felt like I always had to follow the rules; I had do so specific things to succeed. But the truth is: life is way more complicated than that. Sometimes you follow all the rules and things just aren't going to go your way. My experience after graduation is shockingly typical, but I've learned a lot and I'm still learning every day. 

1. Nothing will go how you think it will... even if you get a job. A lot of people I knew who got jobs ended up quitting shortly afterward. That plan you've had for after graduation forever? Prepare for it to change. My plan was to get a job; go to grad school; or move to New York or Chicago to become a magazine editor, whichever was more reasonable at the time. Obviously, none of those things happened. After I graduated, I worked at a deli, a car dealership, and finally, a residential care facility before finally being hired as a copywriter. That was over 3 years after a graduated too. 

2. Not being able to find a job effects your self-esteem in ways you never thought possible. I had on my imaginary armor after I graduated; I really did think I was different. "I'm so talented," I told myself. "Clearly, I will get a job! I'm special!" I am not special. Getting a job these days really is legitimately about luck. Are you the most qualified person who applied? Most likely, no. There are tons of people applying for jobs now. And that kind of sucks. Getting a job doesn't necessarily mean you're the best candidate anymore, because there are literally 200-300 applications turned in for every single job opening. And there are tons of college students, just like you, who are super talented, hardworking, and awesome. And among you are older people with 20-30 years of experience who deserve a job just as much. It must really suck to be in HR is what I'm saying. These are all facts, but it doesn't stop it from being soul crushing to send out your resume 10+ times a day, go to two interviews, tops, and hear back from zero. 

3. You will feel crushed after being rejected, but it's better to get back on the horse (even if that horse sucks). You know those days when your best friend is mad at you, your boyfriend breaks up with you, you fail a test, your favorite dress rips, you break your phone AND your camera, and your car breaks down!? Imagine having one of those days every day when no one will hire you. It sucks. All you'll want to do is lie in bed and watch movies forever. The last thing you'll want to do is make follow up application calls or write more cover letters. It's soul sucking, but ultimately necessary for your survival. I had a professor tell me once that every time she received a rejection letter, she immediately sent the poem or resume or whatever to a new option. That same day. This is the best advice I ever received, even if it meant that sometimes I cried for 12 hours after receiving rejection emails a record-breaking 15 minutes after an interview.

4. All that free time can add up to something. When you're unemployed (funemployed?) you might end up renting a lot of movies, buying a lot of stuff online, and perfecting your party dance alone in your bedroom. (I know I did.) But you know what you should be doing? Building a portfolio. You might as well work when every day is your weekend, right? When you do get a job, you'll wonder why you didn't blog more, or learn karate, or take up painting, or read all those books on graphic design. So spend time perfecting your social media presence, starting a blog, building networking opportunities, or learning a new skill. 

5. No one stops liking you when you work a terrible job. Remember those five months I worked at a deli? Remember how it made me feel humiliated and stupid every day? If you get a weird part-time job to make a bit of extra money (and fill some of that time), you might feel like some kind of weird, out-of-place alien, but I promise, no one who loves you is judging you. Unless they are a real jerk, in which case, why would you care?

6. Paying bills is hard. This is still the number one fact about my life: paying bills is hard. Establishing a saving account is hard. The minute I started assessing all the things I am required to pay, I realized that I vastly underestimated how much I cost as a human being. Add in a house, a husband, and a baby, and things are even more expensive now. This doesn't even take into account fun, unnecessary things, like internet or a cell phone.

7. When it comes down to it, the trivial things don't matter. When my grandfather passed away, I realized how much time I had spent waffling away the time: watching Hulu mindlessly, lying on my bed staring at the ceiling. We only have so much time, so don't spend it making yourself miserable over the little things. The things that matter most in life aren't related to the economy. I'm not saying getting a job isn't important (it totally is), but spending time with your family and friends, doing something you love, is way more important than worrying about if you'll be able to afford a cell phone when your parents finally cut you off. Some people have to work to survive and that's a horrible, awful reality. If you have people who can support you when things get rough, you're in the minority--so suck it up, buttercup.  

8. You'll want a job so bad, and when you get one, you'll want all that free time back. I'm... not kidding. I wake up at 5am every day, start driving at 6:20am, and get home around 4pm, just in time to make dinner, feed myself and a baby, and then put said baby to bed. This does not a social life make. Go see your friends--I wish I had.

