What Christmas Means to Me

I was about 3 or 4 when I noticed that my present from Santa was wrapped in the same blue wrapping paper (with ice skating penguins) as my other presents. "Mom," I asked, on Christmas morning, "why does it have the same paper?" My mom hemmed and hawed, then said Santa had borrowed paper. I quirked my mouth and said,  "I don't think so." 

The jig was up. I'd figured it out. 

From that point on, Christmas wasn't about Santa at our house. As the youngest, and the earliest to discover the ruse that was Santa Claus, they had thought I would believe the longest of my siblings. But they were wrong. Naturally gifted in the art of noticing small details (shout out to my skills as an editor!), it didn't take long. 

It was almost a blessing though. As I wrote in my post about Santa Claus and my decision to not tell Forrest that Santa is real, removing Santa from Christmas makes it a lot more, well, magical. It's less about getting to the day and more about enjoying the season. 

When I was little, I associated Christmas with taking photos in front of the tree, eating squares of cheese on Triscuit crackers, and excitedly looking forward to getting to open my stocking. (My favorite part because it usually had candy.) 

As I got older, Christmas was much more about having a break from school. Less about the day, more about the month. (Does it feel like we used to get way longer Christmas breaks? Just me?) 

Now, Christmas is all about being a parent: making the season magical for Forrest, sharing my favorite movies with him, baking cookies with him. 

In the past 10 years, I've encouraged everyone I know to do less Christmas gifts for their friends and family, and more gifts for their community. Purchasing gifts for foster children or for women's shelters, donating money to charities they support, volunteering at soup kitchens, and more are all ways to give back to your community. Many of these, like donating gifts or money, can be done in someone's name. If you don't know what to get someone for Christmas, making a donation is something that both feels good and does good. 

That's really what Christmas means to me: it's about doing good and feeling good. Getting your house cozy, warm, and decorated--and helping so that others can keep their homes warm and cozy too. Donating gifts so that every child can have joy on Christmas morning. Donating supplies to women's shelters so they can feel good on Christmas day and beyond. Giving money to animal shelters so that every cat and dog can have a hearty meal. There are lots of ways to spread Christmas joy; and for me, Christmas is about making sure everyone has a good time. 

This past week, I saw a girl stop her car along a busy road, jump out, and retrieve a small, black drawstring bag from her trunk. It was like those bags you often get free at basketball games: a backpack shape, but with drawstrings. She ran to a man who was panhandling on the corner of the intersection and handed it to him. "Happy Holidays!" she said as she ran back to her car. I was stopped nearby and saw him open it; inside were hygiene supplies, food, a $5 bill, a voucher for a free cup of coffee at a local shop, and a few other things.

It really made me realize how Christmas isn't just about giving to our friends and family, but everyone. It was incredible to see happen in real life, but it's true that there are many Santas out in the world and we can all be one. 

So for me, Christmas means to not just celebrate the season and my family, but to act as Santa Claus in every way that I can: giving to those in need, lifting up those who need it, and choosing to be better, always. 

My Top 5 Healthy Holiday Snacks

I definitely believe in indulging during the holidays. Christmas cookies and dinners only happen once a year, alongside those special Christmas or holiday cocktails, appetizers, and more. Enjoying them is something that is very important to me and ever since I started practicing intuitive eating, I became aware of the fact that if I don't allow myself to eat my favorite holiday treats, I just don't have a good time. 

However, I also know that if I eat like that all time, I won't feel my best physically. So for the last few months, I've been collecting my favorite healthy holiday recipes to make this month, test, and see if they're as good as they look. Having these around the house helps me feel like I'm indulging, without the heavy feeling that happens from eating gingerbread cookies every single day for a month! 

These are my top 5 favorite recipes that I've tried through November and the first part of December. 

1. Pomegranate Chocolate Candy Cups

These are as easy as they look: pomegranate seeds, pistachios, and coconut in dark chocolate. And gosh, they are tasty: satisfying that need for a little chocolate bite, but adding in the tang of pomegranate and the crunch of pistachios. (I'll be honest: I left out the coconut because I'm not a huge fan.) You could really add any kind of nut or dried fruit to this: I want to try dried raspberries, almonds and white chocolate next. 

