The Best Advice I've Ever Received

Sometimes, people give me advice when I don't ask for it. We've all had that experience, right? I'm going about my business, I share something about my life, and bam! Advice! How I should be living my life or things I need to do to right what is clearly wrong with me. 

Sometimes, it's bad advice. Sometimes, it's really bad actually. An example: being told I just need to find little ways to cheer up when I have postpartum depression is very bad advice. 

However, sometimes people give really good advice. Like really good advice. I thought I'd gather up the best advice I've ever received and share it. 

1. "You make mistakes and you learn. Otherwise, how will you know what to do in the future?"

The only reason I know right from wrong, really, is because I've done wrong in the past and learned from it. When my mom was driving me to the hospital to be induced, she told me this: "you're going to make mistakes." It's really freeing to be told that and to go forward with it: to know that I was going to do things the wrong way for Forrest, but that ultimately, it will be okay. I can make mistakes, and then I can move forward with new information to do better next time. 

2. Use Psychology Today to find a therapist or counselor. 

This is a piece of advice I actually got from a true crime/murder podcast. Seriously, I'm not joking. One of the best things I've learned from my favorite podcast, My Favorite Murder, is PsychologyToday. It's an easy way to find therapists and counselors in your area. For me, the process of finding a new, or available, counselor is super overwhelming--but it's so easy to just search online. Best piece of advice I've ever gotten from Karen and Georgia--besides staying sexy and not getting murdered. 

3. You don't know what you don't know.

This is another piece of advice from a podcast. I started listening to Food Psych, a podcast about body positivity, body image, and eating disorders. "You don't know what you don't know" is a phrase that's often repeated. Sometimes, when people talk about their food issues, it goes back to childhood--I know it does for me too. This can have a number of problems including: 1) making your parents feel guilty for things they did (like not letting you eat sugar during the week), 2) making you become paranoid about the choices you make for your child, and 3) making you feel like it's your parents fault. Realistically, though, Christy, the woman behind Food Psych, always says, "You don't know what you don't know." Your parents did the best they could with the information they had, basically, and unless they were being purposefully abusive, which is rarely, it's not something that you can consider faulty. Eventually, you have to let go of being afraid or feeling blameful and accept that you don't know what you don't know--but once you do, you can do better. 

What's the best piece of advice you've ever received?

I Have It All (& Sometimes It Sucks)

A lot has been said about women and "having it all." A lot has been said about the pressure to achieve having it all and the stress that comes with that. A lot has been said about resisting the urge to "have it all." 

The truth is, having it all means one thing and one thing only: having your cake and eating it too. 

It's really, at its heart, a lame, boring concept. Yaaaawn. 

The truth is, I have it all in a certain sense: 3 days a week, I work a job I love, where I am respected, where I am trusted to handle decisions; 2 days a week, I'm a full-time mom, wearing yoga pants, pushing a stroller, going to Target. I'm married with one baby and one career that I don't plan to give up. 

I "have it all." 

And sometimes, it really sucks. 

---

Being a working mom is one of the most challenging things I've ever done. My three months of maternity leave were, also, one of the most challenging times of my life. For a while, I wondered if I was suited for either: what if I just wasn't cut out for motherhood or working full-time? What if, when faced with these options and my aptitude, the answer was, "Just kidding, you're bad at everything"? 

As things got easier, I fell into a good pattern. But the truth is, I'm still stressed out all the time. I have it all. I have the cute baby and the side blog and the nice husband and the good job. I have it all!

I also have a slew of anxiety problems, including a near constant worry about developing diabetes (I can't explain that one), panic attacks, and extremely disordered eating behaviors. I handle my own life exceptionally well for being so highly strung. It's almost a miracle. 

Sometimes, it does suck to never be able to sleep in, to have a hard day at work and come home to a teething, crying baby who just wants to cuddle or throw books or scream at me. It sucks. It does! Why aren't we saying it more? 

Sometimes, being the mom, standing there with a screaming baby, dinner burning on the stove, the dog barking, the phone ringing, the computer beeping with messages from the work Slack channel I swore I would ignore when I got home... it sucks. It sucks. 

