How to Dress a Toddler Boy

The minute I found out I was having a boy, it felt a little bit like, "oh crap, the clothes." 

Boy clothes are notoriously awful. As I've written about before, I know people can find this sentiment frustrating; at the end of the day, babies are just babies, after all. Gender constructs are real. However, my (male) child really has no capacity to choose his own clothes for at least 2 years. So for those first 2 years, it's my job to dress him in a way that prevents him from being targeted. If he wants to wear whatever when he's picking his own clothes, that's fine, I don't care. But until then, it's my job to keep him safe and comfortable and clothed. 

Boy clothes tend to fall into two categories: middle aged banker and offensively gendered. It's hard to find anything outside of these categories. The little t-shirts that say "FUTURE HEARTBREAKER" or "MACHO MAN" are, honestly, just plain exhausting. At the same time, however, some of the other hand, a lot of the commercially available clothes for baby boys and toddlers are what I would label "middle aged banker" chic: khakis, cargo pants, tiny button up shirts. It's somewhat cute, but really, is my 18-month-old managing a Radio Shack now? 

I spend a lot of time narrowing down Forrest's wardrobe. People love to buy tiny baby (and even small toddler) clothes because it's fun. Honestly. And the clothes are not exactly super expensive, especially if you're at stores like Target. However, very little is what I would describe as my "style" for Forrest. 

When it comes to dressing a toddler boy, I have a few simple tricks to keep him comfortable and cute. Here they are. 

1. Onesies Are Done by Age 1

I loved onesies when Forrest was little. He rarely wore pants unless we left the house and onesies made it easy to change him. As well, t-shirts ride up on babies when they are only crawling and rolling. However, by the time Forrest was standing and walking, onesies started to get a little bit difficult. Changing diapers after a year old is like wrestling some kind of octopus: he's turning, he's trying to run, he's flipping over, he's kicking me in the face. Trying to snap the buttons on a onesie is an added step that's never going to happen. So, exclusively t-shirts now. Yep. 

2. Shop At Kid-Specific Stores

This breaks my heart a little bit because I love Target. But their toddler boy's section is massively lacking. They don't even have a wide selection of toddler boy's shoes! There are two aisles of girl's shoes, as well as a HUGE section of girl's clothes. Meanwhile, there are two racks of toddler boy's clothes. You probably think I'm exaggerating, but I'm not. 

When I really need something for Forrest, I have to shop at the kid-specific stores. Our favorite was Children's Place, but they are, unfortunately, closing. We also shop a lot at Gymboree and Carter's. Boutiques for toddler boys are very hit-and-miss; most of them focus entirely on baby and toddler girl's clothes, which is truly unfortunate. I would love to recommend some, though, so if you have, or know of, a boutique that caters to toddler boy's, let me know! 

3. Keep Things Comfortable

I occasionally do this really dumb thing where I buy Forrest something terribly impractical--like a train print, fair isle sweater. It's cute. He's probably only going to wear it once, if that. It's a nice thought. But it's dumb. Most days, he wears a pair of jogger sweatpants and a t-shirt. Sometimes, we go a little crazy and he wears a hoodie or one of his pairs of "real pants." But I try to only buy him things that are comfortable, that he can play in and get dirty without me being fussy about it. 

4. Avoid the Cartoon Characters

This one is hard because a certain point, it feels like the only clothes out there feature some kind of garish marketing ploy. Lightning McQueen on everything? Mater? It's the same with girl's clothes, truthfully. The only advice I can give is: once you cave, your kid will expect it every time! I don't do t-shirts with cartoon characters. Forrest has two Star Wars t-shirts, which I feel like are "different" than something that seems like just marketing. But that's it. I draw the line at any more! I feel like I always want Forrest to look "put together" and clean. To me, the cartoon character stuff just gets a bit too garish! 

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3 Tips to Get Better Christmas Photos of Your Toddler

Taking photos of a one-year-old is more challenging than I ever thought it would be. Forrest is constantly moving, but doesn't stand independently for very long yet--so I can't get those cute standing shots!

