Book Review: The Fall of Lisa Bellow

Disclaimer: I received a copy of this book from NetGalley. 

I suppose my one gripe about "The Fall of Lisa Bellow" by Susan Perabo is that, if the revolving incident is a story about a kidnapping, it is perhaps tidiest (and most comforting in terms of storytelling) to come to some kind of resolution. A beautiful book, with interesting female characters, that unfortunately falls prey to the desire to be more mysterious than it is and focuses too heavily on the psychology of an incident versus the incident itself. 

Meredith's family is still reeling from her brother, Evan's baseball accident that left him blind in one eye. She survives a robbery at a local deli where another girl from her 8th grade class is kidnapped, seemingly for no reason. She becomes obsessed with Lisa Bellows, a girl she had simultaneously hated and revered (like most popular 13-year-old girls, of course) afterwards, imagining the apartment where she was kept and the things that were happening to her. 

Simultaneously, her mother struggles to parent two children who have now been inexplicably hurt by forces that she could not control or protect them from. Just as with the Lisa storyline, this storyline, at the end, felt dropped and did not seem to have much of a resolution, except that Claire managed to carry Meredith out of a bathtub. Which I guess means their relationship has healed or something? 

The book felt, in some ways, as if it got rushed to finish at the end. (Almost like it was a NaNoWriMo novel that Susan got bored with two days before the end of November!) 

One chapter, it's the day after Thanksgiving; and then, the next chapter, the last chapter it turns out, is just before Christmas break. In that time, we skip two or three weeks of time. It's confusing; it's nonsensical; it tries to be tidy when it isn't. Perhaps Susan Perabo wanted to show that healing from trauma sometimes happens in skips and jumps, or sometimes one big thing happens and then it's a slow roller coaster from there. Either way, it feels abrupt: one moment, Meredith has a freak out at Colleen Bellow's house where Colleen gives Meredith a hardcore sleeping pill and the next moment, she finally tells Colleen the last thing Lisa said to her and then tells her mom she's ready. Then the book ends. That's it! For the reader, it's not a comforting, or complete, ending. 

That didn't, however, stop me from giving the book a solid rating of four out of five stars--it's just that good, despite the lack of resolution. (Perhaps some authors would argue that the purpose of the book isn't resolution, but I would argue that good storytelling relies on resolution, ultimately. To subvert that requires the novel to have a wider, larger purpose or point and I'm not convinced that "The Fall of Lisa Bellow" achieves that, despite being a great novel.) 

The weakest plot line, really, centered around Meredith's mother, Claire. The book seemed to want to be the story of a mother and daughter, but it seemed to be more the story of a mother who doesn't really like her daughter very much, who prefers her son, except that her son doesn't like her very much, so ultimately, she doesn't really like any of them, her son, her daughter, or her husband. She seems to have contempt for every single character, but not for any clearly definable reason. 

It's all very unfortunate, but when Claire isn't likable (even in the slightest), or relatable, or magnetic, it all falls a bit flat. (I will say, I admire where authors write female characters that are unlikable, complicated, messy, and/or honest. But in this case, I don't think Claire is really any of those things; she is simply a character that I cannot bring myself to care about whatsoever because she seems to have no purpose or motivation.) 

I have a hard time sympathizing with Claire or understanding her motivations for anything; even as a mother myself, I found myself questioning why she was making things so difficult for her children, her husband, and herself. Sometimes we are all our own worst enemies, but at a certain point, you have to realize that. Why fight your son who wants to play baseball again? Why make him feel bad about it? Why bully her own daughter? Why not be on her daughter's side for once? She's clearly an unhappy character, made to represent a woman trapped in a life where she was unaware that parenthood would be difficult. The part of the novel, where she expresses surprise that parenting would be a difficult job and not always happy, is the easily most unbelievable of the novel. Almost every parent realizes, about 6 hours after you give birth, that parenting is the hardest shit you've ever done and it doesn't get any easier until you die. 