It's the thing I'm not supposed to say. I'm supposed to be grateful, right? I get to work and I get days home with my baby. I get to have my cake and eat it too. Shouldn't I be happy? 

You know how sometimes you can be so excited for something? I get this way when I've dieted all week and I promise myself a treat--say a cookie or a pastry. When I get to that cookie, that cupcake, that scone, I often find myself disappointed. It never tastes as good as the dream cookie. Sometimes, it tastes amazing. But sometimes, it just tastes bad. 

That's having it all. Sometimes, it just isn't good. Sometimes, it just sucks. It's ok. It doesn't mean it sucks 100% of the time! But sometimes, it would be nice to just be able to eat Cheerios on the couch for dinner, to watch TV mindlessly for a few hours, to not soak and wash sippy cups and baby bottles while I ignore my emails. 

But you know what? I wouldn't trade it--just know, it's not rainbows and sunshine. Sometimes, it's rainbows, sunshine, and a little poop emoji. 

A Day In My Life

"What's it like to be a mom now?" 

That's the question I get asked most now. It used to be about Danny or my job or any number of other things. But now, people just want to know what motherhood is like--especially if they are expecting or not yet mothers themselves. It's something I love talking about because I think it's important to be open about what motherhood is really like. Unlike the (very funny) memes that float around on Facebook or the lifestyle bloggers that gloat in your Instagram feed, motherhood isn't 100% messy or 100% perfect. It's somewhere perfectly in between. 

This is a day in my life when I'm not working. My work days are infinitely more boring than any day at home with Forrest. 

Morning

I wake up, usually, around 5:30am. Both because I have an alarm set and because usually Forrest is awake by then. I get up, let my dog outside, make a bottle, feed the dog, start the coffee, and then run upstairs to grab Forrest. We usually lie in bed while he drinks his bottle (and I change his diaper). At 6am, we migrate downstairs where he plays in the living room while I make my morning coffee and our breakfasts. We eat at 6:30am usually and then play for a while. 

Forrest usually takes his first nap by 9am; I strap him in the Ergo baby carrier, turn on some river sounds on my phone, and walk up and down our driveway until he is asleep. Then, I get some work done at my desk. I write, answer emails, blog, and design for about an hour. Once he starts waking up, we go back downstairs. 

He usually has his mid-morning bottle at 10:30am. I clean up the kitchen while he plays. If I have time, I'll clean the downstairs bathroom and the entryway. At 11am, I put him in his high chair and give him something to snack on (banana, peach, or Cheerios), and make lunch. 

After we eat, we head in to the park to play and walk. I usually try to walk 2-3 miles, while listening to podcasts. 

Afternoon

When we get home from walking, Forrest usually has his afternoon bottle around 1pm. Sometimes, he takes a second nap during this time; sometimes, he just refuses. We play, sing songs, and read books until about 3pm, when I put him back in the high chair and start making dinner. As I make dinner, I narrate, sing songs, dance, whatever, to keep him occupied. 

We eat around 4pm (I know, we're old people). My husband gets home around 4:30pm and joins us. 

Then, we sit in the living room and play together, usually letting Forrest play with the bookshelves. After 5:30pm, it's time to get ready for bed. If it's been a while, Forrest has a bath. If not, he gets his last bottle as we put him in his pajamas and sing songs. Then, we rock in the rocking chair with river sounds for about 20 minutes. He's asleep by 6pm at the latest every night. 

Once Forrest is in bed, the party starts. I clean the kitchen and the living room, wipe down the tables, and clean Forrest's high chair. Then I go upstairs and get any additional blogging or work done that I need to. 

By 7pm, I'm usually done for the day; I'll read or watch TV, but most likely, I'll be planning meals for the next day or meal prepping or working out in front of the TV. 

My "me" hour is usually 8pm-9pm: I'll take a bath, clean the bathroom, or lie in bed playing Sims 3. I'm usually asleep by 10pm, thanks to reading in bed with my heating pad. 

Tell me: what's a day in your life like? 