I've figured out a few ways to take better photos though. These are just a few of my tips and hopefully, they'll help other moms get those all-important holiday photos. 

1. Give your little one something to hold. 

Best examples: a leaf, a pumpkin, a chalkboard. Something to simultaneously distract them, keep them still, and give them something to focus on. When I use this technique, I know I have maybe a 2-3 minute window to get photos--so I kick it into high gear and hope for the best. 

2. Pick one spot and stick with it. 

If I try to move Forrest around--say to face another direction or to get different lighting--it's over, it's done. He's not gonna do it anymore. That's usually when the tears start or the eatings of rocks and leaves--whatever he knows will get us to go back inside and play sooner. So, my advice: pick one spot you like, watch the lighting, and stick to that one area. If it's a bust, it's a bust--try again later. 

3. Be patient

Toddlers don't quite get the picture thing yet, especially younger toddlers. Forrest is 13 months old and kind of gets what I'm doing--but doesn't really follow instructions. It's important to remember that they don't know what you're doing or why it's important to you. Don't take it personally if they just don't want to cooperate, make faces, or generally make it impossible to get a good photo. 

Want more photography tips? Follow my Photography board on Pinterest!

5 Apps that Every New Mom Needs

In the weeks after I had Forrest, my life would have fallen apart if I didn't use apps to help me remember things, get Forrest to sleep, or generally pull my life back together into some semblance of normalcy. I went through my phone and picked out the apps I used the most in the first 6 months of Forrest's life. These apps saved my sanity, helped me remember details that otherwise would have just... slipped away, and ultimately, kept me company on those long, lonely days spent holding Forrest as he napped. 

1. SoundSleeper

SoundSleeper is a white noise app. That's it. That's all it does. And it is invaluable. I would pay for this app, except I didn't have to, because these wonderful people give it to you FREE. There are about 10 different noises to choose from (Forrest's favorite is Mountain Stream, it still knocks him out within 5-10 minutes). They play for 30 minutes and then fade out, but you can always extend the time back to 30 minutes near the end. I have played the Mountain Stream noise at least 900 times since Forrest was born. That's like 450 hours of white noise. 

2. The Wonder Weeks App

This is an app that actually has no real use except to read and go, "oh my god, ok, it's normal, he's fine." I actually forget it exists until Forrest starts turning into the meanest little gremlin on the planet. Wonder Weeks are proposed weeks (they're actually groups of weeks, like 4-5 at a time) that coincide with major periods of neurodevelopment. Recently, Forrest started throwing temper tantrums, only wanting to eat certain foods, and generally being a MAJOR hand full. I opened up the Wonder Weeks App and realized, oh, he's smack dab in the middle of a wonder week--which is why he is so cranky. This app is great for reminding yourself that the fussiness will go away. Eventually. 

3. Sprout Baby

Because of Forrest's preterm birth, I had to keep meticulous track of his feeding and pooping. Really. At first I used a notebook, but that required a lot of energy. Eventually, I downloaded Sprout Baby and, yes, I ended up paying the $4.99 upgrade on it. You can use Sprout Baby to keep track of bottle feeding (ounces, when, and what was fed, formula or breastmilk), to keep track of breast feeding (which side, how long), and to keep track of diapers. It sounds dumb now, but these are questions that pediatricians expect you to answer and keeping track of diaper output is incredibly important in the first six months. Sprout Baby was the easiest to use app of all the ones I tried (and yes, I tried a ton). It also had a pump log, which, if you end up pumping, saves you a massive headache because you can see your output for each day in a handy-dandy graph. 

4. Waterlogged

The number one rule of breastfeeding and/or pumping is that you have to stay hydrated. When you start getting even a little dehydrated, your supply goes way down. Waterlogged sends reminders of when you should drink some good ol' H20 and allows you to set a goal. (As a heads up, nursing mothers need 140+ ounces of water a day. Really.) 