Meredith's storyline is more interesting. She moves from being what she refers to as "middle-popular"--better than some girls in her 8th grade class, but definitely not popular-popular--to being in the popular crowd, all because she witnessed Lisa's abduction. For the sake of this review, let me say now, I think Lisa was abducted by her mother's boyfriend; her mother was involved and is stressed out about it, that's why she gets weird; and that Lisa is dead way before the end of the novel. Ultimately, Meredith's trauma-induced hallucinations are just that, hallucinations, and Colleen knows the entire time that her boyfriend killed her daughter. I wish, however, that there was some kind of real resolution to that, that we actually knew the full story. My guess is based entirely on conjecture. 

Her transformation is almost instantaneous: Lisa's friends want her around, Lisa's mom wishes her to be part of the group, and her old friends become annoying enough that she's ok leaving them behind. By the end of the novel, she's rapidly unraveling, imagining an alternate reality where she's with Lisa, but at the same time, obsessing over an algebra problem. (I hate algebra, so I'll admit to skipping over the detailed explanations of math I surely learned in the 9th grade and have willed myself to forget.)  

Personally, it all gets a little too convoluted, a little too strange. I wanted to know what was happening, but I never got an explanation. At the end, I wanted to know if Meredith was ok, if Claire had reported Colleen for giving Meredith a freaking sleeping pill after guilt tripping her into staying at her house (honestly, what kind of parent WOULDN'T call 911 if you find your daughter knocked out in a strange woman's bath tub?), if Lisa survived. I needed a resolution, but there was none. 

That being said, it was a beautifully written book with a gripping plot. I just wish that it hadn't been so hastily ended. 

Happy 2017!

In so many ways, 2016 felt like the longest year ever. 

Full disclosure, I operated on about 4 hours of sleep, every night, until 86% of the way through June. So there is a large portion of 2016 that, to be completely honest, I just don't remember. Until March, I was still lost in a haze of pumping, bottle washing, and trying to balance going back to work with raising a tiny human. 

These things made 2016 feel long. 

But in other ways, 2016 felt really short too. Danny and I went on four (or was it five?) vacations, including to the Oregon Coast, where Forrest saw the ocean and rather reluctantly put his toes in the sand. We mostly kept ourselves at home, having barbecues, going to Target, or walking around the park. Forrest turned a year old (!!!!). 

In context, one year ago, Forrest was still considered a newborn. This week, he said "thank you" distinctly when my mom handed him something. He says real words. He expresses himself. He falls asleep in his high chair when he's too tired. He walks and talks and signs. One year. That's all it took and it's like he's a little boy all of a sudden. 

What was 2016 like for me, personally? 

It was really tiring. Rewarding, but tiring. 

To be perfectly honest, I don't do so great at the "cherish every day" thing. Mostly because I believe that's ultimately gaslighting: you can't make me cherish something I don't want to cherish. I didn't want to cherish the four hours a day I spent pumping, but I did it anyway, begrudgingly, because in my heart, I wanted to and I made that choice for myself. (And the moment I decided to stop, it was the most freeing feeling in the world.)   

Part of me is embarrassed to say, "Well, I did a lot of things in 2016 that I didn't want to do, that I totally resented, but I did them because sometimes you have to do things for other people and put yourself last." Isn't that every mom's life, though? 

Sometimes, I don't want to spend the evening cleaning the living room and kitchen; I don't want to spend my only free time attaching our furniture to the walls (so long quick and easy furniture shifts!); I don't want to put all the toys away again and again and again. But I do them because I have to. It's hard to cherish those moments, when I'm hunched over wiping peanut butter off the floor under the kitchen table for the 100th time or when I'm wrangling a baby into a bathtub. It's easier to the cherish the moments when Forrest yells "DOGGIE" at a group of dogs in the park or when he falls asleep as I carry him inside or when he waves and says "hi there!" to someone at the grocery store. 

Eventually, I won't have to do these things: Forrest will be older and understand more of what I'm saying so he can help (perhaps this is wishful thinking), but for now, for 2016, it's how things were. Washing dishes, cleaning the same messes in the same rooms, constantly doing laundry and putting it away, vacuuming up dog hair. It's not all pretty Instagram feeds and idyllic family photo shoots. 

But 2016 was also the year I made some really important strides at work, the year I launched my newsletter (finally!), the year I learned what it is to be both a person and a mom and how I can effectively balance those things. 

It wasn't the best year. But it was one that I loved because I got to see my son (I made him with my body, is still something I think to myself once a day) grow into less of a baby and more of a child. It was also great because I got to see myself grow as a person. 