4 Pieces of Parenting Advice I Actually Don't Need (Thanks)

When you become a parent, suddenly, everyone wants to talk to you about what they did right--and exactly what you're doing wrong. It was probably one of the most annoying things about when Forrest was little. Sometimes, I asked for advice because I genuinely needed it ("What should I do if he won't stop screaming at me??" Answer: give gripe water, pray to whatever gods you believe in that it works) and sometimes, I just needed someone to say, "Been there, it sucks, I know." 

You know what no need parent needs? To be told what to do. To be told that they're doing wrong. 

So here it is, the 4 pieces of parenting advice you should leave on the cutting room floor. If you find yourself uttering any of these phrases, please take a good hard look in the mirror. 

1. "When I have kids..." 

I'm going to stop you right there. You don't have kids. Hold onto your pants, buckaroo, I've got some news: you will regret every word that comes after this phrase when you do actually have children. I said stuff like this myself and I was wrong. I was so wrong. So just don't say it because you don't know what you're talking about. Sorry (not really). 

2. "Have you tried [all organic/non-GMO formula]?" 

This phrase usually comes after you say something like, "my son's formula is making him spit up a bit." Immediately, my (very well-meaning friends) ask me if I've thought of buying super expensive European formulas (which you have to ship from France). Or if I've thought about switching to non-GMO, organic formula that also costs a buttload more than normal formula?  

Here's the thing: I know what all those words mean. If super expensive, fancy, weird measurement European formula is your bag, it's your bag. Whatever. I'm not gonna do it because none of those things have anything to do with actual, real life, child feeding issues. I'm also not going to buy non-GMO formula that is $10 more expensive than the other formula and doesn't come in refill packs. It's the exact same formula as the other box. 

Because none of those things are ever related to a kids issues. I promise. 

3. "Oh but did you try..." 

When I finally gave up the breastfeeding ghost, again, very well-meaning friends asked me things like, "Oh but did you try visiting a lactation consultant?" and "Oh, but did you Google other holds to try?" 

If you ever find yourself uttering this phrase to someone, please consider how it sounds. I had made my decision. I knew what was best for me. I didn't need one more reminder that people thought I was giving up easy, that I was just whiny and thought it was "too hard." Don't say this to new moms. Don't say this kinda stuff to me. Stop. 

4. "You'll miss them when they're this small!"

Here's the thing about newborns: they kinda suck. I miss Forrest being teeny tiny, but I'm also so glad he's not teeny tiny. He was so much fun post-3 months. He gets incrementally more fun with each passing week. The newborn days were fun because he didn't move and was very snuggly, but a lot of other stuff was going on that made them pretty unpleasant. Stop saying this. It's bad. 

My Top 5 Budget Buys

I haven't always been good about saving money. I used to spend money as soon as I had it: I paid my bills, yes, but I also bought new clothes, new shoes, new make up, almost every week. When I think back to it, it was really fun, but it was really irresponsible. I had a tiny savings account and no idea what I would do if something really big happened. I was more than breaking even, but I was still limping the closer I got to pay day. 

My big wake up call came when I had Forrest. My husband and I had been saving pretty effectively for a long time, but at the tail end of my pregnancy, we were using our savings to occasionally pay off credit card bills (I needed a new crib set and swing, ok?). Forrest was born premature and our hospital bill was huge. The amount that was sent to our insurance was $12,000 just for Forrest's stay. We ended up paying over $8,000 total for my preeclampsia stay, labor & delivery, and our stay after Forrest was born. That's a lot of money--which we didn't totally have. 

I was lucky to have help paying off that monumental bill, but many people aren't so lucky. That's why it's so important to save. With our next baby, I don't want to be blindsided by another huge hospital bill. That meant starting a strict savings plan and cutting our monthly expenses. 

As a result, there are some things I just buy cheap or in bulk. These are my five favorites. 

1. Buy Formula at Costco

Costco is one of the easiest places to stock up on supplies, but realistically, not everyone has the income that allows them to drop $200 at one place. As well, storing that much toilet paper and paper towels can be a challenge, even in the biggest homes. However, if you're a mom who is formula feeding an infant, Costco is the place to buy formula. Why? They take the manufacturer checks AND they have their own generic brand of formula. They sell the major brands as well. A $50 pack of formula from Costco saved us about $20 a month and I didn't have to rush out and buy formula without a coupon. Total win. 

