A Sensible Gift Guide for: Moms

Gift guides. Two words that you hear, roughly, every 5 minutes in the month of December. 

I'm here to add a little more clutter to that segment of the internet. You know why? Because sometimes, moms get forgotten in the gift guide mania. Gift guides are often created with the intention to be used by the primary shoppers in family units (re: moms). Gift guides are sometimes made for moms or wives to "treat themselves." 

That's not this gift guide. This gift guide is for you (you're a mom or maybe a wife or a girlfriend who wants some nice stuff because you're stressed) to subtly (subtly) send to your husband/partner/boyfriend/girlfriend/whoever to give them ideas for your Christmas presents. 

So, take note people who are reading this lift to figure out what to get the mom in their life: these suggestions come from a mom who is just as exhausted as your person. I know what I'm talking about. 

Gift Guide for: Moms by wiredphosphenes featuring grey home decor

1. Giftcards, giftcards, giftcards.

Listen, if you don't know what to get the mom in your life, I have two simple words for you: gift cards. Some people think gift cards are terrible gifts, but I would argue that, no, they are the best gifts. I get so excited when I get a gift card, especially to a place I already shop. Target, Sephora/Ulta, Starbucks... where does that special mom in your life like to treat herself? Get her a gift card for that store because most likely, she doesn't get the things she needs for herself very often. 

2. A really nice wine glass set & a bottle of wine. 

Not to play into stereotypes here, but most moms love a nice glass of wine after their wrestle their toddlers or young kids into bed. It really takes a lot out of you. Mostly, though, wine glasses are beautiful and a nice set is often something young families don't have, leading many moms to drink their wine out of coffee cups (no shame in that game). Throw in a bottle of your favorite wine and you're set. 

3. A journal or planner. 

Nothing says "I care about your mental wellbeing" like something to record thoughts or appointments in. I love getting a new journal for Christmas because journaling is incredibly relaxing and perfect for the end of the day. Pick one that's fancier than the average spiral bound notebook, prerferrably something that will look nice on Instagram. 

4. Candles.

Candles are often gifts that are thought of as boring or last minute. Nah! Candles are great because: 1) they smell nice, 2) they're relaxing, and 3) they look beautiful. I like this one from Zoella. 

5. Picture frames. 

Most moms have a ton of photos that they just, well, haven't gotten around to doing anything with. Personally, I'm always just a little behind when it comes to getting stuff framed and put up. Take the plunge and buy the mom in your life a nice set of frames (or even a collage frame). She'll appreciate it,  I promise. (You can even get a head start and frame all those photos she's been meaning to!) 

Want to know where everything from this photoset is from? Check it out on my Polyvore!

3 Essentials for Oily Skin

I've always had oily skin. Always have, probably always will. I still struggle with break outs. When I was a teenager, I remember reading teen magazines that said, eventually, I would just stop breaking out whenever any minor environmental or health change occurred. The fact is, that just didn't happen. 

I have found ways, as I've gotten older, to deal with my skin. Ultimately, as much as I would like to fundamentally change my skin (or, realistically, the balance of hormones that causes this travesty), it probably isn't going to happen any time soon. So, I learned to take care of the skin I have, prevent break outs as best I can, and soldier on no matter what. 

Here are the 3 products that I absolutely depend on for my skin's survival. 

1. Charcoal Cleansing Bar, Beautycounter

My sister sells Beautycounter and for my birthday, she gave me the Charcoal Cleansing Bar. It's $24 for a bar, which seems pretty steep, except it lasts forever. I use it to wash my make up off every night and honestly, it leaves my skin feeling super soft and clean, without that weird, waxy, squeaky feeling that other cleansers cause. I have also noticed a significant improvement in my skin since I started using it, both in terms of break outs and how greasy I get throughout the day and night. With almost 2 months of solid use, I'd say it is reduced in size by about 1/3--so a bar should last 5-6 months, depending on how often you use it. 