9. You will get a job... eventually. Sometimes, it seems really hopeless. You'll read these articles about how people under 25 have something like a 55% unemployment rate, and then over 50% of those employed are underemployed and barely making minimum wage. You'll start to wonder if it's hopeless. Maybe you should have gotten a degree in something else? Maybe you should, I don't know, apply for jobs in something else? But I promise you will get a job eventually. A real one. Okay, you might be a receptionist, or a data entry clerk. But it's better than slicing deli meat or making burgers, right? The truth is, there will be a moment where everything clicks and falls into place and the world will seem to make a spot just for you. That happened to me two years ago: one day, I got, like, 5 job offers in one day. How crazy is that? 

10. It's not you. It really is the economy. For a long time, I started to wonder if something was seriously wrong with me. Maybe I was flawed in some way and had never known it. All those people telling me I was talented or would make a good editor, or writer, or social media marketing assistant... maybe they were lying or just trying to be nice. All the interviews where the HR manager praised my achievements and told me I had tons of skills they liked to see at the company -- they were lying, clearly, because they didn't hire me.

I gave up more than once. I resigned myself to working minimum wage jobs for the rest of my life -- on my feet until 11pm at night -- never being able to afford a brand new car, or a house, or even a child. More than anything that made me super depressed and not very fun to be around. It took a lot of time, but eventually, I realized it wasn't me. I still have moments where my confidence hits the floor and a lot of it has to do with, well, what I went through. It's exhausting to know you're good and to be rejected over and over (and over and over) again; it's a hard feeling to shake. But you'll get through it. I promise. I'm in such a better place now: I got through all of that, and guess what? I can afford a house, and a new car, and a baby, and a husband who does his best to help. It's not easy, but I got there. Five years later, I got there. 

A New Mom's Guide to Beauty

It's worth repeating more than once: no one mom's journey is the same as any one else's. This is the only true fact I can give you about motherhood: maybe you (you know, you) are reading this and you're already a mom and you're like, Michelle, you take this way too seriously. It's not so bad. Or maybe you are reading this and you aren't a mom yet, and you're like, Oh my god, W H Y would I ever want to take this on? But the truth is: you might have had an easier time than me OR you might have an easier time OR you might have a worse time than me (scary thought). It's impossible to know. 

But what I can tell you is that beauty and fashion become incredibly unimportant, and yet, incredibly alluring, in one fell swoop. I don't know how else to describe it. Never have I had less time for beauty and fashion, and never has my skin and face and body been less apt for any of this, but I just can't keep away. I read more fashion blogs than ever; I read lifestyle blogs by the pound; and I watched beauty YouTubers everyday at work. I even forked over $52 for Nikkietutorial's Too Faced palette. Is that sad? No, it's awesome. 

When I say this is a new mom's guide to beauty, that new mom is me. I can only tell you what has worked for me and how I've helped myself to feel pretty when I feel I am slowly becoming a rock upon which a sea anemone (Forrest) lives. It's hard not to feel reduced to simply a life source (and that's it) as a new mom, but I'm here to tell you: you matter; you deserve to put on make up and shower and wash your hair and put on something other than leggings (unless you want to wear leggings, I can't blame you). 

Here's how I got my groove back, a little bit at a time. 

Step #1: I set small, realistic goals for myself. 

One of the very first goals for myself was that I would wear pants (real pants) to work every day. When I first went back to work, thanks to the casual nature of my office, I wore leggings and sweaters and sweatshirts. Not....super flattering and also not a great way to feel good about yourself every day. I set a goal to wear jeans, or maybe even a dress, every single day. And real shoes, not my Uggs. 

Once I successfully passed that hurdle, I set other goals: washing my hair every day, packing my lunch, taking the stairs instead of the elevator, taking Forrest for a walk. As I got more brave, I felt increasingly good about myself. 

Step #2: I treated myself to something I wanted. 

Listen: moms, as a rule, seem to put their kids first. It's natural. It's normal. It is what it is. But, here's the thing: you matter too. Sometimes, I will make lists of things I need (legitimately, actually need): I need work dresses and new jeans and professional tops and a new blazer. I have bought 0 of these things, but Forrest has western print jammies for every size in the foreseeable future. I'd rather buy Forrest a new book, a new toy, a new outfit than myself something. The more I did that, though, the more I realized I was sabotaging all my efforts to feel good about myself. 