2. Use Cartwheel at Target

If you have a smartphone and you shop at Target, do yourself a favor and download Cartwheel immediately. It took me forever to start using it, but it's genius! I scan everything in my cart as I'm walking to the register and add any deals. I usually save $3-5 per trip, which isn't a ton (although I also use my Redcard to save 5%!), but it does add up. Staples like cotton balls, q-tips, household cleaners, etc. are almost always on Carthweel, as well as discounted in the store. You can get some amazing deals! 

3. Use Amazon Prime

I'm not a fan of subscription deals. The only one I really use is my Honest diaper bundle, but I'll be honest (har har): that saves me time, rather than money. However, Amazon Prime is my go to place to find affordable, household items that I don't feel like trying to track down in stores. That means, picture frames, bulletin boards, bookshelves, bins to hold items in the pantry... all those little things that are hard to find in stores for affordable prices. 

4. Shop the Dollar Store

"Oh, I loooove those vases in your window!" A friend cooed to me several months ago. News flash: they all cost about $1 a piece. I saved up beer, wine, and other glass bottles, spray painted them with leftover spray paint I had around the house, and used fake flowers from the Dollar Store for the flowers. Easy. Cheap. Quick. 

Whenever I need something decor related, I go to the Dollar Store. I made cake platters for Forrest's birthday party out of candle holders and plates from the Dollar Store; my pantry is organized with bins and labels from the Dollar Store; and whenever I need cheap table clothes, napkins, etc., I go to the Dollar Store. There is literally no need to spend tons at party supply stores. I can make or find almost everything at the Dollar Store. Really. All the decor for Forrest's party cost me about $15, not including spray paint. 

5. Shop on Fridays (or whenever your favorite grocery store has deals)

Our local grocery store has $5 Fridays. What does that mean? Along with any coupons they have from the Sunday insert, they also have special deals on certain items. One Friday, I got boxes of Wheat Things for 3 for $5 (a bargain). Or packages of pineapple (which you can freeze) will be 3 for $5. There are multiple $5 deals every Friday throughout the store and it can save us a ton of money. Most grocery stores do things like this--it might be Thursdays or Saturdays as well. Find the best time to grocery shop and you can save big. (And remember--shopping early in the morning might be a pain, but it's when grocery stores are least busy!) 

5 Desktop Wallpapers to Make You Feel Like the Dream Girl You Are

Maybe it's lame, but I really do believe that when you think something, it becomes true. It's like in Wild when Cheryl writes about how fear is just a story we tell ourselves--so to conquer fear, we have to just tell a different story. 

I recently reread Wild and I've been using that to help confront the things that, well, are still holding me back. Anxiety is just a story I fell myself: this might happen, or maybe this will happen and you'll be embarrassed, or why start? What if you fail? 

To overcome those things, I have to confront them. 

A big part of this is motivating myself to be better: to follow my dreams, to do the things I love simply because I love them (not because I need to be perfect at them). It's a hard thing to do. I truly believe that seeing the same message every day--whether it's "You got this" or "things will get better"--makes a difference. Heck, it can even just be something I enjoy looking at that will remind me, hey, tell yourself the other story... not the scary one. 

Here are a few wallpapers for your desktop or laptop to remind you that, no matter what, you're a dream girl. 

Download here. 

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Download here. 

My Blog Story

I started blogging, approximately, in Spring 2009. But my blog didn't really get kickstarted until the fall of 2009, when I started interning for CollegeFashion.net. That's when I really gained some of my favorite readers, which blogs of their own that I love. 

When I sat down to write this blog post, I thought I would just whiz through my history of blogging: I'm someone who has changed my blog a lot throughout my time blogging. I started on Wordpress. Then I switched to Blogger, where I stayed until 2 years ago when I jumped to Squarespace. But ultimately, that's a big boring. If you want the full story, I can certainly tell it--but really, that's about it. I didn't know what I wanted to do and I changed my mind frequently. Who doesn't? 