Sign Up for the WBP Newsletter!

Hey. So, if you follow me on Twitter, you may have heard about my newsletter. 

You know? The one you can sign up for? By clicking the NEWSLETTER tab at the top of the page? The one that gets sent out every other Wednesday at 6AM PST?  

You know, that newsletter? That I launched two weeks ago? That you can submit blog posts, Instagram accounts, or Etsy shops to be featured in? 

Yeah! That newsletter! 

I wanted a place to showcase something a little different from my blog--something topical, something not-exactly-blogworthy... but stuff that still mattered. I also wanted a place to feature some of the amazing blog posts I read from my friends every week, as well as their kickin' Instagram accounts and amazing Etsy shops. 

A lot of newsletters are weekly--but personally, that's just too much for me. If you know me, you know I have an email issue; I currently have 600 unread emails and I'm just actively avoiding that situation (guiltily. I won't pretend I'm OK with it). I don't want to fill your inbox with even more stuff that leaves you overwhelmed and annoyed. So every other week, 6am, a note from me and three kickass blog posts, Instagrams, or Etsy shops. It's that simple. 

You can sign up here. And if you want to be featured, you can submit that info here. 

Recipe: Gingerbread Scones with Mandarin Icing

A week before Christmas, I had all my baking done: cookies, pies, you name it, I'd baked it and I promised I wouldn't do anymore. But then, Christmas Eve rolled around, most of the cookies had been given as gifts, the pie was reserved for Christmas dinner and... it just didn't feel right to not have a little something in the evening. 

I didn't feel like baking more cookies. I didn't feel like a cake or another pie. I wanted something simple and easy to have with tea or coffee after dinner. 

Enter... the gingerbread scone. 

I'm a big scone fan because they tend to be a little less sweet than a cookie and, as a baked good, they have a bit more wiggle room than something like a cake. This is one of my favorite recipes that I thought I'd share. They are gingery, flakey, and oh-so-good. 

Gingerbread Scones with Mandarin Icing

For the scones

• 2 cups flour
• 1 tsp baking powder
• 1/2 tsp baking soda
• 1 tsp cinnamon
• 1 tsp ginger
• 1/4 tsp cloves
• 4 tablespoons brown sugar
• 1/2 stick of butter (or 1/4 cup) 
• 1 egg
• 1/3 cup molasses
• 1/2 cup milk

For the icing

• 4 tablespoons powdered sugar
• the juice of 1 mandarin
• 1/8 tsp pumpkin pie spice

Preheat oven to 375 degrees. In a bowl, combine flour, baking powder & soda, cinnamon, ginger, cloves, and sugar. Cut in butter using a paster cutter or a large fork, until you get large crumbs (almost like sand). In a cup, combine egg, molasses, and a few tablespoons of the milk. Add to the flour and butter mixture and combine. Add a bit more milk until you get a decent dough (it will be slightly sticky). Form into a ball and place on a cookie sheet with a piece of parchment paper lining it. Form into a flat disk and cut into 12 scones. Separate on the sheet about 1/2-1 inch apart. Bake for about 12-15 minutes. 

Transfer to a wire rack and let cool. In a small bowl, whisk together the powdered sugar and mandarin juice, as well as pumpkin pie spice. Add more powdered sugar and juice if you'd like more icing! Drizzle on top of scones and allow to dry. 

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Absolutely one of my favorite scone recipes ever. It's super quick and easy and the pay off is pretty amazing. If you don't have mandarin oranges, you can use lemon juice as well; or, if you aren't in the mood for a little citrus, you can just use water or milk and add a dash of vanilla extract. 

Beauty Review: Honest Beauty Try Me Kit for Oily Skin

I don't usually try new beauty products. I used to be the kind of person who tried a new moisturizer, a new cleanser, or a new primer every single month. But over time, I realized that was not helping my skin whatsoever. I have my tried-and-true products for oily skin that I use consistently to help me keep things consistent. 

However, in my November diaper bundle that I receive from Honest (I'm a sucker for those cute printed diapers), I had the option to choose any Honest Beauty products. I decided to go to the Try Me Kit for Oily Skin, just to see how their products really measured up. 