I'm not saying you should go hogwild. There is a middle ground and I definitely believe in limiting spending on things that aren't necessary. But if you need new clothes because all you feel like you can wear are leggings and tank tops, it's ok to give yourself the gift of some new duds. Or if you've been scraping out your foundation container for two weeks, it's time to bite the bullet and just treat yo' self. 

Step #3: Screw it--I did whatever I wanted. 

At the end of the day, my job as a mom is this: to keep my son happy and healthy; to keep my house clean enough so it's at least safe for his survival; and to be happy myself. That's it. None of us are perfect. And certainly, I'm never going to be a perfect mom. I'm going to make mistakes. But I don't want one of those mistakes to be hating myself--and passing that kind of behavior onto Forrest. I want Forrest to see me for what I am: a woman who is his mom, who feels beautiful, who feels smart, who takes care of herself, who takes care of other people. He doesn't need a martyr or a perfect mom. He just needs me. And if I have to hand him off to Danny for a few hours each weekend to go work out, or run, or grocery shop, then so be it. He's not going to grow up and say, "Mom, you spend 30 minutes putting on make up that made you happy--and it ruined me." That's just not going to happen. 

Beauty is ultimately a way for us to repair our relationships with ourselves. And for some women, new clothes and learning to put make up on in a way that makes them feel beautiful is one way to do that--it won't work for every body, but it works for me and that's all I can tell you. 

After becoming a mom, it's easy to feel small, to feel a little downtrodden, especially in the early months. But you don't have to. It doesn't have to keep going. I've been in a relationship with myself for 27 years--it's okay for me to take time to work on that relationships, to feel good about myself, to take steps to repair the damage that's been done. And it's okay for you too--however you choose to. 

Getting Over Body Obsession

I wrote recently about my struggles to stay body positive while also actively trying to lose weight. This is not an easy task for me and one that I work really hard at; I don't want my friends who are happy with their bodies to think I'm judging them simply because I am trying to lose weight. Remaining body positive, and supportive of everyone in my life, is incredibly important to me. 

But beyond that, there are things I need to work on that aren't just losing weight and body positivity. I've always had an unhealthy obsession with my body size, and monitoring my body size. I recently mentioned to a group of mom friends that I can remember my exact weight at every important event of my life: my wedding day, the day I got home from Idaho after graduating, the day I got engaged, the day I had Forrest. These are numbers taking up valuable space in my brain. A small part of me had held out hope that this was normal behavior, but I knew it actually wasn't. It's not normal, or healthy, to remember your weight on exact days, especially days dedicated to your own wedding or your first child. 

I cried every morning I had a doctor's appointment because I knew they would weigh me--and write that down on a little piece of paper, cruelly, without letting me defend it. I always wanted to put an asterisk on it. One that said, perhaps, I was thin once! I really was! I used to be able to eat whatever I wanted because I was so active! I work a sedentary job! I'm working on it! I wanted to argue with the computer system that classified me as a "high-risk pregnancy due to overweight status." I wanted to tell my doctor, every appointment, that I'm not, like, ok with my weight; I know I need to change. 

This is also not normal behavior. The actions of the medical community notwithstanding (there are some definite changes that need to be made regarding the treatment of weight issues and non-issues), it's not normal to obsess about how much you weigh when you're pregnant. 

I remember writing up a workout plan for myself postpartum. I remember anxiously imagining a time where I could restrict calories again. This is not only not super healthy, but really depressing to think about. 

It's hard to know that I have so many issues relating to my body and health. As I've written before, I know I'm dealing with body dysmorphia, but that doesn't really change the fact that when I go to the doctor, I get treated like none of my issues matter because, obviously, I just need to lose weight and they'll all magically go away. (This is one of the most annoying things about my medical treatment: I can guarantee you weight loss isn't going to fix at least 75% of my issues, but ok.) I know I want to lose weight for my health and my personal happiness--but I also know that, in some ways, I won't ever really be happy because you can't be happy when you're obsessed with your body. Period. End stop.