2. Frozen Yogurt Drops

I've been making these for Forrest forever, so it was something we could share this month! I actually bought salted caramel Greek yogurt to try and it worked out fantastic. I usually chop up dried fruit to mix with it, so we had salted caramel Greek yogurt with diced dried mangos. Absolutely delicious! As holiday yogurts get to grocery stores, you can do this with just about any yogurt for a healthy holiday treat before or after meals (or, you know, with meals in Forrest's case). Adding sprinkles is a nice festive touch. 

3. Vegan no-bake Gingerbread Bars

I wanted to include something vegan because I've been avoiding dairy for a few months now. (And over Thanksgiving, I ended up consuming a lot of dairy and let me say, my skin absolutely knew it.) These definitely aren't a traditional gingerbread, but they definitely get the flavor right; I opted not to do the thick glaze and just sprinkled the tops with a little powdered sugar mixed with pumpkin pie spice. Absolutely just as lovely! They make great breakfast replacements as well, for those days when you don't have time to make something. 

4. Healthy Gingerbread Cookies

One note about these cookies: the recipes calls for coconut oil, a substance I choose not to eat. (It's 65% trans fat! It's not healthy!) I used plain old butter to replace it and they were just as good; you could also use applesauce or mashed banana and it would be lovely. The addition of almond flour and oat flour is really genius and gives them a unique texture and taste. However, they definitely satisfy that need of mine to eat as much gingerbread as possible--without feeling like I've eaten approximately 8 bags of flour. 

5. Chocolate Mint Balls

This is another super easy recipe that gets the flavor exactly right. I make these chocolate and peppermint cookies every December and these balls taste really, really similar (although the texture is not that of a cookie, obviously). They are a great afternoon pick-me-up at work when I just want something to munch on, but want to avoid the massive platter of cookies in the break room! 

4 Tips for Blogging Through the Holidays

Whether you blog professionally or for a hobby, I think we can all agree that sometimes keeping up posting, scheduling social media, and promoting our blogs can be really difficult. Especially during the holidays when things can get hectic and stressful fast. 

Every November and December, I inevitably experience a few moments of just not being able to get to my blog or stay on top of things. It seems easier to let my blog slide--which I inevitably regret when I'm doubly behind come January, having missed posts that I desperately wanted to have up before the new year. 

I've been scouring the internet and collecting the best advice to stay blogging through the holidays. Here's what I've found. 

1. Auto-Schedule In Advance

I think these days, auto-scheduling is the law of the land when it comes to blogging. Back in my Locked Out days, I would sit down, write a post, and post it then and there. That was it! These days, I usually have at least a week of blog posts scheduled out. When it comes to the holidays, or filling in gaps where you'll be on vacation, scheduling comes in handy. 

Alongside scheduling, that requires you to have your content worked out in advance. I have a running editorial calendar for each month so I always know what I need to write and when it will be posted. 

2. Take Part in Blogging Challenges

Honestly, getting my Blogmas content ready for December really helped me step it up this month! It's only the 13th of December, but I have content scheduled through Christmas and beyond. Taking part in Blogmas (or other blogging challenges) is a good way to write content in advance and always have something to motivate you to keep going. 

3. Write Shorter Posts

This is a big one. Not every single blog post needs to be super long, involved, and heavily researched. Short, quick blog posts that share a quite inspiration, a thought, a few tips, etc. can be just as meaningful. A prime example of this is the fact that my post from Blogtober about my 4 favorite teas is one of my most popular blog posts of all time. 

4. Step Away from Social Media

I think the most important thing to do is that once you get content scheduled, a few promotional tweets scheduled, and everything ready for the week of the holidays... step away. Don't worry about it. Do everything else that you need to do, but don't worry about your blog! Step in and check in the evenings, make sure all your social media is going fine, but it's ok to take a break and enjoy the holidays too. 

3 Outfits for Holiday Inspiration

Another day, another outfit post! Today, I wanted to share 3 outfits I put together inspired by some of my new favorite Christmas songs. I hope you love them as much as I do! 

When it comes to dressing for the holidays, I firmly believe that comfort comes first. Nothing is better than a sweater and jeans combo--but that doesn't mean we shouldn't dress it up a bit. Let's get started. 

1. Candy Cane Lane

Candy Cane Lane - Winter Outfit 1 by wiredphosphenes featuring candy cane ornaments

This sweater from Topshop is what started it all (just click the name of the outfit to see all of the outfit details). It's absolutely so adorable and perfect for a casual holiday party. Pair with jeans or leggings, boots (heel optional), and a basic bag for a more simple look; you can add jewelry or a scarf as well. 