5. Cartwheel

If you're a mom in the United States, you probably go to Target at least once a week. In the early days, we always needed something: more bottles, more pacifiers, diapers, wipes, a hat... Cartwheel saved us tons of money each trip because we could scan everything we were buying and see if there was a coupon for it. It's super easy to use and saves you money--what's not to love? 

Do you have any apps that new moms need to try? Share with me on Twitter! 

The Perfect Holiday Bucket List

I get...overly excited about the holidays, I'll admit it. I'm one of those people who get excited once September starts because first, it's Halloween, then it's Thanksgiving, and then it's Christmas. It all is just a snowball: one favorite holiday after another. Then, a stretch of months until summer returns. Oof, that stretch of January through May is hard. So I really believe in making the most of October through December. 

Halloween used to be my favorite holiday; however, as I've gotten older, I've found myself favoring Thanksgiving because it combines my favorite parts of Christmas without the pressure of giving gifts. Either way, though, I consider late October to be the start of the "Holiday season," starting with Halloween.

I wanted to share my holiday bucket list for this year. Sometimes, I frame these things as "goals," but they're not really goals, are they? They won't really improve my life in any way; I just really want to do them. 

So, here it is: my holiday bucket list. 

1. Take Forrest to a Halloween party

I have never been a fan of trick-or-treating, I should probably come clean about that, and I'm not 100% sold on Forrest doing it. I am, however, very into Halloween parties and festivals. Our town has a ton of options--including trick-or-treat at downtown businesses, several Trunk or Treats at local churches, and at least one Halloween festival. We'll be picking our favorite as Halloween approaches and taking Forrest. 

2. Go Christmas light hunting.

This is one of my favorite things to do at Christmas: load up the car with a snack and some hot cocoa and then, just drive around looking at the best Christmas lights. I love the houses that go all out, even if I don't!  

3. Get the perfect Christmas card photo of Forrest.

This is truly a bucket list item, considering the fact that Forrest barely sits still to eat, let alone for a photo. 

4. Buy matching Holiday pajamas. 

5. Find Forrest a really cute, entirely inappropriate outfit for Thanksgiving

I'm talking fancy suit level inappropriate! Last year, I dressed him in a tiny sweater vest at Christmas and it was totally adorable, totally uncomfortable, and totally inappropriate for a tiny baby. However, it made for some great photos, so I refuse to stop doing it. 

6. Sing Christmas carols with Forrest

Forrest is just starting to get the singing thing and he loves music. I like to imagine us dancing around the Christmas tree, in matching pajamas, singing at each other. But most likely, I'll just turn on a Spotify station while we eat breakfast. 

7. Help Forrest put ornaments on the tree. 

We probably won't do a real, or very big, tree this year because Forrest would undoubtedly tear it down, but I really want to get him involved in decorating. 

8. Make Christmas cookies

My absolute favorite Christmas tradition! I'll probably make some eggless cookie dough that Forrest can roll out and safely eat (because most likely, he will just put it in his mouth), and then he will get to try his first real sugar cookie. 

What's on your holiday bucket list this year? 

I Have It All (& Sometimes It Sucks)

A lot has been said about women and "having it all." A lot has been said about the pressure to achieve having it all and the stress that comes with that. A lot has been said about resisting the urge to "have it all." 

The truth is, having it all means one thing and one thing only: having your cake and eating it too. 

It's really, at its heart, a lame, boring concept. Yaaaawn. 

The truth is, I have it all in a certain sense: 3 days a week, I work a job I love, where I am respected, where I am trusted to handle decisions; 2 days a week, I'm a full-time mom, wearing yoga pants, pushing a stroller, going to Target. I'm married with one baby and one career that I don't plan to give up. 

I "have it all." 

And sometimes, it really sucks. 

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Being a working mom is one of the most challenging things I've ever done. My three months of maternity leave were, also, one of the most challenging times of my life. For a while, I wondered if I was suited for either: what if I just wasn't cut out for motherhood or working full-time? What if, when faced with these options and my aptitude, the answer was, "Just kidding, you're bad at everything"? 