Obviously, I get diapers for Forrest from Honest. We also exclusively use their baby body wash and shampoo, bubble bath, diaper cream, and healing balm; they're the only products that don't send Forrest into a tail spin of rashes. I love their products mostly because they deliver them to my house, which is a major bonus. 

When my bundle arrived, containing not just diapers, but the Try Me Kit, I was pretty excited to try it. I was also surprised that the kit arrived in such a nice travel bag; it feels like high-quality faux-leather, lined with a nice canvas. For something you get for free, it's pretty great. 

The Try Me Kit for Oily Skin came with three products: 

1. Refreshingly Clean Gel Cleanser
2. Dependably Clear Oil Free Moisturizer
3. Beyond Protected Daily Beauty Fluid SPF 30

The gel cleanser is the largest bottle and I've been using it for about a week, once a day, without running out. The moisturizer is much smaller, but again, I've been using it once a day for a week and haven't run out yet; the beauty fluid is the same size as the moisturizer. 

Alright, let's talk about each products. 

Refreshingly Clean Gel Cleanser

I actually really like this cleanser; it cleans and gets rid of everyday oil as well as make up without leaving any kind of residue or feeling like it absolutely strips my skin. I can get really dry after washing my face, especially with harsh cleansers, but so far, I haven't noticed any dryness with this cleanser.

My one issue with it is that it smells really strongly--and not very good. Honest is famous for their products being fragrance free (or if they're scented, they have a fragrance free option) and sometimes, this can make them smell, well, a bit weird. When you combine chemicals to create soap, you're obviously going to end up with some kind of smell. They may have wanted to add a little something to cover up the smell of this. The closest approximation I can get is it smells like that really cheap lotion you can buy at the dollar store: chemically and weird. 

Dependably Clear Oil Free Moisturizer

This moisturizer gets a solid OK from me. I didn't feel like it harmed my skin, but I also didn't feel like it really did anything different from my normal moisturizer. It felt nice though and didn't give my skin that tacky feeling that some moisturizers leave. I tend to avoid "oil free" moisturizers because that often means they use something artificial to create moisture and ultimately, oil is actually very good for your skin (yes, even oily, acne prone skin). I worried a little bit about this moisturizer stripping my skin, but I haven't noticed any issues. 

Again, the one major issue I had with this product is... the smell. 

The smell of this moisturizer was different than the cleanser, but not any better. I don't know how to say this without sounding weird, but this moisturizer smells like cheese. It smells like that fake white cheddar cheese dust that's used for packaged popcorn or chips. It smells almost foot-like. That's not a pleasant way for your face to smell. I had a moment where I felt a bit like the scene from Mean Girls where Kady replaces Regina's moisturizer with foot cream. 

Beyond Protected Daily Beauty Fluid SPF 30 

I use an SPF 30 on my face every day anyway, so I was excited to try this product. However, it was my least favorite of the kit and here's why: it's not fluid. It's near impossible to get out of the bottle. It has a super weird texture and you have to use a ton of it to cover your face. And just like the moisturizer, it smells like cheese-and-feet.

That's enough "no thank you" moments to make me put it back in the bag and not finish the little bottle of it. I really wonder why they didn't just add an SPF 30 to the moisturizer; three steps is bordering on too many steps for skincare for me, and especially with a product where the instructions are "shake vigorously" so you can get it out of the bottle, it's just too time consuming. 

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Want to try Honest Beauty for yourself? You can sign up for a free trial here. 

A Sensible Gift Guide for: The Last Minute

It happens innocently enough: you pull into the parking lot at work, or you get a text from a friend about a holiday party. And you realize, suddenly, with only 3 days until Christmas... that you didn't get your boss, your mom, your aunt, your whoever, a gift. 

And while it wouldn't be a faux pas to not get that person a gift, it would also be kinda sorta super rude. What's a sensible gift buyer to do? 

Here are some ideas, available at your local mall, Target, or preferred shopping arena. 

Last Minute Gift Guide by wiredphosphenes featuring set of 4 mugs

1. A pretty (and cheap) palette. 

Have a girly friend that you totally forget to shop for? This palette (not the one pictured, because Sephora likes to change their links on me) is on sale for only $12.00 and features some amazing, neutral tones perfect for any skin tone. 