2. Clear Start Matte Moisturizer, Dermalogica

Moisturizer is key to preventing oily skin. When I was around 13, my pediatrician (seriously) explained that people with oily skin actually have quite dry skin; the body produces more oil to help with the dryness, thus creating too much oil and causing acne. I know, right? So keeping your skin moisturized is super important when you have oil skin; it will help prevent excess oil. I love this matte moisturizer from Dermalogica; it's the perfect base for primer and foundation in the morning, and it doesn't have that gross, greasy feeling I associate with a lot of moisturizers!

3. Studio Finishing Powder, NYX Cosmetics

I posted about NYX two days ago, but another reminder: if you have oily skin, a finishing and blotting powder are musts! I carry a compact of blotting powder in my purse, but I always top my foundation with a light dusting of Studio Finishing Powder. If I forget to do it, my make up is sliding off by 9am. However, with finishing powder, I'm pretty much set until noon--and even then, it's only the oiliest parts of my face that get bad (my nose and forehead, mainly). Give it a try, I promise you'll love it! 

Is It Too Pushy to Ask for More Gender Neutral Options?

If you follow me on Twitter, you may have noticed 2 or 3 weeks ago that I sent out a tweet about Freshly Picked's celebrity collaborations. 

I love Freshly Picked. If you're a parent, you've probably seen an ad (or five) for them on Instagram. You've probably seen a baby wearing them on Instagram. Michael Phelps's son, Boomer, famously wore a red-white-and-blue pair with gold heels at the Olympics. They are small, leather moccasins, soft soled, for babies and toddlers. Freshly Picked is everywhere, becoming almost as popular among InstaMoms as ModCloth is among the indie crowd. 

However, when Freshly Picked announced their most recent celebrity collaboration, I found myself getting a little, well, flustered. The newest collaboration is with Ayesha Curry; she created four designs of moccasins. Three of them are holographic: they are gorgeous and insanely impractical for the average baby, but who cares! You can get gold holo, pink holo, or silver holo. They are also obviously for girls. They are little girls shoes. They are only shown on girls in Freshly Picked ads. There is another pair of moccasins in the collaboration: they are plain blue. Plain blue! Not blue holo. Not green holo. They are... blue. That's it. They're blue. 

They are for boys. 

During the summer, Freshly Picked had another celebrity collaboration with a professional skater. 5 styles of shoe were released; 4 styles were obviously for girls (floral, polka dots, etc) and one was for boys. The boys styled was plain black with a lime green sole. Plain. Black. That's it!

The girls get fun designs, cute patterns, pretty colors. Boys get plain blue or black or brown. 

That's it. 

We can get into the "for girls" argument all we want. I'm there with you. I think saying florals are for girls and girls only is total bunk. However, Forrest depends on me to dress him; I can dress him however I like at this point. When he's older, he can choose. But my goal for getting him dressed in the morning is not to make him the object of negative attention. 

But that doesn't mean I wouldn't like a cute pair of shoes to put on him. Shoes that aren't covered in the Ninja Turtles or Superman. Shoes that aren't boring or plain. 

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I'm not asking for a miracle here. I'm just asking for more gender neutral--or even, perhaps, overtly "boyish"--options. 

Walk into a Target. Look at the toddler girls section. Look at the toddler boys sections. Notice anything? Yeah, the girls section is 3-4 times as big as the boys section. 

It's incredibly frustrating. 

Also, when you look at those clothing sections, notice another thing; there are almost NO boys shoes for young toddlers. Under size 5 boys shoes are the hardest thing to find in the world. I might as well be attempting to purchase the Mona Lisa. There are racks of tiny girls shoes--fake Ugg boots smaller than my hand, sandals and tennis shoes and Mary Janes--but there are no boys shoes. None. The boys shoes that are available tend to be covered in characters--the Ninja Turtles, Cars, and more. 

It is endlessly frustrating. 

It is hard to find things that are gender neutral or that aren't overtly girly. What am I supposed to tell Forrest? Sorry, kid, you can't walk right now because I couldn't find any shoes in your size? Sorry, I know your feet are cold because you need boots, but they don't make them for you despite the fact that there are 20 varieties of boots for girls? 

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This is my plea to brands to please, please, make more options for boys or options that are gender neutral. 