As things got easier, I fell into a good pattern. But the truth is, I'm still stressed out all the time. I have it all. I have the cute baby and the side blog and the nice husband and the good job. I have it all!

I also have a slew of anxiety problems, including a near constant worry about developing diabetes (I can't explain that one), panic attacks, and extremely disordered eating behaviors. I handle my own life exceptionally well for being so highly strung. It's almost a miracle. 

Sometimes, it does suck to never be able to sleep in, to have a hard day at work and come home to a teething, crying baby who just wants to cuddle or throw books or scream at me. It sucks. It does! Why aren't we saying it more? 

Sometimes, being the mom, standing there with a screaming baby, dinner burning on the stove, the dog barking, the phone ringing, the computer beeping with messages from the work Slack channel I swore I would ignore when I got home... it sucks. It sucks. 

It's the thing I'm not supposed to say. I'm supposed to be grateful, right? I get to work and I get days home with my baby. I get to have my cake and eat it too. Shouldn't I be happy? 

You know how sometimes you can be so excited for something? I get this way when I've dieted all week and I promise myself a treat--say a cookie or a pastry. When I get to that cookie, that cupcake, that scone, I often find myself disappointed. It never tastes as good as the dream cookie. Sometimes, it tastes amazing. But sometimes, it just tastes bad. 

That's having it all. Sometimes, it just isn't good. Sometimes, it just sucks. It's ok. It doesn't mean it sucks 100% of the time! But sometimes, it would be nice to just be able to eat Cheerios on the couch for dinner, to watch TV mindlessly for a few hours, to not soak and wash sippy cups and baby bottles while I ignore my emails. 

But you know what? I wouldn't trade it--just know, it's not rainbows and sunshine. Sometimes, it's rainbows, sunshine, and a little poop emoji. 

A Day In My Life

"What's it like to be a mom now?" 

That's the question I get asked most now. It used to be about Danny or my job or any number of other things. But now, people just want to know what motherhood is like--especially if they are expecting or not yet mothers themselves. It's something I love talking about because I think it's important to be open about what motherhood is really like. Unlike the (very funny) memes that float around on Facebook or the lifestyle bloggers that gloat in your Instagram feed, motherhood isn't 100% messy or 100% perfect. It's somewhere perfectly in between. 

This is a day in my life when I'm not working. My work days are infinitely more boring than any day at home with Forrest. 

Morning

I wake up, usually, around 5:30am. Both because I have an alarm set and because usually Forrest is awake by then. I get up, let my dog outside, make a bottle, feed the dog, start the coffee, and then run upstairs to grab Forrest. We usually lie in bed while he drinks his bottle (and I change his diaper). At 6am, we migrate downstairs where he plays in the living room while I make my morning coffee and our breakfasts. We eat at 6:30am usually and then play for a while. 

Forrest usually takes his first nap by 9am; I strap him in the Ergo baby carrier, turn on some river sounds on my phone, and walk up and down our driveway until he is asleep. Then, I get some work done at my desk. I write, answer emails, blog, and design for about an hour. Once he starts waking up, we go back downstairs. 

He usually has his mid-morning bottle at 10:30am. I clean up the kitchen while he plays. If I have time, I'll clean the downstairs bathroom and the entryway. At 11am, I put him in his high chair and give him something to snack on (banana, peach, or Cheerios), and make lunch. 

After we eat, we head in to the park to play and walk. I usually try to walk 2-3 miles, while listening to podcasts. 

Afternoon

When we get home from walking, Forrest usually has his afternoon bottle around 1pm. Sometimes, he takes a second nap during this time; sometimes, he just refuses. We play, sing songs, and read books until about 3pm, when I put him back in the high chair and start making dinner. As I make dinner, I narrate, sing songs, dance, whatever, to keep him occupied. 

We eat around 4pm (I know, we're old people). My husband gets home around 4:30pm and joins us. 