I posted on Twitter recently about all the fitness Instagrams I follow. A lot of them are people who have lost significant amounts of weight through IIFYM (If it fits your macros), a method of measuring food that focuses on macronutrients versus calories. I love following these accounts because I feel like IIFYM gives you a more realistic ability to follow meal plans, because you worry about nutrients instead of just calories. You go for nutrient dense foods and you'll feel fuller and be healthier. However, a significant portion of people who follow IIFYM tend to start going down this very strange path where they start eating a lot  of artificial foods (like that nasty Halo Top ice cream stuff or Arctic Ice) and weighing their food. Seeing a woman list that she ate 100 grams of onions, and only that much, is a whole new level of obsession.

It's very easy to go from one end of the spectrum to the other: being overweight and obsessed with your body to the point of hatred, then losing weight and becoming obsessed with staying that way. Perhaps so intensely obsessed that you start to do things like traveling with a food scale everywhere and weighing individual sandwich ingredients in a restaurant. It was six years ago that Marie Claire published this piece about healthy living bloggers--and how their meal plans are dangerous and unrealistic--and yet, we're still doing it. 

We live in a culture that is obsessed with bodies and body sizes--so it's easy for us to get obsessed as well. It's a cycle that difficult to break, but I believe it is possible: I believe it is possible to lose weight and be body positive, to lose weight and not become obsessed with staying thin, to be healthy and not weigh food. I believe these things are possible--I just need to work on doing them. 

the New Graduate's Guide to Dressing Professionally

This is an extreme oldie-but-goodie. I posted this blog originally in September 2012, rewrote it in February 2014, and now I'm doing another rewrite in August 2016. It's the post that will live on forever! 

The transition from being a full-time student to being a full-time employee can be difficult. Even as a full-time student, you have downtime -- your weekends are always free, you have only 3-4 classes a day, and otherwise, your time is your own. There are no bills dogging you down and you know when December rolls around, you'll have a break. And then Summer comes along, and that's an even better break. But once you're working full-time, there are no extended breaks and sometimes, not even your weekends are free. 

A huge part of that difficult transition is learning to dress professionally. In college, it's easy to think you have a professional wardrobe, especially if you have a collection of dresses. But out in the "real world," some things just might not fly. I've put together a handy-dandy guide with examples culled from my outfit photos to show you what works, and what might not.

One of the hardest things for me was adjusting the length of my dresses and skirts. Suddenly, my micro-mini dresses and bodycon skirts were not appropriate. My typical rule is if it's more than 2 inches above my knees, I should probably only wear it with tights. Of course, some work places might be a little more strict than mine on lengths, so watch what your female coworkers wear and react accordingly. The structure of a skirt also effects the length: a more structured skirt will ride up more, whereas something with a more flowing skirt won't. My look on the left is a little risky -- but the floral dress, either with or without tights, is perfect.

As you guys know, for several months, I was obsessed with bodycon skirts. They were, legitimately, all I wore. However, once I got an office job, my bodycon addiction had to stop. I wear them occasionally -- usually my two black skirts over black tights -- but otherwise, my bodycon collection waits for weekends. Instead, I invested in a black pencil skirt -- which is basically a longer bodycon skirt! It's a good way to continue working a style I love without risking offending anyone with a scandalous length. I wear my black pencil skirt in the exact same ways I would wear a bodycon skirt. Nowadays, the longer bodycon look is very in-style; you can find them for really affordable prices (like, $5!) at Forever 21. 

For a long time, I lived in midi skirts. I'm looking to bring these looks back as I still find them so flattering and easy to wear! You can look put together and be comfortable all day. They won't ever be too short and they are perfect for dressing up or dressing down. So versatile and so trendy. I pair mine with a variety of tops, scarves, sweaters, cardigans, jackets, and shoe styles to create a ton of looks. (Just make sure to invest in a good slip to prevent clinging!) 

Denim. Is it office appropriate? It can be and let me tell you why. The secret is to use denim pieces in a way that elevates them from being just denim. For example, the look on the left is one of my absolute favorites: my polka dot midi paired on top of a yellow shirt dress, with brown boots, topped with a tailed denim jacket. Since I work in a more casual environment, the denim jacket works -- but it won't work with every office. For a more strict office, the look on the right also still works -- a chambray top paired with a pencil skirt, black heels, and a cute cardigan is both casual and professional, while still cute and young. 