Now that I feel like I'm finally in a good place with my blogging life, I feel like I'm able to look back and see what decisions I made that were right and which were wrong. I want to share a few things I've learned along the way. 

I wish I'd never taken an outfit photo.

I loved fashion blogging for a long time, but the truth is, I wish I'd never walked down that road. Ultimately, I think putting my appearance out there for judgement made me too aware of being judged and how I was perceived--and I've been fighting those effects ever since. I don't want to say that fashion blogging made me have body image issues--but it certainly didn't help the issues I already had. 

I know this statement will be heartbreaking to my friends I made when I was posting outfits every day. And I guess I should say--I'm glad I took outfit photos when I did. I really enjoyed doing them. But in the end, they made me obsess about myself in a way that wasn't healthy. 

I wish I'd switched to a better platform sooner. 

I visited my old blog, Ellipsis, the other day and, let me just say--it looks awful in comparison to this blog! Thank goodness I switched. I wish I'd done it sooner. 

I wish I'd let go of the things that made me unhappy.

Re: outfit photos, I wish I had just let go. When it stopped being fun, when it started making me look at myself and think, "gross," I wish I had just stopped. Why did I keep torturing myself?

I wish I'd known then what I know now about content marketing.

Really, seriously. I wish I'd been more aware of producing quality content, of writing good blogs, of having good social media. I wish I'd been more careful about what I wrote and how I wrote it. I've recently been reposting articles I wrote on my old blogs and reading some of the things I wrote--I'm just baffled about how I thought that was true! It's so odd to read your past self's thoughts. I'm sure I'll look back at this in 3 years and be like, "shut up, past Michelle." 

I wish I'd appreciated the community more. 

Sometimes I got really down on blogging and felt excluded from the community. But the fact is, when it comes to blogging, you make your own community, your own circle of friends. You might never be best friends with the "top tier" blogger you love--but you might make some of the best friends you've ever had if you just let go of that. 

My Favorite Podcasts

I recently started listening to podcasts at work and at home. Here's why: usually when I'm home with Forrest, I watch a lot of TV to fill the time. This is very much a Bad Thing. As Forrest gets older, I'm trying to turn the TV off more and more--which means I need some way to entertain my brain while he plays in the living room. Enter podcasts. They're absolutely perfect for road trips, working long hours writing, and, of course, filling the kitchen with sound as I clean and cook and make sure Forrest don't hit his head too hard. 

I thought I'd share my favorites. I'm not super discerning when I listen to podcasts, but here's a brief disclaimer: right now, I primarily listen to true crime podcasts. They're just my favorite kind. What can I say? I love TLC specials and the ID channel, and the new American Horror Story season is right up my alley. 

1. My Favorite Murder

When I started writing this list, I knew exactly which podcast would be number one--after that it's a grab bag. I love My Favorite Murder. It's hosted by Karen Kilgariff and Georgia Hardstark, two totally funny ladies with anxiety issues and a love for true crime stories. Sometimes, the idea of a "murder comedy" podcast can sound, um, gross. However, they aren't making fun of victims, but they do try to find humor in what is an interesting subject. They tell great stories, show compassion to victims, and make fun of murderers. What's not to love? They also donate proceeds of their t-shirt sales to End the Backlog, which is a cause I feel insanely passionate about. 

2. Lore

Lore took me a long time to get into, but once I started getting through episodes, I was hooked. Lore is hosted by Aaron Mahnke, who is a storyteller, ultimately. Some episodes of Lore have started and I've immediately thought, "This is such an old story! So boring!" But then at the end, he introduced a story about a legend I had never heard of. For example, in an episode about vampires, he told the story of the "first American vampire." 

3. In Sight

This is another true crime podcast, but it's very different from My Favorite Murder. It's hosted by two women, Ally and Charlie: Charlie is American and Ally is Australian. They discuss unsolved crimes and mysteries and provide their own insight (get it?), research, and theories. It sounds dull when written out like that, but episodes about the Jamison Family disappearance and murder, Talia Head, and the Villisca Ax Murders disappearance have me hooked.