2. Winter Things

Winter Things - Winter Outfit 2 by wiredphosphenes featuring a ski hat

The song "Winter Things" is about enjoying Christmas even if you list somewhere that's warm around the holidays. So, if you're in a warmer climate, this outfit is for you! This dress is a gorgeous Winter white and the pattern is beautiful; I picked a few colors out of it to focus on. If you're the hat wearing kind, adding a beanie and cardigan always makes everything a little more wintery; pair with these gorgeous oxblood flats from Zara and keep your make up simple but bold (like with a metallic oxblood lip). 

3. Snowman

Snowman - Winter Outfit 3 by wiredphosphenes featuring off white sneakers

I know, I know, another sweater and jeans combo. But I want you to consider: all white. White fair isle sweater, paired with metallic white shoes and a cute, graphic white bag. Keep your make up simple: blush, pink-mauve lip (Wet'n'Wild Rebel Rose is my favorite), and a gray-toned smoky eye. Simple, chic, and perfect comfy for lounging around the Christmas tree. 

4 Tips for Winter Hair Care*

While my skin has always been a struggle for me (as my post about my acne demonstrates), I've always been incredibly blessed to have good hair. My hair is naturally very dark (almost black); it grows incredibly fast; and it's a good texture (very fine, but I have a lot of hair... like double the amount most people have). In many ways, having good hair has made up for my bad skin; if nothing else, my hair always looks great. 

Aside from graying pretty early in life (my first patch of gray hair was discovered at age 11), my other hair is has always been having a dry scalp. How is it that I struggle with way too oily of a face, but a bone dry scalp? What is going on there!? 

Every winter, undoubtedly, my scalp starts to really struggle. It gets itchy and flaky, even when my hair is greasy. I either wash too much or too little--and I can't tell which is worse! I spend a fortune on fancy shampoos, trying to find something cruelty free to use... only to crawl back to Head & Shoulders because while it is chemically blue and tested on animals, damn, at least it works, right? 

This year, I started my research early. I wanted to avoid the Head & Shoulders crawl and find natural, cruelty free products that worked. I was lucky enough to receive a sample of Tea Tree Oil shampoo from Maple Holistics.

I decided to write up my 4 tips for hair care during the winter. These tips will keep your scalp clean, non-itchy, and moisturized, while ensuring your hair looks gorgeous. 

1. Find a Good Shampoo

Like I said, I feel like I spend a small fortune every winter trying to find a shampoo that will help my scalp--and yet, I always end up back at Head & Shoulders. I'm so glad I was able to find a shampoo that actually works. 

The Tea Tree Oil Shampoo from Maple Holistics* really is one of the best shampoos I've used for my scalp. It has a lovely, tea tree and rosemary oil scent and helps keep my scalp from flaking and getting too dry. Maple Holistics also has an amazing free sample program, so if you want to try some of their products, you can sign up for that here.

While it might not be the perfect shampoo, it's definitely worth a shot--and at $8.95 for a bottle, it's very affordable; as well, it's cruelty free and made with all natural ingredients. And for me, that's worth a lot! 

2. Shampoo When Your Hair Needs It

For a few years, there has been a back and forth about how often to wash our hair. Growing up, I was taught to wash my hair nearly every single day. Skipping a day, to my mom, was really gross. However, as I got older, I realized that washing my hair every day made my scalp really dry and my hair really frizzy. In college, I would go 2-3 days between washes, but I still kept a very strict schedule. Recently, my friend said that her dermatologist's advice was: "wash your hair when it needs it." 

God, that seems so simple, right? If your hair is greasy, wash it. If your scalp is dry and itchy, wash it. If your hair feels like it needs washed, wash it! Even if it was just yesterday the last time you washed it. You don't have to follow anyone else's schedule for their hair. 

3. Use Jojoba Oil 

I've seen lots of posts about using coconut oil for your scalp. I've used baby oil and olive oil in the past as well, but as I've written before, jojoba oil is the closest oil to what we produce naturally. Therefore, I just trust it more when it comes to moisturizing! Coconut oil made my scalp break out severely once (it is comedogenic, so never ever use it on your face... seriously), so I don't recommend it. However, a few drops of jojoba on my scalp at night before bed, especially when the weather is cold and dry helps my scalp to not be so itchy. 