Then, we sit in the living room and play together, usually letting Forrest play with the bookshelves. After 5:30pm, it's time to get ready for bed. If it's been a while, Forrest has a bath. If not, he gets his last bottle as we put him in his pajamas and sing songs. Then, we rock in the rocking chair with river sounds for about 20 minutes. He's asleep by 6pm at the latest every night. 

Once Forrest is in bed, the party starts. I clean the kitchen and the living room, wipe down the tables, and clean Forrest's high chair. Then I go upstairs and get any additional blogging or work done that I need to. 

By 7pm, I'm usually done for the day; I'll read or watch TV, but most likely, I'll be planning meals for the next day or meal prepping or working out in front of the TV. 

My "me" hour is usually 8pm-9pm: I'll take a bath, clean the bathroom, or lie in bed playing Sims 3. I'm usually asleep by 10pm, thanks to reading in bed with my heating pad. 

Tell me: what's a day in your life like? 

4 Pieces of Parenting Advice I Actually Don't Need (Thanks)

When you become a parent, suddenly, everyone wants to talk to you about what they did right--and exactly what you're doing wrong. It was probably one of the most annoying things about when Forrest was little. Sometimes, I asked for advice because I genuinely needed it ("What should I do if he won't stop screaming at me??" Answer: give gripe water, pray to whatever gods you believe in that it works) and sometimes, I just needed someone to say, "Been there, it sucks, I know." 

You know what no need parent needs? To be told what to do. To be told that they're doing wrong. 

So here it is, the 4 pieces of parenting advice you should leave on the cutting room floor. If you find yourself uttering any of these phrases, please take a good hard look in the mirror. 

1. "When I have kids..." 

I'm going to stop you right there. You don't have kids. Hold onto your pants, buckaroo, I've got some news: you will regret every word that comes after this phrase when you do actually have children. I said stuff like this myself and I was wrong. I was so wrong. So just don't say it because you don't know what you're talking about. Sorry (not really). 

2. "Have you tried [all organic/non-GMO formula]?" 

This phrase usually comes after you say something like, "my son's formula is making him spit up a bit." Immediately, my (very well-meaning friends) ask me if I've thought of buying super expensive European formulas (which you have to ship from France). Or if I've thought about switching to non-GMO, organic formula that also costs a buttload more than normal formula?  

Here's the thing: I know what all those words mean. If super expensive, fancy, weird measurement European formula is your bag, it's your bag. Whatever. I'm not gonna do it because none of those things have anything to do with actual, real life, child feeding issues. I'm also not going to buy non-GMO formula that is $10 more expensive than the other formula and doesn't come in refill packs. It's the exact same formula as the other box. 

Because none of those things are ever related to a kids issues. I promise. 

3. "Oh but did you try..." 

When I finally gave up the breastfeeding ghost, again, very well-meaning friends asked me things like, "Oh but did you try visiting a lactation consultant?" and "Oh, but did you Google other holds to try?" 

If you ever find yourself uttering this phrase to someone, please consider how it sounds. I had made my decision. I knew what was best for me. I didn't need one more reminder that people thought I was giving up easy, that I was just whiny and thought it was "too hard." Don't say this to new moms. Don't say this kinda stuff to me. Stop. 

4. "You'll miss them when they're this small!"

Here's the thing about newborns: they kinda suck. I miss Forrest being teeny tiny, but I'm also so glad he's not teeny tiny. He was so much fun post-3 months. He gets incrementally more fun with each passing week. The newborn days were fun because he didn't move and was very snuggly, but a lot of other stuff was going on that made them pretty unpleasant. Stop saying this. It's bad. 

A New Mom's Guide to Beauty

It's worth repeating more than once: no one mom's journey is the same as any one else's. This is the only true fact I can give you about motherhood: maybe you (you know, you) are reading this and you're already a mom and you're like, Michelle, you take this way too seriously. It's not so bad. Or maybe you are reading this and you aren't a mom yet, and you're like, Oh my god, W H Y would I ever want to take this on? But the truth is: you might have had an easier time than me OR you might have an easier time OR you might have a worse time than me (scary thought). It's impossible to know. 