Freshly Picked has many plain colored moccasins that work just fine--Forrest has the velvet mocha style--but it would be nice if, for once, a collaboration came out that was for primarily boys or gender neutral and didn't feature just solid colors. It is entirely possible to make cute, exciting clothes for boys or that are gender neutral. You just have to try. It's easy to sell girly themed things--overwhelmingly, because girls have more options, parents buy more--but I promise, boy moms (or moms that are choosing a gender neutral route) have money too. 

My Favorite Underrated Make Up Brand

There are lots of great, underrated make up brands out there. Some of them are indie brands. Some of them are larger brands available at places like Sephora. And some of them are drug store brands, available just about everywhere. 

My favorite of those brands is NYX. If you haven't seen NYX at your local Wal-Mart, Target, or WalGreens, don't worry. NYX products are available online and at places like Ulta. But before you rush out to buy something new, let me tell you about why I like them. 

My first NYX product was a Soft Matte Lip Cream in the shade Stockholm. If you follow me on Instagram, you've undoubtedly seen me wearing this shade before. I wear it at least once a week. Actually, the tube is just about empty; I need to buy a replacement. It cost $4.50 and it is my favorite, absolute favorite, pink-brown nude. You can check out Stockholm here. 

Since then, I've started buying more and more NYX products. At first, it was just the Soft Matte Lip Creams: I have Stockholm, Budapest, Prague, and several others. Then, it was face powder (the High Definition Finishing Powder, NYX Blotting Powder, and SFX Setting Powder are perfect if you have oily skin). And then, it was primers: the Soft Focus primer balm is surprisingly amazing and the Studio Perfect Primer in green is perfect if you have reddish skin like me. 

My most recent obsession are the Lip Lingerie lip creams; they come in a ton of beautiful nude shades and dry to a perfect, silky matte. You can check out all the available colors here. I highly recommend the colors Push Up and Lace Details. Lace Details is a gorgeous pale pink nude (pictured above) and I wear it just as much as Stockholm. 

I'm rapidly becoming a "single brand" kind of girl. NYX makes everything I love using--and they are super affordable. I used to spend $35 a bottle on the primer I thought I had to use--but now my primer is $6 or $10, depending on which formula I go with. Which means, I can throw in a few more lipsticks and eyeshadows while I'm at it! 

Do you have a make up brand that you just absolutely love? 

4 More Lessons I Learned From NaNoWriMo in 2016

When I completed NaNoWriMo in 2014, I wrote a great post about lessons I learned. Reading through that list, I still identify with everything I wrote previously. It's funny, at the end, to see how excited I am for the next year--without knowing that in 3 months, I would be pregnant. It's weird looking back on statements like that and laughing at how much your life can change in a few months (isn't that what blogs are great for, though?). 

I thought I would revisit this post and share a few more lessons I've learned from NaNoWriMo--especially my first successful November as a parent! 

1. I have to prioritize where I put my energy.

I say this frequently, but when I get overwhelmed, I tend to shut down. In November, I often find myself pulled in a hundred different directions: I do NaNoWriMo; I'm working; I have Forrest; and I have an entire house to take care of. Personally, I find it very easy to just shut down and not really achieve anything in that time frame! 

However, I find that if I prioritize, I can get everything done without getting overwhelmed. But that also means, I have to let some things fall to the side. Notice how I barely blogged in November? Yeah, it was because I was trying to do NaNoWriMo, work my day job, and keep myself and a toddler alive. These things happen. C'est la vie! 

2. Get ahead while you can.

In previous NaNoWriMos, I've kept myself to a strict daily word count. I usually didn't write ahead more than 500 words or so. And each year, I've gotten behind and had to spend weekends catching up, which meant I got very quickly exhausted.  

I feel like this lesson is true of everything in life--not just NaNoWriMo. When you can, work ahead. For example, I have a cleaning schedule I try to keep: on Fridays, I tidy the entryway; on Saturdays, I clean the bathrooms, etc. However, if I'm feeling motivated, I'll clean the entryway and clean the bathrooms on the very same day. I know, living on the edge there! 