4. Avoid Wearing Hats & Ponytails With Wet Hair

What's the number one cause of dry itchy scalp? Popping a hat on your hair when it is still wet or putting it into a ponytail or bun when it is still wet. This traps moisture on your scalp, which makes it a breeding ground for bacteria--causing dandruff, seborrheic dermatitis, and more. If you need to wear a hat, make sure you blow dry your hair thoroughly or let it air dry before putting it on; same with a ponytail. 

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*Disclaimer: As always, use of a single asterisk in the post title denotes that I received free product or payment in exchange for this post. However, all recommendations and opinions remain my own! You can read more about my disclosure policy here. 

4 Hot Toddies Just for the Holidays

I love hot toddies... but I don't hold myself to the typical hot toddy definition. A hot toddy, traditionally, is some mix of spirits topped with hot water and lime. Basically, it's warm, watery alcohol. That doesn't sound exactly appetizing, does it? But replace that hot water with tea, coffee, hot chocolate, or hot apple cider, and you've got yourself a deal. 

For this round up, I gathered my four favorite hot toddy recipes that deviate from "the traditional". Whether you love hot cider, tea, or coffee, I've got something for everyone. 

1. Tea Hot Toddy

This recipe uses black tea, apple cider, ginger, cloves, and honey, so if you're a little under-the-weather this month, it's the perfect drink; but add a little bit of rum to make it a party drink. I use chai tea (one of my favorites from my list here, of course) and a high quality, local apple cider. Yum! 

2. Hot Peppermint Patty

Love hot chocolate? Love peppermint? This creamy, delicious hot toddy is for you. This isn't just peppermint schnapps added to hot cocoa mix; this is schnapps, creme de cocoa, and creme de menthe blended with hot cocoa. (I would use the Starbucks Marshmallow hot cocoa, because it's my favorite.) 

3. Apple Cider Hot Toddy

This is really similar to the tea hot toddy, but using green tea instead of chai (interesting twist!) Add extra lemon and a slide or two of apple for an extra apple twist. 

4. Holiday Hot Toddy

This is a coffee hot toddy, which is actually my favorite kind. It combines coffee, whipped cream, and rum for a delicious, creamy, treat. 

A Busy Mom's Gift Guide for: Bloggers

In keeping with my gift guide series, I wanted to include a gift guide for a group that's very hard to shop for. I'm talking bloggers, of all shapes and varieties: body positivity bloggers; fitness bloggers; mom bloggers; lifestyle bloggers; fashion bloggers; and everyone in between. 

Blogging, and being an influencer, is big business these days. And most bloggers tend to be the kind of people that if they want or need something for their business, they just go ahead and get it. Even if it's something they just personally want, they aren't the type to just sit around and think about it. 

So if you love someone who is a blogger (and perhaps they've sent along this post to help you out with your shopping), this post is for you. 

1. Rose Gold Phone Stand

A phone stand comes in handy when you're working on your computer and also keeping track of all those notifications (like on Instagram). This one is rose gold, lightweight, and very affordable. Perfect for the girl with everything who just needs a hand, er, stand. 

2. Marble Notebook 

The blogger stereotype of loving marble is getting a little tired, isn't it? But I have two marble items on this list and by golly, it's not going away any time soon. This notebook is perfect for finally starting that bullet journal or just keeping track of posting schedules, content ideas, and more. 

3. Adhesive Marble

Another day, another marble. If you've ever wondered how all bloggers seem to own marble surfaces, look not further. It's actually not a surface... it's vinyl cover. This final cover! And you can never have enough. You can use this adhesive marble on cups, boards, your desk... anywhere that needs a little cleaning up. 

4. Rose Pattern Laptop Case

A blogger's laptop is her key to success and this case is both affordable, cute,and roomy enough for everything, including a planner, notebook, and more. It's also perfectly Instagramable, so you're basically providing content with it! 

5. Items from the Beauty Crop**

The Beauty Crop has affordable, cruelty free, and all natural make up--perfect for any blogger who likes looking good and trying new things. I recommend the Espresso Yourself eye palette**, the Lovable Nudes Set**, and the Friday Night Lights Make Up Kit**. 

**Note: Links marked with double asterisks are affiliate links. This just means that I receive a small compensation from every purchase made through this link; this helps me keep Writing Between Pauses going. But believe me when I say, every recommendation is made honestly. To learn more about my disclosure policy, click here. 

Why We Don't Believe in Santa

Writing this post is really difficult. For a while now, Danny and I have gone back and forth on whether or not we should introduce the idea of Santa to Forrest. Before he was born, we debated about it even more. Now that he’s 2 years old, it’s really hard to not have Santa in our lives. Every TV show, every movie, has Santa; believing in Santa is something children are encouraged to do. 