2. A preferred beverage & drinking receptacle. 

Coffee? Tea? Wine? Whatever? Pick a favorite (maybe a fancy Starbucks coffee blend or TAZO tea) and a cute mug. Package in a cute little Christmas bag with some tissue paper. Boom. Done.

4. A gift set. 

Burt's Bees gift sets are ubiquitous at my local haunts (Target, WalGreens, Wal-Mart) and are crazy affordable. This one is available at Target for $4.99. The best part about Target is that you can have one set aside via their website and that way, you don't even have to go into the store to look. 

I also like this one from Tarte. This Soap & Glory Set is only $20 at Ulta. There are tons to chose from and they make instantly perfect gifts. And, just a piece of advice: take the pieces out of the packaging and arrange them yourself. You can find a cheap basket or bin at Target, use tissue paper to make it pretty, and top it with a bow. Instantly personalized and less like you grabbed the first thing you saw. 

5. Fancy lip balm. 

Everyone loves lip balm, whether it's EOS or Tinte. The Tinte Vintage Slider lip balms come in some amazing flavors and you can find them at Ulta. A nice set of lip balms would make an excellent piece to add to another gift on this list. 

6. Socks.

I get ridiculously excited about sock purchases. And this time of year, you can find comfortable, warm socks just about everywhere. I love boot socks from American Eagle and these are on sale right now for only $3.50. You can get a few pairs and another gift for that special (erm) someone.  

5 Tips for Last Minute Holiday Parties

Danny and I don't throw a lot of parties. Living so far outside of a town, we don't have company over very often. When we do, it often feels very last minute: we'll get a text from a friend, or a cousin, or maybe even a brother, and then they'll be at our house. We always try to have something ready--bread in the freezer, something we can throw in the oven, or snacks we can put out. 

For the holidays, it's nice to throw the occasional holiday party. But if you're like me, you forget until the last minute--say, two or three days before and suddenly you remember you have a bunch of people coming over. And they expect food and maybe drinks. 

Here are a few ideas for making any last holiday parties a hit. 

1. Offer easy, do-it-yourself food and drinks. 

My favorites are mimosa bars (a variety of juices and champagne), bagel bars (a few varieties of bagel, two varieties of cream cheese, and some toppings), or baked potato bars (if you're looking for a heartier option). This way, you can just set everything up and that's it. Offer plates, napkins, and that's it. Less work for you and more fun for everyone else. 

2. Minimize clean up by buying what you can. 

Prime example: if you're having a bagel bar at a New Year's Day brunch, don't make your own flavored cream cheese. Bless, it'd be nice, but it's not worth it. Buy the little tubs of flavored cream cheese. Buy dessert items to stack on a tray if you're already making a dinner, or buy the appetizers. Pick the thing you want to make and then cut yourself some slack on the rest. 

3. Keep the decor simple. 

Here are a few ideas for simple decor ideas. My favorite is filling a glass vase with holiday ornaments. There are plenty of ways to make your space a little prettier for a holiday party fast: clean it up, get it organized, and then have one or two cute pieces. 

4. Light a candle.

Get the house smelling like Christmas. I'm talking a Kitchen Spice or Tis the Season scented candles from Bath & Body Works. Something that smells like you've been baking up a storm. It will make your house feel homey and inviting. Perfect for the holiday season. 

5. Relax.

You don't living in Martha Stewart's magazine. Really. You don't. It's ok if you didn't get the kitchen totally decluttered; it's ok if you didn't get a chance to make the entire party look Pinterest worthy. We don't live in magazine editorials. We live in the real world. And your friends and family will probably love you even if the cream cheese is still in the tub you bought it in or you didn't decant the orange juice into a fancy container. It's fine. Celebrate!  

Book Review: The Lauras

I took a break from book reviews for a while, but I decided it was time. I've been reading a ton (thanks to Kindle Unlimited!) and I've been diving into Goodreads. This review originally appeared on Goodreads; you can follow my reviews & reads on Goodreads here. This review does contain spoilers, so if you have not read the Lauras yet, drop everything and go read it. Then read this review. 

Disclaimer: I was provided a copy of this book from NetGalley. 

To sum up my feelings about this book in one word: wow. 

I started this book with no preconceptions about it. I had heard of it, vaguely, but hadn't done any research on it whatsoever. When I requested it from NetGalley, I barely read the description. 