This year, I ended up writing my first 10,000 words for NaNoWriMo in the first few days. By November 15, I was 15,000 words from winning. I wrote ahead--I let myself write as often as I could without falling behind on my other responsibilities and it paid off. It helped that I was writing a story that I'd been thinking of for months, but having a buffer really made me more comfortable and I was able to write with joy, rather than stressing to stay on deadline. 

3. It's ok to think NaNoWriMo is stifling. 

As much as I love NaNoWriMo (and this being my 5th year completing, I do love it), I also inevitably start to wonder how, as a practice, it inhibits or improves my creativity. 

Ultimately, what we take away from NaNoWriMo is up to us--and it's ok to love it as an idea, but also ultimately believe it to be stifling. You don't have to follow the rules of NaNoWriMo to the letter; it's your novel and your life. Do what you want! 

However, you often see NaNoWriMo critics emerging in early November, talking about how NaNoWriMo is a time for "writer-wannabes" (ok) to emerge and dedicate one month of the year to writing. Not only is this a totally unfair statement which I've seen way too many supposedly professional writers state, it also ignores the point of NaNoWriMo. 

The point of NaNoWriMo isn't to be a professional writer and write your perfect dream novel in a month. NaNoWriMo is about empowering more people to write, to make time for writing and creativity, and to enjoy their lives. 

That's it! That's all that NaNoWriMo is about. 

It's ok to think it's stifling. It's ok to get to November 30 and think, "Well, that sucked." It's ok to feel like you wrote a crapper of a novel. (I have had that feeling many times myself.) But the most important thing is, if you completed a novel, you proved that you can write every day. Enough to pile up the words. And that's pretty monumental. 

4. When I read more, I write more. 

At the end of October, I signed up for Kindle Unlimited. Since then, I have read 46 books.

46 books. 

I know. It's actually kind of embarrassing. In that time, I have written more, and felt more creative, than ever before. I have started to realize that if I want to write--and I mean, really write in a way that is productive and meaningful--I have to keep my reading habit. Which, thanks to Kindle Unlimited, is totally possible. Even if I'm reading the most embarrassing, sappy romance novels of all time. 

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Did you participate in NaNoWriMo this year? What did you learn about yourself, about creativity, or about life in general?

Why We Decided to Put a Strict Limit on Christmas Gifts

Every year when I was little, the same thing happened. Every Christmas Eve, my family would gather either at our house or my grandmother's house. And every year, as the clock ticked closer to 7pm, my siblings and I would find ourselves sitting next to stacks of gifts. If we were at our house, we would be in the family room, the room with the fireplace and the tree, the best furniture. We would pick a spot and divvy up the gifts, which would often be dragged into the house by my grandmother and grandfather in giant, black trash bags. 

My grandmother was one of "those people." You know the ones. The ones who just can't not buy a gift. 

We got things we wanted, sometimes. We got sweatshirts and toys that featured our favorite characters, art supplies or computer games. But we got plenty of things we didn't want either. Things we didn't need. Junk piled up in our rooms until summer came and we took it to Goodwill. A continuous cycle, over and over and over again. 

As I got older, we decided, as a family, to stop it. To stop the gift thing. We do a small gift exchange every year--no more than one or two gifts each, if that--but that's it. For a few years, we have tried to do just Tree of Joy gifts: we would all go to the mall and choose an ornament featuring the want or need of a foster child in the area, aged from 0 to 18. In lieu of gifts to each other, I try to make sure we all give to someone who really needs it. 

I still remember the anxiety of that pile of gifts. I hated clutter, even as a kid, but found myself inexplicably acquiring things that piled up and up and up. Boxes for computer games, books and journals, notebooks and pens and electronics. It stressed me out, even as a young teenager. 

When Forrest was born, Danny and I had to decide what we wanted our Christmas to be like. We could make Christmas an affair based on gifts, based on buying and giving and receiving. Or we could make Christmas about the spirit: hot cocoa and a clean house, warm blankets and a pretty tree, driving together at night to look at lights, giving to those less fortunate, baking cookies and watching our favorite movies. 

Which one would you choose?

It was this Christmas that I proposed that we limit ourselves to one gift each and stocking stuffers. 