And if you’re on the fence about whether or not Santa is something you want your child to believe in, it can be extremely difficult. Explaining to Forrest at his current age that Santa isn’t real isn’t exactly easy. The difference between “pretend” and “real” is incredibly thin for him; he knows he isn’t really feeding his baby doll with a plastic spoon. But he also doesn’t really get that the movies we watch aren’t real, either. When we took him on Pirates of the Carribbean at Disneyland (this was a mistake, remember?), we realized that, to him, that's all technically real; differentiating between "real" and "fake" at 2 years old is extremely challenging.  

Let’s start at the beginning though. 

Why Don’t We Believe in Santa? 

This is the question I get asked the most. “Why don’t you want Forrest to believe in Santa?” 

It’s not that I have anything against Santa. And if other parents choose to do “Santa”, that is fully their right. I still struggle with whether we’re doing the right thing or not. 

What I do have an issue with, however, is the idea of making Forrest think that if he is “good,” he gets rewarded.

To me, I want to raise Forrest to be a good person, regardless of whether he gets a reward for it. The reality is that sometimes we have to do the right thing and we never get recognized for it; sometimes being good is just for the sake of being good, not receiving an award. The idea of bribing my child to be good, so that he will be rewarded in the near future, doesn’t sit right with me as a parent. I wouldn't bribe him to do anything else in life, so why would I present Christmas as a bribe to be "good"? 

That isn’t to say we won’t talk about Santa. 

What We’ll Do Instead

We still want to watch Santa movies, talk about Santa, and read stories about Santa. Santa Claus is a fun story and it is an essential part of Christmas. Just because we won’t encourage Forrest to believe that Santa is real (and judging him for his actions so he can get treats), doesn’t mean I want him to miss out on Santa in general. 

We will, however, present Santa as a fun story and game. Instead of, “Santa will only come if you’re good and in bed tonight!” We’ll say something like, “Tonight, we’ll play the Santa game: you go to bed and when you wake up, we’ll have put presents out!” This way, he still gets to have the fun of presents “magically” appearing, but without actually believing in Santa. 

Do I worry he’ll ruin it for other kids? 

This is another question I get frequently and it makes me very uncomfortable. I know some parents take believing in Santa very seriously; they consider it equivalent to religious beliefs (we can thank the Polar Express for that metaphor), as well as tied to childhood innocence. To not believe in Santa, it seems, is paramount to being forced into adulthood or losing their innocence. 

As I said, every parent has the right to approach Santa how they wish. It’s truly no one else’s business. But that being said, I don’t think I should have to worry about my son “ruining” Christmas for another child. Frankly, there are going to be disappointments in life; if my son not believing in Santa disappoints another child, well, that's just kind of part of life. I don't really have control of what he does and doesn't tell kids in the future. 

There are always going to be kids who never believe in Santa (I never did; I think I was 4 when I told my mom I knew it was her) and there are going to be kids who believe in Santa for perhaps longer than they should (I’ll never forget breaking the news to my best friend when I was 13). Sometimes, your child will be disappointed; they will be told something (like that Santa isn’t real) you wish they hadn’t been told. That’s just the reality of being a parent! It's up to you to deal with those situations. 

To me, it’s equivalent to food choices. Some parents choose to feed their child extremely healthy, like foods with no added sugar. Some parents (like me) walk the line between super healthy and “fun” (like fruit juices and Goldfish crackers). My child eating Goldfish crackers while yours eats kale chips (or yogurt or whatever) doesn’t mean that I shouldn't let my son eat Goldfish crackers; we’ve made different choices and maybe our kids will be disappointed with what other kids have or how their households work. Again, that’s just part of life; learning to deal with it is fundamental and trying to always prevent them from being disappointed or jealous is just going to lead to a needy, spoiled child. 

But we should talk to our children about never making other kids feel bad about how their household works or what they have access to; and how while they might feel jealous of other kids, it is not the fault of the other child that they have something or believe something that we don’t. 

Conclusion

More than anything, I hope presenting Santa as a game and story (instead of something real) will help us enjoy Christmas even more. We’ll never have a disappointing Christmas where Forrest learns that Santa isn’t real and we’ll never have to struggle with him being good only to receive rewards. To me, as a parent, those are two things I really believe in.