Pattern mixing and adventurous color palettes can work in an office setting. Both of these looks are office appropriate. The look on the left utilizes a midi skirt and then a more playfully patterned shirt. For a more conservative office, you could always add a jacket or cardigan on top to tone down the prints, but otherwise, it's playful and young. The look on the right uses a playfully patterned tank top and a patriotic color palette. With red-white-and-blue, it's too easy to look like a big American flag - the secret is to pick pieces carefully when you're playing with color. For this look, I chose one of my favorite midi skirts, a playful top, and then brought it together with a very structured jacket and nude heels. 

Casual Fridays. The trickiest days! Where I work now, it's casual Friday every day; I tend to wear jeans and a nice top every single day (but that's because I'm a mom now and a bit lazy.) The secret to casual fridays is not to treat them like a weekend -- you still want to look good, even if you're dressed up more than your coworkers. (Your boss will probably appreciate that you take looking professional seriously!) A nice pair of jeans, a good top (maybe even a nicer graphic top), and a jacket or cardigan can keep you looking professional, while being super comfy. 

Dressing professionally is a hard lesson and it's often dependent entirely on the office environment. But picking a few basic pieces -- a midi skirt or two, a pencil skirt, a good pair of slacks, and a variety of tops -- can help you transition your wardrobe from college fun to fabulous employee. 

Do you have any tips for dressing professionally? 

The Handy-Dandy Guide to Owning a Home

Owning a home is no-joke. It's takes a routinely exhausting amount of work. From basic monthly tasks to serious upkeep, getting a handle on it all can be overwhelming. Danny and I are always forgetting to do something--and then days, weeks, or, um, months later, we'll remember and feel quite dumb. And often, that feeling of "quite dumb" is associated with some kind of repair because we forgot to, say, take the hoses off the outside hose bibs and it ruptured a pipe, causing the entryway to flood. (Yes, that happened.) 

We are not perfect home owners, that's for sure. We forget things; we mess up; and there are some things we just don't know until we mess up. Here are a few tips-and-tricks for those brand-new-homeowners who need a little leg up (and who can definitely learn from our mistakes). 

1. Weather-proofing is real. 

Remember that little anecdote about removing the hoses from the hose bibs? It honestly never occurred to me that you're not supposed to leave a hose attached. I mean, I can use a hose year-round, right? Yes, you can--but because of how most outdoor hose bibs and faucets work, the metal portion of a hose freezing can cause an interior pipe to rupture. Which won't be a huge deal until you try to use that hose and it floods underneath your house--and whatever room that hose bib shares a wall with. It can be a pretty expensive fix, so take my advice: weather-proof your house. Remove hoses from hose bibs and move them inside to keep the hoses from cracking; take down any patio furniture and outdoor decorations; and wrap any exposed pipes and faucets with pool noodles and duct tape to keep them from freezing. You'll thank me when you aren't paying a $500 plumbing bill. 

2. Keep a recurring calendar of bi-annual and annual events. 

Another task Danny and I routinely forget: changing the air filter in our heating and cooling system. It's supposed to be changed every 6 months and for the first 2 years, Danny and I kept it up like clockwork. Then I had a baby and I realized, with a shock, two weeks ago that we hadn't changed the air filter in at least 8 months, but probably longer. Recurring tasks like this I now keep on a calendar in my phone that sends me reminders of things I need to do, from changing the air filters to defrosting our freezers every year. 

3. Improvements happen a little at a time.

I occasionally get it in my head that I'm going to transform my home into a Pinterest-worthy exhibition home in one weekend. Guess what, guys? It's not going to happen. Danny and I have a goal of doing one thing every weekend: spraying the yard for weeds; sweeping the driveway and porch; putting up or taking down decorations; or painting. We don't overwhelm ourselves and do one thing at a time. I'm a big fan of this method because it helps me appreciate each task as I'm doing it. If I can fit more in, I do try; but otherwise, I take it slow. 

4. It's ok if it isn't perfect. 

My kitchen doesn't have a pantry, so I turned a hallway closet into a pantry. It's kind of weird because it's right next to the bathroom, but it could be worse. Our house is not perfect: all of our furniture is hand-me-downs, including all of our bookshelves and rugs, and excluding our kitchen table which I bought for about $100; we have dings on the walls and spots that have needed repainting for years; and I still haven't painted the banister in our house. It's ok for things to be left undone until you get a moment. No need to torture yourself. You'll get there. 