That means, I only get Danny one gift. Danny only gets me one gift. And we only get Forrest one gift. We fill stockings; we wrap one gift. When Forrest is older, that one big gift will be from "Santa"--until he's old enough to know that, you know, Santa is us. We set a spending limit. We use the time we would have spent shopping and wrapping and stressing and counting our money on other things: watching movies, cleaning the house, being together. 

Aren't those things more important? 

I don't want to sound like a fuddy-duddy. Everyone gets to choose how they spend their money and how they spend their Christmas. But I'll admit--it's hard to watch people I love spend hundreds of dollars on gifts for their kids, just so they can have piles upon piles to open on Christmas morning. It's hard to know that many children in the United States go without--not just without gifts on Christmas morning, but without food every day, without the basic necessities like coats and warm socks. 

Our logic is that we have everything we need. Trust me when I say, Forrest does not need more toys. He needs more clothes, but he grows slower now than he did before and guessing season-to-size matches is hard. He wants for nothing: he is warm and fed and happy and enjoys throwing every toy he owns over the baby gate, repeatedly, day in and day out. He doesn't need anything else to throw, I promise. 

It's the same for Danny and I: we don't need anything. 

So we are limiting the gifts, but increasing everything else: more nights baking cookies together, drinking hot cocoa, watching movies. More days spent sitting on the couch, reading books and singing. More days spent together, instead of shopping. 

We still get asked, plenty, what we want for Christmas or what Forrest wants, and our answer is the same: please buy supplies and gifts for foster children, or children in need, in your area. Please donate time or money to a local soup kitchen. We don't need anything, I promise. 

Writing with a Toddler: How to Win NaNoWriMo & More

As another NaNoWriMo check in: I officially won NaNoWriMo on Thanksgiving Day!

I hit a small snag when I copied & pasted my 50,100 word novel into the NaNoWriMo validator and was told I'd only written 49,600 words. I copied and pasted again and, again, was told I'd written 49,800 words. Ok, so at least it went up. 

The word count validator was broken, NaNoWriMo.org didn't believe me on Twitter, and it was a huge pain. I wrote an additional 600 word scene, while screeching at my husband and homph-gomphing some extra coffee, and got validated, but I'm still mad. 

Why am I still mad? 

Because writing with a toddler is really, really hard. 

Writing 1600 extra words per day with a toddler is a challenge that I'm not entirely sure why I took on, but I did it. 

And I did it exactly 5 days before the deadline. 

I'm sorry, but I'm very impressed with myself right now. 

I'm somewhat less than impressed that I've blogged what? Five times in November alongside NaNoWriMo? That's a big oops, but in my defense, November has been quite the month, personally and socially, so it's to be expected. 

When it comes to writing with a toddler, I find myself constantly challenged. I'm creative all day at my day job and when I get home, I'm pretty much moving nonstop. I'm playing with Forrest; I'm making dinner; I'm cleaning as I go. It's hard to be creative when you're mentally and emotionally wiped out, that's for sure.

But when it comes to writing, I set a few rules for myself. 

1. I try to set aside 30-60 minutes every evening to write.

This might be when Forrest is spending time with Danny, post-dinner but pre-bedtime. Or this might be when Forrest is already asleep. If I have important chores to do (like vacuuming, laundry, or deep cleaning the kitchen), I put them off until later in the evening. I make myself write--whether it's for NaNoWriMo or work, my blog or in my journal--for at least 30 minutes. It just has to be done. 

During NaNoWriMo, by keeping this schedule, I really improved my word count. I also found that if I got Forrest to nap while I wore him in our Ergo, I could get a solid 45 minute (or more!) writing time in. It all adds up. 

2. Don't worry about writing when your toddler awake. 

Maybe it's just me, but I know myself and I know my child. I cannot get anything done with him during the day. I can lightly clean the kitchen, keep him fed and clean, and work on organizing downstairs. But the minute I try to sit down, he's all over me. If I'm on the couch with my laptop, he wants the laptop. If I'm at the kitchen counter with my laptop, he's standing at the gate crying because I'm not with him. If I try to write while I'm feeding him lunch, he's yelling because he needs all of my attention. That's how it is with toddlers. And really, I'd rather get him to repeat "all done" or play pattycake than write anyway. 