But what I can tell you is that beauty and fashion become incredibly unimportant, and yet, incredibly alluring, in one fell swoop. I don't know how else to describe it. Never have I had less time for beauty and fashion, and never has my skin and face and body been less apt for any of this, but I just can't keep away. I read more fashion blogs than ever; I read lifestyle blogs by the pound; and I watched beauty YouTubers everyday at work. I even forked over $52 for Nikkietutorial's Too Faced palette. Is that sad? No, it's awesome. 

When I say this is a new mom's guide to beauty, that new mom is me. I can only tell you what has worked for me and how I've helped myself to feel pretty when I feel I am slowly becoming a rock upon which a sea anemone (Forrest) lives. It's hard not to feel reduced to simply a life source (and that's it) as a new mom, but I'm here to tell you: you matter; you deserve to put on make up and shower and wash your hair and put on something other than leggings (unless you want to wear leggings, I can't blame you). 

Here's how I got my groove back, a little bit at a time. 

Step #1: I set small, realistic goals for myself. 

One of the very first goals for myself was that I would wear pants (real pants) to work every day. When I first went back to work, thanks to the casual nature of my office, I wore leggings and sweaters and sweatshirts. Not....super flattering and also not a great way to feel good about yourself every day. I set a goal to wear jeans, or maybe even a dress, every single day. And real shoes, not my Uggs. 

Once I successfully passed that hurdle, I set other goals: washing my hair every day, packing my lunch, taking the stairs instead of the elevator, taking Forrest for a walk. As I got more brave, I felt increasingly good about myself. 

Step #2: I treated myself to something I wanted. 

Listen: moms, as a rule, seem to put their kids first. It's natural. It's normal. It is what it is. But, here's the thing: you matter too. Sometimes, I will make lists of things I need (legitimately, actually need): I need work dresses and new jeans and professional tops and a new blazer. I have bought 0 of these things, but Forrest has western print jammies for every size in the foreseeable future. I'd rather buy Forrest a new book, a new toy, a new outfit than myself something. The more I did that, though, the more I realized I was sabotaging all my efforts to feel good about myself. 

I'm not saying you should go hogwild. There is a middle ground and I definitely believe in limiting spending on things that aren't necessary. But if you need new clothes because all you feel like you can wear are leggings and tank tops, it's ok to give yourself the gift of some new duds. Or if you've been scraping out your foundation container for two weeks, it's time to bite the bullet and just treat yo' self. 

Step #3: Screw it--I did whatever I wanted. 

At the end of the day, my job as a mom is this: to keep my son happy and healthy; to keep my house clean enough so it's at least safe for his survival; and to be happy myself. That's it. None of us are perfect. And certainly, I'm never going to be a perfect mom. I'm going to make mistakes. But I don't want one of those mistakes to be hating myself--and passing that kind of behavior onto Forrest. I want Forrest to see me for what I am: a woman who is his mom, who feels beautiful, who feels smart, who takes care of herself, who takes care of other people. He doesn't need a martyr or a perfect mom. He just needs me. And if I have to hand him off to Danny for a few hours each weekend to go work out, or run, or grocery shop, then so be it. He's not going to grow up and say, "Mom, you spend 30 minutes putting on make up that made you happy--and it ruined me." That's just not going to happen. 

Beauty is ultimately a way for us to repair our relationships with ourselves. And for some women, new clothes and learning to put make up on in a way that makes them feel beautiful is one way to do that--it won't work for every body, but it works for me and that's all I can tell you. 

After becoming a mom, it's easy to feel small, to feel a little downtrodden, especially in the early months. But you don't have to. It doesn't have to keep going. I've been in a relationship with myself for 27 years--it's okay for me to take time to work on that relationships, to feel good about myself, to take steps to repair the damage that's been done. And it's okay for you too--however you choose to.