5. Mistakes happen.

Danny and I have done some truly stupid things regarding taking care of our home. We've let things go, we've forgotten to leave water running leading to frozen pipes, and we've forgotten to do pretty basic tasks. You make mistakes! You live, you learn. While they can be expensive mistakes, it's nothing worth beating yourself up over. No one has a perfect home and at first, no one is a perfect home owner. 

5 Things I've Learned as a Working Mom

Being a working mom is hard work. I've written before about being a working mom, but it's worth repeating. This isn't to say that stay-at-home moms have it easy; I honestly don't know how SAHMs do it sometimes. I'm in awe of them. Each mom's journey is totally unique and that's what makes motherhood so incredibly special. 

I find being a working mom incredibly fulfilling. While I don't believe in "having it all" (a concept that is both baffling and impossible-to-achieve), I think working and being home gives me the opportunity to have the best of both worlds. To have my cake and eat it too. 

Before June, I worked part-time. During the summer, I went back to full-time, leaving Danny at home with Forrest all day. (This was a little bit of a taste of what my maternity leave was like for him. The results were... amazing.) In September, I'll be returning to part-time hours, something that is both exciting and a little sad. I love my job: I love working in content marketing all day. I love being able to learn how to do new things. But I also want to be able to take Forrest to baby reading time at the library, to go on walks in the park, and more. I want those days with him, I really do. They're the best days, even if they are hard. 

Before my full-time working mom status comes to a close, I wanted to share a few things I've learned along the way. 

1. Every hour is valuable. 

I'm lucky to work a job with incredibly flexible hours. I leave every morning at 6:30am, which means I get to make Forrest his breakfast and maybe give him a few bites before I leave it to Danny and rush out the door. I'm home by 3pm, giving me time to play with Forrest for an hour, make dinner, feed him, and then play a little bit more before it's time to bed. He's asleep most days by 6-7pm, giving me time to clean up dinner, clean up the living room and kitchen, maybe do a few chores (laundry or picking up the house, nothing intense), and sit down to work on my blog or freelance work. Then it's time for bed and I'll do it all over the next day. Why am I telling you our schedule? I get an hour and a half of time with Forrest each work day. I have to make it count, so I do. 

2. It's incredibly stressful to relinquish control. 

Nothing stresses me out more than knowing something is wrong with Forrest (a bad rash, teething, a cold coming on) and not being the one taking care of him during the day. I want to be the one making sure to put on the diaper creams each diaper change; I want to be the one giving him saline and ibuprofen every 4 hours. I want to be in control so that I know it's done correctly. I'm Type A. What can I say? 

3. There's never enough time for me unless I let things fall to the side. 

One of those things, truthfully, is keeping my house immaculate. I love a clean house. I'd love to have time to clean my oven, to scrub my floors, to repaint spots that have been stained or chipped. Truth is, I do have time to do those things... but it would be at the loss of the few hours of me time I have every day. So I let it go. I'll have time for it someday. Forrest probably won't judge me for the unpatched spots on my walls. 

4. I'm really bad at prioritizing myself. 

Related to number 3: I'm very bad at putting myself first. Funny, since I had a good 26.5 years of doing it before hand. I've been meaning to buy myself new clothes and new make up (and new shoes) for ages. I've been meaning to clean out my closet and all my clothes in storage for ages. I have done neither of those things. Whenever I get a bit of spare money, I spend it on Forrest; he needs pajamas more than I need new jeans. He needs fall outfits more than I do. Those are complete lies, but it's what I tell myself. I feel guilty treating myself to the smallest of things--but I'll splurge big on a set of pajamas for him. 

5. No one understands how busy you are. 

Working moms: no one else knows the struggle quite as well as other working moms. Sometimes, my coworkers will set a meeting for 3pm and ask, "Oh can't you just stay an hour longer?" No. I can't stay an hour longer--that's the hour I get to sing and have music time, play, and read books. No, you can't have it. You get 8 hours of me a day. Use. Them. Wisely. No one quite gets the bedtime routines ("You can't meet for drinks at 6pm? Bring the baby! Why not?") or the hectic weekends or the mad dashes to the grocery store for formula. No one really gets it but other moms. That's ok, though. They'll get it someday.