3. Give yourself a break.

You know what? There are some days where I just can't write. Where I'm just so tired (Forrest is teething or he refused to eat all day, or we had doctor's appointments, or whatever) that I can't do anything else. On those days, I curl up on the couch and watch the Simpsons, or I run a nice bath, grab my Kindle, and turn on my favorite podcast. And you know what? I don't beat myself up. It's ok! You can't get everything done! That's fine. Forgive yourself. 

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NaNoWriMo Halfway Check In: Why Did I Do This Again?

There is always this point in the month of November where, if anyone asks me how things are or how NaNoWriMo is going, I say something like, "I don't know why I get so excited about doing this every year! I hate it! I'm stressed out!" 

For the first 10 days of November, I was a writing machine. I wrote almost 20,000 words in those 10 days. I felt motivated. I felt powerful. I felt completely capable of kicking NaNoWriMo's butt. 

Then the election happened. 

The day of, I was too anxious to write. As time went on throughout the day, I knew I wasn't going to be able to hit my word count for the day, so it was good I had written up a pretty strong buffer to keep myself from falling behind. 

The next day, however, my motivation was zapped. It felt so pointless. It was the same with my blog. I didn't write hardly anything for two days. I mostly sat and read and thought about stuff. I retweeted things on Twitter. I did the bare minimum in terms of writing. 

I hit a slump pretty badly last week and a lot of it had to do with the social and political upheaval that was going on. 

Another part of it had to do with the fact that I just get so tired. Every single year it happens: around 13 or 14 days in, I just get tired: of writing the same thing, of keeping the same schedule, of pushing myself. Mentally, I end up exhausted by writing so much. It sounds great to write 1500+ words per day--actually, it sounds totally easy. But I also work at a creative job where I write every day too. Writing blog posts, social media, and emails for work, then going home and writing blogs and social media for myself, and then sitting down to write a chapter of a novel? 

Not ideal, creatively. 

However, I think I'm finally on the other side of it. 

Yesterday, I posted a tweet about how I had no motivation to blog. I got responses from three of my favorite people on Twitter saying, essentially, the same thing: you don't have to write every day, you don't have to blog every day, but it's worth it to do so. 

It felt really good to be validated (and to know that people missed my blog!). It also felt really motivating to know that, yes, other people feel in a slump because of the election too; they feel like maybe it's a little pointless to do these things now. 

But another part of me thinks it's more important ever to write--and to write the stories that I, as a woman, want to read. Our world is changing and I'm not 100% sure it's for the better, but the more I use my voice, the better I will feel. Maybe it's pointless--who knows?--but it feels better to keep doing it. 

Then I find myself thinking things like this: The story I'm writing for NaNoWriMo is definitely not life-changing. It's a true crime story centered around 3 best friends in 1970s New Jersey. It's kind of dumb, very self-indulgent, and ultimately just something I had been thinking about for months. 

I write sentences like that and then I think, "But Michelle, you're using your voice to talk about women, to talk about victims, to tell a story that hasn't really been told before." 

OK, self-indulgent. That's fine. But I wouldn't be writing something if it didn't matter, right? 

These are the things I work through every NaNoWriMo, but this is the first time I've ever written about it. Even though I write near constantly and blog all the time as well, I'm very insecure about my writing; I don't like other people reading my writing and I don't really enjoy talking about it. Sometimes people are actually surprised to learn I write both fiction and poetry because I tend to just not mention it. 

As of last night, I had written 35,000 words. I'm 15,000 words away from winning NaNoWriMo which means I can effectively calm down. Last year, I only got to 20,000 words through the entire month of November. That's a huge improvement in terms of "writing after having a baby," at least in my mind. 

And if nothing else, I can at least say, "2016 didn't totally suck. I wrote a novel."

If you'd like to follow my progress on NaNoWriMo (or just want to chat about your NaNo progress), I post occasional updates on Instagram. You can follow me here.