Thus, I didn't really know what to expect. That's usually the best way to start a book: fresh. 

The Lauras is a sweeping story, romantic in that way that it is invested in relationships, both small and big, and the ways in which our lives spread out from us, reverberating over and over again. It's about America, about choosing to live your life your own way. It's touching and frustrating, all at once. 

I have to give Sara Taylor credit for portraying characters outside the binary: Alex, the main character, is genderless, preferring to exist as an either-or-neither. (For the sake of this review, I will refer to Alex by the singular "they" pronoun. Alex's mother, called Ma throughout the novel, will be referred to by the pronoun "she/her.") This is the first book I have read with such a character--one that is still vibrant and loving, sexual and full. Just not defined by a singular gender. I also appreciate that Alex's mother is attracted to both men and women, referenced multiple times throughout the book in the form of the Lauras, and that many periphery characters are portrayed as bisexual as well. 

Alex's mother decides, one night, to leave her husband, Alex's father, and take Alex on a cross-country road trip to pay her debts, visit her old haunts, and generally tell Alex a little more about her life. In many ways, it is sweeping; in other ways, it is purposefully vague, featuring older Alex butting in as the narrator, pointing out times where they are not sure if they remember things correctly or purposefully hide things to avoid shame. It's a charming way to write a story, sure, but I found myself unfulfilled at the end for a few reasons (and perhaps that was the point after all--rarely in life are stories like this, stories where your mother wakes up in the middle of the night and drags you away from the life you've known, tied up neatly at the end).

Mostly, I just wanted to know that Alex was okay, that after such an uprooting they were able to make sense of their life. Did Alex become a reporter, a musician, a professional roadtripper? 

Mainly, the concept of the Lauras is a little confusing, again, perhaps purposefully. Throughout her life, Ma met a variety of "Lauras" (whether they are all named Laura or she just renamed them "Laura" is up for debate, even to Ma and Alex), women that impacted her life in some way.In the end, they travel to Canada to meet one of the Lauras, the Laura that Ma wants to spend her life with. It's never made clear which Laura, described by Ma/Alex previously, it is, but I suspect it is the College-Laura. They all, ultimately, blur into one face, one name. Some are never revisited. Some, Ma dwells on. 

The title suggests that the journey is about the Lauras, but really it's just about one Laura (the Laura in Canada, hinted at earlier in the novel through a map that Alex inspects). However, the most compelling parts of the journey are not related to the Lauras at all, or even tangentially. After they leave Florida (their first pitstop for a year to earn money), they travel to Mississippi, where Ma had worked one summer on a crab boat with her two friends, Anthony and Marisol. Marisol is one of the most vibrant characters in the books--one I wish that more time had been spent on. That summer is romantic and vibrant, sweaty and southern; I want to read more about it. But it's glossed over in favor of a water funeral, performed by Ma, at sunset. 

Next, they travel through Texas, where their car loses a wheel, leaving them stranded, conveniently, in a town where another of Ma's college friends lives. This college friend, Mary-Margaret, was once a bisexual college girl who, after losing both her parents, got caught up in a strict, Christian cult (for lack of a better term) that reminds me of the Duggars. She has a horde of children, including a 17-year-old girl named Anne-Marie. 

Ma and Alex help Anne-Marie escape before she can be married off to someone of her father's choice. This is one of the best parts of the novel--the anticlimactic moment where Ma helps Annie escape, leaves her with her older brother (who also, as children of cults tend to do, escaped), and then worries about her incessantly for the rest of the trip. I wanted to read more about Annie, about her life post-cult, but that's another book.

My point is, these compelling, interesting moments have nothing to do with Lauras. But maybe (maybe) Marisol is a Laura too. And maybe Annie is a Laura for Alex. 

Like most good novels, this made me think. It made me sad. It made me not miss being 13, 14, 15 at all. It made me want to road trip around America, work in dingy bars and stay in cheap apartments--be a little dangerous. Excellent, compelling, and worth a read. Highly, highly recommended to anyone who loves a good road trip, reading gripping motherhood-based stories, and just loves good writing in general.

The Lauras is not available through Amazon at the moment, but the last time I checked, it's still available for a digital copy via NetGalley!